


As You Like It

by Dceline96



Category: Charlie Barber - Fandom, Kylo Ren - Fandom, Marriage Story (2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cheating, Disappointing sex, Eating out, Edging, F/M, Fanfic, Fingering, Fluff, Masterbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Over stimulation, Performing Arts, Pregnancy, Pregnant, Pregnant Sex, Public Sex, Smut, Squirting, Stolen orgasm, Theater - Freeform, Unplanned Pregnancy, dubcon, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:48:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 107,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27445885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dceline96/pseuds/Dceline96
Summary: Marriage Story au/fanficCharlie Barber x ReaderYou're a young up n' coming actress in New York who just landed the lead female roll in an abstract adaptation of Shakespeare's 'As You Like It'. Your director, a newly divorced Charlie Barber, is extremely hard to please but you're determined to secure your spot in his production company. However things quickly take a scandalous turn when you and Charlie find yourselves alone after rehearsal one day.
Relationships: Charlie x reader
Comments: 35
Kudos: 76





	1. Landing The Roll

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my very first fanfiction and although I have an outline for all major plot points, this is kind of just developing as we go along. I want to make sure it is known that this is NOT a Kylo Ren character. Charlie Barber, though portrayed by the same actor, is nothing like the angry, violent Kylo Ren. I just don’t want anyone coming into this expecting something it won’t be. Love you all and I hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get the exciting news that you will be joining Charlie Barber’s theater company Exit Ghost!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! I wanted to re-write this chapter since more people are starting to come across it. I had originally written this as a way to pass the time but now I'm really into it and love seeing that you guys are too!  
> All my love,  
> -D

"Sh, shush, the casting director's calling!" You threw your hands in the air to get the rooms attention before answering the phone. "Hello? Hi!"The kind woman's words were a buzz in your ear but you got the gist. You tried to retain your composure while she gave you all the important information over the phone before congratulating you one final time. After the line went dead you stood there, frozen in disbelief.

"Well?" Your boyfriend Josh was looking at you, his eyes wide.

"I uhm.... _I got the fucking part_!" You screamed, tossing your phone onto the couch. Your best friend Samantha jumped up, matching your excitement with her own high pitched squeal.

"I told you you were a shoo-in!" Josh came up behind you and scooped you into a big hug.

"Holy shit! Ok! We have to celebrate!" Sam yelled, pulling you out of Josh's embrace and into her own. You let her hold you tight, enjoying the shared moment before you broke away, hand over your chest as you tried to steady your excited breathing. 

You had always dreamed of moving to New York and being an actor. You've been acting basically since you could talk. In middle and high school, you were apart of every single play possible, even landing some rolls at a small community theater by your house. Being in the theater was always a part of you so when your senior year rolled around and all your friends were trying to figure out what they wanted to do or where they wanted to go, you already knew.

You were going to leave behind your small Connecticut town for New York City. Of course you got _a lot_ of pushback. You lost count of how many people told you that it wasn't a realistic dream or that you were better suited to do something practical, like joining nursing or something. You knew their comments came from a place of concern but you didn't really care. After a long winded "discussion" of alternative plans you would simply smile politely and disregard the entire conversation. They just didn't understand your dreams. It's not like you wanted to be some big Hollywood actor. No, that kind of life didn't appeal to you. What you _craved_ was a life filled with deeply meaningful art. Finding a roll so at odds with who you are and completely immersing yourself in it.

Thankfully, you always had people in your corner that supported you unconditionally- your parents and of course, your childhood best friend Sam. You and Sam worked your butts off through high school, saving every single paycheck you ever made. Finally, when the time came, literally the day after graduation you, two packed up her car and left your home town for the Big Apple. It took nearly 5 and a half years of working shitty jobs to pay the bills while you took on as many small roles as you could but now- this. _This_ was your breakthrough. There was an opening spot at Exit Ghost Theater Company after their lead actress left and you were determined to fill that roll. Of course, your boyfriend Josh being the stage manager may have helped get you the audition but _you_ were able to get in there and prove yourself.

_You did it. You fucking did it._

_"_ Hello? Earth to-" the sound of your name pulled you back to reality. Josh was waving his hand in front of your face, his eyes brimming with excitement. You tried to shake your head of the disbelief, elation clear on your face.

"Yeah, sorry! Celebrate! What should we do?" Sam and Josh were looking at you, their faces beaming. For a split second you couldn't help but get caught up in the moment, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. You were almost overwhelmed with how absolutely lucky you were to share this moment, hell _this life_ , with them. They had always been nothing but supportive of you chasing your dreams and finally, here you all were. It felt like all your hard work, yours and theirs, was _finally_ starting to pay off.

Sam grabbed your hand, her classic bright white smile stretching from ear to ear, "we're going dancing!"

—

After dancing the night away and drinking arguably way too many rum and cokes, you, Sam and Josh stumbled your way back to your apartment. You leaned against the wall, waiting for Sam to unlock the door while you stabilized yourself. Josh took the place next to you, letting his hand graze the exposed flesh of your thigh. His touch sending goosebumps across your skin. You couldn't help but open your legs a little to him, forgetting where you were. He placed a wet kiss to your neck while you ran your fingers through his hair.

"Get a fucking room," Sam was staring at you two, an over exaggerated look of disgust stained her face. You couldn't help but laugh as you pushed Josh off of you and stumbled into your apartment.

You all grabbed an array of snacks from the kitchen before settling in on the couch to watch tv. Between the giggles and excited chatter, you weren't sure when Sam fell asleep but you made sure to take her heals off and cover her with a blanket before you and Josh went to your bedroom.

You plopped onto the bed, kicking off your heals as Josh shut the door behind him. He laid down next to you and for awhile you both just laid there staring at the ceiling.

"I can't believe I got the part" you said, shaking your head in disbelief.

"I can," Josh turned to look at you. "You're beautiful, you're talented. It wasn't even a competition."

You dropped your head to the side to look at him, your eyes meeting each other. He's handsome, a bit more boyish than what you usually went for but you never met a man before who shared your passion for theater and the performing arts. With him you felt so supported...and his beautiful eyes definitely didn't hurt. You two stared at one another, a soft smile on your face as his eyes zeroed in on your lips. Your sweet smile twisted with deviancy before leaning in for a kiss. You felt his arm slide under you, the other wrapping around the small of your back. In one swift motion, he pulled you on top of him, your tight dress slipping up around your hips as your straddled him. Your kisses became more urgent as your hands made their way down to the button of his pants. His hands grabbed at your hips, making your sex grind against his hardening length. Your clit began to ache for his touch.

Pulling out of the kiss, you turned your focus to freeing his now hard cock. You pulled him out of his pants as he helped shimmy them down his legs. His length was hot in your hand as you crawled backwards, positioning your mouth even with his hips. You took the head of his cock into your mouth, gently swirling your wet tongue around him. He let out a sigh of relief as your mouth slowly engulfed him, humming your whole way down. Your hand started working in tandem with your mouth, stroking while you sucked him, thick saliva coating both of you. His hand found the top of your head and forced your head down the length of his cock. He held you there while your throat objected. You tried to relax, to stifle the gag that was threatening to choke you. He pulled you off just as tears started to make their way down your reddened face.

Josh pushed himself to sit up, you sitting back on your heels. He took your face in his hand, kissing you deeply as he helped reposition your body so that you were laying down. His fingers made their way to your hips, pulling your panties off and tossing them to the side. At this point your clit was buzzing, your cunt dripping with anticipation. Josh leaned over you and planted a string of soft kisses starting at your lips and traveling down your neck. Your hips squirmed as you started to panic. Josh never goes down on you. Like ever. You tried talking yourself down, preparing for the inevitable disappointment but...after all, it was a _celebratory_ occasion. You let your legs fall to the side, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath as you waited to feel his mouth on your cunt. Instead you were met with nothing. You opened your eyes, darting between your legs to see Josh already turned away reaching for a condom from the side table.

_Of course not._

You noticed only then how hard you were breathing, your chest rising and falling dramatically while he fumbled with the condom. Eventually he got it, tossing the condom wrapper to the side before he entered you. You sucked in a elated gasp of air, your fingers digging into the sheets by your side. The feeling of his dick pushing inside of you was always your favorite part.

You bucked your hips up towards him, begging for more. Josh began his rhythmic pumping, pulling himself almost all the way out before plunging back into you. He felt good, great in-fact but you knew that if you wanted to get off, your clit needed some attention. While Josh pumped into you, kissing your neck between ragged breaths, you snaked your hand between your legs to find your swollen bud. You started slow at first, tracing your finger delicately around your clit, but as Josh quickened his pace so did you. Your fingers expertly worked your clit as you felt that familiar wave beginning to build. Josh at this was point fucking you like his life depended on it, a primal cacophony of moaning mixed with the sounds of your bodies smacking into one another filled your small bedroom. Your back arched as you got closer and closer, your toes curling, breath hitched in your throat when all of a sudden Josh slammed into you one final time, holding himself there while his cum filled the condom, before collapsing on your chest. He stayed there for a moment panting, his forehead resting on your sternum before finally pulling out and throwing himself down next to you.

"Did you cum?" He said between breaths as he pulled the used condom off.

"Uh-" you muttered as you tried to wrap your head around what the fuck just happened. You turned to look at him only to see that he was already drifting off to sleep. This certainly wasn't an _uncommon_ occurrence but that didn't make it any less disappointing. Your lower body still ached for release so you gently moved your hand between your legs, afraid that too much movement might wake him.

You closed your eyes as your worked your clit, trying to enjoy the sensation of your fingers dancing around your nub. You tried to keep your breathing even, biting your lower lip to help stifle any sounds.   
You could feel your orgasm rising again, pleasure building in your core. Your hips began to quiver as you snapped your legs closed. You dipped one finger into your cunt, dragging your wetness from your core to your clit, letting your renewed slickness help your fingers. You clasped your free hand over your mouth as you watched Josh asleep next to you. Something about getting yourself off in secret, trying to cum before he woke up felt exciting. Your eyes focused on him as your fingers picked up the pace, abusing your clit. Eventually you couldn't hold it anymore, your legs fell to the sides as you craned your neck to see your pussy on full display. Your orgasm came then, hot and fast. Your legs shook as you threw your head back, momentarily forgetting that you were trying not to wake Josh.

You laid there, catching your breath and watching Josh who thankfully hadn't budged. Eventually you stood, pulling your dress down as you exited your bedroom.

A quick trip to the bathroom and you were back in your room, your slinky dress now replaced with a big comfy tshirt. You tossed a blanket onto Josh before climbing into bed and snuggling under the duvet.

Your brain wondered back to the events earlier in the evening, primarily the phone call from the casting agent. Disbelief crept back into your chest as you thought about you actually being there, in the theater, apart of _the_ Charlie Barber's theater company.

You were so close to the rest of your life, you could almost taste it.   



	2. A Not So Warm Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s your first day of rehearsals for Charlie Barber’s production of Shakespeare’s ‘As You Like It’.

"Wait, I'm nervous," you pulled at Josh's arm as he opened the door to the building. He let the handle slip from his fingers as he turned to you, wrapping you in his warm embrace.

"You have nothing to be nervous about. Just be yourself and everyone will love you," he placed a soft kiss to your forehead.

"Ok but do you want me to be myself or make everyone love me? Because like...those are two very different people." You couldn't help but crack a joke, trying to ease your own anxiety.

Josh rolled his eyes as he pulled you through the door, a chuckle escaping his throat. As you made your way through the lobby and into the theater, he would wave people over, introducing you.

You loved getting to see him like this, the theater was his natural habitat. While you moved here from out of state, he grew up in New York. His parents always worked tech for shows so being surrounded by actors, theater seats, lighting equipment, it's just what he always knew. His comfort in and love of working theater was what drew you to him in the first place.

You entered the theater together, anxiety and excitement churning in your stomach. Just stopped short, turning to an older gentleman. "Charlie here yet?"

"Of course not," You heard Josh and the man exchange pleasantries while you made your way down the aisle to claim a seat. Various cast and crew members made their way over to you, introducing themselves and welcoming you to the company.

"You're going to love Charlie!"  
"His vision is just so... _unique_. Working with him is always such a blast,"  
"I think he's the youngest person ever to be on the cover of Time Out New York!"

He is, you knew that because you had the edition at home. You got it one year for your birthday after you broke the news to your parents that you were moving to New York with Sam.

Charlie Barber was kind of part of the reason you came to New York in the first place. His story felt similar to yours, feeling the call of theater from some nowhere town. You figured if he could come here and make his dreams come true, then so could you.

To be real, you'd be lying if you said finding out Josh worked at Exit Ghost, the theater company Mr. Barber had started, wasn't part of the reason you gave him your number in the first place.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of heavy footsteps behind you. Everyone turned, faces filled with excitement to see Charlie, walking towards the stage. He was saying hi to everyone as he came down the aisle but stopped when he got to you. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a split second before he realized who you were.

"New girl!" He took your hand in his, his face warm. "Welcome to Exit Ghost! I'm Charlie."

You said your name as you stood to greet him. "It really is an honor. I'm a big fan-"

"That's really kind of you! If you'll excuse me." He said, cutting you off of before dropping your hands and giving you an abrupt pat on the shoulder. Your stomach lodged itself in your throat. He turned from you as you awkwardly slid back into your seat, avoiding all eye contact with everyone around you.

_Wow, way to fucking embarrass yourself on the first day._

You looked around for Josh when you noticed him already making his way towards you. Instant relief flooded your body as he slid into the seat next to you and held your hand.

"Alright everyone, welcome to the first day of rehearsals for 'As You Like It'!" Charlie was leaning on the front of the stage now, his large hands clapping to get everyone's attention.

The whole cast and crew let loose a round of applause with the occasional hoot or holler peppered in for good measure. You awkwardly clapped along, looking to Josh who was pulling his script from next to him. You followed suit as you sat waiting for Charlie to speak again.

"I trust everyone met," your name coming from Charlie's lips stopped your heart. The man you had read about, who you _dreamed_ of working with...was now your boss. And now you were only a mere few feet away from him and he was saying your name.

_What the hell is my life?_ You thought to yourself as you looked around the room, giving everyone a polite wave.

Charlie dove right into the usual first rehearsal spiel. Handing around a call sheet for everyone to write their number on, going over the schedule and the projected opening of the show. You tried to swallow your emotions when the call sheet got around to you. That's when it really hit. You were really here, cast in a show directed by a famous director in New York City. Your childhood self would never have believed it.

You wrote your name and number down, holding back tears, before handing it to Josh.

"Josh will you please make sure everyone gets a copy of the call sheet?" You looked up to see Charlie and Josh exchanging a glance before Charlie's eyes drifted to you. His gaze lingered on you as you became painfully aware of your glassy eyes. Embarrassed, you turned to Josh as you wiped away your tears.

"What do you guys say we start the read through!" Charlie boomed as excited clapping filled the theater once more.

—

Your first few days went ok. The whole cast, yourself included, was already familiar with the script so you were pretty quickly able to get on stage and start figuring out the physicality of the show.

That's when things started to take a bit of a turn. You felt the script was fairly straight forward but Charlie was an avant-garde director. With each rehearsal it became increasingly clear that you and Charlie had two very different ideas for your character.

At first you would tell yourself that you were just overthinking things...but then you started to notice him staring at you. It was here and there at first but as the days went on, you could have sworn Charlie was watching your every move.

One night after rehearsal you brought your concerns up to Josh but he dismissed them. "Charlie's kind of an intense guy. He's just trying to figure you out," he had said over dinner.

But Josh didn't see how Charlie watched you, he didn't feel Charlie's eyes trained on your body. There was something in his eyes when he looked at you. It was dark, hard to make out...you settled on hatred. Everyday, the walk from your apartment to the theater inspired more and more dread. You knew as soon as you crossed the threshold of the theater doors, Charlie's eyes would be glued to you.

"I'm telling you, he's just waiting for me to fuck up so he can fire me," you told Sam one morning before you left.

She pulled you into a hug and tried reassuring you that Josh was probably right. That Charlie was just doing whatever it was directors do....But something in your gut was telling you it was more than that. 

Even though you were 99% sure he despised you, you desperately wanted to impress him. When at work, the urge to prove to him that you are good enough was overwhelming. So you kept showing up, kept trying. Kept fighting through the urge to stare back when Charlie would watch you.

You _earned_ your spot and you intended on keeping it, Charlie be damned.


	3. I Want You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get hot and heavy with Charlie when he asks you to stay after rehearsal

"Alright everyone, good work today. Remember, off book by Thursday!" Charlie's voice cut through the silent theater and a wave of relief crashed over your body. The last couple weeks of rehearsal have been brutal. Charlie was nothing like any of the other directors you had worked with before. His interpretation of the writing was so wildly different from anything you could have imagined and you just couldn't seem to get a grasp on his vision. Part of you wanted to blame him, after all he's the director and you felt his communication style left a lot to be desired. But then again, it seemed like everyone else was getting it, except you.

Honestly, you were surprised he didn't just fire you already. The way you caught him staring at you, face stoic and cold...he had to be questioning how the hell you actually got cast in the first place. His stare made you feel incompetent, like you didn't deserve to be here. 

You shove your script into your bag and went to put your sneakers back on when a large hand briefly landed on your shoulder. "I need you to hang back a minute," Charlie's voice made your blood run cold.

_Yup, this is it. I'm fired. I'm so fucking fired._

You took a deep breath, setting your bag back down and abandoning your shoes. Josh made his way over to you, his eyes darting nervously back and forth between you and Charlie. He knew you were scared of losing your spot. He'd had to listen to your anxious ramblings nightly while you sat on your bed, your script and notes sprawled out in-front of you. He would always huff, roll his eyes and tell you that you were just paranoid but the look on his face as he walked up to you was filled with worry. "Want me to wait for you?" He asked in a hushed tone.

"No, that's okay. I'll call you later?" you said softly, hoping to disguise the anxiety in your voice.

"Of course", he squeezed your arm, giving you a reassuring nod. You gave him a small smile but you knew your eyes were begging him to stay. He leaned in and gave you a kiss, lingering just a second too long.

That's when you heard Charlie clear his throat. Josh pulled away giving you one last reassuring smile before waving to Charlie and turning to head out, trailing behind the last few stragglers. Before you knew it, the theater was empty and you and Charlie were alone.

He was already sitting back in his seat, writing something down when you turned and cautiously approached him.

"I'm...really sorry Charlie, I know I can do this I-" without looking up from his notepad, he raised a finger to you and you choked on your words.

_I. Am so. Fired._

You stood there, mulling over how humiliating it would be to have to go ask for your old serving job back when Charlie finally put his pen down. He looked up at you, brows furrowed and a finger to his lips. You two stared at each other in silence and for a moment you couldn't tell if the butterflies in your gut were from nerves or from your realization of how truly _handsome_ he was.

"You're very talented," your name was like honey on his lips. "But you're in your head too much. Overthinking everything." He let out a large sigh before continuing. "You need to loosen up a bit, relax. Go stand center for me."

You looked at him confused until he stood and gestured towards the stage. You obliged and made your way up the few steps to the stage before taking center. You rocked back and forth on the balls of your feet while you waited for further direction. Instead of words, Charlie came up next to you and placed his hand on your upper back.

"I want you to bend at the hips and let your arms and head hang for a minute," his hand now started exerting a gentle pressure, guiding you downward. You stood there, folded in half, trying to relax.

"May I?" You felt him move behind you. You nervously shook your head yes and you felt his other hand rest itself lightly on your hip. "You're holding too much tension here," he gave your hip a light squeeze before reaching over and tapping on your mid back, "and here. Exhale all your air for me?"

Once again you obliged and focused on letting all the tension leave your body with your breath. You felt your body begin to sway, he pulled you closer to him in an attempt to keep you steady. You realized your ass was pressed to his crotch and felt a warmth begin to grow between your legs. Without thinking, you gently squeezed your thighs together leading him to tense slightly behind you. Silent and awkward, you two stood just like that, pressed together for a few more moments until you really felt your body go limp.

"Excellent. Ok, you can come back up." You slowly started to straighten your back when you felt one hand on your shoulder, guiding you up and the other, still grasping the soft flesh of your hip, supporting you. When you were upright again you felt your back bump into his chest, your bodies were now fully connected. Quickly Charlie moved to stand in front of you and once again, you felt butterflies in your stomach as you studied his face. You didn't notice this before but his skin was dotted with freckles, accentuating his beautiful hazel eyes. For a split second you could have sworn he was staring at your mouth when, without warning, his lips crashed into yours.

His kiss was aggressive and desperate, like he was stranded in the desert and you were a glass of water. You found yourself wrapping your arms around his neck as his hands slid down the small of your back, landing just under your ass. He lifted you effortlessly and you wrapped your legs around his waist. Time stood still as he stood there holding you, your mouths moving in unison against each other while his hands kneaded the supple flesh of your ass. Suddenly you felt your body shift as he started walking you off of the stage and toward the table he had been working at earlier.

Placing you down on the table, he pulled his lips away from yours and took your face in his large hands. His eyes stared intently at you as he spoke, "I need you to tell me you want this".

That's when the reality of what was happening hit you like a wall of brick. Of course you wanted this, the heat between your legs made that very clear but...he's your director, basically your fucking _boss_. And then there's Josh, sweet innocent boyfriend Josh, who definitely didn't deserve this. Oh god, and what if the rest of the cast found out! The new girl fucking the director? You could die of embarrassment right here and now at the cliché of it all.

There were a million reasons to say no, to end it here and walk away but before your mouth could say no, you found your head nodding yes.

"No, I need you to say it." Charlie's voice was stern, his eyes burning into you. You felt one of his hands wrapping itself in your hair, the other squeezing your hip.

"I want you, Charlie" you breathed and just like that, your lips found each other again.

His fingers made their way to the waistband of your leggings and without warning, he dipped one hand in and under your lace panties, his fingers teasing your slick folds. The feeling of his cold digits made you gasp, but he quickly warmed them by plunging two inside of you. His thumb found your clit and you bucked your hips toward him, giving him a better angle. Your head fell backwards as a moan escaped your throat.

Thank god you told Josh not to wait for you.

While his fingers massaged your g-spot and clit, his other hand was supporting your neck, allowing you to completely come undone. You had never felt pleasure like this before, especially not just from someone's fingers. His speed in your cunt slowed as he eased a third finger into you. The pressure filling you was delicious and you felt your thighs begin to shake. You raised you head to look at Charlie and found him staring at you. His eyes were filled with the same darkness as before, when he would watch you during rehearsal. Only now you could put a name to it. The darkness wasn't hatred, it was desire.

Charlie bit his lower lip, as if he were focused on memorizing exactly how you looked in this moment, his fingers working your dripping cunt. Just as you were about to let out another moan, his lips crashed into yours, swallowing any sound you made.

"Sh, we wouldn't want anyone walking in and finding you like this, now would we?" he whispered into your ear before bringing his lips back to yours.

You clenched as he battered your insides with his fingers, thumb still making firm, rhythmic circles around your clit. You felt white hot euphoria building quickly in your core.

"You're gunna make me cum," you whimpered into his mouth. You pulled away from his kiss, trying and failing to keep your breathing stable. At this point your legs were shaking uncontrollably and your arms were wrapped around his neck, holding on for dear life.

"Look at you, falling apart from just my fingers like a good little slut." His voice was a low growl in your ear. " _Cum for me_."

With that, you were gone. Your vision went black and you felt your whole body shudder. Never in your life had you experienced something like this before. You had no control over your body or the noises that came out of it. The only thing that brought you back to earth was the sweet sound of Charlie's laugh.

You slowly opened your eyes, chest heaving as Charlie pulled his fingers from your cunt. He brought them to his mouth and licked them clean, savoring every drop of you.

"I don't think I've ever seen someone cum like that before," he said with a smirk on his face. You felt embarrassment sting your cheeks as you turned away from him. He took your jaw in his firm grasp and planted a quick kiss on your lips.

"Let's see if we can do that again." He smiled at you as you looked at him bewildered. You weren't sure you had another one of those in you. Hell, you didn't even know you could cum like that in the first place.

He leaned over you, lowering you down as he pushed everything off of the table behind you. The metal table was cold, even through your sweater. In one swift motion, he pulled your ass to his crotch and you could feel his solid cock through his pants. You looked up at him, eyes wide as he pulled your leggings off in one easy movement. Even though he just made you cum, him looking at you like this, nearly naked from the waist down made your face burn red. He must have loved it through because his smirk never once fell from his face. His hands ran down the expanse of your body before making their way to his belt. After a moment, he freed his cock and you couldn't help but stare. You had your fair share of sexual partners but he was easily the biggest you had ever seen.

He must have noticed you looking because before you knew it he was leaning over you again, his hand tangling itself into your hair, pulling ever so slightly. "It's not polite to stare."

You could feel him pulling your panties to the side before rubbing the tip of his cock against your still sensitive clit. The friction made you jump but he shushed you before planting gentle kisses on your neck.

You felt the head of his cock slowly push into you when you started to panic. "Charlie wait. I- I don't know if I can fit that," you said meekly. Safe to say he was intimidating in absolutely every way possible.

Your admission stroked his ego. "Don't worry, I'll go slow," he said sweetly, looking into your eyes now.

He rubbed against you before lining the head of his cock up with your entrance once again. A man of his word, he slowly eased himself into you. First he let his head be swallowed by your greedy pussy, only then pushing himself in a little more. He worked your cunt just like that, little by little, letting you adjust to his full size. Before you knew it, he was seated all the way inside of you and you were in pure bliss.

His pace was slow at first, his eyes trained on you, watching your every move. You tried to stay focused on his face but your eyes kept rolling back without permission every time he pulled out and slammed back into your belly. Soon though, his hips quickened as he stood up straight. He hoisted your legs up to rest on his shoulders and he sunk even deeper into you. You let out a throaty cry as his thumb once again found your sensitive nub. You winced from the pressure but that didn't deter him. His thumb expertly worked your clit while you writhed on the table below him. Pain and pleasure mixing as his hips picked up their pace, slamming into your cervix.

"Oh my god, you're so deep," you whined between heavy breaths, your hands grabbing at the sides of the table while your tits bounced in sync with each of his thrusts.

"See, I knew you could do it." You saw his head drop down and you realized that he was watching himself slide in and out of you. The thought of him watching your cunt stretch to accommodate him made you clench around his thick cock. He threw his head back, pleasure briefly overcoming him. A quiet string of curse words escaped his lips before he looked back at you.

"I want to watch you cum for me again," he said, his deep voice becoming shaky.

His thumb quickened it's pace around your clit and you could feel another orgasm building. The intensity of the warmth in your belly was almost scary, you wanted to run from it but Charlie held you in place as he rammed his hips into yours, the sound of slapping skin filling the theater.

"Charlie, please-please-please" you muttered but he didn't stop. His thrusts were growing sloppy and you could tell he was close too. You opened your eyes to look at him and that was it. This time, your vision went white and you felt a scream leave your throat. You felt his hand clasp over your mouth while you whined, you legs shaking around him.

"Fuck-fuck- _fuck_ ," Charlie growled into your ear, trying to suppress his own moans. You felt his hips stutter into you as warm ropes of cum coated your walls. He laid there, on top of you, while he tried to catch his breath. Without thinking you wrapped your arms around his neck while he planted sweet kisses along your jaw.

Once you both had your breathing somewhat under control, he pulled himself out of you and adjusted himself to decency.

You eased yourself up to a sitting position when he offered his hand to help you off the table. Grateful, you took it and eased yourself down. As soon as you tried to bare weight on your legs though, they gave out sending you collapsing into Charlie's arms. You heard him chuckle under his breath as you worked to regain your balance.

"I'm not uh...your first, am I?" He laughed but you could tell under the humor that he was serious.

You shot him a dirty look and playfully pushed him away. "No, you jackass," you started to pull your leggings back on.

"Just wanted to make sure," his eyes sparkled when he spoke. You really were captivated by him...he looked even more handsome in his post orgasm glow.

"So, uhm..." you ran your hands over your hair, trying to smooth the sex out of it. "Am I...fired?"

He gave you a genuine look of confusion. "Uh...no, why would you be?" His head shook as he bent down to pick up the papers that were scattered around the table. You walked over and joined him in cleaning up.

"Well, I mean...I thought that's what you were going to do...before..." your voice trailed off but you knew there was a mutual understanding.

He took the papers from your outstretched hand and stood, offering his empty hand once again to help you stand.

"No, you're not fired. I meant what I said, you're very talented. You just...need to relax." At this point , he had his work space almost completely back to how it was before your rendezvous.

You sucked your lips in between your teeth while you took a moment to ponder your situation. "Is this what you do to help all of your actors relax?" You asked, only half kidding.

He wasn't looking at you but you could see a smile stretch across his face. "Only my favorite ones."

Your heart fluttered. You searched around for your bag and sneakers for a moment before looking at him again. He ran his hand through his thick black hair before looking up at you.   
"I should go"  
"You should probably-"

You spoke in unison which led you both to let out an awkward laugh.

"I should go" you gestured towards the door. Charlie smiled, giving you a polite nod and you felt your newfound familiarity with each other start to slip away.

"I'll definitely take what you said to heart. The whole...relaxing thing." You were picking up your bag at this point and slipping your sneakers back on.

"Good. And if you need anything, anything at all, my number is on the call sheet. I don't really text so just give me a call." His face was professional but you could have sworn you saw something more flash across his eyes.

"I uh, I will. Thanks." You smiled at him and turned to walk towards the door. Before leaving, you turned and gave one him one final glance. He was sitting at the table now, writing something down. With a sigh, you turned and left.


	4. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your best friend Sam finds out the truth

You slipped into the apartment, whispering a silent prayer that Josh wouldn't be there waiting for you. Your prayer was answered when you saw Sam sitting alone on the couch, a hard seltzer in one hand and the other buried in a bag of pretzels. You shed your bag and shoes by the door before scurrying behind her and blowing a raspberry on her cheek.

"Sup babes" she said through a scrunched face. She patted the empty space next to her but you shook your head, keenly aware of the mixture of yours and Charlie's cum that was soaking through your panties.

"Later, I gotta shower first" you said as you leaned over and snatched a pretzel from the bag. Sam broke her attention away from the trashy tv show she was watching and examined your appearance.

You held your breath as you tried to look as innocent as possible but you knew it was useless.

"Whoa, when did you and Josh find time to bone during rehearsal?!" Her mouth twisting into a laugh as she spoke.

You quickly turned away and tried to make it to the bathroom but she hopped off the couch and beat you to the door. "Dude, you guys need to be careful, at least try to make it less obvious! Didn't Josh say that your director was a real hard ass? I doubt he'd let you two fucking during work go unpunished if he found out." Her face was still bright but her tone was serious.

You tried desperately to ignore her and push your way into the bathroom but you could feel your cheeks turning bright red. She stared at you through suspicious eyes until you caved and looked at her. "Trust me, it was only a one time thing" you mumbled as you tried desperately to suppress the anxiety bubbling in your stomach.

"Are...you ok? You look kinda pale," you could feel her suspicion slowly morphing into concern.

"I'm fine, I just don't get why you're giving me the third degree over this" you finally were able push past her and get into the bathroom, though you were pretty sure she actually just moved aside to let you through.

She threw her hands up defensively before backing away. "Jeez, someone's a little touchy. I just don't want to see you throw away your dream job because you and your boyfriend couldn't keep it in your pants."

  
 _Boyfriend_. Guilt ripped through your chest as tears pricked the corners of your eyes. You quickly spun around and closed the door behind you. You turned the shower on and shed your clothes, your panties still wet with the evidence of your betrayal.

You felt sick.

Climbing into the shower, you slid down the cold tiles and hugged your knees to your chest. You sat there, holding back guilty tears as you let the hot water rinse away your sin.

—

"Hey baby! I'm so glad to hear your voice," the innocence in Josh's words turned your stomach.

"Hey, yeah I'm here." You smiled to yourself. Before calling Josh, you slammed back one of Sam's hard seltzers to help calm your nerves. She left to grab takeout for dinner so you decided to take the opportunity to call him while you were alone.

"Well, it doesn't sound like you've been crying so..I'm guessing the talk with Charlie went ok?" For some reason you kept expecting him to suddenly turn on you and start screaming but he never did.

"Yeah, it was...fine. He basically said I was a good actor but that I needed to chill out. He gave me some..." the memory of Charlie's face studying you right before you came around his fingers flashed behind your eyelids, "some breathing exercises, stuff like that." You were shaking your head as if you could shake the memory of Charlie fucking you until you almost blacked out, out of your mind.

"Oh thank god. Not going to lie, I was a little worried about you. Charlie can be unpredictable sometimes." The sweet tone of his voice was breaking your heart. Even with the alcohol in your system, you knew you needed to get off the phone ASAP.

"What are you up to? Want me to come over? I think I can come up with a few ways to help you chill out." Yup, you need to get off this phone call and fast.

"Sam's actually grabbing dinner for us. She uh- had a hard day at work and just wants to relax, me and her. Rain check?" You were choking back tears at this point.

"Yeah, of course!"

You barely gave him time to finish his sentence before you cut in, "I actually hear her now so I'm going to let you go"

"Oh, ok. Well, I love you!" You could hear in his voice that he felt stung by your responses.

"I love you too, bye." As soon as you tapped 'end call', you chucked your phone across the room. Josh's desperate "I love you" mixed with Charlie's deep "cum for me" was ringing in your ears. You threw yourself onto your bed and let your guilty sobs fill the air.

—

You and Sam sat on the couch, containers of noodles, rice and fried wantons sat in-front of you, mostly untouched. Sam could tell something was up from the moment she looked you over when you came home. She's been your best friend for going on 13 years at this point so she can pretty much read you like a book. In an attempt to help, she offered to grab food from your favorite takeout place and made it a point to not mention what happened earlier. That all fell apart when she came home to you wailing in your bedroom.

The only sounds in the room came from the TV, yet again playing some trashy reality show, and the occasional crunch of one of you munching on a wanton.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on...or are you going to make me guess?" Sam didn't look at you but you knew, that she knew.

You grabbed the container of noodles and spun some around on your plastic fork. "I really don't want to talk about it." She turned to you and grabbed the noodles out of your hand. She put them back on the coffee table before taking your hands in hers. "What happened?"

You couldn't help it, tears started streaming down your face. Sam pulled you into a hug and gently caressed the top of your head.

"Hey, we're ride or die, remember? There's nothing on Earth that could change that." She craned her neck around to look at you. "You know that."

You sat up, wiping the tears away with the back of your sleeve. You took a minute to gather your composure and quite frankly your courage. You two have been through a lot over the last 13 years, some of which has been pretty messy but not like this. Never like this.

"Sam...it wasn't...it wasn't Josh that I-" your words turned to sobs in your throat. The look on her face said she already knew but to hear you say it out loud was still shocking. She pulled you back into a hug as you cried on her shoulder. Guilt was running through your veins, as if it was one in the same with your blood. You wanted to disappear, to cry until you withered away.

Sam sat there, holding you until you started to run out of tears and your breath evened out. You looked up at her through your swollen eyes, expecting to see disgust but you only found pity. She wiped the tears away from your face before she spoke again.

"You said...earlier, that it was a one time thing...Are you going to tell Josh?" Her words were slow and cautious as if you were made of glass and her words were rocks.

You shook your head. "I-I don't know. I feel like I have to but-"

"Listen, if you really think it's just this once...just...bury it." You looked at her shocked, you couldn't believe what you were hearing.

"I- I feel so bad. The guilt is crushing me, Sam"

"Hey, remember when you two first started dating and we caught him grinding with that girl at a club?" Her eyes met yours, her expression was cold and dead serious.

You did remember that. A mutual friend of you and Josh had texted you and said they saw him at a club with some half naked redhead. You and Sam rushed to catch him and sure enough- they were all over each other. You were never one to stray away from causing a scene so you marched right up to them and confronted him. He spent the next week begging you to forgive him and said that it was just because you guys hadn't had sex yet and he was feeling pent up and angry. You knew deep down what he did was fucked up, his excuse even more so, but you liked him so much that you were willing to overlook the incident and pretend it never happened.

You nodded, swallowing hard.

"Think of this as...payback. He did something fucked up to you and you did something fucked up back. You're even now" she squeezed your hand and you nodded in agreement. In your gut you knew that this isn't even close to the right way to handle the situation but the relief you got from Sam's comforting words was overwhelming.

You let out a huge sigh and she gave you a knowing smirk.

"We can pretend that this never happened...but first" her tone was devious now.

Your breath hitched in your throat and your eyes went wide.

"I need deets. Who was it?" She was doing a little wiggle dance in her seat.

You dropped your head. "Charlie" you whispered into your lap.

"CHARLIE? Like your director who you thought hated you? That Charlie?!" Her mouth hung open in shock and you gave her a shy confirmation nod. She smacked your shoulder and a surprised squeal escaped your throat from the impact.

"Was he...good?" The surprise on her face was now replaced with intrigue.

You bit your lower lip, trying to stifle the smirk that was breaking across your face. Another slap to the shoulder. This time, you both let out a good laugh.

Still laughing, she shook her head, turning back to the TV. She reached over and picked up the noodles you had earlier. You two picked at them while watching the end of the show that was on.

Your guilt was undoubtedly still there but you had another feeling bubbling up too. You were grateful. Grateful for your best friend who always had your back.


	5. Those Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s your first day back at rehearsal since you slept  
> with Charlie in the theater and things get a bit awkwaaard

Josh gave you a quick peck on the cheek before he left you to attend to his Stage Manager duties. He obviously didn't know the full details but he could tell you were anxious about today's rehearsal. You waved goodbye to him as you turned to join the rest of the cast. You scanned the group for Charlie, hoping to avoid him as much as possible today. It wasn't even 24 hours ago that he had you on your back, legs resting on his shoulders while he fucked you until you nearly lost consciousness. The shiny silver table caught your eye and you felt your cheeks turn bright red. You quickly found a seat among some of the other cast members but still far enough away to hopefully go unnoticed.

"Coffee!"

You didn't need to turn around to know who's voice that belonged to. You sank deeper into your seat, pulling your script in front of your face. You heard a jumble of thank you's mixed with polite chatter slowly get closer to you. You closed your eyes, pretending to run your lines when you felt him standing next to you. You opened your eyes and looked up to see him reaching over you, handing the person two seats down their coffee. You pushed back into your chair and held your breath, hoping he wouldn't realize who he was practically straddling. But of course, he did.

He flashed you a polite smile before speaking. "Sorry, I didn't see you on the order sheet. If you want, I'll have Mary Ann come take your order down for tomorrow." His face and voice didn't portray even the slightest hint of what happened yesterday. To the people around you, he looked totally normal and you probably looked like the guilty one.

His normalcy granted you the courage to sit up and make yourself appear less like a hermit crab and more like a respectable adult.

"Oh, that's ok, I didn't even realize-"

"I feel bad, why don't you take mine?" His sudden urgency took you by surprise. His face was still as stoic and professional as ever but there was something in his eyes. You shook your head, trying to maintain your calm demeanor.

"No really, that's ok. I'm not a big coffee person anyway," you said as you broke eye contact, focusing instead on the script open in your lap. Even though you weren't looking at him, you could feel his eyes watching you until he finally walked away, moving onto the next person on his list of coffee orders.

The rest of rehearsal until lunch was fairly uneventful. Charlie was focusing on working scenes you weren't in and you found relief in distracting yourself with exchanging flirty glances with Josh as he moved about the theater. The only time you found yourself panicked was when Josh would walk up to Charlie to show him something on his iPad. Rationally you knew they were talking about something show related but you couldn't help but worry that they would somehow get onto the topic of you...and what you looked like on your back.

Once it was time for break you got up to walk towards Josh when you felt a hand grab your wrist. You whipped your head to see who grabbed you but the weight in your chest told you that you already knew.

When you turned to him, Charlie dropped your wrist and shoved his hands into his pockets. He turned back to where his script and note pad was, on that damn table, before looking back at you. "We're going to be working on a couple of your scenes next so be ready." You nodded, trying not to meet his eyes. You turned quickly and half jogged over to where Josh was standing talking to someone, completely oblivious.

He greeted you with a warm smile as he pulled you in for a quick kiss. His hand reached around and gave your hip a playful squeeze before moving to your low back. You found yourself shuddering at the memory of who's hand had been there last. For some reason, you couldn't help but glance over your shoulder. You turned to see Charlie, his eyes shooting daggers at the hand resting just above your ass. As if he could sense you looking at him, his eyes met yours and for a moment, you couldn't breath. His face was, yet again, professional but his eyes. Those damn eyes were screaming at you. You could practically see him replaying the time you shared together. His hand silencing you while you came on his cock. The way your thighs shook as he worked your swollen, sensitive clit.

You ripped your eyes away from him and turned back to Josh, planting a kiss on his cheek. You refused to look but you knew Charlie saw it and you hoped beyond hope...that he got the message.

—

"No, no stop" Charlie's voice echoed through the theater. For once though, he wasn't yelling at you. Ben, your scene partner backed off of you and helped you sit up. You were working on the scene where his character professed his love for you but something wasn't clicking. Charlie hopped up onto the stage and stood directly in front of you. Against your better judgment, you met his eyes but saw nothing but focus in them. Relief washed over you while you glanced around the theater, looking for Josh. He was no where to be seen.

Charlie stuck his hand out for you and you grabbed it, quickly being hoisted to stand.

"I'm not feeling it." Charlie held you hand for a beat too long before you pulled away and clasped your hands behind you, hoping no one noticed.

"This is the woman you love, who you thought was gone forever. And now here she is, standing in front of you." He gestured towards you before looking in your direction. You quickly glanced down at his feet to avoid his eye contact.

"Let me see you lift her," he said as he turned and walked to the front of the stage. You shot him a nervous glance before looking back at your scene partner. Ben shrugged and lifted you straight up, causing an uncomfortable giggle to escape your throat. You both turned to Charlie, looking for direction on what to do next.

He shook his head and stepped towards you as Ben lowered you to the ground. "Like this," Charlie took Ben's place and then turned back to you. "May I?"

Chills ran down your spine as you gave him a shy nod. The last time you were on this stage with Charlie and he asked if he could touch you...well.

Suddenly Charlie scooped you into his arms, cradling you like a baby. Instinctively you threw your arms around him and buried your head into the crook of his neck. Ever so quietly, as if it were just for you, you heard him laugh. You pulled yourself away from him and looked back at Ben, trying to causally laugh it off.

"Sorry, I'm not used to being lifted...like at all". Ben returned your chuckle, giving you an instant feeling of relief. Still, you knew you two needed to get a grip or else...well, mainly you.

Charlie set you down and walked back to his spot at the front of the stage. He gave Ben the go ahead and once again, you found yourself hoisted into the air.

"Good, much better." Charlie was smiling, he was clearly pleased with the optics of the scene.

"But uh," Charlie's use of your name made your heart skip a beat, "remember what I told you yesterday? Relax a little bit." You could have sworn you saw a sparkle in his eyes as he spoke to you.

"I'm working on it, Mr. Barber," you said as you tapped Bens shoulder, indicating to put you down.

Charlie gave you a knowing smirk. "Excellent."

—

At the end of rehearsal, you were packing up your things as a pretty, tall brunette sauntered over to you. You looked over at her and gave her a warm smile as you turned back to packing up your things.

"Hi!" Her voice was lower than you imagined, given her bubbly disposition.

"Hey," you returned.

She eased herself into the seat next to you, blocking your way out of the aisle. "Man, I haven't seen Charlie look at someone like that since Nicole."

You turned to look at her, confusion plain on your face. You knew that you had a couple moments here and there today but you didn't think anyone noticed...and who's Nicole? "I'm sorry, huh?"

The pretty brunette raised her eyebrows at you, practically begging you not to play dumb. Only you weren't playing.

"Nicole? Charlie's ex wife? The open spot you filled."

"Oh...yeah. I thought the name sounded familiar." It was all coming back to you now. Josh had told you about how weird things got at work right before Charlie went to California for a little while. He said he didn't know the full ins and outs since he wasn't really around much back then but from what he gathered, him and his wife worked together...until they didn't.

"Yeah, well. I've been here for awhile and..." she gave you the look. The same look Sam had given you last night, only lacking the concern.

"Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about." You didn't even realize you were shaking your head. You quickly turned back to your bag and slung it over your shoulder.

"Cute boyfriend you have." You followed her eyes over to Josh who was waiting for you by the door. You swallowed hard before looking back at her. "I would stay away from Charlie. It would be such a shame for someone to tip off the stage manager to any kind of...funny business," she was smiling at you but her words cut you like a knife. The guilt you had been working so hard to suppress starting bubbling back up and you could feel your eyes welling up with tears.

"Mary Ann," you turned to see Charlie bounding over. The pretty brunette, Mary Ann, stood, straightening her long skirt.

"I was looking for you, I wanted to talk-" he cut his sentence short when he saw you, tears threatening to breach your eyes. Confusion and concern flashed over his face before it settled back to his usual professionalism.

"Are you ok?"

You barely even gave him time to finish before you pushed past them and started walking towards Josh.

The closer you got to Josh, the heavier your chest felt. You really thought that you would be able to move on and pretend nothing happened...but now, you weren't so sure.


	6. Not A Coffee Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You run into Charlie while out getting coffee with Sam. Let’s just say, coffee isn’t the only thing Charlie slurps in this chapter.

It was Sunday and you had the day off. Once it got closer to opening night your schedule would change but for now, you and Sam enjoyed your weekly coffee lunch dates. You checked your phone again while you sat at your usual booth right in front. Still no sign of Josh.

"Dude, if he doesn't show up in the next 5 minutes, I'm eating his muffin." Sam looked at you before glancing down at the muffin in front of the empty space next to you.

"Don't touch Josh's muffin," you playfully scolded her as you rolled your eyes.

It's been almost a week, 5 days to be exact, since your...encounter with Charlie and things were settling back to normal. Sam had kept her word and never brought it back up and things between you and Josh were starting to come easy to you again. Though, for some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to sleep with him.

At rehearsal, there were still...slip ups here and there. You would catch him looking at you a little too long. Occasionally you would realize you were staring at his hands, the warmth between your legs growing as you remember how good they made you feel.

The worst was the time he was talking to you about some blocking when you realized you were seated on the very same table, in the very same spot and he was standing in front of you. Once you realized where you were, you looked up at him, eyes wide and he returned your look with a devious smile. You could have sworn you felt his hand reach for your hip but you dipped out of there as fast as you could. After that, nothing else of note really happened.

Your phone lit up and you turned to look at the screen.

' _Not going to be able to make it today. I'm sorry. Tell Sam she can have my muffin lol_ '

You sighed as you pushed your phone towards her. She read the message on the screen and let out a satisfied chuckle before grabbing the muffin and sinking her teeth into it.

You sipped your latte in silence while she ate for a few minutes until you noticed Mary Ann scurrying out from somewhere in the back. You sunk into your booth, hoping she wouldn't notice you. 

Thankfully, she didn't.

"What was that?" Sam turned to look behind her as Mary Ann made it to the front door. You quickly reached across the table and pushed her back to face you.

"Don't! That's the bitchy brunette I told you about." Your voice was low as you watched Mary Ann exit the coffee shop, disappearing into the usual crowd of New Yorkers.

"Oh. Ew." Sam wiped her face with a napkin, leaving half the muffin uneaten. "Are you ready to go?"

You reached over and plucked a blueberry from the muffin and popped it into your mouth. "Yeah, I just gotta pee and then we can head out." You slid out of the booth, pulling at the hem of your skirt as you stood. It was one of the last warm fall days in New York and for some reason you got it into your head to wear a skirt. Now that you were in public though, you regretted your choice of attire. You always felt like everyone could see you ass when you wore a skirt.

"I thought you weren't a coffee person?"

Confused, you stopped and looked around for a moment, trying to find where his voice was coming from. There, tucked away in a corner, you saw him. There was a big smile on his face and his hand waving at you. You looked around, almost as if you weren't actually sure he was talking to you. But of course, he was.

You deviated from your original path and made your way over to him. He gestured to the empty seat across from him and you sat, shifting your weight around awkwardly while he looked at you.

"I thought you weren't a coffee person?" He repeated, smirking as he sipped from a mug.

"Oh, uh. Yeah, sorry about that. I was just-" you were wringing your hands under the table and you thought your stomach would jump out of your throat.

"Avoiding me." He was making direct eye contact now.

"Kinda, yeah." You broke away and turned around to see if Sam noticed your absence yet. That's when you realized, he had a direct view of you this whole time.

Your heart stopped.

"Were you watching me!?" You whipped your head back to him and your hands gripped the table on either side of you. You knew the anger was clear in your voice but you didn't care...until you noticed Charlie's face twist into a panic.

"No, not at all. Not like that. I- I come here to work and I noticed you sitting there. That's all."

He reached across the table and took one of your hands in his. You looked down at your hand, almost completely enveloped by his and then up to his face. He was so much...softer outside of the theater. The usual stoic professionalism he wore was long gone and you could almost read every thought as it went through his head. He was worried, worried that he hurt you. Worried that he crossed some kind of boundary.

You shook your head, pulling your hand away from his.

"It's- it's ok. I'm sure you have much better things to do besides watch me. Sorry for freaking out like that."

The worry on his face quickly was replaced with relief. This time he took both your hands in his and for a moment, you let him hold you there. For the first time since you were alone in the theater, you found yourself studying his face and him yours. Those familiar butterflies made themselves known as you admired his features, high cheekbones and that strong nose.

_Fuck, he really is handsome._

"Hey, what the hell? I thought you fell in!" You broke away from your staring contest and pulled your hands to your side. You looked up to see Sam staring at you, confused.

"Uhm, Sam this is Charlie. Charlie, this is Sam." You motioned between the two of them and shot her a look you could only give your best friend.

_Don't. Fucking. Say. Anything._

Sam looked at you and then over to Charlie as she put the pieces together. Before she could react though, Charlie was making his way out of the booth and reaching to shake her hand.

"Hi, Charlie Barber. We work together," he said causally, barely even throwing a glance your way.

Sam turned to you, her expression was almost impressed. By now Charlie was sitting back down, getting comfortable again while lifting his coffee to his lips.

"Very nice to meet you Charlie!" Sam shined her classic bright white smile at him before turning back to you. "I'm about to head out. You coming?"

You looked at Charlie and then back at Sam. You knew you should leave with her, you knew that there was nothing good that could come from you staying here with him. But still...you felt glued to your seat.

"Uhm actually, Charlie and I have some stuff to catch up on real quick. If that's okay with you?" You turned to Charlie and realized you caught him off guard. He gave you an excited nod as he wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"Yeah! Absolutely! I'll see she gets home safe when we're done here." You couldn't help but let a small smile slip as you buried you face into your hands, trying to hide your bright red cheeks.

Sam leaned in and gave you a quick hug before whispering in your ear, "don't do something you'll regret." She pulled away from you and you exchanged a somewhat uncomfortable moment of eye contact.

"Love you! I'll see you at home." You were quick to try to break the tension before Charlie realized what was happening. Sam, got the hint and waved a polite goodbye to Charlie before heading toward the front. You sat quietly, listening to her footsteps disappear.

"She seems nice." You could tell he was just trying to make small talk now.

"Yeah, she's my best friend. We actually moved here together." You reached across the table and took a sip of his coffee, your eyes drifting from his eyes down to his fingers that were clasped together on the table.

Encouraged by your sudden boldness, Charlie slipped out of his seat and moved to sit next to you. He rested his hand on your exposed thigh and your breathing grew shallow.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about the taste of your sweet cunt," he whispered in your ear. You felt goosebumps erupt all over your body.

"I have a boyfriend," you whispered. You weren't sure if you were bringing up Josh more as a reminder for Charlie...or for yourself.

He leaned in closer, placing a soft kiss on your neck as his hand slowly made it's way up your thigh and towards the lacy fabric of your underwear.

"And yet here you are, choosing to be alone with me." His fingers were brushing up against your lips now. The heat between your legs started to swell as your clit ached for the friction you knew only he could provide.

"Just say the word, and I'll stop," Charlie's voice was deep and soft in your ear.

The logical side of your brain was yelling at you to stop him, to remember how shitty you felt after the first time you slept together but the animalistic part of your brain was craving his touch. You slowly let your legs spread as he pushed his way past your panties.

His touch was light as he traced familiar circles around your swollen clit. You bit down on your lip to stifle any sounds that tried to escape. His touch wasn't urgent this time, no, it was slow and controlled. Without warning he briefly dipped one finger into you before completely pulling his hand away. You wanted to yell in protest, to beg him to keep going but you were caught off guard when you saw him lift his finger up to his mouth before sucking it clean. Your breath hitched in your throat as he leaned in close to whisper in your ear.

"I don't live far from here. Let's go back to my place." He grabbed your hand and just like that- you were off.

—

The walk to Charlie's wasn't long at all and before you knew it, you were crashing in through his front door, your lips glued to each other.

Once you were inside his apartment, he lifted you up and carried you over to the couch. His tongue slowly breached your lips and began swirling around your mouth, looking to memorize every corner of you. The only time you broke away from him was when you realized you were sat on top of him, your nearly naked cunt grinding against his already hard length.

You wanted to feel him inside of you again, you ached to feel that intoxicating burn as he split you open.

But you couldn't, not again.

Charlie's hands found your hips and squeezed as he bucked upwards into you. His lips found yours once more and you could feel his desperation grow with every movement he made.

Gathering your courage, you pulled out of his kiss. "I'm sorry, I can't. I can't...do this again." The guilt you thought you had pretty much under control by now was starting to boil up again.

Charlie's eyes were searching yours, his confusion was plain as day. You felt him start to guide you off of his lap but your body wouldn't budge.

"I want to. God, you have no idea how badly I want to but..." you couldn't bring yourself to say Josh's name out loud. You felt the familiar prick of tears forming as Charlie pulled your head to rest against his, forehead to forehead. You two sat unmoving as your tears quietly fell.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to. I would never force myself on you," his voice was deep and dripping with understanding. He wiped your tears away as you met his eyes.

This time, you initiated the kiss. You felt his uncertainty melt away as you grew more intense. Your tongue traced his lower lip as his found its way back into your mouth. Your hands were occupying themselves in his jet black waves while he put one hand to the back of your neck, the other grabbing desperately at your exposed ass.

A soft moan escaped your lips as his touch on your ass grew rougher. You felt him smile against your lips as he flipped you off of him, him now kneeling in front of you.

He left a wet string of kisses leading from your lips, down your neck before moving to your inner thighs. You couldn't pull your attention away from the intoxicating sight of Charlie kneeling in front of your spread legs, his kisses teasing your inner thighs. Your clit was practically begging for his touch as he reached his hands under your skirt, pulling at you underwear. You lifted your bum off his couch while he hooked his fingers into the sides of your panties. He pulled them off of you before shoving them into his back pocket. You started to protest but he silenced you with a firm kiss to your desperate slit. Just the hint of pressure against your throbbing nub took your breath away.

You ran your fingers through his hair and pulled, making him look up at you.

"Wait" your breathing was heavy, your heart hammering in your chest. He leaned and placed a soft kiss to your inner thigh, just shy of your cunt, while never breaking eye contact with you. A soft cry escaped you before you could swallow it. He smiled at you, his eyes filled with familiar deviancy.

"No...penetration," your mind was desperately trying to justify your actions. If Charlie never actually put his penis inside of you, you could at least pretend it was ok...right?

Charlie let out a soft laugh and a nod before diving his head back between your legs. His tongue ran up the length of your slit, making you gasp. You couldn't remember the last time someone went down on you. Suddenly you felt self consciousness push itself to the front of your mind. What if you smelled? What if you tasted bad? You started close your legs but his hands grabbed your knees and held them apart, putting your cunt of full display.

"Don't move" he said into your core before placing a firm kiss to your now screaming clit. His tongue started working your nub, circling it before giving it the occasional flick. You couldn't help yourself, you let out a high pitched squeal. His mouth felt amazing, he was working you like you were an instrument he had studied for years.

You would force yourself to look at him, trying to memorize what he looked like with his head buried between your legs but every time you did, he would find another button to push and your head would fall backward again. You could feel your orgasm growing quickly but you couldn't ignore the almost painful emptiness of your pussy. His tongue would occasionally make it's way to your entrance, teasing it as he lapped up your juices, but he would go right back to your clit.

You said no penetration and he was going to hold you to it.

"Please Charlie- please. I need to feel you inside of me," you begged, your hands desperately grabbing at the cushion next to your ass.

He shook his head no while humming over your bud. The vibrations of his mouth were what sent you over the edge. Pleasure ripped through you like lightning. You couldn't tell if your vision went black or if your eyes were closed but you did know one thing for sure- you were being loud. He pulled his mouth away from your core, a calloused finger replacing the spot once occupied by his tongue. His lips moved to yours in an attempt to keep you reasonably quiet. The taste of your juices made your brows furrow but you couldn't really bring yourself to care. His mouth on yours felt absolutely perfect as his finger worked your clit through the end of your orgasm, the pressure slowly becoming overwhelming- almost painful.

It wasn't until he removed his hand from between your legs and began to run his fingers up and down your thigh that you realized you were shaking, and he was trying to soothe you.

You felt a strange warmth rise in your chest as you looked at him. He was very clearly pleased with his performance, his eyes were admiring you as if you were his favorite piece of art.

He took the spot next to you on his couch and pulled you close to him. Your hand found his chest as he leaned over and placed soft kisses to your crown. "I could watch you cum for the rest of my life and never get tired of it," he whispered into your hair. Your pussy clenched, the ache of being empty making itself known once more. You took a deep breath before pulling away to look at him.

Instinctively, your arm reached around his neck as your lips crashed into each other. Your body was taking the lead now, the primal need to feel his member inside of you taking over. You threw one leg over him, coming to rest once again on his lap. The pressure of his hard length against your overworked clit made you shudder but you leaned into it, grinding against him even harder.

You worked away from his mouth, trailing kisses along his strong jaw, heading towards his clavicle before you felt his hand pulling your face to meet his.

"We should get you home." His voice was soft, almost romantic.

You were taken aback. Was he really...stopping you?

"I'm not done," you shook your head as you tried to plant another kiss on his neck. Once again, his strong hands stopped you.

"Please. It's your turn, let me make you feel good," the desperation in your voice would have been embarrassing if he hadn't just had his face nuzzled into your cunt a few minutes ago.

He pulled you into a brief kiss before giving you soft smile.

"I can take care of myself later," he said with a smirk and you suddenly remembered that your drenched panties were just hanging out in his back pocket. You felt your face grow red but you couldn't look away from him. You were absolutely enamored by him.

"Can...I get my underwear back please?" You asked meekly.

"No." He kissed you once more before standing up, your body still wrapped around his. He eased you to the ground before bending down and making sure your skirt was protecting your modesty. Once he was happy with how you looked, he took your hand and led you to his front door.


	7. This Is Where I Leave You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie walks you home where Josh is waiting for you.

Charlie took you by the hand as you left his apartment, pausing momentarily so he could lock the door. He turned back to you, his face soft, and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

"You're looking a little...winded," Charlie said with a chuckle. You couldn't help but admire his dimples when he smiled.

"Gee, I wonder why," you joked back. You lifted your phone and flicked your camera on to assess the damage. He was right, your cheeks were bright pink and your hair was a mess. You looked like...well, like you just got tongue fucked by your hot director. You quickly handed Charlie your phone and flipped upside down, trying to shake the sex from your hair.

Flipping back up, you gave him a little 'ta-da' before asking, "how do I look?"

"Perfect," his smile was softer now. You realized he was studying you again and you felt your cheeks go from pink to red. You weren't used to being the subject of such an intimate stare.

"Well uh, I guess we should get going," you said as you started heading towards the steps. Without a word, he laced his fingers through yours and moved to lead the way. You walked just like that, hand in hand, all the way until you made it to the street.

Once you got outside he dropped your hand and placed his into his pockets. Rationally you knew it wouldn't be very smart to be strutting around the city, holding hands with someone who isn't your boyfriend (or Sam, but that's besides the point). But still, you couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

You took in your surroundings before it hit you that you weren't too far from your apartment. The realization that he lived so close to you made your heart flutter. You couldn't help but think about how many times you may have almost met. How fate must have played you two like a game of chess, skillfully moving you both around the board until just the right moment. You longed to know what life would have looked like had you met sooner.

You two walked side by side in silence for a couple of blocks before Charlie spoke.

"So, you said you moved here with your friend Sam, right?"

Hearing him say Sam's name made you pause. You knew it shouldn't impress you so much but you couldn't help it. He met her for all of two seconds and remembered her name but when you and Josh started dating, he called her Sarah for 3 weeks.

"Uh...yeah. Yeah, I did"

"You ok?"

"Yeah! It's just...you remembered my best friend's name."

"Of course I did." Genuine confusion spread across his face and you couldn't help but feel a little silly.

"I just- that doesn't usually happen is all."

_Why am I like this?_

You could feel the embarrassment starting creep up when Charlie came to your rescue, changing the subject.

"Where'd you come from?"

"Just some...shitty little town in Connecticut."

Charlie pondered you for a second before responding. "What made it so shitty?"

You had to take a moment to think about your answer. You always knew you wanted to leave your hometown, you just never had to actually verbalize why before. "I guess...I don't know. It's that kind of place where you're born there, you marry your...middle school boyfriend or whatever, pop out a few kids and then die. I kind of just always knew that I wanted more than that."

"So why New York?" He looked intrigued, like he was trying to figure you out.

"Well, I've always wanted to be an actor. I've been acting basically since I could walk and talk. My mom even has-" you stopped yourself, second guessing if you really wanted to share this little tidbit about yourself.

"Go on," his face was playfully intrigued.

"She uhm...she has this VHS tape of me that she pulls out on my birthday every year. I'm like three and acting out parts of 'Titanic' and 'West Side Story'. My mom always says she knew I would grow up to be in plays. Anyway, then when I got a little older, I just felt...this pull towards the city."

"And now here you are," he said, taking in your surroundings.

"Here I am..." you two exchanged a flirtatious smile before you spoke again. "What about you?"

"Kinda the same thing. Grew up in Indiana, never really felt like I belonged. So I left. Came here, started the theater troupe with N-" he broke off for a second, as if he didn't know how to word what he wanted to say. "With uh...with my ex wife, and the rest is history."

You weren't exactly sure what to say next. You obviously knew he was married before but hearing it come from his mouth was just...a little jarring. Your mind started to run wild, thinking about how truly different your lives were. He was older than you, by at least 10 years. He had been married before, was a successful director...and you're just this 20 something year old that has only ever known dead end jobs and dead end boyfriends...though, you supposed you were similar at least in that respect.

You decided to change the subject all together. By now you were rounding the coffee shop and you both started to slow your pace, hoping to prolong your walk for as long as possible. You spent the rest of the walk home chit chatting about your favorite spots in New York, the coffee shop, a pizza place a few blocks from your apartment, a quaint little alcove in the park. Every so often, especially after a gentle New York City breeze, you noticed that he would trail behind just slightly to make sure your skirt was still keeping you covered. Every time he did, you felt that warmth in your chest again. Feeling desired by him was one thing but feeling respected _and_ protected? _Damn_.

Eventually you made it to your apartment building. You moseyed up to the entryway before turning back to Charlie.

"Well...this is where I leave you," he said through a gentle smile. You could see the sadness in his eyes and you hoped he could see the same in yours. You wanted so badly to invite him upstairs, the thought of your time together ending made your heart ache.

"I guess so. Thanks for uh- you know," you tried to suppress the coy smile that was spreading across your face.

He nodded as he turned away, "I look forward to seeing you again. Remember, if you need anything...my number is on the call sheet," he said over his shoulder.

You knew exactly what he meant, you could hear it in his voice. He wanted to stay just as much as you did. "I'll remember that," you called after him.  
"Have a good night, Charlie."

His head gently bobbed as he walked away from you, your heart sinking with each step.

_Get ahold of yourself, oh my god._ Your subconscious was basically screaming at you. You pulled your attention away from Charlie and checked your phone. That's when you noticed the notifications.

_4 missed calls._

—

You hurriedly punched the entrance code into the keypad as you held your phone up to your ear.

The first call was from Josh.

"Hey baby! Just calling to see what you were up to. I was planning on swinging by with dinner later. Call me back and let me know what you're in the mood for!"

_Next message_

'"Dude, where the fuck are you!" The panic in Sam's voice had anxiety gripping your chest. At this point you were taking the steps up to your apartment two at a time, your ass fully exposed to anyone who had the misfortune of being below you. "Josh called asking where you were and I didn't know what to tell him! I said you were running errands for your anniversary. Call me!"

_Next message_

"Hey baby, me again. Getting a little worried about you. Sam said you left to run some...errands a little while ago but she hasn't heard from you since. Please call me."

_Next message_

"Josh just showed up here. I swear to god if you roll up smelling like sex, we're both dead."

You made it to your front door when the sounds of laughter coming from inside the apartment stole your breath. Your heart was beating so hard in your chest that you thought for sure it was going to crack a rib. You couldn't bring yourself to open the door, the thought of seeing Josh's face made your stomach turn. You really didn't want to see him. Not after what you just did- again.

Guilt was basically oozing out of your pores. You tried to shake your head clear as you looked down at your hands. You needed an excuse for being gone for so long without so much as a word. You took your keys and shoved them into your bra and turned your phone off. With one final deep breath you pounded on the door.

_Please be Sam. Please be Sam. Please be Sam._

The door flung open and your eyes immediately met Sam's. Relief flowed through both of you, escaping as nervous laughter.

Knowing you had to keep up appearances, you pushed past her and immediately made your way over to Josh who was leaning against the kitchen counter. His face perked up when he saw you and you had to do everything in your power to look relieved to see him.

"I lost my stupid keys!" You hugged Josh before placing a brief kiss on his cheek. "And my phone is basically dead so I had to turn it off incase no one was home and I was locked out."

Josh shook his head, laughing to himself. You could at least look him in the face knowing he bought your story. You playfully nudged him with your elbow.

"Hey! If you didn't ditch coffee, none of this would have happened!"

You weren't wrong. If Josh had been there, you never would have ended up in Charlie's apartment, his face between your thighs.

You couldn't decide if that was a good or a bad thing.

You turned to Sam who was pulling a jug of orange juice out of the fridge. You only now noticed that she was dressed for work and getting ready to leave.

_Fuck._

"I know, I'm sorry. I had to finish up some work for Charlie that he wanted done by tomorrow. He's really been riding my ass lately. I wish the dude would just get laid so he would ease up." Josh's voice trailed off as he grabbed two cups from the cabinet and handed them to Sam.

Your stomach dropped as the image of you grinding on Charlie's lap, his tongue in your down your throat, flashed through your mind.

"I thought you were more busy than usual lately." You muttered to no one in particular, taking a sip from his cup.

Josh moved to you and wrapped his arms around your waist, placing a loving kiss to your shoulder. "He gets like this sometimes. Once the show actually starts running, things will be easier." Josh's breath on your neck gave you chills, and not in a good way. You pulled out of his embrace and gave him a quick peck.

"Well while you guys talk work, I need to go. I'm already running late." Sam was making her way over to you to give you a hug.

Josh crossed over to the couch, settling in as Sam leaned into your ear.

"Never do that to me again."

You could tell that under the veil of annoyance, she was really worried about you. Not that you could blame her.

"I'll explain everything when you get home," you whispered back.

She gave you a discreet nod before turning and waving goodbye to Josh. He nodded to her and turned his attention back to the TV. "Love you!" Sam called out as she crossed the threshold of your front door.

You watched her close the door behind her, the sound of deadbolt locking sounded like someone slamming the door to your coffin.

You were alone with Josh.


	8. Birth Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spend the late afternoon with Josh and then have a difficult talk with Sam.

Josh's hands pawing at your body felt wrong. On some level it kind of always had but up until recently, that feeling was easy enough to ignore.

It wasn't like he was doing anything bad but his hands moved like he was just trying to get to the end. Like he was chasing after his own release without much care for yours. If you were being honest, that was your general experience with men so far in your life.

That was, until Charlie. You had slept together _technically_ only once but in the two times you were alone with him, you came three times and he only finished once. While all the other guys you have slept with, including Josh, treated your pleasure as an afterthought, Charlie treated your orgasms as his main objective.

It was addictive and made anything less feel completely unappealing.

Josh was groping your tits under your sweater while his tongue made sloppy circles inside your mouth. That, combined with the fact you two were curled up on your couch gave you some serious shitty rom-com vibes.

One of his hands left your tits and made their way to the hem of your skirt. You began to panic as you realized your underwear were still in Charlie's back pocket. Losing your keys explained your prolonged absence but it sure as hell wouldn't explain where your underwear went. Suddenly the fabric of your skirt felt like it was burning the bare skin of your ass.

Your hand flew to meet his, stopping him just as he reached your upper thigh. "Sorry Josh, I'm still bleeding." You gave him an apologetic shrug.

You lied. It was the same excuse you gave him the day after you and Charlie had sex, and the next two times Josh tried to initiate sex after that. Definitely not the most creative excuse for turning him down but you knew he was too squeamish to challenge you on it.

Josh threw his head back in defeat before looking back to you. "Still?"

He was whining. You hate when he whines. You got off the couch, making sure to hold you skirt down. You crossed over to the kitchen and grabbed a few slices of the now cold pizza that Josh had brought over earlier.

"Yes Josh, that is how periods work." You put the plate of pizza into the microwave. You made your way to the fridge and peered in, looking for something for you guys to drink. There were some hard seltzers left, orange juice, waters, the usual spread.

You reached for the seltzers but something in your gut stopped you. You didn't want to risk giving him an excuse to stay over. Not when Sam was expecting a probably very thorough explanation of what you took you so long with Charlie.

"I know but you had your period like...two weeks ago." You took a steadying breath before grabbing the waters instead.

You put them on the counter and turned your attention to the beeping microwave. You were hoping that by keeping busy, he wouldn't question why you wouldn't look at him.

"I told you before, my cycle is all messed up. I've got to make an appointment to see the gynecologist." You grabbed the pizza and waters and made your way back to the couch.

"Would birth control help? I'm pretty sure my sister went through the same thing and the pill helped." He took a giant bite of pizza before he realized it was still way too hot. You chuckled at him as he was trying to cool it down with it already in his mouth.

"Mmm, I don't know. I was on the pill in high school and it gave me really bad acne." You sipped your water before picking up a slice and blowing.

"Well, I know I wouldn't mind not having to use a condom for once," he shot you a flirty look and you playfully pushed his face away.

"Yeah yeah yeah. I'll think about it." You reached for a blanket and pulled it to cover you and Josh.

You two spent the rest of the night hanging out and watching movies. It wasn't a bad end to the day but you couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't what you actually wanted. You tried desperately to push the doubt and guilt away and enjoy the presence of your boyfriend but your naked cunt was a near constant reminder of who you really wished was next to you.

—

"Knock knock" Sam inched your door open and flipped the light switch. You were in bed but you couldn't really call what you were doing sleeping. You were tucked under your duvet and your eyes were closed- sure, but your brain was restless. Your mind was forcing you to watch and rewatch the most intense parts of your day.

You and Charlie in the coffee shop, his hand under your skirt. You on his couch, looking down at him as he pocketed your underwear. His mouth making you scream and shake as you came on his tongue. The walk back to your apartment, him periodically making sure your skirt didn't ride up and, what stuck out to you the most. The sadness in his eyes as you parted ways. It was all playing like a film you didn't want to see but couldn't look away from. And then there were the parts with Josh. His hand inching up your thigh and you having to stop him in his tracks. The sound of his laugh as you watched tv together. The way he kissed your forehead every so often and the way it all made your heart ache, silently wishing that he was someone else.

You were going to call Charlie after Josh left. You had decided on it right after Charlie brought up his number being on the call sheet again.  
But then you spent your night with Josh and...your heart felt like it was being ripped in two. Instead of calling either of them, you settled on crying in the shower before crawling into bed and waiting for Sam to get home.

You sat up in bed, letting your eyes adjust to the sudden light. Sam crossed over to your bed and sat. She was still in her work uniform, her hair in a messy bun. She looked exhausted. "How was work?" You asked, scooting closer to her.

"Fine, pretty sure Brenda is trying to get me fired but whatever. Frank likes me too much to let me go." She was letting her hair down now and adjusting herself to sit in front of you. "Enough small talk, what the fuck happened today?"

You took a deep breath before starting at the beginning, right after she left you two in the coffee shop. You told her everything, him toying with you in the booth, your mouths stuck to each other as you fell through his front door, your conversation on the walk home. All of it. Her face was stoic the entire time she listened, only ever raising her eyebrows occasionally at the more titillating parts of your story. You ended with Josh leaving, giving you an awkward kiss at the front door and then you slinking off to the bathroom to cry in the shower. She tented her fingers and brought them to her lips. You could tell she was trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to say.

"Ok, hang on...he fingered you...in the coffee shop?" Sam's face twisted with disbelief.

"I mean...barley," you sucked your lips between your teeth to try and stifle your laughter. It wasn't funny, you knew it wasn't funny...but a giggle escaped your throat anyway. Sam smacked your arm, hard.

"Ow!" You grabbed at the now sore spot on your arm.

"Who even are you!? Fucking someone who isn't your boyfriend-"

"We didn't fuck this time," you were quick to correct her.

"Getting finger blasted in a coffee shop!" She ignored your weak interjection and continued on. "Slinking off to his house and disappearing for hours without a single word!?"

"I didn't realize I was gone for that long!" You threw your face into your hands. "And _please_ don't say finger blasted, oh my god, what are we, 15?"

You looked up to see Sam staring at you through desperate eyes. You knew in your gut she was right. Everything you have been doing lately was completely unlike you. You've never been shy when it came to sex but what you've done with Charlie? In two public places? That was something you never even considered enticing, let alone something you would participate in. You thought public sex was only ever some shitty plot point in porn...yet here you are. And then there's you...cheating. Just thinking the word made your stomach drop.

Any hint of laughter, awkward or otherwise, was gone now. You two sat there on your bed just staring at each other.

Sam moved to take your hands in hers before breaking the silence. "I'm worried about you," your name was tainted with pain as she spoke.

You looked down at your hands in hers, flashing back to Charlie's being there just hours earlier. It made your heart ache. You could feel tears starting to well up again. You're so damn tired of crying all the time. Since this thing with Charlie started, mentally you've barely been hanging on. Some days were better than others but any progress you made just went out the window when you spread your legs for Charlie in the coffee shop.

"Sam...I- I don't know what to do." Your tears broke free and were streaming down your face. She pulled you close and held you while you cried, every so often offering a comforting shush.

Once you were able to get yourself calmed down, Sam spoke in a soft, maternal tone. "Do you like Charlie?"

You couldn't help but stare off, falling into your thoughts...you didn't know if you liked Charlie. You knew you liked being around him, you knew you got that weird warmth in your chest when he would do something sweet for you. Above all you knew you really liked how he made you cum. But did you like him? You weren't sure.

"I...I don't...know."

"Do you love Josh?"

You immediately felt yourself get defensive, even though you knew you shouldn't have. It was a valid question, given your actions this past week. "Of- of course I do."

"Then there's your answer." She was rubbing your arms, comforting you the way only your best friend could.

You knew she was right. What you had with Charlie was neither real nor sustainable. You barely knew anything about him and what you did know, made you feel wildly inadequate.

Josh is your future, not Charlie.


	9. You Never Called

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie ignores you. Also we don’t like Mary Ann.

The next day at rehearsal, Charlie wouldn't look at you. Rationally you knew that was a good thing, after your talk with Sam last night you made a promise to yourself that you would end things with Charlie.

You love Josh and he really is good to you. In time your body would forget Charlie's touch and you would be able to fully resume your relationship with Josh, pretending like none of this ever happened. Sex with Charlie is...amazing but you knew deep down that that was all it would be. Like you told yourself last night, what you had with Charlie wasn't sustainable. You needed to let go and move on.

And yet...Charlie refusing to even look in your general direction hurt. A lot. Like...definitely more than it should have. It was like you were some forgotten prop and not the person he fingered in a coffee shop on a whim 24 hours ago.

Again, the rational part of your brain kept trying to convince yourself that this was actually a good thing, but your body quickly became desperate for him to simply just glance at you, acknowledge that he knew you were here.

You found yourself doing little things throughout rehearsal to try and draw his attention. Swaying your hips a little more as you walked up the steps to the stage, choosing a spot to warm up that was directly in front of him. Hell, you even pulled your leggings up until they were basically all the way up your ass. Nothing. Every time you stole a glance, he was focused on something else, anything else, never you.

 _He's avoiding you_. The realization felt like a punch in the gut.

With opening night just shy of three weeks away you pretty much spent the whole rehearsal running through the show, cleaning up the blocking and standing around while Charlie made notes. Josh seemed to hardly be around these days, being the liaison between Charlie, the prop department, lights, sound, pretty much everyone except costuming, which was run by non other than our favorite bitchy brunette.

While you were busy trying to get Charlie's attention, you couldn't help but notice Mary Ann cozying up to him every chance she got. He wasn't really playing into it but he was definitely giving her more attention than he was you. You tried not to let it bother you but if he could ignore you so easily after having had his face between your thighs 24 hours ago? You didn't even want to think about what him and Mary Ann were doing.

At the end of rehearsal, Charlie called the cast and crew for a quick meeting before letting you go. He was leaning against the edge of the stage, brows furrowed, rubbing his chin. "I won't be here for the next week. I have to fly out to LA to handle some personal things," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

The whole cast and crew seemed very understanding, except for you. You never heard of a director leaving less than three weeks before opening night. He gave you a brief glance, the first one all day, and a mixture of relief and dread washed over you. Something flashed behind his eyes but he pulled his attention away before you could distinguish which emotion it was.

"Josh will help you guys out while I'm gone and I'll be popping in now and then on a video call, so no funny business" he was wagging his finger at Larry, the older gentleman in cast, making everyone break out into laughter.

Clearly an inside joke you weren't privy to...as if you didn't already feel shitty enough. You turned your attention to your bag as the meeting devolved into chit chat, various cast and crew members walking up to Charlie and wishing him well before sharing a hug or a handshake.

You started gathering your belongings, fully intending to run out the door the first chance you got but Mary Ann making her way to Charlie caught your eye. She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. The embrace wasn't platonic like the rest, no, this had an air of intimacy to it.

You saw his body tense slightly when he noticed you looking. He briefly rested his chin to Mary Ann's head before pulling away, towards you. You spun around and made your way to the exit as quickly as you could. You could tell he wanted to say something to you but after how he treated you all rehearsal, you didn't want to hear it. You reminded yourself of your promise as you stepped out into the cool fall air.

—

You made it about half way home before you realized that in your rush to leave, you had forgotten your phone. You weren't sure if Josh would even still be there but you were hoping he was as you turned the corner back towards the theater.

The first thing you noticed was the cloud of cigarette smoke. Your eyes traced it's origin to find Charlie leaning against the wall. You stood frozen as you watched him take another drag, his chest expanding to hold the smoke in his lungs. You gathered your courage, mentally forcing your feet to carry you forward. You hung your head as you made you way past him, hoping he wouldn't realize it was you.

"Looking for this?" His voice froze your feet to the pavement. You slowly turned to see him holding your phone out to you between two of his strong fingers. You caught yourself lingering on them, holding your phone with ease, even in such an awkward grasp. Those fucking fingers. Against your wishes, you felt your cunt clench.

"Thanks," you grabbed the phone and went to leave but your feet refused.

"Why are you avoiding me?" His voice was low and raspy from the smoke in his lungs. Your eyes met one another and you immediately recognized the sadness in them. It was the same look he gave you when he walked you to your apartment yesterday.

"I could ask you the same thing." You were defensive and he definitely noticed. He held the cigarette out to you, almost as if it were a white flag. You're not a smoker, never have been, but you took the cigarette anyway. Your fingers grazing each other as he handed it to you.

You lifted it to your lips, taking a short drag before you to immediately regretted your decision. You tried and failed at stifling a cough before you looked up and realized he was quietly laughing at you. You handed the cigarette back to him, eager to get it away from you. "I didn't start avoiding you until long after you were avoiding me," you hoped he couldn't hear the hurt in your voice.

"You never called last night."

His words grabbed your heart, squeezing it until it stopped beating. You met his eyes once more, noticing they were glassy. You assumed from the cigarette smoke but part of you hoped it from missing you.

"I- I wanted to. I meant to- I just," you were tripping over your words now. You took a steadying breath as you leaned against the wall next to him, letting your head fall back.

The tension between you was thick, becoming more and more unbearable as the seconds ticked on.

"I didn't know you smoked." You realized only after the words hit your ears that they were your own. Charlie took one final drag before flicking the cigarette to the ground and and crushing it with his foot.

"I don't. Not usually anyway. Why didn't you call?" His whole body turned to face you. You noticed him staring at your lips as you spoke.

"I was going to. And then Josh was over and he stayed late and I just...things are really complicated for me right now, Charlie. I've never...done anything like this before. It makes me feel really fucking shitty."

He pondered you for a minute, his eyes never leaving your face. "Come over tonight. No sex, just talking," you quickly looked around, making sure no one heard what he said before giving him a resigned nod. He took your phone out of your hands, holding it up to your face for it to unlock. Once he was in, you watched him fiddle with your contacts, adding his information into your phone himself.

"I'll see you at 8." He didn't give you a chance to respond before making his way around you and back into the theater.


	10. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go to end things with Charlie but uhm...oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey all! First I wanted to say that I am so honored that you guys are actually enjoying this and so invested! I originally posted this as a way to keep myself occupied during the hell of election week, not really expecting anyone to see it. This chapter took a lot longer than expected but it's a long one and gets pretty spicy so ready!  
> -All my love!

When Sam asked if you had plans tonight, you almost lied to her. That's how you knew you shouldn't be here. You don't lie to each other- you've never felt the need to. But when she asked you 'any plans tonight?' while she was getting ready for work, you almost said no.

It would have been so easy to lie and it would've saved you her disapproving glare that always managed to cut right through you. 'Why on earth would you willingly put yourself back into this situation,' she had yelled from her bedroom, rummaging through her dresser.

"Dude, you know how this is going to go. You're going to show up, talk for two seconds, have sex and then you're going to come home and cry in the shower." Her accuracy annoyed you. You explained how he had set the 'no sex' boundary and that you fully intended on going to his place to end things once and for all and then leaving. That you literally only planned on being gone for an hour tops...but she wasn't buying it.

"Ok, then invite Josh over for when you get back. That way you have to stick to your plan."

"You know what...I will," you had said defiantly. You knew what she was doing, you knew that she was trying to test you- to push you and see if you were as full of shit as she thought.

You liked to think that you weren't. You really did plan on going to Charlie's, telling him you didn't want to do this anymore and that being the end of it. What that meant for your future at Exit Ghost? Who the hell knows...but there's always other theater companies you could audition for, hopefully with less fuckable directors....and at least you wouldn't feel like absolute shit every single day.

So, taking Sam up on her challenge...you texted Josh.

_'Hey babe! I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight? Wine, a movie, maybe we can even take a shower later...if you catch my drift'_

_Uh, is that even a question! What time do you want me there?'_

_Be here for 9:45, love you!'_

But now you were here...and your intuition was telling you that you made a mistake, though you couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was.

You nervously chewed your bottom lip as you stood in front of Charlie's door.

" _No sex, just talking_." His voice was echoing through your mind while you tried to gather the courage to knock.

You _could_ turn around right now and he would have no idea that you were ever even here. You could go home, slip out of your jeans, put on some sweat pants and enjoy a nice romantic night with your boyfriend...but then you remembered Charlie's eyes when he asked why you never called. How truly hurt he looked. No, you couldn't run away from this. You needed to face him head on and just...get it over with.

You checked the time on your phone.

_7:56pm_

You took a deep breath, smoothing any flyaway hairs you may have had before knocking on his door.

_No sex. Just talking._

You could hear something fall, making a loud thud before Charlie opened the door. He was clearly a little frazzled but when he saw you, his face fell into a warm smile and his eyes filled with relief. "Hi."

His reaction to seeing you caught you off guard, a smile stretching across your face without permission. "Hi," you responded. You could already feel your resolve crumbling.

"Come in, come in!" He moved aside, ushering you out of the hallway. As you entered, you quickly discerned the cause of the thud. A large suitcase, now on it's side, next to the door.

"When do you leave?" You asked, shrugging off your coat and placing it in his outstretched hand.

"My flight leaves JFK around 6:30 in the morning." He said, disappearing briefly into a coat closet.

"Yikes, have fun with that," you said with a half hearted chuckle. Even though you had already been here once before, you were only now able to actually check out his apartment. It was a good size, bigger than yours. The first thing that caught your eye was all the books he had, his built in bookshelves practically overflowing. Next you noticed all of stylish art work he had hanging on the walls. Then...you saw the couch. The memory of Charlie on his knees, his face nuzzled into your cunt, making you quite literally scream....you felt goosebumps prick your skin.

"I hope you're hungry. I made us a little something." You couldn't help but be taken aback by what he just said. You'd been here for all of two seconds and your plans already fell to shit.

"Oh, I wasn't...uhm...thank you. You really didn't have to do that."

"I know. I figured since I won't be here and I didn't want the stuff in the fridge to go to waste, why not throw something together." He gestured to the couch and you obliged, walking over and sitting on the edge. He disappeared into what you figured was the kitchen judging by the amazing smell that filled the air.

You sat there feeling extremely awkward while you waited for Charlie to come back. Your stomach was doing somersaults as you looked around the room. You noticed a child's framed artwork on the walls but didn't see any toys anywhere.

_Hm...he must have a niece or a nephew or something._

After a couple of minutes just sitting there, you couldn't take it anymore. You got up and headed in the same direction he had. Sure enough he was standing there, in his kitchen, chopping some vegetables.

It was weird seeing him like this, in such a domestic setting. The vast majority of the time you were around Charlie you barely had the courage to look at him for longer than a couple of seconds but now you couldn't look away. He glanced up at you, having felt your presence when you entered the room.

"That smells amazing," you said as you leaned against the door frame.

"Thanks! I like to cook." He was being casual but shot you a quick smirk before returning his attention back to his knife. You stood there in the doorway watching as he worked. He was extremely graceful with his movements, seasoning things, mixing, pulling one pan out of the oven to replace it with another. You had to admit, watching Charlie cook was probably one of the sexiest things you'd ever seen. You felt a familiar ache start to rise from between your thighs and you had to take a deep breath to steady yourself. Dinner or not, you came here to end things and that's what you were going to do.

When he was finished, he turned to you, wiping his hands on a kitchen towel. "Want something to drink?"

"Yeah, that'd be great." You crossed from the doorway to the little island counter next to him, resting your elbows on the cold countertop. He leaned over, resting his hip on the edge of the counter. Now he was towering over you, making you nervously chew your thumb.

"Water, beer, wine...coffee?"

"Oh, whatever you're having is fine, I'm not picky," your responded, folding your hands in front of you. He smiled down at you before making his way to the fridge, pulling out two beers. He popped the tops off and handed one to you.

"I'm really happy you came." Another pang of guilt ripped through your chest.

You took a sip of beer, letting the bitter liquid glide down your throat. "I'm happy I came too. I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

Charlie had turned his back to you by now, reaching over and jostling the tray of freshly cooked food that was sitting on the stove top. When he turned back to you, he was holding a fork that was skewering some steaming chicken. It smelled incredible.

He held it up to you, gesturing for you to try it. You did and it was indeed incredible.

Your reaction made Charlie grin, "you like it?"

You could feel your cheeks grow red as he watched you chewing, nodding in agreement.

"You're cute when you blush," he was admiring you. You took a sip of your beer, hoping it would give you the strength to make it out of tonight without dying of embarrassment.

"So, I wanted to apologize."

You almost choked on your beer. You weren't sure what you were expecting when he invited you over but it sure as hell wasn't an 'I'm sorry'. "For uh- for what?" You tried to smother your confusion, make your words seem more casual than they really were.

"For how I behaved today. It was inappropriate and I'm sorry." Charlie reached out and took your hand in his, that damned warmth rising in your chest again. You swallowed- hard.

_Shit._

-

You lost your nerve fairly quickly. Suffice it to say, Charlie's apology threw you off your game. You couldn't end things with him now, it was going to have to wait. While he plated your meal, you made a new game plan in your head. You'll quickly eat dinner, make an excuse to leave and then end things at the door. This way, you don't have to stick around. The coward's way out, sure. But at least it would be done and over with.

To cover your ass, you sent Josh a quick text.

_'Hey babe, something came up. Mind if we push it to 10? I'll make it up to you ;)'_

"Here you go," Charlie slid your plate in front of you before turning to the cabinet and pulling out two wine glasses.

Dinner went well, really well. It was delicious and you spent the time talking about the show. He gave you some notes and you just talked about what you were looking forward to, what you were nervous about. The usual pre show chatter.

Before you knew it, you both were done eating and you had gone through 1 beer and 2 glasses of wine.

"Well, I should get going," you said, wiping you face on a napkin and climbing out of your chair.

"Oh no you don't," you didn't realize until Charlie's hand was around your waist that you were swaying. "Stay here for a bit until you sober up. I can't have my lead actor going missing three weeks before the show," he paused for a moment, staring at your lips. "Especially since it was my wine that got you like this."

You could feel yourself leaning forward, your lips like a magnet towards his.

Thankfully you got ahold of yourself and pulled away.

"Could I get a glass of water?" You said, rubbing the bridge of your nose.

Charlie let out a breathy chuckle before nodding his head. "Of course. Let's get you to the couch first." He was guiding you, arm still around your waist, to the living room. Once he eased you onto the couch, he disappeared back into the kitchen.

You didn't feel drunk. Tipsy, sure, but that was probably a good thing considering what you planned on saying as you left. You started to stand up before gravity pulled your butt back to the couch. Ok, yeah. You're a little drunk.

Charlie returned with two glasses of water, handing one to you. He took the spot next to you as you folded your legs up underneath you, taking a big sip.

"Want to watch a movie? Help the time go faster." He asked, remote already in hand, scrolling through Netflix.

"Sure," you couldn't help but stare at him. Maybe it was the alcohol but you found yourself unable to look away. You watched as his lower lip pulled in between his teeth ever so slightly, his brows furrowed as he focused on finding something to watch.

He ended up putting on some artsy film, one you never heard of. You tried to focus on the plot but found your focus drifting back to Charlie every chance it got. He must have noticed you looking out of the corner of his eye because every so often his face would twist into a soft knowing smile.

It made your heart flutter.

His hand found it's way to your leg and even though you knew you should excuse yourself, find a reason to leave...you didn't. You let his hand rest there, on your thigh. You wanted it to inch higher, to find the heat that was growing between your legs and relieve it.

_No. No more. We're ending this._

You shifted in your seat, trying to see if you could stand. Even though you didn't bear any weight on your legs, you knew that standing would leave you probably collapsing into his arms which was the last thing you needed. You checked the time on your phone.

_9:02pm_

_Shit._

If you took a cab home, you'd make it with plenty of time to spare. You'd just have to-

Charlie's hand gave your thigh a gentle squeeze. "How long have you been in New York?"

You looked over at him and noticed that he had shifted his body to face you. How long he had been staring, you weren't sure but for some reason you felt so exposed. Like he had you under a microscope.

"A-about 5 in a half years," you took a big sip of your water, dribbling a little bit down your chin. Without hesitation Charlie reached over and wiped it away with his thumb, just barely brushing against your lip. Your breath caught in your chest and the heat between your thighs became harder to ignore as his hand lingered on your face, thumb ever so gently pulling at your bottom lip. "Could I use your bathroom?" Your voice was barely above a whisper. Charlie gave you a grin as he stood with you, offering his arm to anchor you.

"It's right over here," he said as his arm guided you around the coffee table, clearly worried that you'd stumble if he didn't. You nodded a thank you as you slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind you.

You immediately slammed your hands down on the sink, staring directly into the eyes of your reflection. "Get a hold of yourself. We came here to end things and go. So end things and go." Your breathing grew heavier as you anxiety creeped into your chest. You pulled your attention away from the mirror and rested your chin on your shoulder, taking in your surroundings. His bathroom was clean, very clean, with no clutter to be found. Not at all like yours and Sam's.

"It shouldn't be this hard to end things with him. You barley know the guy." You muttered to yourself as you reached for the door knob but something made you pause. You have never been one to snoop...but something inside of you was telling you to look around. So you did.

You opened the medicine cabinet and peeked inside. Nothing out of the ordinary, deodorant, cologne, a razor, Tylenol. Typical single guy things. You closed it and squatted down as you moved on to under the sink. The usual stuff was there too, toilet paper and the like but something in the way back caught your eye. You fell to your knees, quietly moving things out of the way as you reached into the back and grabbed it. Pulling it out into the light revealed what it was- pink body wash. Peony, rose water and pink sea salt. Now you're not one to assume things, guys can like sweet smelling body wash too. You stood up and made your way to the shower, slowly pulling aside shower curtain as not to make any noise as you peered in. You searched for the same pink bottle but came up empty. All that was in there was a loofa, a nice brand of shampoo and conditioner, and a blue grey bottle of body wash. A men's brand. Your heart fell in your chest.

_Mary Ann._

You quickly turned the sink on as you put everything back the way you found it. Giving yourself one last look in the mirror, you felt better about your decisions to end things. He clearly had someone else too. You flicked off the tap as you made your way out of the bathroom.

-

You settled onto the couch with a newfound confidence. You could do this. You turned to tell him you were about to leave when you noticed it. The evidence of tears streaming down his face, congregating on his chin.

"Are you ok? You're crying," your hand automatically reached out to wipe his tears away.

He was clearly embarrassed, turning away slightly to dry his face. "Yeah, it's just...I always forget this part of the movie. It gets me every time." You couldn't help but smile at his admission.

"I cry at movies too, it's ok." You settled into the couch a little deeper as you turned your attention to the tv. "What happened?"

Charlie, picking up on your shift in body language, moved just a little closer to you. Your bodies were brushing against one another as he explained the plot of the movie. You could see how it would make him cry, but that wasn't what brought tears to your eyes. There was something about him in this moment that made you forget everything, your plan, Josh, the body wash, all of it. He was just a man, so enthralled with the art in front of him, that he was opening up. Allowing himself to be vulnerable.

You couldn't help it, it felt like you two were being pulled together by some unseen force. Your breathing was becoming labored, your lips felt heavy. He turned to look at you and you allowed your hand to reach for his. Your heart hammered in your chest as his eyes met yours. The tearful look in his eyes slowly started to be replaced with that familiar dark desire as you drew closer.

"We really don't have to," he started to object until your other hand found its home gently on his cheek.

"I know." You were almost whispering. You bit your lip, pausing for only a second. "I want you, Charlie."

After that, what happened next was a blur. You knew he kissed you. You knew you straddled him as his hands found their way under your bra, gently massaging the supple flesh of your breasts, periodically brushing his thumbs over your nipples. What you were unsure of was how and when you got into his bedroom, but you didn't much care.

Charlie was on top of you, gently pulling your hair as he laid kisses down the side of your neck. A soft moan escaped your lips as his fingers traced a line down your body until they found the button of your jeans. He quickly unbuttoned them and made his was down your torso, leaving a trail of fire in his wake.

He hooked his thumbs into your jeans, shimmying them down your legs and throwing them to the side. He placed soft kisses on the inside of your knee, inching his way closer to your core.Your pussy pulsed in anticipation.

Charlie laid a firm kiss to your cunt, right about your clit. Your back arched, opening yourself more to him. His eyes met yours as he kissed you again, your hands twisting themselves into the pillow under your head.

"You have no idea how badly I missed this," he growled as he hooked his finger into your panties and pulled them aside. His tongue immediately met your core, lapping up your juices as he hummed into you.

This was the first time you had done anything since the last time you and Charlie were together. That familiar ache in your cunt returned, begging to feel him inside of you.

"Charlie," you whispered between labored breaths. "Please."

As if that were all the permission he needed, he plunged two fingers into you. The sudden pressure in your cunt made you yelp, relief washing over your body. His fingers felt like magic as they worked your pussy. His tongue found your clit, expertly moving around your hypersensitive nub. You threw your head to the side and bit down on his pillow, trying desperately to hold it together. You could already feel yourself climbing, inching closer to an orgasm, but you weren't ready.

"Wait, not yet," you whined, pawing at the top of his head. He lifted his mouth from your core, his chin shining with your wetness. He made his way up to your head, his fingers never once leaving your cunt. He grabbed the back of your neck with his other hand, supporting you as he pulled you into a kiss. Without warning he added a third finger and you let free a shaky moan. He increased his pace, ramming his fingers into your cunt as his tongue swirled around your mouth. You could feel it, him pulling your climax out of you whether you liked it or not. You thighs began to quiver as he kept his pace.

"Are you gunna cum for me?" He whispered into your mouth. Your eyes met his as you desperately nodded your head. "Then do it. Cum on my fucking fingers." His lips crashing into yours once more.

Suddenly your release came but it wasn't like anything else you had ever experienced. Your legs were shaking, sure. The usual rush of white hot pleasure had ripped through you...but it was almost as if you were a balloon that he had just let all the air out of. You laid their dazed for a moment before you realized the sheets beneath your ass were soaked. You looked up in horror, chest heaving, but Charlie was beaming from ear to ear. "Did I just-?"

Charlie just nodded before diving in to kiss you. "That was so fucking hot." He stood up and left the room for a moment while you laid there, unable to move. You'd never done that before- fuck you'd never even been close to squirting before. Yet here you were, in Charlie's bed, legs covered in your own orgasm.

He quickly returned with a couple of towels, wiping your legs down before pulling you up into a kiss. His light touch on your legs left goosebumps on your skin. Even though you just had the most intense climax of your life, you needed more of him. You needed to feel his cock inside of you.

He pulled away, leaving you to feel brutally empty as he laid the towels down on the bed. You took the opportunity to take off the rest of your clothes. He stood there admiring your naked body as he followed suit, unbuttoning his shirt first before adding it to the growing pile on his bedroom floor. He then made his way to his pants, letting his hard cock fall free.

It was just as big as you remembered, maybe even bigger. You gulped as you climbed onto your hands and knees, slowly crawling closer to his now naked body. You settled in front of him, his cock mere inches from your lips.

Your eyes met his as your lips made contact with the soft skin of his head. As you took him into your mouth, his eyelids fluttered, pleasure seeping into his veins. You slowly took more and more of him into your mouth, letting your lips adjust to his size. Your tongue made firm circles around his head before you went to take in as much of him as you could. You got a decent way down his shaft before you started gagging. You held yourself there for a moment, hoping your throat would open more for him when you felt his fingers twisting themselves into your hair, pulling you off of him. His other hand found a tight grasp around your throat as his lips met yours. His kiss was ferocious and you never wanted it to end. His tongue breached you lips, your teeth clacking together. The brutality of his kiss told you that he needed you just as badly as you needed him.

After a moment he pulled away, guiding your head back to his cock. His hand never left your throat as he eased himself into your mouth, slowly pushing past the point of comfort and into your throat. You focused on letting your jaw relax, wanting to allow every single inch of him in. Your eyes wondered to his face but his eyes were closed, sweat beginning to bead on his forehead.

You wrapped your hands around his hips, your nails digging into his flesh as you used his body for leverage. You quickly realized when his hand stayed put as you bobbed your head on his cock that he was feeling himself in your throat. It made your clit scream. You released his hip, one hand snaking between your legs to find your bud as you began making firm passes. Your nub was extremely sensitive after your last climax but you didn't care. You pushed passed any discomfort, fingers desperately dancing about your cunt.

That's when he released your throat completely, his hand finding your wrist and yanking it to his stomach.

"That's mine," he growled. You whimpered as he pulled his cock from your mouth, a string of drool and precum spilling onto your chin.

Charlie leaned down and eased you onto your back, his lips lingering over your mouth, teasing you.

He sat back on his knees as he positioned himself between your spread thighs. Your cunt was dripping by now, practically begging him to enter you. He studied your bare body spread out on his bed, on top of his towels, covered in a mixture of your fluids as he used the thick saliva coating his member to his advantage, jerking himself off.

After what felt like an eternity he leaned over you, positioning himself at your entrance. You felt his head slowly start to push in, your cunt greedily drawing him in. In this moment you could die happy, feeling him slowly stretch you open again after so long.

That's you felt something vibrate. After a moment you both came too and looked around the bed. You saw your phone, glowing and vibrating. You quickly checked to see who it was when your heart dropped.

Josh was calling you.


	11. Dessert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have to talk to Josh on the phone while Charlie makes things difficult. Don’t worry though, he makes it up to you.

You checked the time-

_10:22pm_

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_

You looked to Charlie, the head of his cock still just barely inside of you. He clearly saw the panic in your eyes but he seemed unfazed as he leaned down, giving you a reassuring kiss before moving his lips down your neck, pushing your phone to the side. You allowed it to slip from your hands, instead wrapping you arms around Charlie's neck as he slowly speared you open with his cock. You gasped, ready to let loose a moan when you heard it- a muffled "hello?"

"Shit," you sat up, pulling away from Charlie as you grabbed your phone. "Hey babe," you propped yourself up and away from Charlie as he sat back on his heels.

"Hey, where are you? I'm at your place but I can't hear anything inside. Are you home?"

Charlie grabbed your hips, flipping you onto your back and pulling you closer to him. You shot him a dirty look as he started placing kisses on your hips. His eyes were filled with deviancy as his mouth made it's way dangerously close your pussy.

"Something came up at Sam's job, she-" Charlie ran his tongue down the length of your slit, stealing your breath. You tried to swat him away with your free hand but he grabbed your wrist and pinned it to the bed. "She needed me to come get her."

"Are you ok? You sound-"

"Yeah I'm fine, I was running." You quickly muted the phone as Charlie's lips encased your clit, gently pulling it between his teeth. You could kill him, the beautiful, cocky, bastard.

"Oh...ok. Well, are you still down to hang out tonight or..."

You tried to flip your body away from him but Charlie held you in place, his tongue mercilessly teasing your folds. You took a steadying breath, trying to sound as normal as possible as you unmuted Josh.

"Sam's like...really _upset_ ," your voice quivered as his tongue flicked your clit before dipping into your entrance. You clasped your hand over your mouth as you tried desperately to muffle your pleasure.

"Babe, I really gotta go. I'll call you back later ok?" You didn't wait for him to respond before hanging up and throwing your phone to the side.

Charlie pulled his mouth from your cunt, repositioning himself.

"What the FUCK was that, are you _trying_ to get us caught?" The smug smile on his face made you want to slap him.

"I wanted to test you, see how good of an actress you are under pressure," he smirked at you before his attention went to the space between your legs. You went to object, to yell at him but the sudden sting in your cunt stopped you.

You sucked in a desperate breath, slamming your palms into the headboard above you. Charlie let loose a low chuckle as he pulled his cock almost all the way out of you before easing himself into you completely, his hips slapping against yours.

As he fucked into you, your mind went blank. You couldn't be anxious about Josh or mad at Charlie while he was quite literally splitting you open. The pressure in your cunt was absolutely intoxicating. You found yourself whimpering as he pumped in and out of you. "Oh my god, I can feel you in my belly," you whined.

"Really," he whispered into your mouth before kissing you, his tongue swirling around yours. You wanted to stay exactly like this, bodies entangled, forever. Every part of him was filling you so deliciously that you felt complete.

You didn't know what life beyond sex with Charlie held, but right now, you didn't care. Right now, in this moment, everything else outside this bedroom be damned.

This time when he pulled away from you, you did complain. "What are you doing? Come back-"

"Shhh," he grabbed a pillow from next to you before lifting your lower body up with one arm. You marveled at his strength while he position the pillow underneath you. He slowly set you down before realigning himself with your cunt. This time, when he eased himself into you, he put his hand on your lower belly, just above your pussy. His hand pushed pretty hard as he thrust himself all the way inside of you. That's when you felt his cock hit his hand through your body.

"Oh _fuck_ ," you threw your head back, pleasure completely overcoming you as he fucked into you, just like that, his hand resting just above your pubic bone. You could feel another orgasm building, a different one from the last but still good nonetheless. He was hitting exactly the right spot, massaging your gspot while pummeling your cervix. Pain and pleasure mixing, becoming a primal soup of sensation as your climax overcame you. Your back arched towards the sky as he worked you, his hand finding your clit now.

He fucked you through your orgasm until you were nothing but a drooling, whimpering mess. Somewhere in the back of your mind you could feel that was cumming too.

You could have sworn you heard him say, "I love watching you take my cum," under his breath but at this point you weren't sure what was real and what wasn't.

He collapsed next to you, pulling you to rest on his chest. Your breathing was heavy, skin sticky with sweat and pleasure. You laid there, snuggled into his chest, his arms holding you tight as you tried to fight your drooping eyelids. You were trying desperately to stay awake but it was a losing battle. The last thing you remember was Charlie kissing the top of your head, the thrum of his heartbeat lulling you into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: She was a short one but ohhhh boy was she dirty. 
> 
> I'm currently working on the next chapter (hopefully with some plot this time haha) and will get it out ASAP!  
> XO


	12. Can I Call You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up in Charlie’s bed and overhear him on the phone. You try to sneak out but he catches you.

There were two things you noticed right away when you woke up. First, you were alone, a blanket draped over your naked body. Second was the soreness radiating from your cunt. You eased yourself to a sitting position, the pain between your legs becoming more and more prominent with every movement. You looked around the room, struggling to see in the dark. Your mind started to drift as your hand felt around the bed for your phone; coming up empty. Trying to piece together what happened before you fell asleep, you leaned over the side of the bed. Your fingertips blindly trailed the hardwood floor while you tried to remember where it landed after you got off the phone with- _fuck_. Josh. 

Panic started to creep into your chest as the search for your phone became more frantic. Finally you found it, just barely sticking out from under the bed. How it got there was beyond you.

You tapped the screen, the sudden light cutting through the darkness burned your eyes. 

_12:31am_

_2 missed calls_

_4 text messages from Sam_

A sigh escaped your lips as you tossed your phone onto the bed. The reality of your situation was starting to creep in- Sam was pissed, Josh most definitely knows about you and Charlie...your personal life was crumbling right before your eyes and you wanted nothing more than to hide from it right here in Charlie's apartment. You wrapped the blanket around your nude body and climbed out of bed. You stepped cautiously around the pile of discarded clothes, trying not to fumble in the dark. You started to reach for the doorknob when you heard him. 

"I've got to let you go though, ok?" 

Charlie's muffled voice made you pause. Confused, you put your ear to the door to listen. 

"I miss you too...No, I know." A laugh you never heard from him before filled the air. It was warm and filled with love. "...I know, I'll see you soon. ok? Ok, I love you too. Good night." You could hear the smile in his voice.

Your mind instantly went to the pink bottle of flowery body wash, jealousy burning through your chest. You heard Charlie start to move on the other side of the door and you quickly ducked back into bed, positioning your body as if you never left, before closing your eyes.

After what felt like a lifetime, you finally heard him enter the room. The sound of the door closing behind him sent your pulse into overdrive.

Charlie's steps were cautious, as if he was afraid to wake you. You heard a glass being placed on the side table before he lowered himself back into bed. You felt the mattress shift as he got comfortable before he wrapped you in his strong arms, pulling your body flush with his. You immediately recognized the feeling of his bare skin against yours- he was still naked. 

"I got you a glass of water," he said sweetly, letting a lock of your hair twist around his finger. You snuggled closer to him, pretending to still be asleep. 

You laid there with him until you felt his breathing start to slow. You wanted to relax, to drift off to sleep while he held you in his arms but your mind wouldn't allow it. Instead, you spent the time running through the events of your night. Him surprising you dinner, you _squirting_ for the first time ever, Josh calling you, the bottle hidden away in his bathroom, the phone call just now. You couldn't help but wonder...he's leaving for a week, even though the show opens in less than a month. He snuck out to make a late night phone call where he told the person on the other line that he loves them and misses them and would see them soon...

_He's definitely seeing someone else._

At first when you found the bodywash, you thought it was Mary Ann's. Not too far of a stretch considering how they were acting around each other at rehearsal- and that hug. But what if it belonged to someone else? What if he's sleeping with you _and_ Mary Ann and _bodywash lady_. Could that be who he's going to see in the morning? He said the other day that he moved here from Indiana so he couldn't be going to see his mom and dad if he's spending time in LA...

_Wait...isn't his ex wife in LA? Is that who he was talking to? Who he's going to see?_

You tried to stop the runaway train that was your thoughts right there. What he does outside of his time with you is none of your business. Besides, _you have a boyfriend_ so you're really in no place to judge...still the idea of him sleeping with you, Mary Ann and some other mystery woman, maybe even his ex...it hurt. The jealousy from earlier squeezed your heart.

Once you were sure he was asleep, you eased your body out of his grasp and slid out of bed. You used your phone to illuminate the crumpled pile of clothes on the floor as you dug around looking to collect your things.

You were determined to be gone before he woke up.

You slipped out of his bedroom before starting to put your clothes back on, opting to skip your underwear...given the circumstances. You were about to pull your jeans on when you heard the click of his door opening.

 _Shit_.

"What are you doing?" His voice was groggy, confused, you could tell he barely awake.

"Oh. I uhm, I was going to head out." You gestured to the door as you turned to face him, pants in hand as if you were caught stealing.

"Nonsense, come back to bed." He was walking towards you now, closing the distance in only a few strides. When he reached you, he took your jeans and underwear from your hands, dropping them to the floor before hooking his arms around your waist. Your arms and legs instinctively wrapping themselves around him as he picked you up.

Your faces were mere inches apart, his sleepy eyes focused on your lips.

You knew you shouldn't but you kissed him anyway. His lips were soft and gentle, the total opposite of a couple of hours ago when his mouth was aggressive and dripping with lust. He carried you to his room, his lips never leaving yours until he set you down gently on the edge of the bed. Even though it was dark, you could feel his eyes tracing over your body. 

In that moment, it was as if your brain shut off. Rationality went out the window and all that was left was your body and his. He stepped toward you and your hands reached out to touch him. Your fingers running down the length of his torso, his bare skin burning your finger tips. 

"Take that off," he demand, his voicing sending chills down your spine. You looked up at him, the moonlight just barely highlighting his beautiful face, as you pulled your shirt over your head. You went to take off your bra when he knelt down in front of you. 

Charlie wrapped you in an embrace, his strong hands supporting your upper back. Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair as his teeth nipped at the strap of your bra, pulling it from your shoulder. His lips traced your collarbone as he made his way to your other shoulder when you realized that he had undone the clasp of your bra. He pulled it from your body, dropping it to the ground as his attention turned to your naked his breasts. His breath was hot on your bare skin. You felt a spark between your legs as your sore cunt started to ache. The carnal need to feel him inside of you again taking over.

His mouth found your nipple, tracing delicate circles around it while his hand gently worked your other breast. Impatient, you pulled his face to meet yours, placing an urgent kiss to his plush pink lips. He returned your kiss while easing you onto your back. He broke away only for a moment to climb onto the bed, making his way to your head before he grabbed your legs and spun you around to meet him.

You let out a yelp, surprised at the sudden movement, drawing a laugh from his chest. It was deep, devious. He positioned his body between your legs, your favorite place in the world for him to be. Sliding one arm under your lower back, he drew your core closer to him. You could feel his growing member pressing against your groin, your breath becoming shaky.

He didn't rush this time. His movements were gentle and deliberate. Like you were a delicate flower in the palm of his hand that he was afraid to crush. You kissed his neck, inhaling the musk of his skin. Everything about him was rousing. His scent, his voice, the way he moved his body.

As he kissed you, his hand found the base of his now hard cock, manipulating it to tease your clit and entrance with his head. You were anxious to let him enter you again, you knew your sore cunt would object but the anxiety only heightened your arousal. You could feel your juices beginning to drip out of you the more he teased you.

"Charlie," you whispered into his ear.

"Mmm?" he hummed, his lips brushing against your shoulder.

Your brain wanted to ask who he was on the phone with, who he was going to see tomorrow. The sudden smack of his member to your buzzing clit jolted those thoughts from your mind. Instead you bit your lip while bucking your hips towards him, silently begging him to end his torturous teasing.

He pushed into your entrance, the searing pain in your cunt causing you to cry out. He worked himself in slowly, pausing only briefly to ask if you wanted him to stop.

Words escaped you, you could only manage to shake your head 'no' while jutting your hips towards his. Your core relaxed more and more with every inch, greedily swallowing him until his hips were flush against yours. He rocked into you slowly, savoring every single sensation of you. His lips pulled away from your throat, moving his face to be mere centimeters from yours. You planted a quick kiss to his lips, seeking to satisfy the craving of his mouth on yours.

Charlie's hand found the side of your face, his thumb ever so slightly hooking itself into your mouth. You stared into each other's eyes as the pace of his hips started to quicken. Your bodies were rocking in unison, your sweat mingling, sticking you together.

The air was warm, thick with sex. Your breathing was becoming more labored as he fucked you. His pelvis grinding against your clit was building you up, bringing you closer. He could tell your orgasm was drawing close, his hand leaving your mouth and finding your throat. He squeezed the sides of your neck ever so slightly, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. You felt him kiss you as you started to slip into your orgasm. Your eyes briefly met his as his hips started to sputter into you. He was cumming and so were you.

This orgasm wasn't frenzied like the others. It was a soft, rolling wave of sensation that started in your toes. It left gooseflesh in it's wake as it broke across your body, soft whimpers escaping your lips.

Even after your orgasms, he slowly pumped into you as he became soft, not ready to let go of the intimacy of your bodies pressed together. He stayed inside of you for a moment more, your lips one, tongues swirling around each other.

Eventually, he pulled himself out of you and laid by your side. He didn't have to bring you into an embrace this time, you did that yourself. You laid there, letting your breathing settle while the mixture of yours and Charlie's fluids leaked onto your thigh.

Charlie's voice was quiet, so quiet you almost didn't hear him over the sound of your breathing. "Can I call you while I'm away?"

You couldn't help but smile to yourself. "I'd be disappointed if you didn't." You looked up at him, admiring his face bathed in the moonlight. His eyes were closed, a soft satisfied smile stretched across his mouth. Your thumb started delicately tracing the outline of his dimples as you realized your chest was buzzing with that same warmth as before. You knew what it was but refused to put a name to it.

You didn't remember falling asleep but between admiring his beauty and him gently caressing the top of your head, it's no surprise that you did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ya'll...I told myself there wasn't going to be smut in this chapter when I first started writing...oops. I promise though, it was actually important to the plot...it's just gotta unfold a little more lol -all my love


	13. You Don’t Love Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have to confront Sam and Josh.

You carefully unlocked your front door and snuck into your still dark apartment, trying to be as quiet as possible. You _really_ didn't want to wake up Sam.

You and Charlie had laid in bed for a few more hours, drifting in and out of sleep, until he needed to get up and get ready for his flight. He had wanted to share an Uber to your place before he left for the airport but you refused, insisting that you didn't want to risk making him late. He finally relented, sending you on your way with a sore cunt and a container of leftovers.

You put the leftovers in the fridge before slipping into the bathroom to shower. As you soaped your body, you couldn't help but regret the things you left unsaid. It was weighing on you that you never asked about who he was seeing in LA but at the same time, you felt like it was none of your business. Did he just fuck you senseless and proceed to hold you in his arms all night? Sure, but in the grand scheme of things what does that even mean?

It also wasn't lost on you that you didn't end things with Charlie like you were supposed to. That Josh had called you while in the middle of getting fucked. You had just made everything a million times more complicated because you let your vagina make the decisions.

And of course...there's the warmth in your chest when you look at Charlie, when you were laying there in his arms. You know what the feeling is, though it has never felt quite this intense before. The intensity scared you, hell everything about this situation scared you.

You turned off the water and went to grab a towel when one was handed to you.

"Mind explaining what the hell happened?"

With a sigh, you took the towel and pulled back the shower curtain, revealing Sam standing there with her arms crossed.

"I know...I'm sorry." You stepped out and around her, heading towards your bedroom. She trailed behind you, stopping at your door while you threw on a t-shirt and underwear. You opened the door, gesturing her in.

"You tell me you're going to be gone for an hour. Then I get out of work with _t_ _wo_ missed calls from Josh asking if you were with me and if everything was ok and _zero_ word from you! You're being irresponsible," your name twisted into an angry plea.

You were both sitting on your bed now, though you were staring at your feet. You needed a pedicure...and to not look at Sam.

"I love you but you're making it really hard to support you right about now." She snapped her fingers by your face. Begrudgingly, you looked up at her.

"This isn't- I didn't plan for tonight to go this way." You shook your head as you combed your fingers through your wet hair, still avoiding her eye contact.

"It seems like sticking to a plan hasn't exactly been your forte lately." Her words brimmed with resentment. You knew she was lashing out, you knew it was coming from a place of worry...but you couldn't help it.

"You know what, this shit sucks for me too, ok?" You snapped back.

Sam's whole body tensed, the veins in her neck becoming prominent, "then stop making such horseshit decisions for _5 minutes_ and use your fucking head!"

Her words hung in the air, the weight of the tension in the room crushing you. You closed your eyes, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill forward. You wished so badly that you could rewind time. That you could go back to only a few hours ago when your body was entangled with Charlie's. If you could, you would pause that moment and live in it forever. 

"I'm sorry." Sam's voice was softer now, threatening to crack. "I'm just...I'm really worried about you."

Your eyes met each other, both dewy with tears. You fell into an embrace as you let your tears go.

"I think I love him, Sam." You started to choke on your words, like your body didn't want to let them past your lips.

She pulled away from you, confused, tears streaming down her face. She took your shoulders in her hands and squeezed. "I don't think you _love_ him. I think you're _smitten_ because he makes you cum. That's it."

You closed your eyes, trying to block out her words. _She doesn't understand_ , you told yourself.

"He's selfish. He had no respect for you or your relationship when he had sex with you the first time or the second or this time. He's your director and he barely knows anything about you besides that you're hot and have a boyfriend. He took what he wanted with zero regard for you or how it would affect _your_ life." She took your face in her hands, forcing your attention on to her. "He's bad for you."

Her words stung. You wanted to defend him, to protect him from her attack...but part of you knew she was right. He doesn't know anything about you. You two really don't know each other on any other levels but physical. Hell, you _barely_ knew him on a professional level.

And he loves someone else. You heard him say so himself.

You shook your head, wiping the tears from your face. Maybe Sam was right. Not about everything, obviously. After all, you were a willing participant when it came to sex with Charlie...but you didn't know him. And he didn't know you. You weren't in a relationship, no matter how warm he made you feel.

There was no future here, not with someone like Charlie Barber...and on some level, that was devastating for you.

"Sam...I fucked up." Your voice was weak, chest heavy. Now, sitting face to face with her, the reality of every bad choice you had made over the last week crashed down on you. In a matter of days, you threw away a relationship you'd been in for almost 2 years and put your job at stake by essentially sleeping with your boss.

"Yeah," she let out an exasperated sigh, rubbing her temples.

"No...Josh called in the middle of me and Charlie," your voice trailed off but you could tell by the horror spread across her face that she knew exactly what you meant.

"Is that why-" you could see her piecing together the meaning behind Josh's calls.

"Yeah. I answered on accident and-"

"He _heard_ you?" She looked as horrified as you felt.

"No, well...I don't know. I told him you needed me to come get you at work and got off the call as fast as I could but not before Charlie," you stopped yourself, afraid of over sharing. "In the moment it was...exhilarating. But now-" You took a deep breath, "I'm fucked Sam. He knows." Your voice broke and you could feel your tears returning. This time you didn't bother holding them back.

She pulled you to rest on her lap, caressing your hair. For awhile you two just sat there, her comforting you while your regretful tears soaked her sweat pants. You didn't deserve Sam or her kindness.

Right now you felt like you didn't deserve kindness from anyone.

—

Josh wasn't speaking to you. You tried calling him before rehearsal but it went straight to voicemail. You sent him a few texts but those went unanswered as well.

You did your best to disguise your awkward gate as you walked through the lobby and into the theater, holding two to-go cups of coffee and a blueberry muffin. The pain between your legs reminding you of Charlie with every step.

You immediately scanned the theater for Josh, finding him set up in Charlie's usual spot. Seeing him sitting at that table, the very same one where you and Charlie had-if you weren't already anxious, you sure as hell were now.

"Hey," you approached Josh cautiously, holding the coffee and muffin out towards him. "Truce?"

He broke his attention away from his notebook and iPad to look up at you. His nostrils flared as he scanned your face- he was angry. You tried to look as apologetic as possible, hoping it was enough to disguise your panic. "Muffin and a coffee with heavy cream?" You nervously bit your lip as you inched your hand closer to him, hoping he would take the coffee and paper bag from your cramping fingers. He clicked his pen a couple of times before taking your peace offering. You let out a sigh of relief as he took a sip of his coffee. "I tried calling you-"

"I was busy." He set is coffee down and stood abruptly. You let shame pull your gaze to the floor as he stormed around you.

"Josh, I'm-" you called after him but the violent whip of his head stole your words.

"Now is not the time." You could see tears welling in his eyes, his face was red. Guilt and sadness stabbed your chest. You closed your eyes trying to hold back your tears.

Seeing his face, the tears in his eyes; your worst fear was confirmed.

_He knows._


	14. Promise Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Josh take a walk and things don’t really go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to give you guys a heads up that this chapter depicts a panic attack. I know this year has been tough on a lot of people so I wanted to just make sure anyone who may be easily triggered isn't blindsided.   
> All my love!

"You look cute," Sam was leaning in your doorway, watching you get ready and sipping a cup of coffee. "Josh?"

You met her eyes through the mirror before giving Sam a pensive nod. You smoothed a crease in your sweater before turning your attention to your hair. There really wasn't anything else to do but you were nervous.

It had been some of the worst four days of your life. Josh barely looked at you during rehearsal, he spoke to you even less. Not that you could really think of anything to say to him either. Just being near him made your heart hurt, parasitic regret gnawing at your conscience. To top it off, there had been total radio silence from Charlie. No calls, no texts, nothing. He hadn't even video called during rehearsal like he said he would. You couldn't help but feel like you had risked absolutely everything for nothing in return. 

Sam had picked up a few extra shifts at work so every night after rehearsal was spent alone in bed, switching between crying, staring at Charlie's phone number in your contacts and typing long winded paragraphs to Josh that were never sent.

“And still no word from Charlie, huh?" Hearing his name made your blood run cold, bitter resentment coated your tongue. All you could manage was to shake your head 'no'.

He had asked so quietly that night that at this point you couldn't help but wonder if he had even meant to say it out loud. Your body in his arms, your breathing heavy, the remnants of your lust sticking your thighs together...it's what played in your dreams every night. 

Your days were spent crying over Josh and your nights dreaming of Charlie. You couldn't tell which hurt more. 

Today's rehearsal went the same as usual. Josh essentially pretended you didn't exist unless it was to give you some sort of instruction. But today as you were leaving, your phone pinged. To your surprise, you had gotten a text from Josh. 

' _Meet me at our spot in an hour_ '

  
You rushed home to change, barely greeting Sam as you blew through the front door. But now that you were dressed and ready to go, you finally had a moment to actually think through what’s waiting for you in Prospect Park, just under the Meadowport Arch. It was the spot you two met for your first date, a surprise picnic in the park. It was the spot that he had asked you to be his girlfriend, bringing you your favorite flowers and a coffee. He had joked that they were a bribe to get you to say yes. 

And now, it was a very real possibility that it would become a place marred with sadness- the place your relationship would come to an end. It was almost poetic...but that didn't make it hurt any less. 

  
"I think he's going to break up with me," you gave yourself one final look in the mirror before turning to Sam. 

“Maybe." She took a sip of her coffee. "Maybe not.” Her tone was hopeful as shot you a wink. You couldn't help but give a soft chuckle in response. "Oh, I'm stopping at the store after work. Need anything?"

"Oh yeah, could you grab tampons? We're basically out and I still have like, another day." Sam nodded her head before giving your outfit a thumbs up.

"Good luck." She took another sip of her coffee and moved out of your way. You took a deep breath as you grabbed your phone and headed for the door. 

—

You were walking through Prospect Park, your heart pounding in your chest as you drew closer to your meeting place. At this rate, you were pretty sure your heart racing was just a permanent state of being. Between Josh and Charlie, it was honestly a miracle that you didn't have a heart attack by now. You were focusing on the ground, watching the mosaic of red and yellow leaves pass under your feet when you realized you were crying. You looked up and saw the arch, Josh standing right in front waiting for you.

You ducked behind a tree so that you could pull yourself together. Your breathing started coming quick and shallow, an invisible pressure squeezing your chest. Your face and hands began to go numb. By now the tears were streaming down your cheeks, strangled sobs caught in your throat. 

_You're having a panic attack._

You buried your head in your hands and tried to steady your breathing. 

"One. Two. Three. Four," _inhale_. "One. Two. Three. Four," _exhale_. You mouthed the numbers, trying to remember what your therapist had taught you all those years ago. 

_A panic attack is temporary. You just have to survive it and then it's over._

Once your breathing started to even out, the feeling in your face and hands slowly began to return, bringing the usual a painful tingling along with it. You stood there, head resting on the tree behind you, hands crossed over your chest, focusing on your breath as tears still freely rolled down your face. 

You were so deep in your focus that you thought you were hallucinating your own name. It wasn't until you felt a hand squeeze your shoulder that you realized someone was standing next to you. You opened your eyes to see Josh standing there, his fearful gaze trained on your pale, tear stained face.

"Hey," his tone conveyed a silent question of concern. He gave your shoulder another squeeze while you tried to shrug your embarrassment. 

"Hi," you said, wiping your face on the back of your sleeve. 

"You good?" He dropped his hand, restraining it in his back pocket. You knew that look on his face. You could see he wanted to hug you, to comfort you- but he wouldn't allow himself. More tears pricked your eyes as you held your breath, reality setting in. This isn't how you wanted things to end, you a crying mess of anxiety cowering behind a tree. You can always fall apart later, right now...you had to face this head on. 

He stood there awkwardly as your panic attack subsided. Finally after a couple more minutes, the tears stopped, the feeling returned completely to your hands and face and the weight on your chest dissipated. You two stood there in silence for what felt like an hour before you finally spoke up. 

"I'm sorry about that. I think- I think I'm just stressed." You were desperately trying to downplay what had just happened but if he wasn't buying it, you couldn't tell. His face was almost blank as he looked past you. 

"Want to take a walk?" He gestured towards the arch and you nodded. Pulling yourself off the tree, you wiped away any debris that was on your sweater before taking your place next to him. You two walked side by side in silence, passing under the tunnel and moving through the park. On any other day, under any other circumstances, it would have been a perfect evening for a walk. The sun was just starting to set and the smell of fall in the air made the city feel homey. This was always your favorite time in New York, right after summer had faded into autumn.

"Let's sit," Josh was already making his way towards a bench. You followed, sitting far enough away that your bodies had no contact with each other. It felt like sitting with a stranger.

"You know...you're doing a really good job while Charlie's away." His name felt like glass in your mouth. You could feel your tears returning but you blinked them away. Crying again would just make you look even more guilty.

"Thanks. I'm just...doing what he tells me to." He was staring at his hands, pulling a leaf apart.

You chewed on the inside of your lip as you studied him. In this moment he was impossible to read and it was making you nervous. You found yourself wishing he would just dump you and get it over with already instead of drawing it out like this. 

"Were you really with Sam that night? When I called you?" He still wasn't looking at you. He dropped the stem of the disassembled leaf before grabbing a new one. 

Your stomach was in knots as you parted your lips to speak. "Of course I was. You- you can even ask Sam."

"Yeah, cause she'd tell me the truth." He tossed the leaf, leaning against the back of the bench. 

"Josh-"

"Don't. Do you even love me?" He looked at you and his expression nearly shattered you. He looked desperate, afraid...hurt. And it was your entirely your fault.

"Of course I do, Joshua." You went to grab his hand but he pulled away from you. He rubbed his face, thinking about what he was going to say next. You tensed your body, preparing for the final blow.

"I know you're not telling me the truth." You could feel yourself deflate. This wasn't how you expected it to go but it was definitely what you deserved. You shook your head ready to object, to beg him to stay, when he spoke again. "I get it, ok. I've been busy with the show...I probably could have...done things different."

“Josh?"

"I'm...I'm willing to pretend it never happened," your jaw dropped, confusion plain on your face. He looked at you, his eyes were intense...desperate. "But you have to promise me something." 

“Anything." Your response was more of an admission than you had meant for it to be. You could see it cut through him.

"Promise me...whoever it is...promise me, you'll never see him again." Tears started to stream down his face. Your hands grabbed his as you looked into his eyes. This was somehow much worse than a breakup. He knew you cheated and he blamed himself. He was well within his rights to be angry and hateful towards you...but instead he was broken. You broke him. 

"I promise, Josh." Guilt, sadness, bitterness, it all swirled through your chest. 

He leaned in and gave you a gentle kiss but it felt...different. You could tell from this moment on your relationship was on life support.


	15. I’m Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get a surprise visitor.

After your talk in the park, Josh spent what felt like every waking moment with you. At rehearsals he held your hand, he would ask for your input on things and you even caught him smiling at you a few times. But there was another side to his newfound codependency, a darker side. He covertly tried to watch you when you used your phone, you would catch him staring at you during rehearsal, particularly when you would interact with any male cast members. Night was the hardest.

Your dreams about Charlie started becoming more intense. You would wake up breathless, covered in sweat, the look on Charlie's face as he fucked you burned into your memory. You would turn to see Josh watching you, the look on his face told you that he knew. He didn't know who, but he knew. There were a couple of times you tried to channel the residual heat between your legs into sex with Josh but it always felt...off. Like when he kissed you in the park. But you never said anything, hoping that with time things would go back to how they were before. 

  
The night before Charlie was due back, you were in the kitchen getting a drink when you could have sworn you heard his voice. You were so taken aback by it that you almost dropped your glass. You followed the direction of the sound to find Josh coming out of your bedroom, his phone in hand. 

"Yeah, I can definitely do that." He grabbed his coat from the back of the couch while you sipped your juice, trying to stay as casual as possible. 

"I'm really sorry to ask you so late. It's just, I know we won't have time tomorrow and I need to know what I'm working with." Charlie's voice on speaker phone almost made you choke. You could feel a flurry of emotions beginning to rise in your chest. Anger, resentment...hurt. He had fucked you and then left you to go bang whoever was in LA, forgetting you for an entire week. 

"No Charlie, really it's ok. I'm at my girlfriend's place but I'm leaving now. I'll text you when I get to the theater." You watched as Josh grabbed his shoes, piecing himself back together. 

You wanted to cut in, to tell Charlie to fuck off and that whatever he wanted could wait. You were angry at him for seeping into every part of your life. Your relationship, your job, hell even your dreams were tainted by _Charlie fucking Barber_. He forced his way into your life just to disappear without a word, leaving you to pick up the pieces. 

"Thanks again, Josh." 

"Not a problem, man. Talk to you in a bit." He hung up the phone and shoved it into his coat pocket. "Charlie needs me to do some work at the theater before rehearsal tomorrow. I can come back here if you want when I'm done." He placed a kiss on your cheek before adjusting the heel of his sneaker. 

"Totally up to you, you know you're more than welcome to come back." You took a sip of your juice trying to drown your resentment. Charlie almost destroyed your relationship and now you couldn't even put it back together without him interrupting.

 _Selfish asshole_. 

"I was actually thinking of spending the night at home. I need to do laundry anyway. Tomorrow night though?" 

"Of course," you said with a soft smile. You hated to admit it but part of you was a _little_ excited to get one night to yourself, free of Josh's near constant scrutiny. 

"Love you," he turned, heading towards the door and zipping up his coat. 

"I love you too," you watched as he closed the door behind him. For the first time in a few days you were alone. You looked around the apartment, noticing what a mess it was. Figuring it was best to stay distracted, you straightened up before heading to take a shower. 

You set up your phone to play some music before stepping into the shower, the warm water giving you an instant sense of relief. You stood there letting the water roll down your body, your brain feeling at peace for what felt like the first time over a month as you listened to your favorite song. It all felt so perfect...too perfect. You suddenly felt uneasy, like something- or someone was just around the metaphorical corner. 

That's when the music stopped and your phone started ringing. 

You let out a sigh, assuming it was Josh calling to talk while he made his way to the theater but when you glanced at your phone, your heart stopped. 

Charlie was calling you. 

You stood there frozen, considering what to do. You could ignore it, let him go to your voicemail and continue your shower. After all, you promised Josh that you would never see him again and while that wasn't exactly possible, you could at least keep your contact to a minimum. Not to mention, he just ghosted you for an entire week and well, you were really hurt. You watched your phone ring until the screen went dark and your music started playing. You chuckled a little sigh of relief as you went back to your shower.

Then your phone began to ring again. 

Annoyed, you shut the water off and grabbed a towel before turning your attention to your phone. You hoped to see something else, anything else but once again, Charlie's name illuminated your screen. 

"Jesus fucking," you grabbed your phone and answered the call, " _what_?"

"Does your bedroom window face the street?" 

_Not what you were expecting_. "What?"

"Your bedroom window, does it face the street?"

You exited the bathroom, walking towards your bedroom. "Uhm...yeah. Why?"

"Come to your window." 

You made your way around your bed and to the window, peering out confused.

"Look down," you did and to your utter shock you saw Charlie standing there. You opened your window, holding your towel to your body as you stuck your head out. 

"What are you doing?" You looked at him and then back at your phone before hanging up.

"Can I come up?" His face was soft, eyes hopeful. You felt your annoyance starting to wane but tried to stand firm.

"What are you doing here?" You shouted down at him.

"I needed to see you."

 _Shit_. "Charlie, you can't just pretend I don't exist for a week and then show up at my apartment. It doesn't work that way." You started to pull your head back inside when his voice stopped you.

"I can explain, just...can I please come up?" You couldn't look at him; you knew if you did you would completely melt, effectively undoing any and all progress you made with Josh over the past few days. "Please?"

"Fine." You let out an exasperated sigh as you left your room to buzz him in. 

You texted him your apartment number and waited by the door. When he finally knocked, you opened the door half expecting to see Josh standing there, all of this some kind of ruse to catch you in the act. All you saw though, was Charlie. 

He looked you up and down when you realized you were still in a towel. You felt your cheeks turn bright red. "I was in the middle of taking a shower when you called." You stepped aside and ushered him in, checking the hallway to make sure no one saw before closing the door.

"I can see that." He looked around your apartment and you suddenly felt very grateful that you cleaned up when you did.

"What do you want, Charlie?" You crossed your arms in front of your chests defensively, a weak attempt at keeping yourself closed off to him.

"I wanted to apologize for disappearing. I meant to call," He took a step closer to you and you reflexively took a step back. 

"Who did you go see in LA?" You wanted him to tell you another woman, any woman. That way you could ask him to leave without a second thought.

"What?"

"You heard me. Who'd you go see in LA? I heard you on the phone the night before you left. When you thought I was asleep? You told whoever you were talking to that you _loved them_ and _missed them_ and would see them soon. So who was it?" Charlie started to laugh and you felt white hot rage beginning to burn through your chest. You stepped closer to him, ready to attack. "Don't laugh at me! You don't get to just fuck me and then disappear to go s-"

"My son."

"What?" Your rage instantly dissipated, confusion taking it's place. You could have sworn he just said...

"You heard me talking to my son. That's who I went to go see. My son, Henry." He closed the distance between you and pulled out his phone to show you his Lock Screen. A sweet little boy with Charlie's eyes stared back at you. "He lives with my ex, Nicole. I don't get to see him much since I've been working on the play here in New York. He had something at school and I wanted to be there for him." 

"Oh," was all you could manage, embarrassment flushed through your face. You had spent the last week feeling abandoned and resentful. All this time you thought you were just one of many warm bodies to him, that he was out in LA banging whoever he wanted when he was really just spending time with his _son_. 

Suddenly, you felt _really_ stupid. 

"I talk to him every day. Because of the time difference I usually have to call him at some weird times but I like to make sure I talk to him at least once in the morning and once at night before bed. That's why I was on the phone so late, it was right before his bedtime."

"I'm so sorry, Charlie. I- I didn't realize." You thought back to the child's artwork that he had framed in his apartment. At the time you thought it was odd to have a random kid's artwork hanging around but now it was all clicking. There weren't toys around because his son doesn't live with him.

"I thought about you every day. I wanted to call but-" his hand reached out to you, his fingers caressing the damp skin of your arm. 

"No, you don't have to explain. I get it, I would probably do the same thing." You looked down at his hand, watching it dance across your arm. Guilt tried to creep it's way into your chest but the relief of his skin on yours was overwhelming. 

"I missed you."

"You did?" Your eyes met his and in that moment, everything but you and him fell away.

"Of course I did. Why do you think I'm here? I needed to see you. Alone." You felt your heart flutter, the intense warmth that was reserved only for him flooding your chest. 

You couldn't help it. Your body pressed against his, your towel falling in the process. You kissed him as his hand gripped the back of your neck, the other grabbing at your waist. Your arms wrapped themselves around him as your tongues explored each other's mouths. You could almost taste his desire for you and it made your cunt ache. He pulled away from the kiss, taking your face in his hand. "Where's your bedroom?" 

You pointed to your open door, his gaze following your finger. He turned back to you, his eyes flooding with that all too familiar desire. His lips met yours once again and you felt his hands grip just under your ass. He lifted you, your arms holding your naked body against him while he carried you to your bedroom. 

You didn't realize how much you missed feeling his body on yours until now. You had dreamt about the last time you had sex, sure but this- feeling him, breathing in his scent, you were addicted. You heard the door slam shut, his foot having closed it behind him, before he set you down slowly. You stood in front of him, your naked body flushed with arousal, as he took you in. You both worked quickly to undress him, the lust in the room almost palpable. 

Once he was almost completely naked, save for his boxers, he used his body to guide you onto the bed. You fell backwards, shimmying up to your pillow before laying back, allowing him to position himself over you. He placed needy kisses to your mouth and down your neck. Your pussy started to buzz with anticipation as your hands snaked their way into his boxers. He was already hard, his length making your arm work to stroke the whole thing. 

His mouth made its way to your breasts, his tongue making sweet circles around your nipples, moaning as you jerked him. You started breathing harder as his movements became more desperate. He took your nipple between his teeth, pulling ever so gently as you let out a surprised whimper.

Charlie's eyes met yours as he let his tongue trail down your body. He stopped just above your cunt, excitement seeping into your core. You let your legs fall to the sides as he gripped your hips, pulling you closer to him. 

"Do you have any idea how much I missed this pussy?" he whispered, his voice low and gravely. You grabbed at the pillow under your head, anticipating his mouth on your cunt. Instead he dipped one finger into you, your body clenching down on him. "So wet for me already," he smiled at you as he sucked his finger clean.

All you could do was nod, him hovering over you like this was torture. "Charlie," his name, a soft plea as it fell from your lips. 

Finally, he let his tongue push past your folds, grazing your clit. Pleasure wracked your body as his tongue made firm circles and flicks to your nub. Your back arched as his fingers entered you. He worked you, flicking your clit with his tongue while finding your gspot right away and mercilessly massaging it until a deep moan escaped your chest. You felt your legs begin to shake, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. No one has ever been able to do this to you, no one except for Charlie. His constant pressure in your cunt was building you up so rapidly that it was almost embarrassing. 

"Charlie, Charlie I'm gunna-" you reached for the top of his head, his mouth still working your clit when all of a sudden he completely pulled away. You couldn't help it, a scream of disappointment left your throat. 

"Did you fuck him?" He voice was low, licking his fingers clean of you, watching your face. 

"What?" You breathed. You cunt was screaming for him back, you chest rising and falling dramatically as you tried to wrap your head around what was happening. 

"I said, did you fuck him?" Charlie stood, taking off his boxers and then kneeled back on the bed between your legs. 

"What if I did?" You watched him as he pushed his cock against your entrance. Your hips squirmed up to meet him but he pulled away. Without warning he reached behind you, grabbing the back of your neck and holding your face centimeters away from his. 

"This?" He slowly started to push into you, the head of his cock stretching you. "Is _mine_." He kissed you, holding you to him while he pushed even deeper into you. You whined into his mouth, drawing a deep, "that's right," from his lips.

He laid you back down as he slowly rocked in and out of you. He watched himself, slick with your juices, stretch your cunt as you squirmed, adjusting to the pressure of him inside of you. It was like your body remembered him, excitedly accepting his full length. His hips started to quicken, the melody of slapping skin filled the air. His hands found your breasts, kneading them and rolling your nipples between his fingers. 

"Oh my god Charlie," you could feel your orgasm building again. You were inching closer, drunk off the intoxicating fullness in your belly.

"You want to cum on my cock, don't you?" He sat back, watching your tits bounce as he rammed into you. 

"Ye-yes please." Your voice was weak, mousy. All your energy was focused on the building wave of pleasure in your core. It was right there when all of a sudden, he pulled out of you again. You shuddered and let out a cry as he sat back, stroking himself while you writhed around, whimpering. "What the FUCK Charlie?" You propped yourself up on your elbows as you tried to catch your breath. This was absolute fucking torture. 

His hand started to quicken around his cock, a bead of precum glistening at the top of his slit. "I don't know. I don't think you deserve it."

Now you were getting upset. After everything this man has put you through, _you_ don't deserve to cum? " _What_?" you whispered through gritted teeth. 

He leaned over you, pressing his wet fingers to your tongue. The tang of your cunt took you by surprise, making you pull away ever so slightly but he didn't relent. "You let someone else fuck you." 

You pulled away, completely shocked by his candor. "You mean my _boyfriend_?" 

Without warning his hand clasped over your mouth and his cock pushed all the way into you. You whimpered into his hand at the sudden intrusion. Once again, your body remember exactly where it left off. He worked you, watching your face soften from annoyance to bliss. It was hard to grasp what was happening around you while he fucked your thoughts away but you could tell he was enjoying watching you fall apart. 

His hand left you mouth only to be replaced by his lips. His mouth was passionate against yours, more so than it ever had been before. It was almost like he needed you, a hint of sadness passing between you. You felt his fingers putting gentle pressure on your clit and that was it. You tried desperately to suppress your body's reaction to your building orgasm, afraid that he would take it from you again but you couldn't help it. Your legs always gave you away. His hips started slamming into you harder, your cervix screaming in opposition, but it was too late. You felt a scream leave your body as your vision went white. You could feel your cunt clamping down on him, milking him as he fucked you through your orgasm. You faintly felt a gush somewhere but his cock left you almost incoherent. 

"That's fucking right, cum for me." He was rubbing your clit as you came down, the pressure going pleasurable to painful. You tried to squirm away but he held you tight. 

"Charlie- please." You tried to push his hands away but he wouldn't stop.

"Tap the headboard three times if you really want me to stop." His pressure on your bud stayed steady, the fullness of him inside of you almost becoming unbearable. But still you forced your hands to stay by your sides, your nails digging into your palms. "I want to see you cum for me again." 

"I can't," you legs were shaking, your breathing staccato. 

"Yes you can." He kept his rhythm, never once easing up until your body contracted, pulling your shoulders off the bed. You threw your arms around him, holding on for dear life as a second orgasm decimated you. You could hear yourself screaming and whimpering but you were so out of it that it didn't actually feel like it came from you. He removed his hand from your clit and wrapped his arms around you, holding you close to him as he fucked you. As you came to, you felt him start to twitch inside of you, his strong arms holding you close as he kissed you. 

His hips slowed to a stop but neither one of you moved. He held you as your breathing slowly returned to normal. Once you were fully coherent, you looked up at him and noticed a single tear rolling down his cheek. Your heart broke as it hit you; he really was hurt that you had slept with Josh. You reached up and wiped the tear away before giving him a kiss. Softer than the ones before but no less loaded. 

"Your mine." He whispered. You felt yourself nodding in agreement. 

"I'm yours."


	16. Through Another Man's Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Insert the lyrics of the song pillow talk here*

You lost track of how long you and Charlie sat there, your naked bodies entwined. He held you tight, stroking your hair and periodically kissing the top of your head. If you had your way, you two would stay exactly like this forever. Wrapped in his arms you felt whole, safe, like nothing else in the world around you mattered or even existed. Just your body and his in their most primal form, perfectly imperfect.

Eventually you pulled your bodies apart, separating with a kiss. You eased off his lap and laid down, Charlie following your lead and taking his place next to you before pulling you to rest in the crook of his arm.

"Hey Charlie?" You curled into him, your fingers tracing invisible designs on his chest.

"Hm?" You looked up, your eyes meeting his. You could tell he was tired as he gently pulled you to him, placing an affectionate kiss to your forehead.

"Can I...ask you something?"

"Anything," you watched as he turned his focus to a lock of your hair, letting it dance between his fingers as it fell.

"Was- _is_ there something going on between you and Mary Ann?" You held your breath, preparing for the worst. You figured he'd tell you that it was none of your business or even worse, get up and leave but he didn't. Instead, he let out a soft huff of air, his forehead wrinkling ever so slightly while he considered his response.

You let your eyes start to drift down his body, embarrassment sneaking on to your face when he took your chin in his strong hand, forcing your gaze back to his. For a moment he just looked at you, his thumb tenderly tracing your bottom lip. You so badly wanted to take his thumb into your mouth, to tease him until he had no choice but to have his way with you again but you resisted. You haven't been able to get that hug between them out of your mind and you needed answers.

"Right around the time of my divorce...we slept together." Your stomach felt like it was suddenly filled with rocks. Even though you assumed that he was fucking her too, hearing the words out loud hurt.

"Oh," you pulled your bottom lip in between your teeth, trying to suppress any emotion that tried to sneak it's way on to your face.

"It was a one time thing. I was in a bad spot back then and she...things are different now." He was studying you, trying to gage your reaction.

"Different how?" You rested your hand on your face, your fingers covering your mouth. You wanted to try and stay as neutral and unreadable as possible but Charlie wasn't having it. He snaked his fingers through yours and held your hand to his chest. His skin was warm to the touch and you could faintly feel his heartbeat. Something about this moment was so intimate that you couldn't help but smile to yourself, familiar warmth enveloping your chest.

"Well mentally I'm in a better place. My divorce was...really difficult," he adjusted his body, pulling you closer so your head could rest on his chest while he caressed your hair. "But more than that I actually uh, have my eyes on someone else."

 _Someone else_. You were suddenly grateful that Charlie could no longer see your face since you were pretty sure you were a fluorescent shade of pink. You tried to keep your breathing steady as you took in what he had just said. In the last hour he had told you that you were _his_ and that he had his eyes on "someone", i.e. _you_. At first you thought the whole 'your mine' thing was just his sex brain taking over but now...you weren't so sure.

You laid there quietly, unsure of what to say next. You settled on saying nothing, instead choosing to listen to his heartbeat pressed against your ear.

"Are you going to break up with him?" The sound of Charlie's voice cut through the silence but his words cut through you.

You pulled out of his arms, propping yourself up on your elbows to face him. He looked worried, like he already knew the answer. You let out a big exhale, dropping your head as your fingers ran through your hair. "Charlie- I. I can't. Not yet."

"I could always do it for you."

"That's not funny, Charlie."

"I wasn't joking." His tone was serious, eyes brimming with intensity.

You admired his beauty as an exasperated sigh escaped your lips. You pondered him and your situation for a minute, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth again. "Can you...tell me about what happened? With your ex?" If he was going to push you into uncomfortable territory, you were going to do the same. Besides...part of you wanted to know how you stacked up, as unhealthy and deranged as that may be.

"We just- grew apart. Ended up wanting different things." You could hear the strain in his voice, felt his body tensing beneath you. He clearly didn't want to talk about this. "And then there was this whole fight over New York and LA and...I wanted Henry here but Nicole," he cut his sentence short, the pain in his voice made you regret bringing this up in the first place. Of course his _divorce_ isn't the same as your stupid fucking break up.

"How old is Henry?" You were desperate to lighten the conversation.

"9 now, but 8 when his mother and I separated." You looked up at him, noticing a sparkle in his eye when he talked about his son.

"You uh- you said earlier that he had something at school right? What was it?" The more interest you showed in his son, the more you felt his body relax.

"He had his first play, actually." A proud smile swept across Charlie's face. "I helped him work on it over the phone but I wanted to make sure I was there in person for his first show." Sadness started to creep into his smile, your heart aching for him. You couldn't imagine how painful it must be, for Charlie to be so far away from his child. To not even be able to hug him when he wanted. Bitterness towards his ex started to leak into your chest. How someone could be so selfish as to take away a father's son, you could never understand.

You pulled your body up, giving him a comforting kiss. "That sounds really awesome, you must be so proud of him." You gave him a sweet smile while he tucked some of your hair behind your ear. "I'm sorry for prying."

"No, don't be. You're fine." He wrapped his hand around the back of your head, pulling you into a kiss. He held you there for a moment before he released you but you didn't move. Instead you let your mouth become more intense on his, your tongue passing through his lips. His hands found their way to your hips as you swung one leg over him. You were straddling him now, your naked cunt grinding against him. You felt yourself becoming needy as he pressed himself into you.

Your mouths moved in unison while you rubbed against his cock, feeling him getting harder between your lips. The increasing pressure on your clit set your core on fire. You lifted your ass up, positioning him at your entrance. He helped you sit up straight, his hands massaging your breasts as you slowly eased yourself down his shaft. You savored the feeling of him stretching you open, moaning when your ass made contact with his thighs. With him seated fully inside of you, you started bouncing on him slowly, your breath becoming shaky with each movement of your hips.

"You're so beautiful," his hands were caressing your body as your pace started to quicken. You had never ridden Charlie before but having this power over him, this kind control, was addictive. 

Suddenly there was a loud crash that came from beyond your bedroom door.

" _Ow_ , what the fuck!" Sam's voice rang in your ear.

"Shit," you climbed off of Charlie and hopped out of bed, grabbing the first thing you could find to throw on. "Stay here," you called to Charlie, already halfway out of your bedroom. "Sam, are you ok?" You called out into the darkness while you fumbled your way to the light switch, flipping it on. Sam was on the floor clutching her ankle, her work bag scattered all over. You walked over and knelt down beside her when you realized what happened. She had tripped over your towel.

"I'll be fine, but are you trying to kill me? Since when do you leave shit by the front door?"

"I'm so sorry; I didn't even realize I turned off the lights when I-." Your voice trailed off when you noticed that her attention was pulled to something behind you.

"Hi Charlie." She sounded confused, maybe even a little annoyed before shooting you a look. You turned around to see Charlie towering in your doorway, wearing nothing but his boxers.

"Hi," he said, waving awkwardly.

"I see now why the towel was on the floor," Sam turned to you, her eyes darting to your chosen attire, Charlie's undershirt. All you could do was give her a nervous smile and a shrug.

"I'll explain later?" You knew this wasn't going to go over well but at this point, even _you_ couldn't keep your love life straight so fuck it.

"Here, let me help," Charlie said as he made his way over to you and Sam. You went to object but he was already helping her up. She hobbled to the couch, one arm slung awkwardly over Charlie's shoulder.

"Thanks, I appreciate it." She said as she  
eased herself onto the couch.

You helped prop her leg up on a pillow before sitting next to her. You carefully pressed your thumb and finger to her ankle, drawing a wince from her. "Can you move it?"

She nodded, slowly rolling her foot while you felt for anything obviously wrong. "I'm fine, seriously." She looked at you before glancing up at Charlie. You turned to see him staring, absolutely enamored with you. You looked back at Sam, trying to suppress the butterflies in your chest.

"You sure you're ok?" You rubbed her shin, being careful to avoid her ankle.

"Mhm," she hummed, a sly smile on her face.

You stood, taking Charlie's hand and leading him back to your bedroom. You shut the door before turning around, only for him to overpower you with a kiss. He held your face in his hands, kissing you while you fought off the urge to melt right then and there.

"I should probably get going," he said softly. Your heart dropped, you didn't want him to leave.

"I was kind of thinking you'd stay the night." Your admission was quiet, part of you hoping he didn't hear it. He smiled, kissing you one last time before pulling away to put on his pants. You took off his shirt and handed it to him, Charlie admiring your naked body as he put his clothes back on.

"I will next time. After you talk to Josh." He was putting on his last few articles of clothing as you rolled your eyes. You walked to your dresser, throwing on a shirt and shorts before going to open the door. You reached for the knob but Charlie grabbed your wrist, pulling you into him. Your body pressed against his as he wrapped his arm around you. "He's going to figure it out eventually."

You swallowed hard. "He already knows." Charlie looked at you confused. "He doesn't know _who_ but...it's a long story. I just...can't. Not yet."

He studied the anguish on your face before speaking again, "do you want us to stop?" His words were cautious.

Panic gripped your chest. " _No_ , of course not." You probably sounded pathetic but you didn't care. On some level you knew that you were absolutely, hopelessly addicted to Charlie Barber. Even if you weren't totally ready to dive in head first just yet.

He simply smiled as you stood on your tip toes to kiss him. The kiss was short, him pulling away to look at you. "How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes." 

You recognized the quote right away. It came from one of the last scenes in the show where Orlando admits that his only path to happiness is through your character, Rosalind. A foreboding shadow settled over you as you started to worry that in trying to keep Josh _and_ Charlie, you would lose them both.

You knew what you had to do, but weren't sure you had the courage to do it.

He released you from his grasp and opened your bedroom door. "After you."


	17. I'm Right Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You need Charlie. That's it, that's the chapter. *shrug*

"Oh _fuck,_ Charlie! Don't stop," you panted. The air was thick and warm, almost stifling, but you didn't care. Your fingers twisted themselves in Charlie's hair as his soft lips pressed against your throat. His breath felt hot against your skin.

 _Thump thump thump-_ your headboard knocked against the wall.

Charlie's voice was deep, barely audible. " _I love_ -"

Your brain couldn't focus on his words. Desperate to hear what he said, you pushed his head out of the crook of your neck and held his face to yours.

 _Tap Tap Tap-_ a bird was pecking at the glass of your window.

"Charlie, please. Say it again." You felt tears starting to roll down your face, your chest growing tight. Suddenly it felt impossible to catch your breath.

Even though his body was pressed against yours, it felt like he was drifting away. His face was stoic as his lips moved but no sound was coming out. You were pawing at him, trying to pull him closer to you. "Charlie? Charlie _please_."

 _Bang bang bang-_ someone was pounding on the door.

Charlie suddenly froze, his body hovering over yours while he stared blankly into your eyes. Panic was choking you now, "Charlie, please don't. _Please don't leave me_."

Without a word, he pulled out of you and climbed off of the bed. You tried to grab his arm but your body wouldn't move fast enough, an invisible force working against you. You started shaking as you pulled the sheets up around your naked body. " _Charlie please_ ," a shaken plea left your lips, your tears now falling in steady streams down your face. You were choking on the thick air as he walked away from you. He leaned down, reaching for a suitcase by the door. When he looked back at you, he was suddenly completely dressed. His face was cold and unfeeling as he looked through you. You felt a sharp pain deep and low in your core, your hands clutching your stomach. You felt like you could feel your heart being ripped in half.

" _Please don't leave me,_ " your voice was weak, broken. You crumbled onto the bed as he turned away from you, suitcase in hand as he walked out the door. 

_Knock knock knock_ \- your eyes flew open as you sucked in a deep breath, oxygen suddenly flooding your brain. 

It took a minute for the sleepy haze to lift. Your consciousness slowly starting to return as your room came into focus.

"Oh shit, are you ok?" The voice sounded muffled and far away.

It wasn't until you were sitting up that you realized your were drenched in sweat, your tshirt clinging to your body. You rubbed your eyes, trying to push away the dream that you'd just had when you felt a hand, a man's hand, push the matted hair off of your face. For a split second panic coursed through your veins as Charlie's vacant face stared back at you from behind your eyelids. When you opened your eyes, your fear was replaced with disappointment.

Josh was staring at you, his hand trying to smooth out your hair. "It's ok, I'm right here." He adjusted himself to lay next to you, pulling you to lay with him. You closed your eyes trying to hold yourself together but all it did was bring Charlie's face right back to the forefront of your memory. You jerked away from Josh, your eyes flying open.

He looked up at you, worried and confused. His face was sweet, completely unaware of the raging storm inside your head. A month ago, Josh's presence after a nightmare would have made you feel better but now all he did was put you further on edge. Desperate to feel anything even remotely comforting, you took Josh's face in your hands, your lips crashing into his. You felt his body react, ridged at first before he relaxed and leaned into you. You swung one leg over him, straddling him as your lips moved aggressively against his. You were trying desperately to feel _anything_ from him. A spark, a butterfly, _something_...but you were left feeling nothing.

_"You're mine."_   
_"I'm yours."_

Your voices from last night echoed in your mind. Your body wrapped in Charlie's arms, his cock twitching as it filled you, your breathing heavy and satisfied. That's who you needed right now.

Josh pulled his mouth from yours, his expression painfully innocent as his hands squeezed your hips. "As much as I'd love to stay here with you all morning, we we can't be late today. Charlie got back last night so he's going to want to go over _everything."_ Your heart skipped at the mention of Charlie's name. One of Josh's hands found it's way to your face, a thumb gently caressing your cheek. "I brought you coffee and a sandwich to make up for having to leave last night."

You forced a smile as you climbed off of him. "Thank you. You didn't have to do that."

"I know," he grabbed your hand and squeezed. "We're gunna have a good day, ok?" You knew what he was doing. You knew he was trying to reassure you, to comfort you but it all just felt flat to you. "I'll let you get dressed." Josh gently patted your leg before leaving you alone in your room.

You collapsed back in bed. For the first time since all of this started with Charlie, you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what you had to do. If not out of selfishness for you then compassion for Josh. He deserves better than you, someone that doesn't fuck their boss every chance she gets.

When you stood up you realized there was still a haze of panic over your body, your nightmare flooding back to the forefront of your mind.

You needed to see Charlie, to feel his body against yours. It's the only way you were going to get any sort of relief.

You reached to get your clothes for the day, stripping off your tshirt and shorts from the night before.

 _Soon_.

_—_

On your walk to work, Josh rambled on about the prep he did last night after he left. Every once and awhile you realized you didn't retain a single word he said so you'd offer up a "mhm" hoping he wouldn't notice. It's not that you didn't care, well not entirely, you just couldn't help it. Your mind kept switching between your nightmare; the blank stare on Charlie's face- you begging him not to leave you, and running through different scenarios of your soon to be break up. At one point you seriously considered doing it right now on your walk, just blurting it out, running back to your apartment and hiding in bed all day. You'd miss work but Charlie would understand, right?

No, no that's silly. A two year relationship deserves a more dignified end than a dump and run. You couldn't help but think back to only a few days ago, how different things felt. Charlie was MIA and you were literally crumbling behind a tree, terrified that Josh was breaking up with you. And now all you wanted, all you _needed_ , was Charlie. To run to him and let him hold you while you told him about your bad dream. To kiss those lips you knew so well, letting your hands wander....

"Are you ok? You've been really quiet." You snapped back to reality, realizing that Josh was staring at you.

You were rounding the corner to the theater now. "Yeah. Just...thinking."

Josh reached for the door, his hand lingering on your lower back, guiding you inside. "Anything you want to talk about?"

_Yes._

"No." You nodded a thanks to him as you slipped through the threshold and into the lobby. You immediately took notice of the electric excitement in the air, cast and crew scurrying past you. You grabbed Ben's arm as he walked by. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Mary Ann has a surprise for Charlie before we do the run through today!" You felt your polite smile start to drop, a jealous knot forming in your throat. You tried to remain level as spoke. "What kind of surprise?"

" _No, no, no_. Charlie's not going to be happy about that. He had me come here last night to set everything up for the run through today. I really think he just wants to get to work." You had never been so thankful for Josh interrupting you before. You turned back to Ben just in time to see his expression dip into disappointment. "Where's Mary Ann? I'll talk to her." Josh took your hand and gave it a quick kiss before pushing past you.

Ben turned, following Josh. "Come on man, it's his birthday."

Your heart sank.

It's his _birthday_ and you had no idea. Had you known you would have at least said happy birthday to him last night... _something_. And even though he said that him and Mary Ann were a one time thing here she was, planning a birthday surprise for him in front of the whole cast and you couldn't even dump your boyfriend; even though you're literally fucking Charlie almost ever day.

With a sigh you followed the crowd to the green room where Mary Ann was beaming, a cupcake and an open card in front of her. The cast and crew were signing their names as she excitedly chattered away- until she saw you. You made your way up to the card, looking at it for a second.

"It's Charlie's birthday." You looked up at her, she was still smiling but it wasn't a kind smile. It was self aggrandizing. Cocky, like she had something over you.

And of course _she did_ , but you'd never let her know that. "I know," you smiled back, leaning down to sign your name, a little heart punctuating the last letter. You looked up and her smile was gone, she was staring at your hand, your name, the heart. If looks could kill. You gave her a sickly sweet smile before tossing the pen back on the table, perhaps a little more aggressive than necessary. You took your place in the crowed behind her, just off to the side. You checked the room for Josh but couldn't find him. Instead you settled on chatting with Hannah, the set designer, while you waited for Charlie to show up.

—

" _Happy birthday_!" You all shouted in unison as Charlie entered the green room. A big smile plastered across his face as his eyes scanned the room. There was an undeniable sparkle when his eyes met yours before his body jerked backwards slightly. Mary Ann was hugging Charlie's waist, Larry trailing behind holding the card and cupcake for her.

"Happy birthday Charlie," her voice was sultry as she squeezed him. His eyes met yours again, you giving him an innocent shrug.

"Thank you, thank you," he tapped her shoulder, silently urging her to let go. She did, taking the cupcake and card from Larry and handing them to him. "This is very sweet you guys. I really appreciate it! But we have a lot of work to do." He raised the cupcake and card, a gesture of gratitude. The crowd started to disperse as Charlie leaned down, whispering something to Mary Ann. You walked by just in time to hear her response.

"37 is a big deal! Of course we're going to celebrate! Want me to come over tonight?"

You felt sick.

"Mary Ann," his voice was quiet, perhaps slightly chastising. You didn't stick around to hear the rest of the conversation.

—

"Everyone read over your notes for a minute, I want to start the first run around," Charlie glanced at his watch "eh, let's aim for quarter of."

While the rest of the cast buried their heads in their scripts, you made your way over to Charlie. Your heart was pounding as parts of your nightmare replayed in your head. You gently tapped your fingers on the silver table to get his attention. _"_ Hey Charlie, could I speak to you for a second?"

He looked up at you, his face was professional but his eyes sparkled again when he saw you. "Yeah, everything ok?" You nodded as he stood, moving around you. "We can talk over here." He motioned towards backstage.

"Yeah, I just have a few questions." You two made your way over to a dimly lit part of backstage. You checked behind you to make sure no one followed you before you turned and collapsed into his chest. Without hesitation, he wrapped you in his arms and held you to him while tears of relief streamed down your face. To feel Charlie's body against yours, to smell his cologne and feel his heat embracing you, it felt like you could breathe again. You felt his strong hand cradle the back of your head as his lips pressed firmly to your crown.

"It's ok. I'm right here." His voice was almost silent but it rang in your ears. You two stood there, him holding you as you relaxed, all of your anxiety from this morning completely melting away. You looked up at him and your eyes met. Against your better judgment you inched closer to him, planting a quick kiss to his lips before pulling away.

You started backing away slowly, wiping your tears away as you kept your eyes glued to him. "Thanks, Charlie."

He looked confused as he reached for you, taking your hand and pulling you back to him. "What's wrong?" His face searched yours, his expression serious. "Did he do something to you?"

" _No_ no, I just..." your fingers traced the hem of his button up. "It's dumb."

"It's not dumb, tell me." His hand encouraging you to look at him.

"I...had a really fucked up dream, that's all." You felt blood tint your cheeks as Charlie let out a relieved sigh. He checked behind you quickly before pulling you into another kiss.

"That's not dumb. I'm sorry I couldn't be there." He held your body tight against his.

"I didn't know it was your birthday," you whispered into his chest. You felt his body shake with a silent laugh.

"I wouldn't expect you too." You looked up at him, his hands gently smoothing your hair.

You smiled, "happy birthday." You started to pull away when he held you tighter, his lips meeting yours. Your mouths danced together, his hands starting to wonder down your back.

"Charlie?" Josh's voice ripped your bodies apart. You hurriedly started miming some blocking from one of your scenes while Charlie watched leaning against the wall and crossing his feet at the ankles.

"I know that you wanted me to go left I just don't feel like Rosalind would run off like that," you said loudly enough for Josh to hear.

"There you are, I-" he paused when he saw you. "Everything ok?" He looked at you confused, surely wondering why you and Charlie were standing here alone in the dark. You simply nodded your head, thankful for the darkness that was cloaking your blushing face.

"Yeah," you shrugged trying to seem casual. "I just, I really don't think Rosalind would run off like that at the end of scene 3." You turned back to Charlie, his arms were crossed, fingers pressed against his lips. Whether he was thinking or trying to stifle a laugh you couldn't tell.

"Fine, we'll try it your way," he pushed off the wall as he walked past you, towards Josh. You heard them starting to talk about the lighting as they walked off together. You leaned against the wall, rubbing your temples.

If you weren't sure before, you definitely were now. You had to do this today....you just weren't sure how.


	18. The Break Up

The rest of rehearsal went fine. You ended up doing two full run throughs of the the show, making adjustments here and there as needed. Opening night is just about a week away at this point so things were really starting to get down to the wire.

When it was finally time to go home, you all filed out of the theater wishing Charlie a happy birthday. You and Josh were making your way towards the exit when you noticed Mary Ann standing by Charlie's side.

"You sure you're not up for some _company_ tonight?" Her fingers were occupying themselves with one of the buttons on his coat.

"I'm sure," he pushed her hand away with a playful laugh. You kept your head down as you walked past them but Charlie saying your name pulled your attention up, "- Josh. Good night. Remember, tech in the morning!"

Josh moseyed over to Charlie, their hands meeting in a handshake. "I'm looking forward to it. Happy birthday, man."

"Yeah, happy birthday Charlie." You and Charlie exchanged polite smiles before you turned and started towards the front door, Josh following close behind. 

—

You didn't have a plan, only an end goal. Break things off with Josh.

He was talking your ear off about what work he still had to do for the show while you walked home. "I just don't know if I like the lighting designer. I worked with him before and he's just kind of-"

"Hey Josh?" It felt like your head was going to explode.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't we uh- take a little detour." You had made it to the block where going right would take you home and going straight would take you to Josh's. You opted to go left, towards the park. You didn't turn back to make sure Josh was following you, you just assumed he'd keep up. Your assumption was confirmed when you felt him reach his hand into your coat pocket, lacing his fingers through yours.

"You ok?" His expression started to drop into panic. You could see it in his eyes that he knew something was coming.

"Yeah, I just...I'm not ready to go home yet." You turned your attention back to the side walk, speeding up to get to the park entrance.

You and Josh wondered through the park, silent. The tension between your bodies growing with every step. Eventually you made your way up to a small pond, a flock of geese congregating around the edge of the water. You stopped, taking in a deep breath of the crisp fall New York air. You closed your eyes trying to hold back the tears that were already forming. 

_You could barely hear him over the loud music in the club. "You're an actress? Have I seen you in anything?"_  
 _You couldn't help but chuckle, "I doubt it, I've lived here for three years and haven't had anything really of note yet," you sipped your cocktail._  
 _"Hey, three years? That's not long at all_ _!_ _Some people spend_ _their_ _whole lives here with nothing," Josh, back then just a handsome stranger, reached over the table and took your hand in his, butterflies instantly forming in your chest._  
 _"You're not making me feel better," you flashed a flirty smile at him as you set your drink down and pulled him towards the dance floor._

"I thought we were doing ok." Josh's broken voice pulled you out of your memories. "I thought-"

"Josh, I feel like a prisoner. And I deserve it, I know." You couldn't help but think back to Charlie standing in your apartment, him hoisting your naked body into his arms. "What happened...what I did."

"I've forgiven you-"

"Well you shouldn't have." You didn't mean to but you snapped at him. Your eyes drifted away, you couldn't look at him. "I'm-"

_"-sorry! Oh shit, I am such a klutz!" You grabbed the napkins off the table and hurriedly tried to soak up the spilled coffee_ _before it went over the edge_ _. Josh was giggling at you as your scrambled to clean up your mess._  
 _He placed his hand on yours, stilling your frantic movements. "It's ok." His voice was calm, reassuring. Your eyes drifted to his chest where you noticed a splatter of coffee across his nice shirt._  
 _"Your shirt-" you nodded at his chest, him looking down casually. "I uhm..._ _I_ _only live a couple blocks away. I could totally get that out for you." He barely even let you finish before he was standing, pulling you out of the booth._

_"_ I love you," your name cut through you like a knife. You finally gathered the courage to turn and face Josh again. He was staring straight ahead, tears rolling down his face. You wanted so badly to stop, to take it all back but your heart wouldn't let you. Josh deserved someone that wanted him...and that just wasn't you anymore.

"Josh," you took a deep breath, your own tears spilling forward now. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't do this," he voice was soft.

You two stood there, bodies feet apart, hands shoved in your pockets while tears streamed down your face.

"I just need some time." You looked down at your feet, brushing some leaves away with your foot.

"Time like how?" You heard a twinge of hope in his voice and immediately felt flustered.

"Josh..."

_"-_ _do you have a condom?" Your breathing was heavy. Josh was fully stripped, his coffee scented clothes crumbled on the floor._ _He_ _reached over the edge of the bed towards his discarded clothes, returning after a moment with a condom. Your heart was racing, you hadn't had sex in...way too long. You felt him ease into you, your cunt buzzing with satisfaction. He leaned over you, his lips closing in on yours._

You couldn't help but stare at his mouth. Those lips that you had spent so much time kissing, that once had a habit of whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you drifted off to sleep.

"So it's over then?" He closed the distance between you, trying to pull you close to him; a last ditch effort to salvage whatever was left of your relationship. You stepped back, keeping the distance between your bodies. You opened your mouth to speak but it felt like there was something in your throat, blocking your words from coming out. You settled on a somber nod instead.

Josh took a steadying breath, taking a step back. He nodded his understanding before he turned, slowly walking away. You let out a sigh of relief, wiping away your tears when he stopped short, turning back to you. "Can you just...answer something for me?"

"Uh- yeah. Of course." You tucked your hair behind your ears. You knew what he was about to ask and you were dreading it.

"Is it..." he stopped, your heart threatening to jump out of your chest. "Do I know them?"

You nodded your head. "Yeah."

He sucked in a deep breath through his teeth. He looked like he had just been punched in the gut. "Was it more than once?"

You seriously considered running and throwing yourself into the pond.

"...yes." You wanted to drop your gaze but you couldn't. Josh's face twisted with pain and rage. He kicked at some leaves on the ground, scaring some of the geese nearby.

"I'll uh...see you around." He turned and headed back down the path towards the entrance of the park. You stood there, frozen in place. Your tears had started up again but you let them fall, not caring to wipe them away. Rationally you knew that you did what you had to do, that this was the best possible outcome for everyone involved.

But it still hurt.

You did love Josh, you still do. But the way you feel about Josh pales in comparison to the way you feel about Charlie. The way you hoped he felt for you too.

Once you were sure Josh had a good enough head start, you started your journey home. 

—

The door to your apartment felt heavier than usual. When you shoved your way in, you were immediately met with Sam dancing around the kitchen, singing her favorite song. She turned and spotted you, dancing her way over to where you were standing. You tried to shrug her away but she took your hands anyway, shimmying your body to the beat of the music.

"You look sad," she said over the music, still dancing.

"I am sad." You tried again to pull away from her but she wouldn't let go. Without missing a beat, she pulled you into a hug. You two stood there in the middle of your living room, music blaring, while you softly started to cry.

"Charlie or Josh?" She whispered into your ear.

This time when you pulled away, she let you. Sam walked over to her phone and cut the music, the apartment becoming eerily silent. You two made your way to the couch, plopping down with a huff. "Josh." You let your head fall, resting on the back of the couch. "I broke up with him."

"Holy shit _, finally_!" Sam yelled.

You yanked your head up, looking at her confused. "What?"

"You heard me!" You adjusted your bodies to face each other.

"I thought you liked Josh?"

"I only liked him because _you_ liked him." She grabbed one of your hands and held it to her heart. "I was about to dump him for you."

You laughed pulling your hand back. "You're a jackass."

"So what's the deal with you and Charlie?" You shook your head as you got up and headed towards your room, Sam following behind you.

"I don't know. I mean, I want to be with Charlie but," you were pulling off your coat, tossing it onto the bed.

" _Oh no you don't_. Listen to me," Sam stepped in front of you, pulling your attention to her. "What do I always say?"

"Everything happens for a reason," you felt like a child being scolded by their mother.

"That's right. Everyone you meet has a part to play in your life. Josh's ended when you got that roll. Now it's time to see what Charlie brings. You're going to see him tonight, right?"

You sat in your bed, kicking off your shoes. "No, I figured I would just...take tonight to be sad."

Sam turned to your dresser, opening up the top drawer and rummaging through. "Nope. You can be sad later." She spun around tossing a black lace bra and matching thong at you. "You go over there and forget about Josh for tonight. Hell, I'm working a third so you can have him come here for all I care. But you've risked _everything_ for this man. It's time to reap your reward."

You let lose a resigned chuckle. "I hate you."

"I love you." She wrapped you in a hug, knocking you over. You two laid in bed laughing until you both relaxed. 

"It's his birthday today." You said, staring at the ceiling.

Sam propped herself up on her elbow, her eyes wide. "See! That's the _perfect_ excuse!" She pushed herself up and off of your bed. "I need to take a nap before work but _you_ are going to go over there and bring Charlie his birthday present." She winked at you as she backed out of your room.

You laughed quietly as you sat up, examining the bra and underwear in your hands.

Sam was right, you can always be sad later. Tonight, you were going to be with Charlie.


	19. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready to get absolutely railed

You took a deep breath before knocking on Charlie's front door.

_Knock knock knock_

You waited silently, a small pink box held in your outstretched hands. After a few minutes you knocked again. As you stood around waiting for him to answer the door you started to feel self conscious of your choice in attire, the hem of your tan trench coat brushing against your calves.

Finally, the door opened. Charlie's face pleasantly surprised when his brain registered that it was you, "hi." He smiled as he noticed the box in your hands.

"Happy birthday," you squeaked, pushing the pink box towards him.

"Thank you," he laughed as he took the box from your hand, "Come in."

He stepped aside, his free hand finding it's place on your lower back, guiding you inside. Your eyes scanned the perimeter as you stepped into the apartment, searching for any _unwanted_ guests. Thankfully you came up empty. "No Mary Ann?" You tried to pass it off as a joke but you weren't that convincing.

"Oh god no," he gestured to take your coat but you refused him, hugging it closer to your body. You shifted in your heels slightly before you felt Charlie's hand rest again on your lower back. He ushered you to the living room, sitting on the couch. You stood in front of him as you watched him open the little pink box. Your lips pulled nervously between your teeth as he pull a red and white cupcake out, a little red heart centered on the mound of white frosting.

"I wasn't sure what you liked so I got red velvet. The lady at the bakery said it was her favorite so.... I know you already got one today but," you shrugged.

Charlie smiled as he peeled back the paper and took an almost comically large bite. You let out a pleased chuckle as you shifted again in your heels, gathering up your courage to tell him about Josh. "Also uhm," he looked up at you, eyes filled with curiosity. "I broke up with Josh."

A smile stretched across Charlie's face as he set the cupcake down. He jumped up off the couch, making his way over to you in nearly a single stride. Charlie took your face in his hands, about to lean in for a kiss before you backed away. You giggled as you undid the belt of your coat. "There's _one_ more thing." He raised his eyebrows as you ripped your coat open, dropping it to the floor. You felt your cheeks burn red as Charlie took in the sight of you.

"Aren't you supposed to be naked under that?" He stepped closer to you, his hands pulling at the supple flesh of your hips, yanking your body flush against his.

You shrugged, reaching up to wipe a smudge of frosting off the corner of his mouth. "Some _disassembly_ required."

By now, he was done waiting. His lips met yours so forcefully it almost knocked you backwards. One of his hands left your hips, landing a loud smack to your ass. You pulled out of the kiss, looking up at him with needy eyes.

Charlie lifted you, effortlessly throwing your body over his shoulder as he pulled off your heels. The sound of them clacking against the hardwoods sent your pulse racing. He landed another smack to your ass, the enticing sting pulling a squeal from your throat. As he walked you to his bedroom, one of his arms wrapped itself around your legs securing you to his body while his free hand kneaded the still buzzing flesh of your ass. Once you were inside his bedroom you felt him gently bite the plumpness of your bottom before he leaned over, releasing you onto the bed.

Your heart was racing as you watched him move for his belt, unbuckling it while he stared at your heaving chest. You decided to tease him, laying back on his bed and letting your legs fall open _just enough_ as your hand reached down to your pussy. He was unbuttoning his shirt now, ripping off his layers as quickly as he could. You looked directly into his eyes as your fingers pulled your panties to the side, revealing your already wet core to him. He watched intently as your fingers started teasing your slick folds, your breath becoming shallow. Charlie bit his lower lip as you started drawing tentative circles around your engorged clit, a soft moan mingling with your ragged breath.

Charlie dropped his pants and boxers, his cock springing free. His hand found the base of his already hard member as he slowly started to work his shaft, his eyes fixated on your fingers as they danced around your cunt. He started to inch closer to you, his knees hitting the bed but you stuck your foot out, stopping him from getting any closer.

"Not so fast, birthday boy," you breathed. He bit his lip and shook his head as gravity pulled your foot back to the bed. Your fingers quickened around your clit, a shiver shooting through your legs. You watched as he started to fuck his hand faster, his eyes never once leaving your glistening cunt. Deciding to take things one step further you let your legs fall, opening yourself up completely to his view. You watched his eyes follow your fingers as you dipped two inside of you, slowly starting to fuck yourself. His hand was furiously pumping his cock now, a drop of precum glistening in the faint light of his bedroom as it dripped down his head. _Oh god_ , how you wanted to taste him.

His hand suddenly stopped, leaving his cock to pulse in objection. Seeing it so close to you, to your heat, your hand started going faster as you let out a soft whimper. You let your eyes close, sucking in a desperate breath when you felt Charlie's large hand on yours. He pulled your fingers from your cunt, you opening your eyes just in time to watch him put them in his mouth. His tongue swirling around your fingers, making sure to get every last drop of you.

Your breathing was heavy now, goosebumps rippling across your body as your eyes fell to his cock, mere inches from your entrance. You bucked your hips, trying to get him closer to you as he pulled his mouth off of your fingers with a _pop_. He grabbed your hips, pushing you down into the bed, his digits aggressively digging into your sides. You let out a yelp as his lips met yours, his mouth greedy and impatient. You felt your chest grow warm as his tongue expertly swirled around yours, one hand releasing your hips and lovingly cradling your face.

He abruptly pulled away, both of you taking the opportunity to catch your breath. "You think you can tease me like that and get away with it?" His hand found your throat, squeezing just enough for the blood to start to pool in your head. You bit your lip as his thumb pushed your head to the side, his lips brushing against your ear. "I'm going to make you cum so hard, the only thing you'll know how to do is scream my fucking name." You felt your eyes flutter and your core pulse. If this was your reward for breaking up with Josh, you'd do it again and again with zero hesitation.

He released your throat, the blood rushing back to your brain caused your vision to blur for a second. When you regained your awareness, you realized that his thumbs were tracing over the delicate lace detailing of your bra. Your eyes met his, challenging him to make the next move. Without warning, his fingers hooked into the cups of your bra, yanking them down over your breasts with a snap.

With anyone else, you would have been pissed that they ruined your favorite sex bra but Charlie? He could tear it to shreds for all your cared. His head dropped to your fully exposed breasts, his tongue flicking one of your stiff nipples as a hand lightly traced down your soft belly, sending shockwaves of excitement through you.

Suddenly his fingers were filling you. First one, then two, then three. You threw your head back, a deep moan rattling out of your chest as Charlie sucked the flesh of your breasts between his teeth, leaving purple welts in his wake. His fingers were pumping into you so fast that you could already feel yourself losing it, coming completely undone just like the very first time he fucked you. His mouth left your chest, firm kisses trailing their way up to your ear.

"Such a good girl for me," he whispered into your ear, goosebumps rippling across your body. He gave you a quick kiss before his free hand gripped your face. "I'm the only one who gets to fuck this cunt. Do you understand me?" You nodded, his words mixing with the full sensation in your core threatening to push you over the edge. "Good," he kissed you again before positioning himself so he could watch his handiwork. While his fingers worked you, his other hand started to violently rub your clit, the sound of your wetness sloshing through the air.

You tried desperately to hold off the orgasm you felt brewing, not wanting to let him get you this quickly.

"You want to cum _so_ _badly_." Charlie's voice rang in your ears. You defiantly shook your head 'no', your fingers urgently twisting themselves in his sheets trying to hold yourself together. " _You do_ ," his voice was deep, sensual. Charlie's pace quickened on your clit, a primal shriek leaving your body. You felt a gush from your cunt as your whole body shook. You could feel your eyes rolling to the back of your head, your hands desperately searching for Charlie as your orgasm ravaged you. As the intensity started to wane all you could do was lay there whimpering while you listened to Charlie's satisfied chuckle filling the room. You felt his lips on yours as the remnants of your orgasm shivered through you. "Looks like I'm going to have to start keeping towels next to my bed," he whispered into your mouth. Your face felt hot as he pulled away from you, scooping you into his arms and moving you to a dry spot of the mattress.

"Pretty sure I still know how to speak," you said between gasping breaths. "Guess you didn't accomplish your goal." You smirked, your arms wrapping around his neck.

"Is that a _challenge_?" His lips met yours once more as he pulled you on top of him. He guided you up, angling his cock to enter you. You followed his lead as his hands eased you down the length of his shaft, the enticing sting in your cunt pulling a gasp from your throat and making your eyes roll to the back of your head. He started bouncing you on him, the sound of your ass slapping against him getting louder with each connection. Your body was quivering, still weak from your last orgasm but it didn't matter. Charlie pulled you close to him, your body resting on his chest as he fucked you. Your lips met, a sense of urgency passing between your mouths as he rammed into you, battering your womb with every thrust.

"Charlie-" you moaned his name as you pulled your mouth from his. He was admiring you, eyes wide. You could see it on his face, he was completely taken with you. Your hands rested on the sides of his face, holding him close to you. You kissed him again, his arms wrapping around you and squeezing you. He adjusted his legs, allowing him to get a better, deeper angle. "Oh _jesus, Charlie!"_ The pace of his hips stayed steady as your second orgasm began to build. "Fuck- _fuck,"_

Charlie grabbed the back of your neck and gave you a nod- your sign to let go. You did, coming completely undone. All you could manage to do was whimper his name as he fucked you, legs shaking, head resting on his shoulder as the pressure inside of you completely overwhelmed your being. A deep moan reverberated through Charlie's chest as his hips sputtered to a stop, his cock twitching deep inside of you, filling you with his cum.

You sat there, breathless, his arms wrapped around you while you dotingly played with his hair. When you gathered enough energy to speak, your eyes met his.

"Happy birthday." You smiled, giving him a gentle kiss. 

—

After a little bit Charlie carried you to the bathroom, setting you up to take a shower. You tried to get him to join you but he insisted that he had something to do first. Not one to turn down a hot shower you agreed, peeling off your underwear and ruined bra after he closed the bathroom door behind him. You stepped into the shower, letting the hot water soothe your aching muscles. Sex with Charlie was definitely a workout. You looked around and started washing up with what you had available to you. You reflected on your day as you massaged Charlie's shampoo into your scalp.

Josh's eyes kept flashing through your mind, the sound of his voice breaking when he asked if he knew who it was; who you had cheated on him with. You felt the all too familiar prick of tears forming in your eyes as your rinsed the soap out of your hair. 

Once you were finished washing the sex off of your body, you waited for a few minutes longer, hoping Charlie would walk in. Another few minutes passed and you eventually reached to turn off the water when you heard the bathroom door click open. You pulled your hand back, instead choosing to slowly peak around the shower curtain when you felt him step in behind you. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you close to him. You manually loosened his grip so that you could turn to face him, angling your body so he could be under the water too. 

"I was starting to think you forgot about me," your fingers followed a stream of water down his chest. 

"Never," he kissed your forehead and you just about melted in his arms. 

You stepped around him and watched as he washed his body, offering to wash his back. You two stayed in the shower together until the water started to grow cold, pelting your skin with icy jets. 

To your surprise when you got back to his bedroom, new sheets were already on his bed and a shirt was laid out for you. "I figured you'd want to stay the night." 

You turned to look at him, a smile plain on your face. "I mean, it's _your_ birthday. So that's really up to you." You sauntered over to him as he was drying his hair with his towel. 

He didn't answer verbally, only pulling you close to him. You couldn't pull your gaze from his eyes. Those beautiful, expressive eyes. He smiled at you, his dimples accentuating his full lips, "let's lay down."


	20. Tell Me About Henry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (feel free to skip!) Holy cow! So many people have reached out in the past few days showing AYLI so much love and I just wanted to pop in and make sure I tell you all how grateful I am for each and every one of you. I'm so thrilled that you guys are enjoying the story (ya'lls comments are the BEST) and of course I'm always stoked when I find other people who love Charlie as much as I do!   
> Anyway, enough rambling. Enjoy!  
> -D

You awoke to the sound of an unfamiliar alarm. You looked around the room in a daze while you pieced together what was going on. You were in Charlie's bed, in one of his under shirts and nothing else. He was next to you, his chest rising and falling peacefully as he slept. Your heart warmed as you watched his eyes flutter open, him playfully peaking at you through one squinted eye.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to wake you." Charlie grabbed his phone, barely glancing at the bright screen as he snoozed the alarm. He dropped his phone back onto the nightstand before pulling you close, your body coming to rest in the crook of his arm. He cradled your head in his hands while he gently pressed kisses to your forehead. You couldn't help but feel like everything about this moment was perfect, like being in his arms is exactly where you were meant to be. You two laid there in bed, your bodies pressed together as his mouth found yours. Your lips started to move more passionately against his, excited heat rising between your legs when the abrupt ring of the second round of his alarm pulled your bodies apart.

He let out a sigh before giving you one final kiss. "I'll be right back."

You gave him a kind smile and a nod as he climbed out of bed, grabbing his phone and slipping out of his bedroom.

You laid there, the warmth of his body slowly draining away the longer he was gone. When you finally couldn't take it anymore, you slipped out of bed, tiptoeing to the door. You cracked it open just enough to hear what he was doing.

"You made a cake for _me?_ _And_ a card!" The silence was punctuated with the same warm, loving laugh that you had heard the last time you were here. It rang in your ears- causing your heart to swell.

_He's talking to his son._

You opened the door a little more, slipping through the threshold and sneaking down the hall towards the living room where Charlie was. You peeked your head around the corner to see him sitting on the couch, the room dark save for the soft stream of moonlight highlighting his beautiful face. He turned to you, alerted to your presence by the creak of whining floorboard. His eyes were sleepy but they still sparkled when they saw you, a gentle smile stretching across his face, pulling his dimples out. You shyly waved as you tiptoed past him towards the kitchen.

You blindly searched for a switch, your hand doing most of the looking until you finally found one. The bulb above the range came to life, light flooding the immediate area around you. Feeling accomplished, you turned your focus onto your next task- finding a glass. As quietly as possible you started to peer into the cabinets-

_Spices- no._

_Plates- close, but no._

_Bingo. Cups._

You pulled one from the cabinet and filled it with tap water, not wanting to invade his privacy more than you already had by going and digging in his fridge.

As you sipped your water, you suddenly realized how thirsty you were. You started sloppily gulping down water, some of it pouring down your chin and splashing onto the floor. _Shit_ , you thought as you put the glass down, turning to grab some paper towels. Once the water was sopped up, you turned to throw away the paper towel when something in the garbage caught your eye. Curious, you peered in and your eyes were met with a shiny plastic container, an uneaten cupcake- _Mary Ann's cupcake_ , sitting lamely amongst the trash. Satisfaction washed over you as you threw the soiled paper towels on top of it before strutting back to the counter, picking up your glass to put it in the sink.

"I love you too, honey. Tell G-Ma I say thank you, ok? Ok- good night, I'll talk to you in the morning." The sound of Charlie's steps kept pace with your heartbeat, the steady rhythm ringing in your ears until you felt one of his arms wrap around your waist and his lips on your neck. You heard the flip of the switch and the room went dark, the only light once again coming from the moon. You turned to face him, your lips finding his in the dark. His hands slid up your back, resting just below your shoulder blades. He held you there, pulling your body close to his as his lips gently moved against yours. There was something there, something you couldn't quite put your finger on but you could tell- he felt it too.

When you broke for air, you found yourself moving backwards towards the counter. You jumped up, the cold surface of the countertop nipping your bare skin. "Tell me about Henry."

Your eyes were better adjusted to the dark now, allowing you to really see his face. He was smiling, it wasn't a big smile but it was a genuine smile nonetheless. "What do you want to know?" He moved to stand next to you, his body leaning against the edge of the counter.

"Whatever you're willing to tell me," you tried to keep your voice calm, trying desperately not to seem like you were prying.

Charlie put his hand on your bare thigh before speaking. "Well, he's really into action figures and outer space. Aliens, space ships, that sort of thing...he does karate. And he's just so... _funny_. The kid can crack up an entire audience without even trying." He paused and you could see in his face that this wasn't easy for him to talk about. You put your hand on his, your own little way of reassuring him. He lifted your hand to his lips, a soft kiss tickling the flesh on the back of your hand.

"You said before that he lives with your ex, right? Why so far away?"

He nodded his head, his lips tightening as his mind started to wander. You let him be, not wanting to poke at him while he was probably sorting through some painful memories. After a little bit he spoke again, this time softer. "Right when we got divorced, my ex had this show she was doing out in LA and I agreed to let her take Henry. I really though after she was done filming that he would come back home but...it's where she was from and her family lives there so I...I should have known it would go the way it did."

You nodded a somber understanding, trying to keep him talking. Seeing this side of Charlie was...you couldn't put words to it. It felt so intimate, like you two were a real couple having a deep discussion.

"He ended up liking it out there. I can't say I blame him. He's surrounded by family, a bunch of kids his age but-" Charlie hung his head, his hair gently falling in front of his face.

The atmosphere in the room had grown heavy by now, you could _feel_ his heartbreak. You hopped off the counter and positioned yourself in front of him, pulling him into a hug. He was so much taller than you that it was a little awkward but he managed to rest his forehead on your shoulder anyway. Soft sobs drifted to your ear as his tears started to fall, soaking into the soft cotton tshirt. You let your hand find his head, stroking softly as you let him cry into you.

"I'm sorry, Charlie." It was all you could muster but that was ok. It was all you needed to say.

"I miss him so much," your name cracked in his throat. You could tell that he was trying to calm himself, attempting to stop his tears but the warmth of your body- the comfort of you being here with him made it almost impossible. You didn't care though, he could cry on your shoulder all night if he needed. Just as long as you were here with him.

His strong hands found your back, pulling you even closer to him. It was a strange dichotomy, him being so vulnerable and broken while still being such a commanding presence- nearly swallowing you in his embrace.

Even after his cries started to soften you still held him, your fingers gently massaging his scalp.

"Thank you," his voice almost startled you. You shook your head, unsure of what he was thanking you for.

"For what?" Your voice was gentle but still curious.

Charlie slowly pulled away from you, his hands gripping the counter on either side of his body. You couldn't help but notice the way his tears caught the moonlight or how beautiful face was even when twisted with sadness. "Just... _thank you._ "

You felt the warmth in your chest take over your whole body as a soft smile fell across your face. You nodded, lifting up onto your tippy toes and placing a kiss to his cheek- the salt of his tears coating your lips. "Let's go back to bed," you whispered, already taking his hand and leading him out of the kitchen when he pulled you back to him, a strong hand finding your chin as he pulled you into a kiss. The kiss wasn't aggressive or lascivious- it was gentle, grateful, almost...loving. His lips never left yours as he scooped you into his arms, your legs dangling as he carried you through the apartment and back to his bed.

He laid you down, crawling over you before pulling your body flush against his. His breath tickled your neck as you laid there quietly. You paid attention to his breathing, waiting to see if he was falling asleep but he never did so you turned to face him.

"Can I...ask you something?" Your fingers lightly traced the outline of his strong nose.

"Anything," his eyes met yours, the kiss from earlier personified in his stare.

You dropped your hand to his cheek, enjoying the warmth of his skin. "Why- if Henry lives in LA...why did you come back to New York?"

You felt his jaw tense beneath your hand. For a split second you felt panic creep in as you feared you had said the wrong thing, something that hurt him.

"Well, I was out there for awhile but my work is here. I was already prepared to directed 'As You Like It' so I came back." You could feel it in his words that there was more to the story.

Your eyes searched his as you spoke, "but?"

A long sigh escaped through his nose while he looked at you. He didn't want to say it, whatever it was. "But...it's the last play that I'm directing here in New York. At least for awhile." You felt your heart drop, fear creeping into your eyes.

"-what?"

"I have a residency lined up at UCLA. It starts a week after the run of the show ends."

You pulled away from him, your body on autopilot. You found yourself sitting up, your ears were ringing.

_He's...leaving. You risked everything for this man...and he's leaving you._

You felt tears prick the corner of your eyes, your breathing was becoming shallow. The telltale signs of an anxiety attack started manifesting themselves in you body.

Charlie sat up too, pulling you into a hug. His grip around you was tight, smothering the flame of your panic. You felt him rest his cheek to the top of your head as you sat there in his arms.

"I'm sorry." His voice was soft, raw. You could hear the pain that you were feeling in his voice. "I didn't expect to meet...you."

At that you turned to look at him. There was so much you wanted to say, to do, but none of it felt right so you laid back down instead. You pulled Charlie to rest in your arms this time, savoring his smell as he did so.

"I understand," you whispered.

You _did_ understand, Charlie very obviously loves and misses his son but that didn't make his plan to leave hurt any less. And of course he didn't expect this, _you_ , to happen. You sure as hell didn't. Fate was cruel that way, bringing you together to ultimately rip you apart.

The pain in your chest forced you to stop your thoughts right there.

You pushed the idea of going back to a life without Charlie out of your mind as sleep won out, pulling you under.


	21. I Feel It Too

You and Charlie didn't talk anymore about what he told you, not even in the morning. You tried to act like you forgot while he made you breakfast. You tried to push it from your mind as you walked home to change before work.

But no matter how hard you tried, the thought was always there in the back of your mind.

_Your time with Charlie is running out._

—

"Hold!" You could hear the focus in Josh's voice.

You and your fellow actors were frozen on stage while the lights adjusted all around you. Tech week was always your favorite part of any show. The nervous energy buzzing through the air always felt so exciting to you.

"Go!" Charlie's voice rang out this time. You and your cast mates resumed running through the show until you were told to stop again.

"Hold," Charlie this time. Because of the bright lights adjusting around you, you couldn't get a good look at them but you knew they were standing side by side, whispering back and forth to one another.

Normally them being so close to each other would send you straight into a panic, broken up or not. After all Josh still didn't know that the other man was Charlie. But you felt comforted by the fact that they were both too busy getting everything perfect for opening night, making a casual conversation pretty unlikely.

The sudden sound of your name pulled you out of your thoughts. Charlie was calling you.

"You're needed in costuming," you could see his face emerge from the darkness at the edge of the stage. Your heart swelled at the sight of him and you couldn't help but let a smile slip before nodding and heading off stage.

As you climbed the step, you started to feel a nervous energy wash over you.

Costuming was upstairs, with Mary Ann.

—

_Knock Knock_

"Come in," you pushed open the door and found Mary Ann working on hand sewing beads onto a heap of fabric. She didn't look at you as you entered but that was a-ok with you. "Your costume is in the fitting room. Step out when it's on so I can check it."

You nodded at no one as you slipped into the fitting room. Once undressed you started fussing with the costume for a minute before the reflection of your nearly bare breasts caught your eye. Purple welts littered your chest and you instantly thought back to how they got there in the first place, Charlie almost ripping your bra off your body, his fingers inside of you while he sucked the flesh of your tits between his teeth.

The memory made you blush, electric heat pooling between your legs. You took in a deep breath before turning your attention back to the intricate puzzle of linen and silk that was your costume. You really hoped the bustiers would hide the evidence of your night together, especially in the presence of Mary Ann.

It didn't.

Well, not entirely. A few were peaking out from the ruffles on your chest. You tried to pull the corset up, cover them as much as you could but it was no use. With a defeated sigh, you stepped out from the fitting room as Mary Ann came to examine you. Her eyes immediately fell to the purple marks left by Charlie's mouth. Your hand instinctively flew to your chest and started rubbing, as if you could erase them with your palm.

"You may want to tell your _boyfriend_ to lay off until after the show wraps. I don't think _those_ are very in character." Her pointed finger gestured at your chest.

You were at a loss for words. It suddenly hit you that no one here except for you, Charlie and Josh knew that you and Josh had broken up. Even fewer people knew what you, or rather _who_ , you did after said break up. You smirked to yourself, a strange satisfaction rising in you as you gave her a quick nod. She ignored you and went right to work examining how the costume fit your figure, pining any loose fabric taught to your body.

This went on for some minutes when the sudden click of the latch opening pulled both of your attention to the door.

Charlie stepped into the room, a warm smile stretched across his face as he drank you in.

"Just wanted to check and see how much longer until I got my Rosalind back." His eyes met yours and then fell to your semi exposed chest, zeroing in on the purple marks he had left behind last night. You saw his adam's apple bob as he swallowed his desire.

He walked up to Mary Ann and whispered something in her ear, gesturing to your chest. For a moment you began to panic.

_What the fuck is he doing?_

Whatever he said, Mary Ann wasn't a fan, rolling her eyes as she turned away from him. 

"Take the bra off." Her tone was icy.

Confused but eager to get this whole thing over with, you stepped back into the fitting room, not bothering to close the door. Mary Ann turned to get something to show Charlie but you could see his eyes watching your every move in the mirror. You couldn't help but feel the heat return between your legs as you pulled off your bra and adjusted your breasts to sit more comfortably in the corset. More of your chest was exposed now, the purple welts littering your skin plain to see. You stepped out of the fitting room, doing your best to avoid eye contact with Charlie.

Your body felt flush as Mary Ann and Charlie took in the sight of your skin, though for entirely different reasons.

"Good. That looks better." Charlie's voice became muffled as he started to run his hand across his mouth. Mary Ann shot him a look and then turned back to you.

_Fuck_.

"I need you back downstairs, ASAP. I want to try to get this scene lit before we break for lunch."

Charlie didn't even wait for you to respond before he turned and left the room.

Desperate to avoid Mary Ann's piercing gaze, you slipped back into the fitting room, closing and locking the door behind you. She didn't seem like the violent type but you wouldn't put it past her to stab you with a seam ripper or something right about now.

You didn't say a word as you slipped out of the costuming room. You could feel the anger radiating off of her and that was one bear you were not going to poke, at least no more than you and Charlie already unwittingly had. You entered the dark stairwell, relief flooding your body with the more distance you put between you and Mary Ann.

You were about to descend the steps when an arm wrapped around your waist and yanked you backwards into the darkness. You instinctively let out a scream but a hand flew to cover your mouth, silencing your sound.

That's when your brain recognized his scent.

Charlie's voice was low in your ear, his desire pressing into your back.

"When we break for lunch, wait 10 minutes and then meet me on the catwalk. Understood?"

You gave him an eager nod as you pushed you ass against his crotch. The feeling of his already hard cock against your backside made your pussy ache for him. You wanted to say fuck it and jump him right here and now but as suddenly as he had grabbed you, he had let you go.

Without a word you made your way down the stairs and back towards your spot on stage.

—

"Hey!" You looked up to see Hannah walking over to where you were sitting in the house.

"Hey! What's up?" You put your pen down and shut your script, giving her your undivided attention.

"A bunch of us are going to eat at that little cafe down the street for lunch, you coming with?"

You almost said yes when you remembered you and Charlie already had... _plans_. "Oh, that's ok. Thank you though."

Disappointment flashed across her face. You liked Hannah, she was pretty cool and you couldn't help but feel like she'd really get along with Sam. "Are you sure? Josh is coming." The innocence in her statement, saying Josh would be there like it was a good thing...

You pressed your lips together, shaking your head. "I have a lot of work to do here." You tapped your fingers on your script.

"Do you want us to bring something back for you at least?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure. You said you're going to the place down the street? I'll text you my order." You took out your phone and sent her your order- a Greek salad but with olive oil and vinegar instead of the dressing, before pulling out your wallet and giving her the money for it. "Thanks, Hannah."

She smiled warmly as she took the money. "No problem, babe!"

You watched her walk out of the theater before turning your attention back to your script. You glanced at your phone, checking the time before scribbling some nonsense on a blank page. You watched the clock on your phone, waiting for the last few people to leave the theater.

Finally, just shy of the 10 minute mark you put your things away before sneaking back stage.

You heart was racing as you climbed the two sets of stairs it took to get to the catwalks. When you made it to the top and out into the open space, you paused, searching for a a good place to wait. He said 'catwalk' so you cautiously stepped forward, choosing the middle walkway- the one that had the best view of both the stage and the audience. You admired the lighting equipment as you walked the narrow path, stopping in the center.

It was dark up here, the only light coming from the house lights below. You slowly eased your head over the railing, your heart skipping a beat when your realized how high up you were. You've never been a huge fan of heights but you'd be lying if you said that the idea of getting fucked up here by Charlie didn't have you already soaking through your panties. You were distracted, enjoying the birds eye view of the theater when you heard his steps draw closer. Excitement bubbled up in your gut as you kept your face forward, pretending to not hear him.

His arms wrapped around your waist, his mouth finding the soft flesh of your neck. You let out a soft moan as you flipped to look at him. He lips found yours as your hands wrapped themselves in his hair.

No matter how many times you and Charlie slept together, every time felt just as exciting as the first.

Your cunt ached, begging for his touch as he kissed you. As his tongue surveyed the familiar landscape of your mouth, your hands flew to his belt, unbuckling it before turning their attention to his pants. You reached your hand in, gripping his hard cock while your thumb lightly traced around his head. You felt him twitch in your hand and couldn't help but let out a satisfied giggle. He pulled his mouth from yours, staring at the fabric that was hiding his marks on your chest. His hands flew to the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and tossing it carelessly to the side.

"You have no idea how badly I wanted to fuck your right then and there." He was placing kisses along the trail of marks already on your tits.

You couldn't help but laugh, thinking of the look on Mary Ann's face when she realized the marks were from Charlie. "I don't think Mary Ann would have appreciated that."

" _Fuck_ Mary Ann," his hands pulled the straps of your bra down so hard it flipped inside out, exposing your tits to the warm theater air. He spun you around, pinning you against the railing of the catwalk with his body. His hand pressed itself to the back of your head, forcing you to look down; reminding you of how high up you really were. You gulped as Charlie squatted down behind you, pulling off your shoes and then your leggings and underwear, biting the supple flesh of your ass for good measure. You gasped as you looked behind you, only to see him pocketing your thong.

"Would you stop stealing my underwear?" You giggled. His eyes met yours as he stood, slapping your ass.

"I want you to think of me fucking you with every step you take for the rest of the day. _And_ I want to see my cum soaking through your pants." His words sent chills through you. He wrapped his hand around your throat, pulling a whimper from you. "Do you hear me?" You nodded as much as his grip would allow. He released you, tracing his fingers down your nearly naked body until he landed on your hips. He yanked your ass back towards him before he slapped his hard cock against your cunt. He didn't even bother playing around with you this time, immediately plunging into you. The squelch of your cunt drawing him in made you both whimper. One of his hands covered your mouth as he started to fuck you. Your head dropped over the edge of the railing while Charlie slowly drew his dick out, admiring how you stretched around him.

His pace stayed slow at first while he savored the feeling of your cunt but soon his self control crumbled and his hips started ramming into you. You tried desperately to hold in your moans as you felt your cum starting to drip down your thigh. He knew how to draw the most animalistic, primal response from your body without even having to try and you loved every fucking second of it. You were drunk on his cock, the anxiety of the height mixing with the intoxicating fullness of him inside of you.

Then you heard the door to the theater open.

You snapped back to reality and weakly went push Charlie out of you but he resisted, instead pushing himself as far into you as he could go and holding there. You let out a whimper which was thankfully muffled by Charlie's hand still over your mouth. You two stood there frozen, him still inside of you while you watched the theater below. To your horror, Josh walked in holding your salad. Charlie peered around you, spotting him too. He shoved his cock even deeper, pushing against your cervix and it took every ounce of self control you had to stay quiet.

Josh looked around for a second when you realized, your shirt was basically under his foot. Your heart stopped, you started frantically tapping on Charlie's hand over your mouth, trying to get his attention.

"I see it," he whispered, placing desperate kisses to your neck. The feeling of his lips pressed to your sensitive skin made your pussy squeeze him, pulling a low moan from his chest.

Panic mixed with pleasure as your body started to take over. You started rocking back on Charlie's cock as you both watched Josh below you. The height, the risk of getting caught, Charlie stretching you, it was all pulling you dangerously close to cumming. Your brain was telling you to stop, to wait for Josh to leave but your body refused to listen. Charlie pulled you up, your upper body now pressed against him while he quietly matched your pace. You did absolutely everything in your power to hold off your orgasm but you knew that you wouldn't last much longer. Finally Josh left, closing the door behind him. You both waited a few seconds before Charlie picked up the pace, his hips loudly smacking against yours. The sudden switch in intensity was your undoing. Your legs started to give, sending your body collapsing into Charlie's arms. He held you steady while your orgasm sent shockwaves of pleasure through your body, Charlie sloppily fucking you from behind.

"Fuck," he muttered as he came inside of you, his warmth coating your walls. Your legs slowly regained their strength as you two stood there, catching your breath. He pulled himself out of you slowly, milking his cock to make sure every drop of his seed was inside of you. When he was done, he eased you to face him. You loved how he looked after sex, his cheeks pink, eyes hazy. You leaned in and kissed him while he hugged you close, closer than he ever had before.

Before either of you pulled out of the kiss, you felt tears streaming down your face. You didn't even realize it was you that was crying until Charlie swiped his thumb over your cheek, wiping away a tear.

"I'm- I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying I just..." you weren't even sure what you were trying to say.

"It's ok, I know. I feel it too." His eyes searched yours for a moment more before he pulled you back into a kiss.


	22. Opening Night

"Hey, I'm about to leave but I wanted to make sure I said good luck tonight!" Sam popped her head into the bathroom as you stepped out of the shower, pulling a towel tight around your body. "I'm sorry I can't make it."

"Don't be! Opening night is usually a bit of a shit show anyway." Sam smiled and nodded, about to pull her head out when you stopped her. "Oh! I do have a ticket set aside for you though so whenever you _can_ come, you just have to go to the ticket booth and tell them your name." You smiled at her as you quickly ran a brush through your damp hair.

"Sounds good! Tell Charlie I say hi and good luck!"

"He's not up yet?" You set the brush down and reached for the door, cold air hitting your body in a _whoosh_ causing goosebumps to prickle your wet skin.

"I haven't seen him." Sam grabbed her work bag off the couch and slung it over her shoulder. "Break a leg tonight," she winked at you before heading to the door to put her shoes on.

"Thank you. I love you!" You slowly pushed open the door to your bedroom, not wanting to wake Charlie if he was still asleep. You gave Sam one final wave before slipping into your room and shutting the door.  
  


The room was mostly dark save for a single stream of light coming through the gap in your curtains. Opening night was always kind of a weird day, your mornings were usually free but then you'd end up staying at the theater late into the night. You gave your eyes a minute to adjust as you towel dried your body before climbing back into bed, curling up next to a naked and still asleep Charlie. You laid there for a moment, enjoying the sound of his rhythmic breathing when that horrible intrusive realization seeped back into your mind.

_Your time with Charlie is running out._

The thought turned your stomach, as it had for the last week.

There still hadn't been much of a discussion between you two about his imminent move to LA. The show was only set to run for a month, meaning you really only had 4 short weeks left with Charlie. You felt your eyes start to water as you watched him sleep in your bed where he had spent the last three nights; the four nights before that having been spent at his place. It was like you two had an unspoken agreement to spend as much time together as possible while you still could and as much as you loved every second of being with him, it felt there was this...cloud hanging over you.

"Charlie, wake up." You wiped away a rouge tear before gently nudging him awake. He slowly opened his eyes, a smile forming on his lips as his tired brain registered your face amongst the darkness. "Hi," you whispered sweetly to him, placing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"Hi," he took the back of your head and moved his lips to meet yours, kissing you with a depth only he could.

You pulled away, giving him a playful grin. "It's almost noon, you've got to get up." You started to sit up and scooch towards the edge of the bed when Charlie wrapped his arms around your naked body and pulled you back, a surprised laugh escaping you. " _Charlie!_ "

" _Shh_ ," he whispered as he laid you down and positioned himself between your legs. You felt your breathing become more excited as he leaned over you, trapping you beneath his massive frame.

"Charlie, you have prep to do for the show tonight." You tried to wiggle out from underneath him but he took your hands in his and pinned them above your head.

"Says who?" He was looking directly into your eyes, even through the darkness you could see the smirk on his face. He was toying with you and it made your cunt ache for him.

" _Charlie_ ," you weakly protested. He dipped his head to your neck as you spoke, lightly brushing his lips against your skin before he whispered your name in response, punctuated with an enticing kiss to your collarbone. "We have to _go_ ," you whined but you didn't really mean it. Your heart started pounding in your chest as your legs wrapped themselves around his body, pulling him closer.

He lowered his head down until his lips were teasing yours, your breath hitching in your throat, "let the stage manager handle it."

You couldn't help but let out a soft laugh as he kissed you. You felt yourself melting against him as you always did, your bodies pressing together. You slowly rolled your hips up as he ground down into you, his need for you growing more and more apparent as it pressed between your thighs. His grip on your wrists loosened only momentarily as he moved one large hand to hold them both in place, his other hand snaking between your legs.

He teased your cunt with his fingers, pulling a moan from you as he grazed your sensitive clit. His thumb slowly started to work your bud as you writhed beneath him. Through fluttering eyes you realized he was watching you, biting his lip as he admired how your thighs quivered with each swipe of his thumb. Just when you thought you couldn't take anymore, he dipped two fingers into you causing an elated gasp.

" _Always so wet for me,_ " he growled into your ear. He pulled his fingers from you and grabbed the base of his cock, positioning himself to enter you. You felt him push in, spearing your cunt when something flipped in your mind, pulling you out of the moment.

_In a month, he could be doing this with someone else._

_And you'll be alone._

You squeezed your eyes shut as tears formed behind your eyelids. You felt your chin begin to quiver so you bit the inside of your lip, hoping he wouldn't notice.

But of course he did.

Charlie immediately pulled himself from you and let your wrists go, "are you ok? Did I do something?" The concern in his voice was palpable, even just the idea of hurting you sounded like it cut right through him. You shook your head, your eyes dewy as they met his. "You're lying," he sat back, pulling you up with him.

He adjusted himself so that you were sitting practically in his lap, your legs wrapped around him. "No I'm not," you whispered weakly, your jaw clenched as you tried to look anywhere but at Charlie.

He took your face in his hands, forcing your eyes to meet his. "You're a horrible liar." Seeing his face, so sweet and so close to yours...a tear slipped down your cheek against your will and with that, as if on cue, Charlie pulled you into a tight hug. The feeling of his body against yours, his warmth enveloping you, the knowledge that one day you will hug him for the last time...it broke you. You felt a hand rest on the back of your neck, lips grazing your forehead. "Please talk to me," he whispered.

You pulled away, shaking your head as your buried your face in your hands. You took a few breaths to steady yourself before you spoke. "I'm sorry, it's dumb."

"It's not-" his arms wrapped around your body and squeezed.

"I just... _I don't want you to go_ ," your voice breaking as you spoke.

You sat there in his arms for awhile, silent tears rolling down your face. Finally you looked up and realized that he was crying too.

That's when it hit you how hard this all must have been for him too.

To have these plans to finally be near your child permanently only then to find yourself in this...situation. Having had to carry the burden of knowing that things would eventually have to come to an end with you. You felt guilty for being so selfish, for wanting him to stay when he was only leaving so that he could be a father to his son again, something you saw first hand how badly he wanted.

"Things don't have to end between us, you know." He spoke cautiously into your ear.

Your eyes met and you couldn't help but try to look hopeful. You wanted to comfort him, to help ease his pain.

You nodded, leaning in to kiss him. "We should get ready to go," you whispered as you slid off of him. Eager to change the subject, you swung your legs over the bed and grabbed your towel as he did the same, only reaching for his briefs. "Are you excited for tonight?"

"I should be asking you that, it being your first production with the company and all."

You let a sigh of relief as you pushed down your sadness from earlier; bottling it back up. At least for now, you could pretend that this was how things would always be.

_

"Now that's what I call a successful opening night!" Josh was standing on a chair in the middle of the green room, the whole cast and crew clapping and cheering around him. Ben came up behind you and lifted you, both of you laughing as he spun you around.

"You were amazing!" He set you down and you found yourself trying not to topple over in your shockingly unsteady character shoes.

You turned and grabbed at his shoulder as you tried to find your footing, "Are you kidding me? _You_ were amazing!"

You felt a hand lightly tap your back. You turned to see Hannah beaming at you, a bucket of flowers in one hand and a rose held out to you in the other. "This is for you, you guys did such a great job tonight."

You took the rose from her, giving her a quick hug. "Thank you! Hang on, let me just-" you used Ben's shoulder to steady yourself as you kicked off your shoes. You bent down to get them but before you had the chance, boney fingers snatched them first. You looked up and, to your dismay, found Mary Ann glaring at you, holding your shoes.

"I don't know what run down community theater you're used to but here-"

"Mary Ann, can I speak with you a minute?" All four of you turned your heads at the sound of Charlie's voice. To anyone else he probably seemed fine, perhaps a little more focused than usual but that was easily explained away with it being opening night. But to you- you could see something flash behind his eyes as they darted between the four of you, lingering on you before settling on Mary Ann.

He seemed... _angry_.

You looked away as Mary Ann strutted over to Charlie, the clack of her heels like nails on a chalkboard in your head. Charlie and Mary Ann disappeared into the backstage area and you turned back to Hannah and Ben. "She _really_ doesn't like me," you joked half-heartedly.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it, she'll warm up to you," Hannah gave you gentle pat on the shoulder as she moved on to give the rest of the cast their flowers.

"You're coming to Baumbach's later right?" Ben was already turning to follow Hannah.

"Yeah, I'll be there!" You smiled as you watched him turn away. As soon as he did you sped over as casually as possible to the doorway that Charlie and Mary Ann disappeared through. You rested your back on the wall and pretended to look at something on the celling as you listened to their conversation.

"Lower your voice," you were right, he _was_ angry. You could hear it.

"Just answer the question, Charlie! Are you fucking her?"

"That is _none_ of your business."

"You are! I knew it! I'm sure her _boyfriend_ would love to find out about-"

"They aren't together anymore and you are overstepping some serious boundries-"

"Because you're fucking her." She sounded desperate...you almost felt bad. _Almost_.

"Mary Ann, _that's enough_. I mean it." Charlie's tone even made _your_ heart drop. You couldn't help but feel this weird slurry of anxiety and security when you realized his footsteps were closing in on the doorway- the doorway that you were eavesdropping next to. You quickly pushed off the wall and tried to find something to look busy doing. You desperately looked around but couldn't find anything so you turned to walk away and ended up basically chest bumping Charlie. You watched the anger melt from his face as he looked down at you. You gulped as you stared up at him, doing everything you could not to lean up and kiss him right there front of the whole cast.

"Thank you," you whispered, gently patting his chest before adjusting his suit jacket. "You look very handsome tonight."

"I have some notes for you later." You nodded, moving away from him. "You're going to the cast party, right?"

"I mean Sam's working so-" you briefly let your familiarity with him slip before you caught yourself, "um...yeah. I don't know where it is though."

"We'll go together." He was very matter-of-fact about it, as if it were insane that you would think anything else. "You get changed and I'll meet you out front." He smiled at you as he walked away, his hand lingering on your arm; his longing for your affection obvious in his touch. You smiled to yourself as you headed to the dressing room to change.

"Hey," your heart stalled in your chest. You'd know that voice anywhere.

"Hey Josh," you turned to see him standing there, holding a flower from Hannah's bucket.

"Good job ton-"

"Congratulation-"

You both let out an awkward chuckle. This was quickly becoming the most you'd said to each other since the park.

"You did a great job calling the show," you said, trying to ease the tension. "Especially when Larry went up on his cue."

"Yeah that was a little...spooky," he laughed.

"You did a great job covering it." You smiled at him, but he didn't really reciprocate so you just stood there awkwardly. "Well, I've got to change but...I hope you're doing well, Josh."

"Not as well as you, apparently." He wasn't looking at you but his words couldn't have been more pointed if he had tried.

"Excuse me?" Against your better judgment, you felt yourself get defensive. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means." His eyes bore into you now, sending your pulse skyrocketing.

"Good bye, Joshua," you shoved past him and went directly to the dressing room, doing your best not to slam the door behind you.

You tried to shake your encounter with Josh as you grabbed your clothes and started undoing the hooks of your costume.

Over your dead body will you let Josh ruin this night for you.

_

You wrapped your coat tighter around your body as the brisk night air blew against you. You were listening to a few of people you didn't know talk about their favorite parts of the show to Charlie while he politely nodded and smiled along.

"And you! You were simply phenomenal!" The older woman in the group turned to you, taking your hand. "I haven't seen you in anything before, are you new to acting?"

"Oh, thank you! Uh, this is my first...bigger role so," you shyly responded, trying not to blush at the kind strangers' compliment.

She patted your hand before releasing you, "so talented and _very_ pretty!" She winked at Charlie and you could have sworn you saw his cheeks turn pink.

"It was so great to see you guys again but I'm afraid we have to get going! Give Jazzy my best." Charlie's hand found the small of your back, ushering you to the side; your escape from the conversation that far overstayed it's welcome. Charlie nodded at the group as you both walked away, heading down the street.

You walked in silence for about a block before he dropped his hand from your back.

"So, you said you had notes for me?" You turned to look at Charlie who was already looking at you.

"Yes, I do. Um-" he stopped and glanced around for a second. "Here," he took your hand and pulled you off into an alleyway. After what felt like an eternity, you and Charlie were finally alone. You wanted nothing more than to push him against the wall and kiss him; to give him a proper thank you for standing up to Mary Ann earlier but for whatever reason your body refused to move. So instead you just stood there as he dug his little notebook from his pocket and started flipping through the delicate pages.

"Act two, scene 4, when you enter you're supposed to be worn down but you still sounded a little too hopeful," he kept his face to his notebook as he began to flip through the pages again. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from smiling at him while you admired his 'serious' face. "And then in the scene where you're sparring with Ben, let your hand linger a little longer on his arm. It just felt like you forgot your intention for a second."

"I can do that. Anything else?" He looked up at you as he put his notebook back in his pocket. He shook his head no as he studied your face.

"Come here," your heart started fluttering as he pulled you close to him, his lips landing on yours. The kiss was short but it felt like you could finally breathe, his lips your oxygen. He held your face close to his- his expression was soft, dripping with admiration. "You were amazing tonight, I'm so proud of you."

_I'm so proud of you._

Tears started welling in your eyes. You had been complimented all night but this, hearing _that_ from Charlie. It meant the absolute world to you.

He gave you a quick kiss to your forehead before taking your hand in his. "Let's go. Wouldn't want anyone to get _suspicious,"_ he joked _._

You two left the alleyway and walked hand in hand until you were almost at the bar. When you got close enough to potentially run into anyone else, you mutually pulled your hands away and put them in your pockets.

Charlie stepped up to the building and opened the door for you. As you entered the building, you were immediately bombarded by the cast and crew all cheering, various people shouting Charlie's name for good measure.

You joined in the celebration, smiling at him as he feigned a bow before turning his applause back onto the rest of the cast and crew.

You slipped out of his way and headed towards the bar to get a drink.

_

You pulled your attention away from the group of cast members you were talking to, casually glancing around the bar when your eyes met Charlie's. He smiled at you sweetly and nodded for you to come over to him. Normally you would have been hesitant since you were in public but the two drinks you had were dulling your in inhabitantions.

You excused yourself from the conversation and started heading towards Charlie when a very drunk Josh stumbled in front of you. At first you were taken aback but you quickly felt yourself annoyed, not forgetting your interaction from earlier. "Move," you tried to walk around him but he blocked you again. Josh seemed to have this annoying habit of standing between you and Charlie and you were over it. "I said _move_." You shoved past him when you noticed Charlie was already on his way over to you.

"Wait-" Josh grabbed your shoulder, Charlie's jaw immediately tightening. You raised your hand to Charlie, reassuring him that you could handle this yourself.

"Josh, you're drunk. You should go home." You pulled his hand off of your shoulder, squeezing it in your own. As irritating as he was being, there was still apart of you deep down that didn't want to see him hurt. Two years of caring for someone doesn't just disappear, no matter how much you wished it would.

"I just want to talk." You could see the tears welling in his eyes. You sighed, trying to stave off the guilt rising in your chest.

"And we will, tomorrow. When you're _sober_. Good night, Josh." You didn't even give him a chance to respond before you pulled away and turned to walk towards Charlie. You had barely reached him before he grabbed your elbow, pulling your body close to his.

"I have something to show you." He whispered in your ear. You looked up at him with eager eyes, completely disregarding the world around you. He motioned towards a secluded part of the bar before guiding you over. You heart was thrumming in your chest, excitement coursing through your veins as you made your way to an unassuming door that read "staff only". You shot Charlie a look of confusion as he effortlessly reached to the top of the door jam, grabbing a key and unlocking the door. He opened it just enough to usher you and himself through before easing it shut.

You now found yourself in a dark stairwell, the only light coming from a dying fluorescent lamp high up on the wall. You turned to Charlie, waiting for further directions when he took your hand and lead you up the stairs. After a couple of flights you came to another door, this one apparently unlocked as Charlie reached for the knob and swung it open.

When the door opened you were immediately met with a cold breeze followed by an overwhelmingly beautiful view of the New York City skyline.

"Oh shit", you murmured, making Charlie laugh. You stepped forward, completely enthralled with the view of the city, Charlie following close behind you...


	23. The Rooftop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babes! Just wanted to warn you that this one gets a little intense emotionally including a character getting a little rough with YN. Please proceed with caution if you find that kind of thing triggering (it's short, I promise) and remember- pain with a purpose. Love you all!

You weren't sure how long you stood there for, taking in the sight of the city. In all your years of living here, you'd never actually seen the city like this, from this point of view. You were always too busy working or auditioning to actually live the romanticized New Yorker lifestyle that you had dreamt of as a kid.

But now you were here, and not only here but here with Charlie. On opening night of the show that could open so many doors for you. You turned to make sure he was behind you before you leaned back, Charlie instinctively wrapping his arms around you and holding you close. You two stood there, admiring the view in silence, simply enjoying each other's presence- each others warm.

Even if just for a minute, you were able to push it all away. Josh drunk down stairs, Mary Ann's seething hatred for you and, hardest of all, Charlie's impending move.

In this moment, nothing else mattered but you, him and the sparkling cityscape in the background. Relief, for the first time in a week settling in your chest.

Charlie held you tighter. "What?" his voice was barely above a whisper.

You shook your head, unwilling to tell the truth; afraid of ruining the moment, "it's--beautiful." You looked up at him, realizing that while you were captivated by the view, he was captivated by you. "What?" you asked sweetly, already knowing the answer.

"So are you." His words stole your breath, sweeping warmth enveloping your body and pooling between your thighs.

You two just stared at each other for a moment before your eyes fell to his lips. Taking your cue, Charlie leaned in and kissed you. It felt like your bodies were one as you spun to face him, your hands moving to undress each other in perfect unison; a choreographed dance that you two knew by heart. Within minutes you and Charlie had pulled each other's clothes off and you stood there naked, the glimmering city melting away behind you. It was just you and Charlie alone on this roof and you intended to make every second, every movement count.

Charlie stepped towards you, closing the space between your bodies.

"Charlie," you breathed.

He whispered your name in response, his hand gently finding the side of your face as his thumb traced the velvet flesh of your lips. Your breathing became more labored, your bare breasts rising and falling dramatically with every breath. You wanted him, you _needed_ him.

"Take me."

And like that, he was on you.

Your lips moved together with desperate passion as he eased your body against the ledge, the cold brick pressing into your back as he moved his arm under your leg- hoisting it over his shoulder.

The head of his cock slowly breeched your entrance, letting your eager cunt take him to the hilt. You whimpered as he filled you, your head falling back as your body was overcome with pleasure. He pushed himself so deep into you that a surprised whimper fell from your lips.

"Fuck, _Charlie_. I feel you in my belly," You whined as you looked up at him, one hand desperately grabbing at his neck while the other supported your weight on the half wall behind you.

Both of his hands found the back of your neck as he sunk himself deeper inside of you. "You're _mine._ Every bit of you is _fucking mine_. These tits, this pussy, _mine,_ " he said between ragged breaths. His eyes didn't leave yours as he fucked you, the sound of your hips slapping together being drown out by the ambiance of the city. "Say it."

You nodded, keeping your eyes locked on his. "I'm yours."

"Again."

"I'm yours, Charlie. _Oh god_ -" your head dropped and you watched him fuck you, admiring how your cunt swallowed him. A sudden hand on your chin pulled your face to meet his, his lips crashing into yours.

"Touch yourself for me. I want to watch you make yourself cum."

You nodded again, your hand immediately finding your clit as he watched. You started slow, wanting to hold off your orgasm as long as you could but soon you lost yourself in white hot pleasure, your fingers moving faster and faster around your cunt as Charlie rammed into you. You felt it, your breaths turning into desperate gasps as your orgasm ripped through your body. Every single one of your nerves sang as he fucked you, your fingers still abusing your clit. You were screaming, gasping, turning into a groveling mess in his arms.

"You're so fucking gorgeous," your name on his lips was more sensual than any moan you had ever heard. His brow was pressed to yours, his gaze falling to your cunt as it milked him. His hand grasped your throat, holding you still while his pace became more erratic. Your mind was fuzzy as you came back to earth, the fullness in your cunt holding you still on the edge of madness. Charlie didn't bother trying to muffle his pleasure as he came, expletives falling from his lips as he filled you to the brink with his seed. You focused on the feeling of his cock twitching inside of you as you tried to catch your breath.

When you both had finally steadied yourselves he eased your leg down, the muscles in your groin screaming in opposition. Charlie gathered your clothes for you as you allowed your legs to readjust to their rightful position.

He smiled softly to himself as he sorted through the heap of fabric, handing you what was yours.   
"Thank you," you giggled as you slipped back into your pants, slowly piecing the rest of your outfit together.

"So my place or yours tonight?" He said with a smirk as he fastened his belt.

You playfully pondered for a minute before responding. "Hm...yours."

_

You slipped through the door first, making your way over to the bar, the soft click of the latch telling you that Charlie had made his way through the door too. You made your way as casually as you could to the bar to get your coat when you felt a hand aggressively grab your arm.

" _You're fucking Charlie_."

Josh's words cleaved your chest in half. Your heart started pounding so hard that it rang in your ears. You spun on your heels to face him. "You're hurting me," you hissed through gritted teeth, shrugging his hand off of you.

"That's who you cheated on me with. That's why you dumped me. Cause _you're fucking Charlie_!" His face was red and tear stained as he shouted, the entire bar's eyes now on you. You could faintly hear the sound of heavy footsteps hurrying over to you.

"Lower your voi-"

"You are, don't even try to fucking deny it." The veins in his neck were bulging now as he took a menacing step towards you, causing you to bump into the chair behind you.

"Hey!" Charlie's voice echoed somewhere in the back of your mind as you stared down Josh, your entire body shaking.

"Is there a problem here," you could hear the bartender moving behind the bar.

Josh leaned into you, pushing you further back- nearly pinning you against the bar. " _I heard you in the theater_." His words were low and dripping with venom. You felt like you were going to vomit or pass out, you weren't quite sure which.

"Josh-" your voice was weak-pleading, but he didn't care.

" _How could_ _you_ ," his voice broke as a large hand grabbed his arm, yanking him backwards. You looked up through tearful eyes to see Charlie, his face red and chest heaving as he stepped between you.

"You need to leave. **_Now_**." Charlie's voice was low, livid.

"And _you,"_ he sneered.

The anger directed at Charlie cemented your fight or flight response. You stepped out from behind Charlie, your face bright red; body trembling. "Joshua, you're drunk."

"And you're a _fucking whore!_ "

You saw Charlie's hand tighten into a fist and start to draw back. "Charlie don't!" You immediately grabbed his arm and held it tight to your body, afraid he'd do something he'd regret. You felt the tension in Charlie's arm release as the bartender snatched Josh by his collar and started dragging him away.

"I fucking quit! Find a new stage manger to fuck over," he shouted at you and Charlie, stumbling backwards.

"Get out," the bartender yelled as he tossed him out the back door.

For a moment everything was painfully quiet, like everyone in the bar had stopped breathing. Charlie turned to you, his hands resting cautiously on your shoulders. "Are you ok?"

You were stunned, your head still trying to wrap itself around what the hell just happened as you looked around the bar. Every single person's eyes were on you, horror and intrigue poring in from every angle. Even Mary Ann looked absolutely horrified when your eyes briefly met hers.

Humiliated and with tears now a steady stream down your face, you pulled away from Charlie and booked it out of the bar as fast as you could. You stumbled out into the chilled New York air as you did your best not to crumble right there on the sidewalk. Your breathing was short and fast, vision blurred with tears as you let your legs carry you aimlessly. You didn't know where you were or where you were going but you didn't care. You just needed to get as far away from there as you could.

You were so busy trying and failing to hold yourself together that you didn't even realize Charlie was behind you until he grabbed your arm and pulled you to him.

You immediately collapsed into him, your body wracked with sobs.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into you while he held you tight, completely supporting you as you fell apart. "I'm so sorry." He repeated, this time softer.

He stood there, holding you while you worked through the rollercoaster of your emotions, switching between sobbing and screaming before finally settling into weak, exhausted tears. Even as your tears slowed Charlie still held you tight. At first you thought it was because he didn't realize you were actually capable of supporting your own weight again but then you realized- he was working through his own pain. You weren't the only one that was just embarrassed in front of everyone, fuck he almost hit Josh because of _you_.

You stayed there and let him hold you while you both came down from what had just happened, your breathing syncing as it leveled out.

"Charlie," you whispered, looking up at him. Tears rolling down his face as he looked down at you.

"Please-" he shook his head, turning his face away from you.

"Charlie...I think we should-"

"Please don't."

You took in a broken gasp as you pulled away from him, trying to sort through what you were feeling- what you were even trying to say. "Charlie, we were reckless."

"So what?" he shook his head.

"So _what_? Charlie! Are you serious?" You were yelling now but you didn't care.

"Who gives a fuck what they think," he stepped toward you, his face dropping slightly to be closer to yours.

You pulled your head back, dodging him. "I do! You're the one leaving, not me. I'll still have to _work_ with these people when you're gone. Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to be the new girl caught fucking the director? Any idea how _bad_ that makes me look!"

"So come with me." His words were short and fast but they still landed in your ears clear as day.

"...what?"

"Come with me."

You were frozen. "Wh-I... _Charlie_."

"Please, I want you to come." He closed the distance between you again, taking your hands in his.

"Charlie, my life is here, my family. I can't just up and move across the country in a month."

He dropped your hands, exasperated. "Why? You've done nothing but mope since I told you I was leaving."

"Because I don't want you to go!"

"So then come with me!" You couldn't help but notice how he spoke with his hands when he was upset.

"I can't," you fried back.

"Then what's the point? What's the point of this?" He gestured between you, his stare nearly piecing your soul.

Worse still were his words that sliced right through you, forcing you to get defensive. "You tell me! Why'd you even start _this_ if you were just going to leave?"

"I didn't know what _this_ would _be!_ In the beginning it wasn't- I didn't." He paused his hands flying up, fingers raking through his hair. "I didn't think about what the future would look like, I didn't even consider there to _be_ a future for us. I thought it was going to be a one time thing, a lapse in judgment."

"So I was just a lapse in judgment to you?" You spit.

"Ye- _no_. _No_ , you know what I meant! You're telling me that you saw us being here when all of this started two months ago?"

An couple awkwardly pushed past you, you and Charlie briefly snapping out of it to move out of their way.

Of course you didn't see you and Charlie here after the first time you fucked him. You were being irrational, you knew that. Your brain knew you were overreacting but you couldn't help it. It was like there was something inside you that made this fiery rage in your gut impossible to douse.

"Come with me. Please. Just try it out for a month." His voice was quiet now, pleading.

"Charlie, that feels...fast. Even for us. Uprooting my whole life and moving across the country for a man I barely know."

"What are you talking about?"

"Charlie, we don't know each other!"

"Oh I know you. I probably know you better than you know yourself."

"Fuck off, Charlie."

" _I love you_."

His admission paralyzed you, the oxygen ripped from your lungs as the full weight of his words settled on you. You knew he did...and you knew that he knew that you loved him too. But to hear it out loud, to hear him speak it into existence.

"Charlie-"

" _I love you_ and I need you with me. When you're not around I- I can't sleep. I can't eat. You're all I can think about."

"That's not love, Charlie! That's obsession."

"Sowhat!" His tone was desperate now.

"So! Obsession fades, Charlie! It comes on hot and fast but it _burns out_." You felt vitriol about to spew forward. You tried to stop it but it was like you weren't even in control of your own body anymore. "That's probably why you're fucking divorced. You were probably obsessed with her too until one day you weren't."

_"Don't you dare!"_ He hissed.

"What? Do you still love her?" The words felt like glass in your mouth.

"Don't." His voice was low, anger twisting his face. "She is the mother of my son. You do _not_ get to do that."

There was a war in your mind- the rational part of your brain and this wildfire rage- fighting to the death. Of course there was part of him that loved his ex-wife. You weren't there, you didn't know what their relationship was and you sure as hell don't understand the connection of sharing a child with someone but...you still couldn't help but feel suddenly stung. Like no matter what, you would always be second to his ex-wife...because the fact is, you would.

"Then I guess it's a good thing you're moving to LA to be near her then, huh."

"I guess so."

You two stood there in silence staring at each other while the sounds of the city echoed around you. The tension was so thick between you and Charlie that it felt like you were choking on it.

"I'm sor-"

"I need to go home." You cut him off, crossing your arms over your chest. You didn't actually want to leave him but you knew that if you stayed you would say more irrational shit that you didn't mean.

Charlie stepped closer, your name a desperate plea. "Please."

You backed away, "I'm sorry, Charlie."


	24. Fuck Men

_"...I love you."_

_"I love you and I need you with me."_   
  


_"I'm sorry, Charlie."_   
  
  


Two weeks.

Two weeks had come and gone, seemingly in the blink of an eye.

Two weeks since Charlie told you that he loved you and you didn't say it back. Two weeks since you chose to walk away from him instead. 

Two weeks of time wasted; regret weighing on your chest, making it impossible to catch your breath.

You should call him, you knew it had to be you that reached out first. He told you that he loved you and you rebuffed him, of course you had to be the one to reach out...but as time went on and he avoided you more and more at work, you started to think that maybe...maybe he didn't want you to.

So you didn't.

The thought that he didn't want to hear from you hurt—it devastated you—but you figured after your meltdown...your distance was probably for the best. The sooner you ripped off the bandaid of not having Charlie around, the better.

_"Come with me."_

_Fuck_ _!_ Fucking fuck _fuck_ _!_

You spent almost every night in bed replaying the entire thing. The alleyway, the rooftop, Josh's _outburst._

Yeah...that had made life at work pretty much an absolute nightmare. Mary Ann and you may basically be mortal enemies at this point but at least she kept it mostly to herself. The whole crew, besides Hannah, basically turned on you, not that you could blame them. As far as they were concerned you were the cheating girlfriend who hurt their friend...and it's not like they were _wrong_.

The cast was a little more lenient when taking the news but you still heard the whispers as you left the room, people wondering out loud if the real reason you were here at all was because of your relationship with Charlie. It felt like high school. No, worse than high school. At least in high school when rumors would run wild you didn't end up losing your job.

You kept trying to remind yourself that no one had actually fired you...yet, but the idea of them calling you back to do another show once Charlie left seemed more and more unlikely with every passing day. It felt like in an instant all of your hard work- the last _five years_ of your life- had been flushed down the drain...all because you were too much of a coward to just end things with Charlie like you should have.

...even just thinking that made you feel nauseous. You didn't want to end things with Charlie, of course you didn't; that's why you're in this position in the first place. That's why you did what you did. You were inexplicably drawn to Charlie, addicted to him... _in love_ with him.

You sighed and rolled over in bed, your head still throbbing. That was another "perk" of the last two weeks, apparently now you got stress headaches which had an annoying habit of coming on at the end of almost every show and lasting through most of the night. Thankfully you had the next two days off so you could, you know...do what you did every night for the last 14 days. Lay in bed. 

You were drifting in out of sleep when Sam busted into your room- flipping the switch and flooding your bedroom with bright, unforgiving light.

" _Ah_ , what the fuck!" You yelled, throwing your hands over your eyes.

"Oh good, you're alive." She grabbed your blanket and started pulling as you groaned in protest. You wrapped your leg around the blanket and she quickly gave up. "We're going out."

"Oh dear god, no," you took the pillow from next to you and threw it over your face, trying desperately to use it to hold onto your fatigue but it was quickly ripped from you, Sam throwing it off to the side.

" _Stop_. You won't talk to him, you won't get out of bed-"

"I'm tired," you interjected, sitting up, but she steam rolled right through.

"You're starting to smell. _And_ you're bumming me out."

"I shower every day-"

" _Please_ , just humor me. I'm going out with a couple of work friends and I want you to come." She stared at you with wide, over exaggerated puppy dog eyes.

You looked at her for a second...you knew she was right. You knew getting out of bed would be the best thing you could do but you just didn't have the energy or the will. "Sam," you sighed, dropping your head onto your palm. "I have a raging headache. A loud bar sounds like the exact _opposite_ kind of place I wanna be right now." You laid back onto your bed with a sigh.

"Then we'll...go get tequila and go to a graveyard. Come _on_." You felt the bed shift as she knelt down, sitting next to you.

You pulled your gaze from the ceiling to look at her. Her face was so sweet and hopeful...and here you were, a depressed gremlin here to crush her spirit. Just like you did Charlie's.

You opened your mouth to speak but she cut you off.

"Don't give me that look."

You rolled your eyes, "what look?"

" _That_ look. Like you're going to say no."

You pulled the last surviving pillow over your head as you rolled away from her. "I love you."

She smacked your butt with an angry huff as she stood up. "I love you too." The light went out and the door clicked open. "The invitation still stands...if you change your mind."

And just like that, you were finally alone in your dark room again.

You shut your eyes and were immediately met with Charlie's smiling face. You felt yourself smile as a tear slipped past your closed eyelid, rolling down the side of your face.

You laid there, tears silently falling as you pictured Charlie. Charlie holding you on the roof, Charlie kissing you in his kitchen.

Charlie saying ' _I love you_ '.

You could feel your heart cracking, slowly breaking under the weight of his memory- under the weight of your mistake.

_You should have said it back. Why didn't you just fucking say it back._

You rolled over and buried your face into your pillow as your muffled weeping echoed through the air of your painfully lonely bedroom.

Eventually sleep served as your escape, setting in and momentarily numbing your heart ache.

—

A loud ping cut through your sleep. You eased open your weary eyes and immediately took notice of the bright phone screen- demanding your attention against the backdrop of your pitch black bedroom. You grabbed it and half glanced at the screen.

_An unknown number_   
_Attachment: 1 movie_

Confused, you sat up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. You unlocked your phone and went right to your messages. The preview of the video was all black. Your curiosity _thoroughly_ peaked, you tapped play and held it up to your ear to listen.

_Static, muffled movement_.  
" _Hey Charlie._ "

An icy chill ripped through your whole body.

Mary Ann.

_"What are you doing here?"_

_"I just came to talk."_

_Silence_

_"Come in."_

Against your will, your brain immediately pictured what was happening. Him moving aside, ushering her in like he had done you so many times before. You felt nauseous.

_"What are these boxes?"_

_"What do you want, Mary Ann?"_

You checked the time stamp on the video- 23:15

Over your dead fucking body are you listening to all of this. You started scrubbing though, stopping periodically- trying to figure out what her game plan was with sending you this.

You almost skipped past it, the words were so muddled. But you heard them.

_"-suck your cock-"_

You froze, your hand started trembling, vomit creeping it's way up your throat.

You dragged it back a few seconds and held it to your ear. Her voice was low, sultry.

" _You want me to suck your cock, don't you, Charlie."_

_The distinct sound of a belt being unbuckled._

A sharp exhale pushed itself from your chest, tears stinging the corner of your eyes.

Pain. You could feel nothing but pure, unadulterated pain.

You should turn it off, you _really_ didn't need to hear anymore but for some reason you didn't, you couldn't. It was like something was forcing you to hold still while your own personal hell played over a black screen.

The rest was too muffled to understand, or maybe you were just in a state of shock, but your brain filled in the rest for you. Charlie sitting on his couch, Mary Ann on her knees in front of him...her mouth around his dick. You tried to take a breath but you couldn't, heartbreak and disgust choked you as tears streamed down your face, vomit threatening to spew forward.

No, not threatening.

You clasped your hand over your mouth and ran to the bathroom as fast as you could. You nearly tripped over Sam as you slammed through bathroom door, throwing your head into the toilet just in time.

She ran in after you, holding back your hair as your stomach emptied itself.

"Oh my god, are you ok?" Sam was rubbing your back, your hair still gently twisted in her hand. "Are you sick?"

You pulled your head from the toilet and rested it on your hands as you tried to breathe through the tail end of your nausea.

"Dude..." her voice was laden with concern. You tried to look up at her but your head was spinning.

"I'm going to shower and then we can go," you said slowly, your face hanging over the toilet.

" _What_? No, you just threw up! You're going back to bed."

"No it's...I'm fine. Trust me. Just...go get ready."

Sam looked at you confused but you shooed her away with your hand, pushing your body away from the toilet until your back hit the cold hard acrylic of the bathtub.

"Are you sure?" She stood up, leaning against the sink. You nodded, resting your head on the edge of the tub. "God, I hope you're not preg-."

You shot her glare, interrupting her before she could finish her thought. "Go! Before I change my mind and crawl back to bed."

She threw her hands up in defeat backing out of the bathroom before turning and heading to her bedroom. You let out a sigh, trying to force Mary Ann's words—the sounds of Charlie's belt being undone—out of your mind. When the room stopped spinning enough to stand, you did, reaching for your toothbrush.

—

"To new beginnings!"

"To this one," Sam nudged your ribs, forcing an playful groan from you, "finally getting out of bed!"

"To not having to work tomorrow," you chimed in. You, Sam and the two other girls you were with all raised your shot glasses before throwing them back, slamming the glasses down on the table.

Your face twisted as the liquor slid down your throat, one of the other girls coughing and reaching for her soda.

"Thank you for inviting me out," you turned to Sam, resting your head on her shoulder.

"Thank you for coming." She lovingly patted your cheek. "You gunna tell me what made you so sick earlier or?"

You pulled yourself off of her with a groan, gathering up the four shot glasses and plucking them up in one hand. "Nope." You stood, yanking at the hem of your too short, and apparently too tight, dress. "I'll be right back," you said as you turned, making a conscious effort to hold your head up high as you walked towards the bar. When you made it, you flagged down the bartender, pointing to the empty shot glasses. "Hi! Could I get another round please?" The bartender nodded and took the glasses from you. "Thank you!" You shouted over the music as you mindlessly glanced around the bar.

That's when you saw him- already looking at you.

"Oh you've got to be _fucking_ kidding me," you muttered to yourself as you angled your body away. You watched anxiously as your shot glasses sat there untouched, the bartender occupied with something else. You were debating leaving them, tucking tail and running when you felt a tap on your shoulder.

_Shit_.

You begrudgingly turned around and found yourself face to face with one of the last people you wanted to see right now.

"Hi Josh."

"Hey," he looked down at his beer awkwardly. You craned your head around him to check on the bartender, still busy doing something else as your glasses sat unmoved and empty. You rolled your eyes as you went to walk away.

"I wanted to say I was sorry." His words caught you off guard. You could have sworn you heard him wrong.

"I'm sorry, what?" You turned your ear to him, in-part to actually hear him better but also half hoping to make him feel stupid for even approaching you in the first place.

"I said- listen. What I did wasn't cool. I know that."

"Ohso far from _cool_." You threw his words back at him.

"Hey, if you had been honest with me-"

"You didn't ask! And frankly, it's none of your business."

"Pretty sure it was my business when you were fucking him while we were still together," he threw your name at you like a weapon.

You paused, the tip of your tongue pressing to the back of your teeth. "Josh, I said I was sorry. _We broke up_ , I don't know what more you want from me."

"Maybe some fucking empathy!" He sneered at you.

"Oh give me a-"

"You went behind my back and fucked our boss! Someone I _introduced_ you to!"

"Josh-"

"No- you don't get to do that. You don't get to make me feel like I'm not important, like our two fucking years together didn't matter."

"I never said-"

"I _loved_ you! And you were fucking him every chance you got!"

" _Would you let me speak_!" You fired at him, thankful for the loud music that was keeping your argument between you and him. "Listen, if it's any consolation, karma got me back, ok? I was just a...game to him." Your words ripped your heart out as they fell from your lips. Part of you knew deep down they weren't true...at least that's what you were telling yourself.

"Oh boo-fucking-hoo."

"Get bent, Joshua." You turned to leave, doing everything in your power to keep him him from seeing you cry but he stepped around you, blocking your way. Your sadness was instantly replaced with irritation, you felt your jaw tense and fists clench. "You know I hate it when you do that."

"And you know I hate it when you don't let me get a word in!"

"Oh you got your word in, you got your word in in front of the _whole_ cast and crew that night." You realized you were talking with your hands, a mannerism you had picked up from Charlie. You crossed your arms over your chest- the motion serving two purposes; to close yourself off from Josh and to hold your hands still. "And you know what? Now that you mention it, this is a _horrible_ apology."

"Well...that's because I take it back. I'm not sorry. Was I in the wrong that night? Sure. But that's what you get for sleeping around."

"I can't believe I ever felt bad about _any_ of this," your hands breaking free as you spoke.

"I can't believe I didn't leave you after you held out on me for so long. Apparently it was just me seeing as you fucked Charlie in what? A month of knowing him?"

_A little over a week actually._

_"_ I faked all my orgasms with you." You spit.

"You're not that good of an actress."

You felt a soft hand on your arm- Sam.

"Hey Josh."

"And _you_! You're just as bad as she is."

"Absolutely not, you leave Sam out of this." You could take a lot of shit slung your way but you put your foot down when it came to Sam.

"Give me a break!"

Sam's voice in your ear pulled you down off your defenses. "Let's go."

"Don't bother, I'm leaving. Have a nice fucking life."  
Josh slammed his beer down and stormed away, relief and anger dousing you like the beer that had splashed onto the counter.

You and Sam stood there, neither of you daring to speak until Josh was a good distance away. "Do you want to go home?" You looked over at Sam who was looking at you, her brows knit together with worry.

"After that? Hell, after this _day_?" You shook your head, "I need another drink."

You turned around and to your glee found your shot glasses filled and waiting for you. You took Sam's hand and sped over to them, handing one to her. You nodded as you threw one back and then another- a woozy chill rolling through your stomach.

"Fuck men!" You yelled to Sam.

"Fuck men," she agreed, pulling you into a hug.


	25. I Love You Too

You and Sam had eventually found your way back to the table with more drinks in hand. It wasn't until around halfway through the night that you realized you probably shouldn't have gone so heavy on the shots...but you did and now the room was spinning and you were spilling your guts about everything that had happened today.

"He WHAT?" One of Sam's friends yelled from across the booth.

You nodded as you sipped your water, massaging your temple to try to placate your budding headache.

Sam groaned, "I don't know, that doesn't sound like Charlie. I mean...I've seen how he looks at you."

"Heartbreak does weird things to a person, Samantha." The other girl chimed in. Hearing Sam's full name made you both cringe, drunk giggles exchanging between you.

Sam sighed, "I'm serious- are you even sure it was him? Maybe she like...had someone pretend-"

"No, I'd know his voice anywhere." You dipped your head down as you used your straw to swirl the ice cubes around in your glass.

"You should go talk to him." One the girls yelled, you weren't sure which.

"No," you shook your head as you slouched back into the booth. "I really don't think he wants to see me."

"No, Em is right." Sam turned her whole body towards you, her face flushed pink thanks to the alcohol. "Who cares if he does or doesn't want to see you. You should go there and ask him. Just be like...yo...what the fuck."

You rolled your eyes to yourself at first but then you paused and thought about it for a second. "You know what?" You looked around the table, all of them hanging on your every word. "I'm gunna go over there."

"Yes!"  
"Damn right!"

You laughed at their clichéd enthusiasm. "He's leaving soon anyway, what's the worst that could happen?"

You pulled out your phone and quickly ordered an Uber before you could change your mind.

Sam pushed your glasses to the center of the table while your face was buried in your phone. "Well with that, we're all going back to the apartment. Want us to wait with you?"

"No, that's ok. I've already put enough of a damper on your night."

"You did not!" One of the girls, _Em_ , yelled, taking your had in hers. You looked at her and then to your hands, surprised by the sudden contact. "You go there and you tell that man you love him...or punch him in the face. Whatever your heart tells you to do in the moment."

You chuckled as you pulled your hand back and slid out of the booth.

Even though you had insisted they go home, Sam made sure to wait with you until your ride showed, expressing her gratitude to the driver as she gave you a too tight hug. "Give him hell, babes."

"I will," you laughed as slid into the back seat and closed the door.

_

You stumbled up to Charlie's front door, double and then triple checking the number to make you were at the right apartment. You nodded to yourself, building your courage before unleashing an obnoxious succession of knocks onto his front door.

After a moment you could hear him on the other side, aggressively fumbling with the locks as you continued to slam your fist against the door.

You felt yourself sway slightly when the door flew open, Charlie's eyes immediately finding yours.

"...Hi," he looked confused, like you were the last person he expected to see.

"You're an asshole," you said. You had planned it in your head...ok and out loud on the ride over, that you would be aggressive and domineering when you confronted him but when the moment actually came you found your demeanor to be soft...almost broken.

His head jerked back, taken aback by your greeting, "What?"

"You heard me." You felt your volume build as your courage did. "You're. An asshole." He snatched your arm and pulled you into his apartment, closing the door behind you. You stumbled forward and kicked off your heels.

"You're drunk."

"So?" You turned to him, trying your best to pretend that you weren't.

"How did you even get here?" He stepped closer to you, grabbing your arms to help stabilize you as you started to sway.

"The very nice Uber driver named Jessica." You jerked your body out of his grasp and straighten your spine, trying to seem taller. A weak attempt at emulating his intimidating stature. "And she agreed. You're an asshole."

Charlie rolled his eyes, "why do you keep saying that?"

You huffed and stuck a finger up as you unlocked your phone and went into your messages. You turned the volume up as loud as it would go and pressed play, holding it to his face.

 _Static followed by muffled movement_.  
" _Hey Charlie._ "

His face twisted with confusion as you looked at him, expecting him to understand right away what was happening. Irritated when he didn't you started scrubbing, looking for the bomb.

_"You want me to suck your cock, don't you, Charlie."_

Boom, there it was. You felt a sick satisfaction wash over you as his face dropped from confusion to genuine horror. He aggressively pulled the phone out of your hand, stopping the recording.

"Give that back!"

"How did you even get this?" He looked at you with wide eyes, panic laced bewilderment splashed across his face.

"My _best friend_ Mary Ann sent it to me after your little hook up."

"We didn't-" he stepped closer to you, "nothing happened."

You looked at him with an exaggerated confusion, clicking your tongue before you spoke. "Dude," you pointed to your phone. "I _heard_ you."

" _No_ \- did you listen to the whole thing?" He turned his attention to trying to unlock your phone, getting frustrated when he realized that he didn't know the passcode.

"1234" you sighed, answering his silent question.

He looked up you, dumbfounded, "that's a _horrible_ password."

You simply shrugged- Sam always said the same thing. "I forget."

You could tell he was trying to suppress a chuckle as he pulled up the video again, holding the phone to your ear and pressing play.

" _...you...leave..._ "

It was so muffled that it was barely audible. You took your phone back and checked the time stamp. You looked to him as he stepped away, giving you some space. With a steadying breath you dragged it back and let it play.

" _You want me to suck your cock, don't you, Charlie."_

_The sound of Charlie's belt being undone._

You gagged.

You bit your nail as you fought through the queasiness in your gut; really trying to focus on what was being said.

The sound of the belt stopped. When you heard it the first time your brain automatically jumped to what had always come next with you and Charlie when his belt came off but this time you pushed through it and kept listening. You quickly glanced at Charlie who was anxiously chewing his lower lip, his fingers rubbing his chin as he watched you intently.

You pulled you eyes away from him as you turned you focus back to listening.

" _Stop_ ,"

_"Excuse me?"_

_"You need to leave."_

_"Char-"_

_"Now."_

_Rustling, static, a door closing._

You felt your eyes grow wide as your gaze met his. Relief flooded his face as he looked at you, tears welling in his eyes. Your name fell from his lips, choked with desperate longing.

"Charlie," you breathed.

You two stood there, both seemingly unable to move. Two weeks worth of words left unsaid hung between you.

_I'm sorry._

_Please forgive me._

_I love you._

You tried to will yourself to speak, to say literally anything at this point but your body refused. Instead you dropped your head and looked at your phone, your fingers on autopilot as they deleted the video. You looked back at Charlie who still hadn't moved an inch, save for the tears that were streaming down his face.

"You...didn't?" You managed.

" _Absolutely_ not."

The earnestness in his voice, the heartbreak radiating off of him- it made you realize that these last two weeks had been just as hard on him as they had been on you.

Your tears broke free, rolling down your cheeks and as if that were his cue, he closed the distance between your bodies in less than a second. You all but collapsed into his arms, your hand pressed to your mouth as you tried to muffle your sobs. Your chest shuttered as a broken wail escaped you anyway, Charlie squeezing you tighter in response.

It was like the warmth of Charlie's body around you was the antidote you had been desperate for, all of the pain and regret seeping from your bones as he held you.

"Charlie...I'm so sorry," you pulled away from him, your eyes meeting his. He didn't say anything, only shaking his head and placing an urgent kiss to your forehead. "You're not an asshole, I'm the asshole. I-"

Charlie's hand found your chin and pulled you into a kiss, stopping your drunk ramblings right there in it's tracks. His lips on yours, his hand holding the back of your head, it had been so long since the last time he kissed you like this that it almost felt like a dream. The only thing reminding you that you weren't actually dreaming being the thrum of his heartbeat against your palm. You pressed your body against his, desperate to feel as close to him as possible. He lifted you up and carried you, before you knew it, finding yourself being put down on his bed. You leaned forward going to undo the buckle of his belt when a large hand stopped you.

"You are _way_ too drunk for that," he said gingerly, like he was afraid to embarrass you.

You shook your head, a little too aggressively, "no I'm not." You pulled your hands out from under his before trying to swat them out of your way.

He laughed warmly as he took your hands in his again, this time kneeling down so his face was level with your own. "Tomorrow, _I promise_."

You let your head fall back, a groan echoing in your throat. He stood up, crossing over to his dresser as you watched his butt, want nothing more than to sink your nails into him. He turned around and caught you staring, giving you a playfully chastising glance.

You shrugged as he crossed back over to you, tossing something down next you as he knelt in front of you again. His lips met yours as his hands dragged down your body, savoring the feeling of your curves below his fingertips as they made their way to the hem of your dress. "Up," he whispered, pulling away and nodding to your arms. You listened, straightening your arms as he eased your dress up your body and over your head. He leaned in to kiss you again as his hand found the clasp of your bra, undoing it and slowly pulling it off, his fingertips grazing your skin. "Here," he said as he handed you a t-shirt.

Your chest warmed as you watched him gather your things and place them neatly on his dresser. He turned to you and started undressing himself, pulling his arms from his sweater and tossing it to the side when you realized that you were still sitting there practically naked. You shook your head and threw his shirt on before crawling up the bed and slipping under his covers, Charlie joining you not long after.

You laid your head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat as his fingers gently raked through your hair. "Can you tell me what happened?" You said quietly, staring at the half filled boxes that were sitting next to his dresser.

"With Mary Ann?" Her name pulled a gag from you, your hand clasping over your mouth as Charlie chuckled. Not wanting to open your mouth and risk vomiting all over Charlie you settled on a nod. He sighed, his hand stalling on the top of your head for a moment. "Well, she showed up here, said she wanted to talk. She tried to-" he stopped himself, not wanting to say it. Not wanting to hurt you again. You lifted your head so your gaze met his, your hand finding his, lacing your fingers together. "She tried and I asked her to leave."

"That's it?"

"That's it." You took a deep breath, the first one in what felt like forever, your body relaxing even more into his. You laid there staring at him, admiring his strong features, the features you had missed so much, while his free hand dragged up and down your arm.

"I ran into Josh." You didn't even mean to say it out loud, but you did and you felt Charlie's body tense in response. Your mind immediately flashed to what was probably going through Charlie's head, you running into Josh thinking he had slept with Mary Ann...you maybe wanting to get even. "Not like that," your words all coming out on top of each other, eager to sooth his anxiety. "It was literally right before I came here...he's a dick." You felt Charlie's body relax, holding you a little closer.

"You can say that again," he mumbled.

You chuckled, letting the relief in the air settle over your bodies for a moment. "I'm sorry about that night, Charlie." He shook his head, opening his mouth to say something but you kept going. It was important you got this out. "I don't know what came over me. I think I was just...embarrassed. Angry. And I took it out on you. I'm sorry."

He took in what you were saying, only nodding and placing a kiss to the top of your head. "I'm sorry I didn't come after you."

"No- no Charlie. You..." a huff of air spilled from your lungs as you tried to put words to what you were feeling. "That...none of that was you."

Your heart swelled as you looked at him, tears welling in his eyes. The warmth in your chest was getting hotter and stronger, pressure building until it's only escape was through your words.

_"I love you too...Charlie."_

His chin started to quiver as he looked at you, a tear escaping and leaving a trail down his cheek. You propped yourself up, your hand resting on the side of his face as he closed his eyes and leaned into it.

You could sense it, that this was the first moment in your entire two weeks apart that Charlie had felt any peace.

You pulled your body closer, your lips brushing against his. _"I've always loved you."_


	26. The Morning After

You woke up to a wave of nausea cresting in your gut. You laid there with your eyes closed trying to breathe through it when you felt a hand lightly brush some hair off of your forehead.

You opened your eyes, half expecting to see Sam but instead were met with Charlie standing over you, a soft smile stretched across his face. Warmth flooded your chest as memories from last night started coming back to you; you stumbling up to his door, being just... _horrifically_ obnoxious. The look on his face when you played the video...the tears in his eyes when you actually listened to the whole thing. And of course, him helping you out of your dress, holding you tight and you finally— _finally—_ telling him that you loved him too.

Charlie cleared his throat, pulling you out of your thoughts. "I mean this in the most...loving way possible but you look like shit."

" _Whaat_? You don't think I'm pretty when I'm hung over?" You mumbled, entirely kidding.

"I didn't say that." His voice was gentle, teasing.

You felt yourself blush as a shy laugh escaped you. "I _feel_ like shit," you finally relented. A sudden throbbing in your head forced you to stop everything as you pressed your fingers to your temples. "So, I remember _most_ everything from last night...except...how did I get here?"

Charlie still held that same soft smile as he poured some Tylenol out into his hand. "I believe you said an Uber driver named _Jessica_." He held out the Tylenol and a glass of water as you propped yourself up in his bed.

"Thank you," you took them from him as he eased himself next to you, his hand landing on your thigh, giving it a light squeeze. You choked down the pills and water, breathing through the nausea that was cropping up in opposition of literally anything going into your stomach. When you were finally satisfied that you wouldn't hurl all over Charlie's bed, you let out a deep breath, opening your eyes to find him studying your face. "What?"

He shook his head, his smile growing a little wider. "I'm just happy you're here."

You felt your cheeks turn red and your heart sore as you let his words settle. "I am too." You leaned into him, Charlie wrapping his arms around you as you finally took in the state of his bedroom. It was noticeably more bare than the last time you were here, boxes scattered throughout the room.

"Weird, isn't it." You glanced up at him and noticed that he was taking in the same sight as you, only now it must have felt somewhat foreboding with you here.

"Really weird..." Charlie slid down until he was supine, laying next to you, you wrapping your leg around his. "But Henry must be _really_ excited for the move though."

Charlie's face lit up at the mention of his son. "Yeah, he is. I actually just got off the phone with him not that long ago. I guess he has a bunch of new stuff from Nicole's sister that he wants to show me when I get there."

You nodded, fighting off the feeling of being an outsider. You were—you are, but it wasn't about you. You were being irrational.

"What's wrong?" Charlie pulled at your chin so you were facing him. You shook your head, not wanting to let Charlie be privy to your embarrassingly selfish thoughts.

"Nothing," you lied, shaking your head. His eyes narrowed at you. "I just don't feel well." His gaze narrowed further, pulling a begrudging laugh from you. "I'm going to miss you ok? _Fuck_ , is that what you wanted to hear?" He laughed pulling you into a quick kiss.

You laid you head back on his chest, enjoying the sound of his heartbeat when his deep voice reverberated in your ear. "My offer still stands, you know." You lifted your head to look at him, your brain taking a moment to process what he was saying. "You could come with me."

"Charlie," you started to object but he continued on.

"You wouldn't have to meet Henry, not unless you wanted to. I could help you find an acting job out there," he's voice was getting slightly frantic as he spoke until he stopped himself and took a breath. "The last two weeks without you..." you felt his chest shutter as he relived the memory of your absence.

You put your hand on his chest, just over his heart as you looked at him. "Charlie...let's do this later, ok?" He sighed, nodding as he held your hand to his chest. "I'll be right back," you pushed yourself up and out of bed, stumbling a little as you searched for your phone. You finally found it and slipped from his bedroom, heading down the hall towards the bathroom. You closed the door behind you as quietly as possible trying to coddle your throbbing head before settling on the edge of the tub as you checked your phone.

You had a bunch of texts from Sam.

_'I love you so much and if you want we can kill Josh and bury him somewhere. Maybe Jersey.'_

_'Em and Liv said they'd help.'_

_'Liv said if Charlie really did fuck Mary Ann we could freeze his body and put it through a wood chipper. I like it.'_

_'Morning, sorry about all the murder texts last night...unless ;)'_

_Jesus christ_ , you mumbled to yourself as you started typing your reply.

_'No Charlie murder, you were right. Nothing happened...Josh though...'_

You took a second to breathe through a wave of nausea as you waited for her reply.

_'Yay!!! I told you he wouldn't do that to you. Why the fuck would she send that to you though?'_

You sighed as you thought about it for a second.

_'She must have been desperate.'_

Your phone pinged almost immediately.

_'Gross.'_

You chuckled _, 'very.'_

You got up slowly and put your phone down on the sink before going pee, glancing around the bathroom for something to tame this morning breath of yours.

You found some mouth wash as you washed you hands, pouring some into your mouth and swishing it before heading back to Charlie's bedroom. You slipped through the door and found him laying there—his eyes closed, chest rising and falling rhythmically.

You couldn't help but smile.

_He's cute when he sleeps._

You slipped in next to him and gently positioned your body against his, moving slowly so that you didn't wake him. You were enjoying the warmth of Charlie's body pressed against yours as you slowly started falling in and out of sleep when you felt Charlie shift, wrapping his arms around you- a tender kiss pressed to your neck. Your hand found the side of his face, lovingly caressing him as he kept his face buried in the crook of your neck.

You missed this- missed _him_.

You savored the moment as you and Charlie drifted off to sleep.

—

_The sound of skin slapping against skin._

_Charlie's fingers digging into your hips as you rode him._

_His cock stretching you, filling you, pulling your orgasm from you with every thrust._

_"I'm going to fill this pretty little cunt with my cum."_

_"Oh god Charlie, ple-"_

You woke up with a gasp—your thighs already squeezing together, trying to satisfy your clit's desperate need for friction.

You turned over and, to your relief, found Charlie still asleep. Using the opportunity to your advantage, you closed your eyes and checked in with your body. Your head still kind of hurt but it wasn't anything too bad. You waited a second longer...no nausea. You let out a sigh of relief as you sat up and leaned in, placing a soft kiss to Charlie's plush pout. To your surprise, his hand went to the back of your neck, holding your mouth to his.

When he was satisfied, he released you--his hand tracing an invisible line down your back, pausing for just a moment at the place where fabric turned to flesh. "How are you feeling?" He whispered, his lips brushing against yours.

"Much better," you smirked, pushing your mouth to his. You felt his hand slide under the shirt he had given you to wear, his hand kneading the supple flesh of your ass.

His touch on your bare skin set your core on fire, the carnal realization that you hadn't felt Charlie inside of you for over two weeks sending a shockwave of longing through your whole body. You let your hand wonder down the length of his torso before landing on his crotch, his already hard cock struggling against the fabric of his briefs.

He missed you just as badly as you missed him.

Your cunt started sending greedy pulses of electricity through you, begging to be filled as you pulled off your panties, slipping them down your legs before moving yourself to sit astride Charlie's lap. You started grinding against him, your naked pussy teasing his bulge as your lips met his, your tongues slipping around each other.

He gripped your hips, squeezing as he moaned into your mouth, sending another shock of electric excitement through your cunt. You started to reach your hand down between your legs, wanting to pull him free but he resisted, instead pulling your body up while he moved his body down.

His mouth met your cunt, immediately pulling a gasp from your chest, your fingers finding and twisting into his beautiful dark tendrils.

He hummed into you as your breath became broken, sharp inhales being punctuated by elated moans. "Oh my god, _Charlie_." He wrapped his lips around your clit, the vibrations of his mouth nearly sending you over the edge. You could feel yourself soaking his chin as he moved his face against you, forcing your body to tremble with each swipe of his tongue.

It had been way too long, you hadn't even touched yourself in your two weeks apart. You felt yourself mewling, your head falling back as pure pleasure overwhelmed you while Charlie relentlessly tongue fucked you. You bucked your hips backwards, away from his face looking for a reprieve from the intensity of his mouth but he responded only by aggressively grabbing you and holding your hips in place. Your whole body started shaking as you folded in on yourself, your pussy begging to be stretched and filled by his dick. You leaned back, letting him catch his breath as he admired your cunt just inches from his face.

"Get back here so I can make you cum on my fucking face," Charlie said, his eyes gleaming with dark desire. You gave him a breathless smile as you rolled your hips forward, his mouth finding your sex again. You reached your hand behind you, doing your best to free cock as you started to stroke him, his hips jutting up into you in response. You tried your best to keep a steady rhythm for him but his mouth on you made it impossible. You whimpered as you came, nearly crying from the unfathomable pleasure that pulsed through you, your eyes flittering shut.

You pushed your body off of him and collapsed to the side as the remnants of your orgasm worked through you, curses and whimpers coming from your mouth in an incoherent babble. When you finally came to, you found Charlie taking you in, admiring how your body reacted to his handiwork.

" _Fuck_ , I missed you." He said, running his hands down the length of your body, stopping at the hem of the shirt you were wearing. He eased it up your body as you fully came to, finishing the job yourself while he stripped; cleaning your sex off of his chin with his shirt before leaning in to kiss you again.

His hands found their way to your breasts, kneading gently as he kissed down your neck. "I missed these perfect tits." His mouth left your neck and hovered over your chest, Charlie licking a hot stripe from one nipple to the other. "This fucking body, this perfect pussy." He gripped your hips and moved himself between your legs.

He positioned himself to enter you, the head of his cock brushing against your swollen clit, coating himself in your slick cunt. It was almost torturous, him taking his time like this but after your two weeks apart; as long as he was between your legs, his skin pressing against yours, you could take it.

Finally, he pushed into you, splitting you open with that addictive sting that you had literally dreamt about. His pace was slow at first, how it usually was as he savored the feeling of you, giving your body a chance to adjust to his size.

Soon his hips started rocking forward into you, your legs wrapping themselves around him in response. He laid on top of you, his elbows resting on either side of your head, his hands using your body as leverage as he rammed his hips into yours. His body pressed against you, his smell, the way he felt- it was all absolutely _perfect_.

You could feel the blistering euphoria quickly building in your belly. Charlie's cock was filling you, massaging your g-spot with every stroke. You weren't ready to cum yet and you didn't even want to risk Charlie finishing. Him cumming meant he would no longer be inside of you, no longer this close to you; leaving you to feel empty again. Brutally, nightmarishly empty.

No, you were going to do everything in your power to hold off your orgasm in an attempt to keep him right here for as long as possible.

You tried to focus on your breathing, your head falling to the side as you tried to push the wave of building pleasure out of your mind while Charlie fucked you. You felt his hand softly grip your chin, his head lowering until he was a mere hairsbreadth away. He looked at you, studied your face as you tried desperately to hold on. He let out an amused huff of air as he realized what you were doing.

Suddenly you and him were two were opposing forces. You trying _desperately_ not to cum and Charlie _determined_ to see you fail.

He sat up and grabbed the back of one your thighs, pushing your leg up to meet your chest. You could feel his cock sink even deeper into you, the sensation of him stretching you driving you to the brink of madness. A deep moan left your chest as Charlie pumped into you, the pace of his hips perfectly rhythmic and unforgiving. You tried to wiggle free of his grasp but his free hand found it's home wrapped around your throat. You felt the blood pool in your head as the tip of his cock mercilessly battered your cervix.

Your vision was going fuzzy as he leaned closer to you. He released his grip on your throat and moved his hand down to your clit. You held your breath as he rubbed gentle circles around your bud, your entire body tensing- your cunt clamping down on his cock.

Physically you were so close but emotionally you weren't ready, yearning to last just a _little bit_ longer.

Charlie kept his hips and fingers steady, a master multitasker, as he brushed his lips against yours. Your eyes meeting his through a lust-filled haze.

_"I love you."_

And just like that, all your hard work crumbled because of three little words. Charlie pushed his plush lips to yours as you let out a primal shriek.

Your orgasm was almost violent as it tore through you. You couldn't breathe, you couldn't see, you couldn't think. It was like the only thing that existed in the world was the feeling of Charlie inside of your cunt.

You felt him push deeper into you, filling you with his cum as you gasped for air. His brow met yours as he gathered his strength to move, him still twitching inside of you. Soon he collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms.

"That wasn't fair," you whined. He shrugged and pulled you to rest your head on his chest, one of his favorite places for you to be. You laced your fingers through his, studying every wrinkle on his large hand. "I love you too," you whispered.

His chest rose as his hand lightly traced up and down your back, a string of kisses being planted to the top of your head. You wanted to burn this moment into your mind, commit it to your memory so you had it forever.

Just you and Charlie.


	27. You Make It Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE...sorry, that was lame.
> 
> Also, just wanted to give you a heads up that there is a brief mention of suicide. It's short, I promise and I marked it with *** before so if you would rather skip over it entirely, you can. Nothing major, just reading a part of a play. But still, I didn't want to blindside anyone with it. Ok, that's enough from me. Enjoy!

"What do you want to do today?"

You lifted your gaze from the coffee cup in front of you, your brows knit together in confusion. You pushed the cup away from you, your stomach feeling rather queasy again. "I figured you'd have packing to do or something."

He put his bowl of cereal down, sliding it out of the way as he rested his elbows on the counter-directly in front of you. "I mean, I can always do that later."

You smiled, a huff of air pushing from your nose as you let your thumb lightly trace the outline of his lips. "Are you sure? I don't want to be in the way-"

He pressed his hand against yours, holding it to his face. "I just got you back, you really think I'm going to let you go?" His words pierced you, planting themselves directly in your heart.

You playfully rolled your eyes, pretending to annoyed. " _Fine_ , I guess I'll _stay_." He smiled as he stood back up, grabbing his bowl of cereal and taking a bite. "But if we're going to do anything outside your apartment, I'm gunna need real clothes." You glanced over at the coffee cup, the sickeningly sweet scent of vanilla assaulting your senses. You felt the color drain from your face as you tried to push through your sudden wave of nausea. Charlie, noticing your reaction, took the cup and dumped it into the sink. "Thanks," you mumbled, dropping your head into your hands. "Remind me to _never_ drink again."

—

You and Charlie swung by your place after he finished eating so you could grab a change of clothes and a quick shower before setting out on whatever adventure he had planned for the day. You walked hand in hand down the street, for once not having to worry about someone seeing you together.

That was the one nice thing about Josh's outburst. Now that everyone knew, there was no need to hide whatever this was with Charlie anymore. You savored the feeling of his hand entwined with yours as you walked down the sidewalk, him pulling you closer whenever someone had to walk by. You desperately tried to burn the feeling of his warm palm protecting your hand against the cold to your memory. That way when he was gone and you were alone and cold, walking down this very same sidewalk you could at least...

You were breaking your own heart.

You gently shook your head, trying to push that dark creeping loneliness out of your mind when Charlie squeezed your hand gently, pulling you along.

"So what are we doing?" You said, wrapping your free hand around his arm and leaning into him. 

"I want to show you my favorite places in the city."

You stopped in your tracks, coy surprise slipping onto your face.

" _Mr. Charlie Barber_...like a...date?" You smirked, keenly watching his cheeks grow pink.

He bit his lip as he looked at you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close to him. "Something like that," he whispered into your ear before pulling you into a kiss.

"Lead the way," you said softy against his lips, his mouth pulling into a warm smile before letting you go and continuing on.

After a few more blocks, you found yourself standing in front of an unassuming store front, nothing particular about it sticking out to you until you looked through the window.

Books. Lots and lots of books.

You turned to him, a little confused. "A book store?"

Half of his face twisted into a smile as he grabbed your hand and lead you through the door. "Trust me, you'll like it."

He pulled you into the shop, the smell of old books immediately cradling you. Charlie waved politely to the person standing behind the front counter before leading you to the back of the store.

He stood back as you took in the view of a small but stuffed room, rows and rows of hard cover books stretching to the ceiling. You stepped forward, looking at the spines of each book along a shelf that just so happened to be at your eye level. 

_Curse of The Starving Class_ By Sam Shepard

 _Cat on a Hot Tin Roof_ By Tennessee Williams

 _Long Days Journey Into Night_ By Eugene O'Neill  
  


 _Plays_. Excitement seeped into your chest as you examined the shelves. All Plays, all hard bound...a theater kid's dream come true.

"I get a lot of my books from here." Charlie's voice breaking the silence around you, "I like having the hard cover ones and this place is kind of-"

"A _gem_ ," you said, your eyes still following the stuffed shelves all the way to the ceiling.

"Exactly," his voice was quiet...happy. You turned back to him to find him staring at you, his eyes sparkling as he watched you take in the view. "Told you you'd like it," a smirk sitting on his face as he spoke.

You felt yourself blush as you sucked your lower lip between your teeth. You two stared at each other, electricity flowing between your bodies- only it wasn't sexual, at least not this time. It was...different, warm...loving. Eventually he broke your eye contact, gesturing back to the books. You spun around like a kid in a candy store, struggling to pick what to look at first.

You let your fingers run along the shelves until you spotted one of your favorites- _'_ _Night, Mother_ By Marsha Norman. You pulled the deep maroon book from the shelf, taking a moment to admire the gold lettering before you moved out of the small room, finding a chair that was conveniently placed not far off and sitting.

You flipped through the first few pages until you found it- your favorite part of the entire play.  
  


 **MAMA** _(reaching for the gun)_ And I told you, we don't get criminals out here.

 **JESSIE** _(quickly pulling it to her)_ And I told you... _(then trying to be calm)_ The gun is for me.

 **MAMA** Well you can have it if you want. When I die you'll get it all anyway.

 *****JESSIE** I'm going to kill myself, Mama.  
  


You felt tears start to sting the corner of your eyes. You weren't sure why, sure the play was emotional but...that wasn't it. You wondered if it was because you were just here with Charlie in general but that didn't feel quite it either.

 _I'm just being emotional_. You told yourself, dismissing your tears all together.

You looked up from your copy to see Charlie, leaning against the doorway, facing you and thumbing through a copy of _'Mrs. Warren's Profession'_. You couldn't help but admire the way his brows furrowed when he focused, the way his eyes zeroed in on the words he was reading. You felt those damn tears start to creep back up as you pulled your gaze away, turning your attention back to the play in your hands.

You weren't sure how long you two had sat there, flipping through books and chatting about what your favorite part of a show was or what introduced you to the play in the first place. Eventually your stomach started grumbling, telling you it was time to get something to eat before your gut changed it's mind. You stood, putting away the copy of _'_ _Crimes of the Heart'_ that you had been looking at before making your way over to Charlie.

"Hungry?" You asked him, gently pulling the book he was looking at away from his face. You watched the seriousness fade from his expression as he switched from Broadway Director Charlie Barber to just...Charlie.

 _Your Charlie_.

His eyes sparkled as he spoke, eyebrow raised, "you feel good enough to get something to eat?" He seemed just as surprised as you were.

You couldn't help but laugh, "I think so," you said, taking his hand, waiting for him to put his book away. "Come on. You showed me yours, now I get to show you mine," you joked, shooting him a flirtatious wink. Charlie smiled softly as he followed your lead, only momentarily dropping your hand to run back into the room you had just come from.

"I'll be right back," he said, already halfway to the doorway. You took a deep breath as you looked around, making sure to save this moment into your memory too-Charlie taking you to such a seemingly inconsequential place that ended up being so truly...meaningful.

Charlie bounded forward, a book under his arm and a smile stretched across his face. "Ready to go?" You nodded, not putting much thought into whatever Charlie had gone back to grab.

You walked to the front of the store, his hand resting on your low back when he split to pay for the book under his arm. You looked around a little more as Charlie checked out, admiring the little knickknacks that were on display by the front window when something caught your eye. A small figurine of a woman holding a baby, her hair painted the same color as your own.

You couldn't explain it but you couldn't pull your gaze from the small ceramic collectable, your eyes switching between the faceless woman and the little bundle in her arms.

"Ready to go?" Charlie's voice startled you, finally ripping your gaze from the entrancing knickknack. He was already standing at the door, holding it open for you as you stepped forward. You turned and waved to the person behind the counter as you slipped out of the door, heading back in the direction of your apartment. "I have something for you." He said, holding a deep maroon book with gold lettering out to you.

You stopped walking, taken aback by the copy of _'Night, Mother_ that you had grabbed when you first got there, now being presented to you. You felt warmth settle in your chest as you looked at him, trying your best not to seem like a kid on Christmas. " _Charlie_! Thank you...you _really_ didn't have to do that," you said, hugging the book to your chest.

"I wanted to," he said, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into a kiss.

You pulled away, your eyes slowly rising from his plush pink lips to his warm, comforting gaze. "I love you." The words felt so heavy, loaded but somehow...perfectly right at the same time.

"I love you too," your name coming at the end of his words making everything feel like a dream. You stood on your tip toes to give him another kiss, Charlie leaning down to meet you half way.

Your heart was practically screaming, relief and excitement swirling in your chest as you turned, Charlie's gift hugged to your chest and his hand in yours as you lead the way.

_

On your way back to your place, you brought Charlie to your favorite deli, getting some soup to take back home. You felt a little silly bringing him to a deli when he had brought you somewhere so beautiful but he didn't seem to mind, happily carrying the food back to your place. 

You made sure to double check that the old lady in apartment 2A wasn't home before shimmying the gate open, pulling a reluctant Charlie along with you. 

"Are you sure this-" he started, cautiously squeezing himself through the dilapidated gate.

"She's not home, Sam and I do this sometimes. It's ok, I promise." You pulled him further into the garden. 

"We could have just gone to the park, you know." He whispered, still apparently not convinced that you wouldn't get caught. 

"Why go to the park when we have this?" You said over your shoulder as you pulled Charlie to your favorite spot, under a little tree- you weren't sure what kind. 

"Breaking and entering?" 

"Ok, _dad_." He stopped for a second, looking around before taking a resigned breath and sitting next to you. "I promise, if she comes home early we'll dip. But it's 6 o'clock. She'll be gone for the next couple of hours." 

Charlie looked at you with an almost indistinguishable expression, he was either annoyed or impressed...probably a little bit of both. "You do this a lot?" 

You weaved your head back and forth, humming as you pretended to think, drawing an amused eye roll from him. "Kinda. Sam and I like to come here every so often." He raised his eyebrows at you as you pulled your food from the brown paper bag, handing him his sandwich before pulling the top off of your soup. The smell of the broth immediately turned your stomach, your head instinctively turning away as you put the lid back on. 

You heard Charlie sigh, his hand resting on your thigh. You turned back to him slowly, doing your best to pretend that you weren't going to throw up when your eyes met his. He was worried, concern practically radiating off of him. You put your hand on his, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "I'm fine, really. Between the drinking and not eating anything...once I eat something, it'll go away." You reached back into the bag, pulling out a little baggie of oyster crackers. Charlie watched you as you opened them and popped one into your mouth, the salty yet somehow still bland cracker going down your throat like cement. You tried to smile when Charlie went to stand, your hands flying to his arm and pulling him back down. "Please. Stay." 

He sighed as he eased back down, opening his cardboard box and pulling half of his sandwich out. He briefly looked over at you, a silent question of permission. "I'm _fine_ ," you said, popping another cracker into your mouth. You could have sworn you saw a little smile as he took a bite, amused by you even when you were probably being a bit of a pain in the ass. "So, tell me. You've never done anything...you shouldn't have?"

"What?" he laughed, swallowing the food in his mouth.

"You looked like I was asking you to kick a puppy when I pulled you in here," you half giggled, readjusting yourself so you were leaning against the leafless tree. 

This was usually a lot prettier, when everything was in bloom. You wished you could have taken him here sooner, let him see it how you knew it to be, lively and green. You felt a pain in your heart when you realized he never would, that all he would have to remember this moment by was you gagging under a barren tree. 

"Well...I kind of had this..." he paused, laughing to himself. "This fight club thing back in Indiana." 

You almost choked on your cracker. " _What?"_

He laughed again, a little harder this time. "Yeah, I was a kid, probably like 9 or 10. I convinced a group of kids my the neighborhood to basically just...stand around and punch each other."

You could feel your smile stretch to your eyes, amused disbelief spilling from you. "Oh my _god_. And to think, you tried to make me feel bad for trespassing. Tisk tisk, Mr. Barber." You leaned against him, his hand finding the side of your face as he kissed the top of your head. 

"I guess we're just a couple of delinquents." He said softly, his words floating into your ear.

"I guess so." You whispered back, your head still resting on him. He wrapped an arm around you, holding you tight for a second before you pulled away, reaching for the paper bag again and grabbing your waters--handing one to him. "Ok, so fight club. Check. Did your parents ever find out?"

He paused, his hand still resting on the cap of his water before he snapped out of it, bringing the bottle to his lips. You found yourself taking a nervous sip as you waited for him to speak. His lips tightened for a second, like his mouth was the last defense for whatever he was about to say. "My parents didn't really care what I did." 

"Oh," your heart sank into your stomach. "I'm sorry Char-"

"No, _no_ , it's...it's ok." He said, reaching his hand to to rest on yours. "It made for some fun sleep overs with my friends." 

You let out a breathy chuckle, accepting his attempt to change the subject. "So...why directing?" You put another cracker into your mouth, your nausea easing up the more you ate. 

"Well...I can't act,"he started.

"I _don't_ believe that." You interjected, making him laugh. 

"But I love theater. Always have, even in elementary school." You smiled at the similarity in your childhoods, your mind trying to picture a miniature version of Charlie up on some generic middle school stage, reciting his lines. "I directed a couple of small things in Indiana right before I moved, nothing really major. Because...you know-"

"Indiana."

"Indiana." 

You both started laughing at your accidental synchronization. 

"Yeah, Indiana." He said, taking another bite of his food. You couldn't help but notice how large his bites always were; like he was trying to eat it all before someone else came along and took it from him. You found it oddly...endearing. "And then-" he said, working to swallow the food in his mouth. "Then I came here and kind of just, fell into it. Started the company with Nicole, started getting more work and now...here I am." 

You smiled at him as you crumbled the now empty package of crackers, tossing it into the bag before taking the lid off your soup again. You could feel him watching you, trying to gage your reaction. It still smelled a little off but you were determined to get Charlie off your back. You choked back a bite, savoring the heat of the broth that helped block the taste from tongue. You turned to him and swallowed-- quickly opening your mouth and sticking out your tongue. "See? I told you." You smirked at him as he took another bite, his body noticeably relaxing. 

"I'm sorry it's not as...pretty." You said, glancing around the garden. 

Charlie's head pulled back slightly, looking at you like you had just said something insane. "What are you talking about?" 

You lifted your hand, gesturing to your surroundings. 

"I'm a director, it's my job to find the beauty in things. Plus, you make it pretty easy." 

You could feel your face turn bright red as you pulled your lips between your teeth, trying and failing to hold back a smile. Your eyes met his, the connection between you growing stronger--like a magnet, drawing you towards each other. 

Before you knew it, you were straddling him, your lips moving together in a perfectly choreographed dance. You felt his hand start to drift towards your ass before he stopped himself, lingering on your lower back. You pulled out of the kiss, holding his face between your hands. 

"Let's go upstairs." 


	28. Pregnant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OOP

You fully intended to fuck Charlie after your amazing day-date. Like...hardcore, all over the apartment but to your surprise and disappointment, Sam was home.

Instead, you and Sam spent the rest of the night telling Charlie stories from your childhood and high school, stopping only when Sam realized she was running late for work.

"I love you!" She yelled as she ran out the door. "It was good to see you again, Charlie!"

The door closed with a _slam_ behind her, finally leaving you and Charlie you alone.

He laughed, pulling you closer to him on the couch. "I like her." He said, looking down at you. "It's awesome that you have someone that loves you so much."

Warmth spread all over your body as you let his words sit with you a moment. "She likes you too." You snuggled into him a little more. "Which is saying _a lot_ because she can be pretty... _judge-y_."

"Well I'm glad I pass the best friend test." A smile stretched over your face as you lowered your head onto Charlie's lap.

The last thing you remember was him scrolling through Netflix before you felt yourself being lowered into bed. You sleepily opened your eyes, seeing Charlie's silhouette leaning over you as he covered you with a blanket.

"I love you," Charlie's voice danced through your mind as you drifted off to sleep.   
  
  


_  
  
You opened your eyes to sunlight streaming in through your window and Charlie's arms wrapped around you. "Good morning," you whispered between planting kisses on his neck. 

He groaned a little, peeking at you through one eye. "Good morning, sleeping beauty."

You smiled, snuggling into him. "Yesterday was amazing. Thank you."

He nodded, wrapping his arms around you and hugging you tight. "Yes, it was. How are you feeling?"

"A little headache but nothing major."

"You always so affected by alcohol?"

You paused a second while you tried to think back to any other time drinking made you so sick. "I mean...I don't usually do shots." You lifted your head to look at him. "And I had... _a lot_ of shots the other night."

He just laughed, pulling you into a quick kiss. You laid your head back on his chest; enjoying the thrum of his heartbeat when you felt that all too familiar buzzing excitement between your legs.

You angled your head up to look at him, your face never leaving his chest, as you guided one of his hands from your back down to your ass. He quickly got the hint, giving you a playful squeeze before landing an enticing slap, the flesh of your ass tingling- sending a pulse of excitement through your cunt.

You saw desire flash across his eyes before he flipped you onto your back, pinning you to the bed. You felt your body gasp at the sudden movement, goosebumps rippling across your skin as his lips found your neck. He quickly pulled off of you, ripping off his shirt then going for yours, tossing it off to the side before doing the same with your bra. You laid back down as he leaned over you, his hands moving slowly across your body as he made his way to your underwear, shimmying them out from under your ass and down your legs.

He positioned himself back up by your face, his lustful lips landing on yours. You could feel him getting hard, pushing against your soft thigh.

"Charlie," you moaned, your fingers wrapped in his hair as he trailed kisses down your neck. Your breathing was heavy, eager as his fingers slid into your pussy, working you the way only he knew how.

You whimpered as he massaged your core, his mouth hovering over your stiff nipple. Your back arched as he drew you into his mouth, pulling your nipple between his teeth when a bolt of electric pain shot threw your tit. " _Ow_!" Your hand instinctively flew to Charlie's head, pushing his mouth away from you. "That hurt." Charlie looked up at you, confused. He pulled his fingers from you, making you to whine in protest. "No, _don't stop_! They're just kind of sore lately. It's nothing, just my period coming. Keep going just...be _gentle_."

To your dismay, Charlie sat back on his heels, clearly thinking about something.

"What?" You propped yourself up onto your elbows.

"Are you sure..." he paused, biting his lip as a silent war waged in his mind.

"Spit it out, Charlie."

His hand flew to his face, large fingers pressed to his lips as he gathered the courage to speak. "Are you sure...it's your period?"

"That's _not_ fucking funny."

"I'm not joking. You've been sick,"

"I drank too much," you cut in.

"You've been a little... _grumpy_ , tired..." The seriousness in his voice and on his face made your heart drop into the pit of your stomach. You sat all the way up, looking off as you tried to think back to the last time you had your period.

You felt your eyes go wide as the realization hit you like a fucking freight train.

_You were still with Josh._

"Fuck." You jumped off the bed and ran out of your bedroom towards the bathroom. You crashed through the door and started frantically rummaging through the medicine cabinet looking for a pregnancy test.

" _Shit_ , I know I have one somewhere." You mumbled to yourself as you tore apart your bathroom. A knock on the doorframe grabbed your attention; you turned around to see Charlie standing in the doorway in only his briefs, his undershirt held out towards you. Your grabbed it and haphazardly threw it on before turning your attention back to your task at hand.

"I can run out and-"

"No, _no_." You cut him off. "I have one somewhere, I just," you knelt down and practically shoved your entire upper body under the sink, "have to find it."

Finally, buried under everything else, you found it. A blue and white box that was mangled from sitting under makeup bags and styling tools.

You fell back and stared at the box as panic set in; the air becoming thick and hot in your lungs.

You can't be pregnant, there's no way. _No fucking way._

 _Well_...

You immediately thought back to every single time you and Charlie had slept together- never once thinking about any kind birth control.

How could you be so stupid _\- so careless?_ When you were with Josh you made sure he used a condom every single time, even when you were drunk. But with Charlie...it never even came up; never once popped into your head

You felt anxiety starting to bubble up in your chest as you looked up at Charlie, tears pulling a haze over your vision. "Charlie," you managed to choke out.

He eased himself down next to you, his long legs awkwardly bending in your small bathroom. His eyes were glued to the box as he took one of your hands in his. "It's going to be ok. No matter what, we'll make it ok." He pulled you into him, your head resting on his chest, his lips meeting the top of your head as you stared at the box in your hand. 

—

You couldn't look, you felt like you were going to pass out. You washed your hands, your eyes avoiding the blue and white pregnancy test the whole time.

You stood there, arms crossed and face to the sky as you tried to breathe through your anxiety.

_This can't be happening. This can not be fucking happening._

You tried to gather your nerve to look but it was like there was a force field around the test that was pushing your hand away, not allowing you close enough to even touch it to flip it right side up.

You couldn't do it, choosing instead to leave the bathroom all together.

You opened the door to your bedroom, slipping in and shutting it behind you. Charlie immediately perked up when he heard you, propping himself up on his elbows as he looked at you with anxious eyes. "Well?"

You crawled on top of him and laid down, Charlie wrapping his arms around you without missing a beat.

"I couldn't look."

He was quiet for a moment; the only sound coming from his body being the hard knocking of his heart in your ear.

Finally, he spoke. "We'll do it together."

You nodded but didn't get up, choosing instead to lay on him a little longer. Charlie seemed not to mind seeing as he didn't try to move either.

You laid there, breathing, feeling his heartbeat.

Fear. 

Uncertainty. 

_Love_.

It all swirled through your gut.

Finally, you gathered the strength to stand, pulling Charlie with you.

You walked in silence to the bathroom, your steps slow; almost foreboding.

You stepping into the bathroom, holding up your hand for Charlie to stand by the door.

You could feel his eyes on you as your hand reached out, flipping the test over.

You just barely glanced down but your vision immediately tunneled in on the test window.

**_+_ **

You had always expect this moment to be one filled with joy, you and your husband screaming and crying happy tears.

But this was silent. 

Painfully silent. 

"Can I see?" You looked over at him, your face completely unreadable. You put the test face down in his outstretched hand and walked away, your feet carrying you to the window in your living-room.

"I think it's broken," your voice was barely above a whisper, all your strength currently going into not passing out as you peered out the widow. You glanced over your shoulder at Charlie and could have sworn you saw a little smile flashed across his face. You shrugged it off, thinking your mind was playing tricks on you.

Without a word, Charlie walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around you. He placed his lips to the top of your head, "I can go get more if you want."

You just nodded your head yes, the rest of your body ridged; unmoving. Charlie eased you to face him, his hand tucking your hair behind your ear while he admired your face.

His leaned in, his mouth now right next to your ear. _"I love you."_

"I love you too." Your voice broke, a single tear slipping down your face.

"We'll figure this out."  
  


—

Charlie ended up running to the drug store on the corner while you stood in the bathroom--staring at the positive pregnancy test.

You were feeling so many different things at once that you were almost numb. Your brain's way of trying to protect you. 

Fear. 

Uncertainty.

 _Anger_.

You couldn't get over how reckless you had been--how reckless _Charlie_ had been. After all, he's a father, he _knows_ how babies are made. You were dumb, sure, but he's supposed to be this...man, this father, this full-on _adult_. 

You felt betrayed. You knew you shouldn't; knew that you were just as culpable in this situation as he is...yet here you were. 

The door opened just as you were about to nervously chew through your finger tips. 

You heard Charlie's footsteps draw closer, forcing yourself to move towards the doorway. 

Before you knew it, he was standing in front of you, his hand digging through a canvas bag. "I got a couple of different ones and," he handed you a bottle of water, "something to drink."

"I have water here you know," _that came out way meaner than you meant it to._

"I'm just trying to help..." you broke his eye contact, your eyes falling to the bag in his hand as a sigh escaped your nose. 

You reached into the bag, pulling out another blue and white box- this one pristine, complete with the shiny plastic wrapping- as well as a pink one. "I know...I'm sorry. I'm just-"

"I know. It's ok." His lips pulled into a tight smile as he looked at you. You felt bad, guilty for being so short with him. 

This wasn't his fault. Well...no more than it was yours. 

You leaned into him, wrapping your arm around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. You felt him just barely smile against you, pulling your body even closer to his. 

You let him hold you there, let the warmth of his body melt away the anger and fear that were swirling through your blood. 

Eventually you let him go and started heading to the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Even with your back to him, you could tell his brows were furrowed as he watched you walk _away_ from the bathroom. 

"Getting a plastic cup," you said, standing on your tip toes, stretching to reach the cups on the top shelf of the cabinet. You were about to climb up on the counter when you felt Charlie's body press to your back, his arm easily grabbing a stack of cups. You dropped your heals, turning to look at him as he pulled a cup free from the stack--handing it to you. "Thank you."

"What's the cup for- oh." His cheeks started to flush pink as he looked at you.

"That's like 4 pregnancy tests. How much pee do you think I can make on demand?" You felt yourself smile, the tense air from only a moment ago melting away the longer Charlie was by your side. You nervously tapped the cup against your hand a couple of times before heading into the bathroom.

The door shutting behind you made you jump, even though you were the one that closed it. 

You took a deep breath as you opened the water Charlie had gotten you, taking a giant sip before turning your attention to the multi colored pair of boxes. 

You let out a long, drawn out sigh. "Here goes nothing."

_

"I think that one's negative," you and Charlie leaned in, squinting at the test window, your eyes straining to differentiate...anything. 

He took the test from you, holding it up to the light. "No, there's a line there too." You spun around, accidently knocking a test into the bathroom sink. "Even if it was, that would be one negative and," Charlie stopped, plucking the test out of the sink and putting it back next to the others. "Three positives. Four, if you count the first one." 

You stood just outside the bathroom with one arm crossed over your chest, the other bent, your mouth nervously nipping at your pinkie. He stared at you for a minute before moving to you, his body overwhelming yours in his embrace. 

You didn't mean to start crying...but you did; your tears falling in a steady stream down your face.

He hugged you closer, "my offer still stands, you know." 

You looked up at him, finding tears of his own threatening to spill forward.

Your name was soft as it fell from his lips. "Come with me...please."

With a deep breath, you pulled away, running your fingers through your hair. "Charlie, I can't think about that right now. Please."

He closed the distance between you, your bodies almost pressing against each other again. "I know this is a lot. I know that...but," his hand fell to your belly as he spoke. 

You couldn't help but pull away from his touch, your heart pounding as your mind started spinning, trying desperately to grapple with the events of the last hour. "Charlie...it feels like you're trying to make this choice for me." His face fell as he realized what you were saying.

" _No_ \- I'm...I'm just saying-"

You didn't let him finish, your mouth firing off as heat rose in your belly. "You want me to drop everything and move with you, I'm assuming you want me to stay pregnant,"

He shuddered with your words, _stay pregnant._ His mouth fell open slightly, about to say something when you continued right on.

"This...this doesn't change anything. My life is still _here_ , my family, my job!"

Charlie's hand flew up, a nonverbal command for you to slow down so he could grasp what you were saying. "Are...are you serious? _Everything_ has changed!"

" _Not_ really," you fired back. "What I want hasn't changed, Charlie."

He stood there for a second, staring at you as his chin began to quiver, tears sneaking over his strong cheekbones. "What about me?" His voice was soft, almost...broken.

You felt yourself step back, a physical manifestation of what you were feeling. "What _about_ you?"

"Where...where do I fit in with your life?"

"What?" Your voice betraying you, barley loud enough to be heard.

"You say your life is here...you say you love me,"

His words felt like a knife in your chest, "I _do_ love you."

"Then _come_ with me," he stepped to you again, wrapping his arms around you so you couldn't take another step back. "Please...please," your name a desperate plea as he choked it out between his tears.

You felt your body go stiff as Charlie fell to his knees, his face burying into your belly, your body muffling his sobs. " _Please...please_." His voice was broken, begging. You felt your tears start to spill forward again as your body relaxed, your hands shakily finding his back and head, desperately trying to comfort him as he sobbed into you.

It felt like your mind was going a mile a minute, trying to process everything at once. You could feel the pressure rising in your chest, building, growing hotter and stronger, ready to explode when Charlie's broken voice made everything else go silent. 

" _Please_."

In that moment, it felt like everything was melting away...except him. You eased yourself to your knees in front of him, Charlie pulling you into a hug before you were even fully on the ground.

You let him hold you as your cried together, the fear and anger from earlier melting into the floor with every tear that fell. 

" _Please_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH You guys, when I tell you this was literally the first chapter I wrote for As You Like It! This has been the game plan all along and let me tell you...I was NERVOUS to post it.


	29. Both of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I wanted pop in and just say that YN makes a comment about her fears around the baby being born disabled because she was drinking. I wanted to make it exceedingly clear that this is not meant to be ableist in any way and is something many women fear (birth defects) when they are early in pregnancy. As a mother myself, I can tell you that I had these fears in the beginning as well but you quickly learn that you adapt and that no disability is ever a disqualification for love. Every person, regardless of their mental or physical abilities are worthy of love, support and respect.
> 
> Just wanted to make sure I added that in there.
> 
> All my love
> 
> -D

You always hated crying like that--deep heavy sobs that completely overwhelmed your being. It always left you feeling winded, your eyes swollen and heavy. Your body's physical reaction to the emotional whirlwind you had just lived through.

Eventually, yours and Charlie's tears stopped, leaving you in his arms as he held you closer than he ever had before--closer than you knew was possible. You sat there, on the floor of your apartment, as your breathing slowed.

"Charlie?" You lifted your head to look at him noticing that his face was just as red and pained as yours. "Are you ok?"

He sucked in a broken breath as a laugh tried to sneak through. His eyes looked tired, like he'd just come out on the other side of an internal war. "I should be asking you that."

You couldn't help but smile at him. "I asked first."

Charlie just nodded, his hand finding the back of your head as he held you close again.

The next few hours were a bit of a blur. You had told Charlie it was ok if he wanted to go back to his place--to pack, clean, whatever else he had to do but he refused, insisting that all of that could wait; that he didn't want to leave your side.

"Not right now," he had said.

After that you and Charlie didn't talk much, choosing instead to relax and recover from the days events, half watching a movie before ending up in bed for the night.

—

You and Charlie were in bed when your name being frantically screamed from the bathroom ripped you from your sleep, your eyes darting around the room as your brain came too. You looked over at Charlie who was similarly startled, his hand instinctively falling to your chest, as if he needed that immediate contact to know that you were ok.

_He really does love you._

Your heart fluttered.

Stomping feet rushing towards your bedroom snapped you out of it, your hand squeezing Charlie's as you sat up.

Your door flew open, light flooding the room—the horror on Sam's face clearly illuminated now. "Oh _good_ , you're both here."

You sleepily rubbed your eyes, Charlie running his fingers down your back before rolling over. You threw your legs over the side of your bed, ready to stand when a familiar crinkling sound sent your heart sinking into your stomach. You looked at Charlie and then back at Sam—the empty pregnancy test boxes and wrappers in her hand.

" _Shit_ ,"

_"YOU'RE PREGNANT?"_

You turned back to Charlie who was looking at you like a kid who's best friend was being scolded by their mom. You couldn't help but roll your eyes, trying to remain serious as you ushered Sam out of the room, shutting the door behind you.

Your eyes darted from the trash in her hands back up to her face.

"You're _pregnant_?"

"Did you take those out of the garbage?" You took the trash from her, choosing this time to throw them away in the kitchen.

"You're not answering," you could hear her trailing behind you, hot on your heels.

"If I had known you were coming home tonight, I would have...cleaned up better." You turned to look at her, her face resembling exactly how you felt only a few hours ago. "This isn't how I wanted you to find out. What happened to staying at what's-his-face's?"

"Dylan. And I came home to shower— _you're pregnant?"_ You took a deep breath before holding your finger out to her, a silent command to stay there while you went back to your bedroom.

You cracked the door open, sneaking through when your eyes met Charlie's. "She doesn't seem happy."

All you could muster was an exasperated 'no duh' kind of look as you turned to your dresser, grabbing all of the tests out of a drawer. "I'll be right back."

You made sure to turn the light off as you left the room, closing the door behind you. Your eyes met Sam's as you made your way back to where you left her in the kitchen, an obscene number of pregnancy tests in hand.

You held your hand out and dropped them all onto the counter, an unpleasant barrage of clacks assaulting your still tired ears. You watched her eyes go wide as she looked at each and every one of the tests, flipping them over one at a time and examining it before placing it in line with the others. You stood by, doing your best not to yawn as you watched her face cycle through a myriad of emotions while she processed the news. Finally, her face fell, the full weight of what a pregnancy means for you, and by extension her, settling on her.

You two stood there, her hand reaching out to take yours while she looked at you, tears forming in her eyes. "Your mom's going to kick your ass."

You both broke out into laughter, you stepping closer and pulling her into a hug.

"Are you ok?" She pulled away from you, her eyes filled with love and genuine concern. You couldn't speak, knowing that if you did you would start crying again, so you settled on a nod. She did the same, staring at you and then back at the tests. "What does Charlie think?"

You took a deep breath, trying to sort through your mess of a day. That's when it hit you that...you didn't really know. I mean, you had an _idea_ but he hadn't actually verbalized one way or the other. "You know...I don't really know."

"What do _you_ think?"

You didn't mean to, but you laughed. "That I know even less." You stood there in silence, your eyes glancing over at the clock on the microwave.

_3:21am_

"You came home to shower...at three in the morning?" You raised your eyebrows at her. She opened her mouth to protest but quickly shut it, knowing she was caught. "You _dicked-and-dipped_ , didn't you?"

She gave you a guilty smile and a shrug, eliciting a relieved laugh from both of you. "He's _weird,"_ she whined.

"Weird how?" You gathered the tests in your hand, pulling them from her view. Even if just for a second, you wanted to savor this feeling of normalcy, hold onto your life as it was in this very moment for just...a little bit longer.

"Well first, he looked at himself in the mirror like...the _entire time_." She moved to the fridge, her hand lingering on the handle of the refrigerator. "And he kept talking to himself. Like...I might as well have been a fleshlight. _And then_ he had the _audacity_ to ask me if I finished, like _no guy_. If you had to ask, you already knew the answer."

"Ew," you felt your face scrunch in exaggerated disgust. Sam chuckled as she opened the fridge, reaching in and pulling out two hard seltzers. She went to hand you one before remembering.

"Oh..."

"Oh," you agreed, nodding your head.

" _Oh my god_! The bar!" Her face twisted with horror as she looked at you and then down to your stomach.

You were confused for a split second before you realized what she meant.

The bar, the shots.

You _never_ would have done any of it if you had known...

For a second, speech escaped you, dread settling into your chest as you thought about what potential consequences your actions could have had. "Sam...I really should go back to bed," you stuttered as you turned to walk back to your bedroom. "I love you."

Sam ran to you, pulling you into a hug. "Hey...I'm sure it's fine." Her eyes searched yours, her expression soft as she tried to come up with a way to comfort you. "Remember Mrs. Roberts?" She sputtered, "she pounded a 40 for like half of her pregnancy and Jake came out...fine... _ish_."

You tried to laugh but the memory seemed significantly less funny now as an adult. You nodded at her, walking back to your room. "Good night."

"Good night," her voice faded away as you closed the door behind you.

You paused for a moment, your body leaning against the door as guilt wracked through you. You looked over at the bed to see Charlie, propped up on his elbows, looking at you—the moonlight softly highlighting his beautiful face.

_I hope she looks like him._

You were startled by your own thought, shaking it from your mind as you crawled onto the bed, laying on top of Charlie.

"How'd it go?" His voice was low, melodic; his arms wrapping around you, melting away your anxiety.

"Charlie...I was drinking. I never would have gone out if I-" your words fell off, turning to soft sobs in your throat.

A deep hush fell from his lips as he held you close. Tears stinging the corner of your eyes, quickly falling and landing on Charlie's chest. "You can't be hard on yourself. You didn't know."

"That doesn't matter, Charlie." You sat up, now straddling him as his hands fell to your hips. "I may not know a lot about pregnancy but I know pounding back shots is a _huge_ no. What if it comes out without...arms or sick or something?"

He did a half sigh-half laugh, wiping away your tears before pulling you back down to meet him, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "I'm sure it'll be ok." He pulled at your chin, encouraging you to look at him, "but I do want to be here for your first appointment...if that's ok with you."

You nodded, resting your head back on his chest. "I'll call around in the morning."

Time was moving painfully slowly as you laid there, thoughts of the future swirling through your head when Sam's voice echoed in your mind.

_'What does Charlie think?'_

"...Hey Charlie?" Your voice was soft. You felt his chest rise abruptly as he forced himself awake.

"Hm?"

You moved your body off of him, coming instead to rest in the crook of his arm. "How are _you_ feeling?"

He looked at you for a second, sleepy confusion plain on his face.

"I mean...about... _you know_." You couldn't say it. _Why couldn't you say it?_

"You want my honest answer?" His gaze was piercing, your heartbeat a quiet echo in your ear. You nodded.

"Well..." Charlie rolled toward you slightly, letting his free hand roam down your body before landing on your stomach. "I want to be supportive of you and whatever decision you make." His fingers traced meaningless shapes around your belly, his face watching his fingers as pained thoughts danced through his mind.

"Charlie," you soft voice saying his name pulled his gaze back up to you. "I want to know what _you_ want. I'm _asking_." You let your hand find his, your hands now one as they pressed against your belly.

He took in a deep breath, releasing it with a sigh. "With Henry, we were married so...I've never had to think about—it was never a question that we'd-"

"Hey," you let your hand land softly on the side of his face, calming his frantic thoughts. You felt him relax under your touch, his eyes drifting closed while he relished in the warmth of your skin. "This is still new for me too." Your voice was soft--comforting. "Like you said,we'll figure this out. But I want to know...what _you_ want."

"I want you to come with me." He didn't even skip a beat. His eyes fluttered open, immediately finding your face. "Both of you."

You felt tears prick the corners of your eyes again, your lip beginning to quiver as his words settled on you.

_Both of you._

He took your hand from his face, placing it between your bodies before hugging you close. "I want to build a life with you," his voice was quiet, warm breath rolling across your forehead before placing a loving kiss in his wake.

Your mouth moved before your brain could register what was being said, "I want that too."

Your words took Charlie by surprise, his head jerking backwards so he could get a better look at you. You saw a seed of hope plant itself in his expression as he took in what you had just said. _"Really?"_

 _"Yeah_...I think I do." Your voice cracked at the end of your sentence, tears threatening to spill forward.

Charlie's face lit up as he pulled you into a kiss. His lips were tender against yours, but no less desperate for you. You could feel the relief in the movements of his mouth against yours as he laid you back, slipping his arm out from under you and positioning his body over yours. "I love you," he whispered, leaving a trail of impassioned kisses down your neck.

"I love you too," you breathed, letting your head fall to the side, your heartbeat getting faster the lower Charlie's mouth went.

Suddenly he paused, his lips brushing over your clothed sternum. "Say it again."

Confused, you pulled your head up to look at him. "I love you, Charlie."

Charlie sat back in his heels, his hands finding the hem of the shirt that he had given you to wear earlier. You sat up just enough to let him pull it off of you, the shirt being tossed to the side, the one he was wearing joining it right after.

You found yourself staring, completely taken with his beauty in the moonlight. You sat up, letting your hands run down the expanse of his massive torso as he watched you, admiring how your face was highlighted by the soft light coming from outside your window.

"You're beautiful."

Charlie's words were tender, dripping with love as his eyes met yours--he made you breathless. Desperate to feel him, your hands found the waistband of of briefs, his arousal already straining against the fabric.

He sat up, pushing his hips forward slightly as you shimmied them down his legs, his cock springing free tantalizingly close to your lips. Your eyes drifted up to meet his, your heartbeat quickening in your chest as you started stroking him, his eyes fluttering shut as pleasure seeped into his veins. You leaned forward, licking a hot stripe on the underside of his pulsing cock, teasing him with your warm, wet tongue before letting him push into your mouth.

Your tongue swirled around his head, his body shivering as you eased him into your throat, suppressing an instinctive gag as he hit your soft pallet. You pulled back slowly, letting your hand work your thick saliva down the length of his shaft. You were out of practice but he didn't seem to mind or even necessary notice. You were ready to go back, slapping his cock to your tongue a few times when a firm hand gripped the back of your neck, pulling you away from his dick.

His lips met yours before you could protest, guiding you to lay back down as his free hand slid down your body, snaking it's way into your shorts.

His finger ran down the length of your slit, his light touch teasing your already wet cunt. You felt your pussy clench in anticipation as his finger ghosted your entrance, your hips instinctively rolling forward, encouraging him to enter you. You felt Charlie's lips lift into a smile as he pushed a single finger past your folds, dipping into your cunt and curling. Your cunt pulsed around him as he massaged your core, easing a second finger into you as he muffled your moan with his lips. 

When he felt your thighs begin to quiver, he pulled his fingers from you, dragging your wetness up to your swollen clit. Charlie traced slow but firm circles around your bud--almost making you cry out when you remembered; Sam was on the other side of the wall.

You clasped your hand over your mouth, waiting for your primal need to scream to pass. "Wait," you breathed, your hand moving to push his fingers away from your clit. "Charlie, Sam's right next-"

"Then I guess you should be quiet," he whispered softly into your neck, his lips pressing to your throat as he dove two fingers into you again. You bit down on your lip, trying to focus on not making any noise as Charlie's fingers massaged your cunt, his speed picking up as he watched you struggle to keep your composure. Desperate for something to aid you in your quest to be as silent as possible, your hands found the sides of his face, pulling him into a deep, ferocious kiss.

Amused with you, he broke away as he pulled his fingers from you, pulling a shudder from your body along with him. His hands moved to your hips, easing your shorts down your legs and kicking them out of the way as he positioned himself between your thighs. He leaned over you, his beautiful face only inches from your own as his thumb gently skimmed your cheek, the hand covered in your sex being used to angle his cock to rest right on the cusp of your cunt.

"Remember... _quiet,"_ he said with a smirk before slowly spearing you open. You sucked in a desperate gasp, holding your breath at the top as he filled you, his hips pressed flush against yours as your greedy cunt took him to the hilt.

 _"Fuck,"_ you whined as your pussy stretched around him, electric pleasure sending shockwaves through your entire body. His lips met yours again as his pace started to pick up, your body gently rocking with with each of his thrusts. You felt him snake his arms underneath you, pulling you up with him as he sat back on his heels. You wrapped your arms and legs around him as your bodies worked in tandem, working together to build your orgasms.

"Say it again," his voice was soft, shaky. You could tell he was struggling to stay in control of himself, struggling to keep the sounds of his pleasure quiet.

"I love you, Charlie." His breath shuttered with your words, one of his hands pressing to the back of your head, holding your forehead to his.

"Again."

" _Fuck_ \- I love you, Charlie." You felt a tear slip down your cheek as your words filled the air, your combined pace picking up as your need to feel each other's bodies became more intense--almost overwhelming. "I love you." Your words fell in broken breaths, Charlie's lips meeting yours as he rocked into you.

His body was at the perfect angle, providing your clit with constant pressure while he fucked you, your thighs beginning to quiver as your orgasm started to crest. You felt Charlie wipe away your tears as your head fell back, your breathing shaky as you reminded yourself that you needed to be quiet.

"Is my good girl going to cum?"

Your breath hitched in your chest, an excited moan slipping past your defenses. You nodded desperately as his hand clasped over your mouth. His pace started to quicken as he took over, fucking you while you whimpered into his hand.

"Cum for me, gorgeous. Show me how you cum on my cock." His words were low, quiet, barely hanging on. You could feel him starting to lose control, his breathing becoming more ragged, pleasured groans breaking through. Your eyes met his, Charlie pulling his hand from your mouth as you moved to kiss him.

You felt your body shake around him, your cunt clamping down on his dick inside of you; milking him with every thrust. You were grateful for Charlie's mouth against yours as you came, whimpers and moans escaping you despite your best effort.

This orgasm wasn't like the others you've had with Charlie. They were usually like a bright flash of light but not this one. This one was like a low grumble that shook your entire body, cloaking you in warm pleasure as your senses went black.

Charlie growled into you as he came, his strong arms pressing you even tighter to him, your already aching tits screaming in opposition at the intense pressure of his body against yours.

Your body felt heavy as you came back down, Charlie easing you back onto the bed before taking his place next to you. You laid next to each other, chests heaving as the fog of lust cleared from your minds.

You sleepily dropped your head to look at Charlie, noting a soft smile stretched across his face as his hand gently landed on your belly; a smile falling across your own as your hand rested on his.

You felt like you should say something but you couldn't find the words.

But maybe that was ok.

Because you knew deep down that nothing really _needed_ to be said.

Charlie already knew.


	30. It's Raining

_9 days._

9 more chances to kiss Charlie good morning, 9 nights left to fall asleep in his arms.

The countdown was a constant ticking clock in the back of your mind, threatening to drive you insane. When you thought about it too much; about him leaving you, you could feel yourself start to spiral but then...you found comfort in the most unlikely of places; the budding life growing inside your womb. A permanent tie to Charlie. A guarantee that he'd always be apart of your life.

You found your hand falling to your belly, a warm smile stretching across your face as you looked at yourself in the dressing room mirror.

The sudden sound of a knock followed by the clack of the door opening startled you, your hand ripping away from your stomach.

"Are you decent?" One of your cast members called out from behind the door.

"Yeah, come in," you responded, turning back to your costume that still needed to be hung up. 

"Hey," you turned your head to see your fellow cast member Annie poking her head into the dressing room.

"Hey," you said as you fought your costume back onto it's hanger. "What's up?"

"Someone asked to see you out front." Your heart sank as your anxious mind started trying to figure out who the hell would want to speak with you. You nodded, quickly shaking the wrinkles out of your dress before following her out of the room.

As you left the dressing room, your eyes immediately found Charlie—leaning against a wall, giving notes to Ben. His gaze found yours, giving you a wink as you walked by, your mind forgetting your panic as the memory of Charlie's body pressed against yours only a few hours ago lulled you into a sense of calm.

At least for that fleeting moment.

You turned to see Annie already heading down the hallway towards the lobby. You took off, jogging to catch up with her. "Do you know who it is?"

"Yeah, they used to work here," your heart sank into your gut. It couldn't be- "not Josh, don't worry," she said, sensing your panic. You let out a short chuckle of relief as you followed her through the doorway, into the lobby. "Here's the lady of the hour!" She said, moving aside and gesturing to you. You looked up to find a man and woman standing close, smiling at you. You gave them a polite smile in return as you shook their hands, introducing yourself.

"You were _phenomenal!"_ The woman said.

"Oh! Thank you!" you sighed, your panic from moments earlier leaving with your breath.

" _Really_ impressive," the man chimed in. "I'm Allen, this is Laura." The woman, Laura, beamed at you.

"Hi, it's so wonderful to meet you." You chirped, trying to ignore the wave of nausea that was sneaking up on you. You started to wonder how to back out of the conversation without seeming rude, hoping to god you could get out before you vomited on these two nice people who had sought you out specifically to compliment your performance.

"We wanted to ask you about your plans with the theater company--after the show is over, of course." Laura spoke somewhat cautiously but her excitement leaked through anyway.

"Oh! Uh...I'm not really sure, actually." You stuttered, trying to stay focused on the conversation.

"We know that working with Charlie can be just a _dream_ but...we were wondering if-" Laura looked to Allen, his face still focused on you—soft and kind.

"If you would be interested in coming and reading for our next production," he finished.

Your mouth hung open, your brain grappling with what they had just said. "Um-"

You felt a strong hand land on your shoulder, a hand you knew all too well. You turned to see Charlie standing next to you, somewhat protectively.

"Laura, Allen." He said curtly.

You were kind of taken aback by his response to them--they seemed so kind, definitely not deserving of--

"Charlie," Laura responded, her voice thick with...something. _A history_. "How are you?"

"I'm great, thanks." He turned to you, "I was looking for you."

Now you were really surprised by his tone. He seemed tense, almost angry. Staying calm, you kept your face bright as you looked back to Laura and Allen. "Well you found me. I was just talking to Laura and Allen, they liked my performance."

"Loved it," Allen interjected.

"You've got a real starlet on your hands, Charlie. You better hold on tight to her," Laura said coyly, throwing a playful wink your way.

You smiled at her as Charlie wrapped his arm around your waist, his long arm allowing his hand to land right near your womb. "I intend to."

The tension between them was so thick, it was starting to choke you. No-wait. You felt bile bubbling up in your throat, telling you to get away as fast as possible.

"If you'll excuse me," you said politely, pulling away from Charlie as you moved to return backstage. You were so focused on getting to a bathroom, a trashcan--anything--that you didn't realize Charlie was trailing right behind you.

"Are you ok?" He said, his long legs easily matching your pace.

Your hand flew to your mouth, a last defense as you made it to the end of the hallway, a garbage can sitting there waiting for you.

You fell to your knees, heaving into the black plastic bin. You felt Charlie kneel next to you, pulling your hair out of the way.

You sat there, wanting to pull your face away from the mess but not wanting Charlie to see you like this.

"Lets get you home," Charlie whispered sweetly, rubbing your back.

_

You and Charlie were walking out of the theater when you felt someone tug on your jacket. You turned to see Laura, the same sweet smile on her face and a scrap of paper held out to you between her fingers. You took it from her, smiling as she gave your arm a delicate squeeze.

"Call me, if you're interested." Her voice was low, just for you. You nodded, slipping the scrap of paper into your pocket.

"I will, thank you." You turned to catch up to Charlie who was already almost out of the theater.

You sped to him, his arm reaching out and stopping you before you could pass through the doorway. "Let's take a cab, the last thing we need is for you to get sick." His voice was low, his attention buried in his phone. You leaned into him, peering out of the doorway.

_It's raining._

___

The ride back to your apartment was quiet, you drifting in and out of consciousness as Charlie held you close.

You felt yourself slipping deeper and deeper into sleep when Charlie gently nudged you awake, his lips pressed to the top of your head. "We're here."

You sleepily looked around, your brain taking a second to boot back up before you opened the car door and ran to the entrance of your building--hurriedly typing in the code as the cold rain splashed across your body.

You and Charlie made it inside in record time, immediately peeling off your wet coats as you walked the stairs to your apartment.

"Hey Charlie?" You said, unlocking your front door and pushing it open--your hand blindly moving for the light switch.

"Yeah?" He took your coat, draping it over the radiator so it could dry.

"What _was_ that?"

He turned to you, confused. "What was what?"

"At the theater...with," you snapped your fingers as your sleepy brain tried to recall their names, "--Laura and Allen."

He just shook his head, moving to the couch to take off his shoes. "It's nothing." His shoes fell to the ground with a thump, his hand patting the spot next to him on the couch. "Why, did they say something?"

You sat down, angling to face him--keeping a slight distance between your body and his. "No, I mean—you seemed... _angry_."

"I wasn't angry."

"Charlie." Your head dropped slightly, brows raised at him.

He retorted with your name, mimicking your tone and head movement.

You rolled your eyes, your body relaxing slightly. "They offered me a job." Charlie's body jerked back, as if your words had landed with some weight behind them. His face filled with confusion, eyes narrowing at you, silently imploring you to elaborate. "Well... _kind of_. They want me to come read for them."

Charlie's lips tightened as he processed what you were saying. "You don't know who that was...do you?" His words were short, you felt like you were missing something important.

Your body tensed, you didn't like this.

You shook your head, your eyes trained on Charlie's body language. He let out a deep sigh as his head fell, resting on the back of the couch.

"What's wrong?" You asked, your hand giving his thigh a gentle squeeze. He just shook his head, his brows furrowed and nostrils flaring as he stared at the ceiling. "Are you... _mad_ at me?"

Charlie glanced over at you, his hand landing on yours. " _No_ , of course not."

"Then why are you acting like this?"

"I just don't think it's a good idea." Charlie lifted his head, his gaze cutting into you.

"Care to explain?" You subconsciously moved your body a little further away from his, not bothering to hide your confusion.

He sighed, thinking for a second before responding. "I'm happy for you, _I am_. But I just don't think doing a show with them is a good idea."

"Yeah, you said that already. Why?" You snapped back.

"What does it matter? I thought you were coming with me anyway."

You paused, thinking for sure you misheard him. "Charlie, I never said that-"

He sat all the way up, eyes narrowing at you, "We talked about it."

" _No--_ I said that I _wanted_ to. Not that I was _going_ to. I mean...not yet."

"Why are you being stubborn?" His words caught you off guard, halting your breath.

"Excuse you?" You stood up, moving away from the couch.

Charlie followed your lead, standing--towering over you; unintentionally dominating. "Laura and Allen used to work for me. They left when Nicole did and started their own theater company. Ok? So no, _if_ you stay here, I don't want you leaving Exit Ghost for them."

You felt your jaw drop, his words taking a second for your brain to process. "Let me get this straight, you want me to miss out on this opportunity because of a—a dick measuring contest?"

Charlie rolled his eyes, "I would hardly call it an _opportunity_ -"

_"Charlie."_

He took a deep breath as he stepped closer to you. "Would you please just-"

You pulled away, still unable to believe what you were hearing. "Charlie, I'm telling you that this is what I _want_ and you're not listening to me."

 _"I thought you wanted to move to LA!"_ he fired back, his hands flying up by his face as his booming voice filled your apartment.

You stood there, completely in shock. He had never... _yelled_ at you before.

He sighed, eyes stuck on you as his hand lifted, rubbing at his mouth as if he were trying to erase what he had just did.

You felt your eyes welling up with tears as you started to speak. "You're _leaving_ , Charlie. In a little over a week. That's not enough time for me to...uproot my whole life for you. I _want_ to stay in New York. But I can't stay at Exit Ghost, not after everything that's happened."

"So just _come with me!"_ You could tell that he was trying and failing to keep his voice calm.

You felt rage bubbling in your gut. It felt like you were talking to a fucking wall. "Are you even hearing _anything_ I'm saying?"

"You _said_ you wanted LA!" You saw something in him snap, tears welling in his eyes as his hands flew up again in frustration.

" _Wanting_ and _doing_ are two very different things Charlie!"

"I don't understand why you're being like this."

A half laugh forced itself from your throat. " _Me_? Are you _hearing_ yourself, Charlie? What happened to supporting my decision?"

"That's not what I was talking about and you know it," he took an aggressive step towards you, your body wanted to cower at his advance but your anger held you firm.

"Oh so I can decide not to have your baby but I have no choice in moving to LA with you? _Fuck_ whatever I want, right?" You didn't realize until now that your fists were clenched so hard that you were nearly drawing blood.

He grit his teeth, angrily shaking his head as he stepped around you—reaching for his coat. He stalled for a moment, the fabric of his jacket clenched in his fist.

"You're really going to leave because what _I want_ isn't what _you_ _want?_ _Really?"_ You spit at him, your words laced with venom.

He turned to look at you—his face red, nose flared and eyes glassy as his tongue rolled beneath his lower lip. You'd never seen him like this before, never seen this side of him. It was selfish and infuriating and you didn't fucking like it.

He let out an angry huff, shaking his head as he threw his coat on.

Your rage turned to panic as you realized he was actually planning on leaving, tears spilling down your face as the two weeks of hell you spent without him ripped through your mind. _"Charlie,"_ you cried, internally begging your feet to bring you towards him so you could touch him, grab him, hold him to you so he couldn't leave. But you didn't move; couldn't move—glued to the ground by some cruel unseen force.

You watched him leave through tear blurred vision, the door slamming shut behind him; making you jump.

You stood there, frozen in shock as your mind worked through what had just happened. Tears streamed down your face, your breathing broken and gasping as your stomach started to turn. Some part of you wanted to collapse, to give up and let him walk away from you—from your baby—but a burning deep in your core kept you standing, slowly giving you back your strength.

You shook your head, wiping away your tears as you walked over to the window to look for him. You waited...and waited...and waited but you didn't see him. Finally you ran to the radiator, throwing on your coat as you flew out of your apartment. You made it to the lobby of your building but he wasn't there. Adrenaline took over as you shoved your body out of the front door, spilling out into the pouring rain. You started looking for his brooding silhouette, easily spotting it not far off in the distance. Your feet worked on instinct, taking off after him.

"Charlie!" You yelled, trying to get his attention. " _Charlie_!" You yelled again, this time stopping him, his body slowly turning around to face you.

His gaze froze your feet to the ground, both of you getting progressively more drenched as the rain poured down on you. You stared at each other for a moment, not entirely sure what to do; what to say. He left—he yelled at you and then left you standing there in your apartment, broken and crying. But he also stopped. And now here he was, standing in the rain looking at you when he very easily could have kept walking.

_'I love you'_

Charlie's voice echoed in your ear.

You started running to him, his pace matching yours with ease. Your bodies crashed into each other, Charlie lifting you as you held the sides of his face- your lips meeting through the icy rain. He held you there in the air for a moment before easing you down, your lips still pressed to his.

"I'm sorry," he said, his hands smoothing your drenched hair out of your face.

"I'm sorry too," your hands grabbing onto his jacket. "Come back. Please," you whispered, your voice breaking as the words left your lips. He nodded, taking your hand and leading the way back to your building.

—

Your bodies pressed together as you crashed through the front door, your soaked clothes leaving a wet trail behind you. Once inside you separated for just long enough to start peeling off your clothes, your coats falling to the ground with a stomach churning _plop_. You stepped backwards towards your bedroom, pulling wet articles from your bodies until you were both naked and pressed against your bedroom door. His kiss was deep, all consuming as you melted into him.

You heard the door click open, your body nearly falling through the threshold of your bedroom when Charlie wrapped a strong arm around you, catching you; holding you safely against him.

He eased your naked body backwards until you were sitting on your bed, closing the door with his foot before stepping in front of you. His lips met yours as he guided you to lay down, only then pulling away to look at you.

You felt his eyes trace over you as he drank in your body, his gaze lingering on what would soon be your expanding belly. He was completely in awe of you.

Your chest heaving, you reached your arms out to him. He took your que, crawling onto the bed and laying with you, pulling your naked body to press tightly against his.

You laid there, feeling each other, your breath synchronizing as you came down.

"I...I don't want to lose you." Charlie's voice cracked, sounding as broken as you felt.

You pulled his face to yours.

"You won't. _I love you, Charlie_."


	31. Body Wash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey AO3 babes! Two quick things!   
> First I wanted to just say that I read all of your comments and I just so whole heartedly appreacite all of your love and support! I'm slowly getting better at navigating this site so hopfully soon I'll be better at responding directly! 
> 
> Second, a bit of a content warning! This chapter has some *light* degradation. I honestly debated on even putting this warning up but the way I write Charlie, he isn't usually like this so I just wanted to give ya'll a heads up. A little less lovey in this chapter but like...that's life, my dude.

"You really don't have to do this." Charlie was looking at you, a half filled trash bag held tightly in his hand.

You looked up at him with dewy eyes, trying and failing to hold yourself together. "I'm fine, really. I don't even--I don't know I'm crying."

Charlie sighed, setting the bag down in front of the bathroom before moving to you--wrapping you in his arms and pressing you tightly against his warm, broad chest.

You did everything in your power to strangle the sobs in your throat as Charlie's hand cradled the back of your head, his lips pressed lovingly to your crown. "I--I mean it. I'm-" _a pathetic snivel,_ "I'm fine." You weakly went to pull away from him but he stood firm, the lips pressing to your head just a _little_ harder. You sighed, letting yourself melt into him, your tears falling freely now. "I'm...sorry," you whimpered.

"Shh, don't be sorry." His words were breathy, delicate. "Do you want me to take you home?"

At that, you found the strength to pull away. You had already been feeling like a burden, Charlie having thrown all of his attention into you instead of preparing for his impending move—now only 5 days away.

"No, _no_." You swiped your sleeves under your swollen, tender eyes, the coarse fabric absorbing your tears with a slight sting. "No, you've already put this off long enough because of me-" Your gaze met his just as he rolled his eyes.

He interjected with your name but you ignored him.

"-besides, I want to help." You slipped passed him, diving for the bag that he had set down only a couple minutes earlier. You blinked a few times--forcing any remaining tears from your field of vision before turning back to him. "Trash?"

His lips pursed, studying you for a moment before nodding, his hand gesturing towards the bathroom. "After you," he said, stepping closer.

You lead the way into the bathroom, setting the bag down as you took stock of what little was left. He had already cleared out the medicine cabinet, removed everything off the sink. You turned your attention to the shower, plucking the metal rings off the shower rod and pulling the curtain off of it. You turned to him, the crumpled heap of fabric held in your arms. "Laundry?"

Charlie glanced at you, nodding silently before turning back, double checking that there was nothing left in or around the sink.

You slid past him, pushing your ass out and letting it glide across his back as you did. You were almost out of the bathroom when two strong hands gripped your hips, pulling you backwards into the bathroom. Your heart started hammering in your chest, cunt fluttering at the sudden heat of Charlie's body pressed against yours. You let your head fall to the side as his mouth found your neck, sucking a blossom of broken blood vessels into your skin--pulling a soft moan from your chest.

" _No_ ," you softly chastised, pushing his head away from your neck. "We have stuff to do." You giggled as you walked away, Charlie's malcontent growl in the background like music to your ears. You sauntered into his bedroom, tossing the crumbled shower curtain into the hamper before your eyes fell to a worn brown photo album sitting on the barren dresser. You stepped closer, noticing the once delicate gold lettering that had long faded, leaving nothing but a single indented word. You let your fingers lightly trace over the embossment-

_Memories_

You peeked around the corner, making sure Charlie hadn't followed you before you turned back to the album, slowly slipping your fingers between two of the plastic covered pages. You eased it open and your eyes immediately met those of a little boy, a strangely familiar sparkle in them--Charlie's sparkle-- sending a wave of warmth crashing in your chest.

_Henry_

You felt your lips pull into a smile as you admired the photo, a toddler Henry reaching for whoever was behind the camera; you imagined Charlie.

"Hey babe, can you come here a second?"

He had said it so quickly, so casually that you almost missed it. Almost.

_Babe_

Your lip pulled between your teeth, trying to stifle your smile as you shut the album, heading back to Charlie, still in the bathroom.

"I swear to god, if your dick is out," you called out, eliciting a laugh from him.

"I mean, I can make that happen if you want," You poked your head into the room, finding Charlie--to your slight dismay-- fully dressed and folding a towel. He smiled as his eyes met yours, that same sparkle from only a moment ago shining through to you. "Can you do me favor?"

"Anything," you said, slipping into the bathroom and leaning against the door frame.

"Can you just throw out all the stuff in the shower for me while I do this? I want to get the bathroom done and then we can take a break. You need to eat something." You rolled your eyes, pushing off the doorframe and heading to the shower.

"I _did_ eat something," you whined as you started reaching for the bottle of blue grey body wash.

"Popsicles don't count." He chided.

"You want me to throw _all_ of it away?" Your said, looking over your shoulder at him.

"All of it. Unless you want something. I'll just buy more when I get there."

You turned back and looked at the bottle in your hands, an all too familiar ache in your heart making itself known. The reality of what the next few days had in store settling heavy in your chest. The end of the show, your first prenatal appointment, Charlie leaving...you felt tears prick your eyes, your chin threatening to quiver from the pain brought on by the idea of going through all of this...by yourself.

You set the bottle down next to your foot—you had already planned on getting the same kind after he left but this was better...because it was _his_.

You let out a soft sigh, hoping Charlie wouldn't notice as you reached for the last couple of things left in his shower—shampoo, conditioner and a loofa. You gathered them in your hands and turned, to your amusement finding Charlie sitting in his knees, hunching his giant frame under the sink with the garbage bag open next to him. You threw the things in your hands away before crouching down next to him, your fingers loving trailing down his back.

He didn't acknowledge you, which was weird. You leaned over, peering around him when your heart stuttered. He was holding the pink bottle of body wash in his hands, the very same one from a night that--at this point--felt like a lifetime ago.

"What's wrong?" You were trying to seem as nonchalant as possible as you waited on bated breath for his response.

He just shook his head, tossing the bottle mindlessly into the trash. Anxiety started creeping up on you as your mind started running wild.

_He doesn't want you to know who's it is. He's hiding something. What if it really was Mary Ann's? Why would he-_

"It was Nicole's." He said plainly, sensing your panic. "When we were getting divorced, she left in such a hurry that I'm surprised there aren't more of her _crumbs_ laying around."

You felt stupid. _Of course it was his ex's;_ it was buried under his sink for fuck sake. A laugh pushed from your nose as a strange relief flooded your blood, Charlie turning around to eye you. 

_"Nothing,"_ you shook your head, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing a kiss to his cheeks, savoring his scent. "You ready for that break?"

_—_

"Just fucking great," Charlie dropped his phone onto the coffee table with a huff, his fingers aggressively raking through his hair.

He plopped down next to you on the couch, his head falling back with deep sigh.

"What's wrong?" You put your bowl of cereal down, wiping a dribble of milk off the corner of your mouth as you shifted your body to face him.

He shook his head, a deep sigh rattling his chest. "The director I've had lined up for _months_ just backed out." Another heavy sigh, _"fuck!"_ Charlie sat up, moving to edge of the seat and resting his head in his hands. You seized the opportunity, sliding in behind him and moving your hands slowly up the length of his back--coming to rest on his tense shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Charlie," you whispered .

He grabbed one of your hands, pulling it to meet his lips. "Don't be. I'll figure it out, I always do. Just... _frustrating."_

You rested your cheek to his upper back, enjoying the closeness of your bodies. "I know what'll help you feel better."

You felt his body tense under yours just slightly before he stood, turning to face you.

You always forgot how massive he really was until moments like this, him towering over you, your face level with his pelvis. You looked up at him with needy eyes as his thumb met your soft, pliant lips--the lips he loved so much--easing across them, pulling them with the touch of his calloused digit.

Your hands eased up his strong thighs, grazing against his hardening desire before landing on the buckle of his belt. You kept your eyes glued to him as your hands moved to undo his belt and pants, something you were somewhat of a pro at by now. You started easing them down his legs, his thumb still pressed to your lips when his phone started ringing.

He sighed, turning away and reaching for his phone; glancing at the screen. "I'm sorry, I have to take this." 

You threw your hands up in defeat as he refastened his pants, pulling his belt free as he answered the phone--walking towards his bedroom.

You sat back, trying desperately to ignore the intensifying needy heat between your thighs.

"This is Charlie...yeah, hi."

He sounded annoyed, not that you could blame him. The denial of your mouth around his cock alone would have been enough to irritate him, considering he really only had precious few chances left. Let alone all of the _actual_ important work things he was juggling.

You heard the soft creek of Charlie's bed as he sat on it when an idea popped into your head. A devious smile split your mouth, your dirty thoughts only serving to stoke the heat in your core as you made your way to Charlie's bedroom.

You were still going to _help_ him...in the best way you knew how.

"And I understand that but you have to try and look at it where I'm coming from."

You poked your head in, finding Charlie exactly where you though he'd be; sitting on the edge of his bed.

"I understand that."

You slipped into the room, moving slowly to where Charlie was sitting. He glanced up at you as you took him in from the angle that he had you in just moments before--granted to a much lesser extent; him being a giant and all.

You pushed gently on his shoulders, encouraging him to lay back. He was clearly confused but did what you wanted anyway, laying back until he was propped up on one elbow.

You smiled at him as you reached for the hem of your shirt, pulling it from your body and tossing it to the side. His eyes narrowed on your tits--on your nipples, a few shades darker than what they had been even a week before. He smirked at you as he got the memo, laying back and undoing his pants once more before easing them down the his legs.

You pulled off your leggings, taking your underwear with them before shucking them off to the side; stepping closer to Charlie.

You had come in here with the intention of sucking his dick but seeing him--seeing how he drank you in, how he hardened under your gaze...you needed to _feel_ him.

You crawled on top of him, pressing needy kisses to his neck as your hand gripped the base of his cock.

"That's not what you said a minute ago."

His voice was tense but his face was soft as he admired you, your face now only a hairsbreadth from his.

You angled him to meet your entrance, your cunt already slick with your arousal. Your tongue darted out over your lower lip as you eased down, letting his cock slowly split you open. His eyes fluttered as you worked your way down his length, your hungry cunt happily swallowing every inch of him.

"Listen, I just need to know if I have-" he angled his face away from the phone for a split second, staving off the wave of pleasure your body was casting over him. "-if I need to find a new director."

You let your hands rest on his chest as you angled yourself to take him deeper, having to stifle your own gasp as he pushed deep into your belly.

"No, I'm not mad. I'm just... _frustrated_." He moved the phone to be pinched between his shoulder and ear; freeing up his other hand. Nervous excitement flooded you as his hand found your throat, the other clasping over your mouth as his body shifted below you. He pulled you down to meet him, a gentle kiss finding your forehead before your eyes met his again. "I respect you as a director,"

He released a brutal thrust, his cock ramming into your cervix. You tried to silence your whimper, aided by Charlie's hand over your mouth and grip around your throat.

"-that's why I offered you the position in the first place."

He drew himself out slowly--his hips falling back to the bed as your cunt greedily cinched around him, desperate to hold him inside of you.

"This plan has been in the works for a long time, Jim."

He slammed up into you again, another whimper caught on the hand around your throat as euphoric pleasure radiated from between your legs.

"Hang on Jim, I have another call. Don't hang up." He released your throat, pulling his phone from his shoulder and muting the call--tossing the phone off to the side before snatching the back of your neck, bringing you into a rapacious, needy kiss. His fingers twisted into your hair, tongue swirling around yours as he fucked into your from below; his hips already becoming sloppy with need as you mewled into his mouth.

Without warning, he pulled away from your kiss, his hands finding either side of your face. "This pussy is going to get me in fucking trouble," he said with quivering breath.

"I think it kinda already has," you retorted, your tongue lapping at his spit on your lips.

He caught you in another brief but ferocious kiss before flipping you onto your back. He stood up off the bed, reaching for his phone before grabbing your ankles and yanking you closer to him. He briefly turned his attention to his phone, pressing a strong finger to his lips as he unmuted the call.

"So sorry about that, Jim. Where were we?" His eyes zeroing in on your cunt, practically dripping for him, told you that his question was for _you_.

You smirked at him as you shimmied yourself closer, letting your legs fall open so he could inspect his target. Charlie stared at you, trying to split his focus between the conversation and your beckoning core. You watched his thumb meet his tongue before it dipped between your thighs, ghosting your entrance; collecting your sex before he dragged his digit to your clit. You gasped at his touch, your hands flying over your mouth as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You heard him chuckle softly as he started working tight, deliberate circles over your stiff clit--throwing in a perfectly aggressive swipe every so often just so he could see you shiver.

"I just don't want to get fucked on this, Jim." He said halfheartedly as he sank his cock into you, his thumb still relentlessly working your clit as you writhed beneath him. "I think that's a great idea."

You came to, following his gaze to the way your cunt swallowed him. You couldn't look away, getting caught in the lewd sight of your body accepting him so readily. You could feel it coming as you watched, your orgasm tingling in your extremities, slowly seeping into your core.

"Take the night to reread the script and get back to me in the morning."

To your upset, he eased off your clit, his hand finding your chin--pulling your eyes to meet his. He shook his head at you, a silent command to wait. You nodded, wanting nothing more than to hold off until you could fully enjoy your climax.

"Alright, thank you. Have a good night."

Your excitement was almost unbearable when he hung up the phone, throwing it haphazardly to the side. You could have sworn you saw his pupils blow as lust completely overcame him, his lower lip being pulled between his teeth as he looked you up and down.

He _tisk_ -ed his tongue as he moved for your clit again. _"Such a needy little thing_. Couldn't even wait until I was off the phone to get _fucked_." His tone was dripping with wild lechery, sending a shiver up your spine. This was a different side of him, one you didn't know existed. Charlie always had an air of love when it came to you but that seemed to be gone, at least for the moment, and replaced withpure carnal rage.

"What can I say," you shrugged, playing into his game.

"Filthy slut," he snapped his hips into you, forcing a surprised whine from you.

Your eyes met his and for a fleeting moment you saw Charlie, the Charlie you knew like the back of your hand, flash across his eyes. You realized he was making sure you were ok with what he was doing, with his sudden aggression.

Warmth flooded you as you tried to suppress a smile, not wanting to ruin the moment. You used two fingers to encourage him closer, delighted when he leaned over you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, moving your lips to his ear. "What are you gunna do about it?"

A mixture of relief and exhilaration fell from his lips, Charlie quickly pulling away from you--his hand finding your throat and squeezing. "Fucking whore," he spit through gritted teeth, his hips ramming into you again. You whimpered as his kept the brutal pace, slamming into you so hard that your tits shuttered with each thrust. _"Is this any way for the mother of my child to act? Like a pathetic cum drunk slut."_

His words made your cunt clench him, your cheeks burning red. He released your throat, his hand moving to knead one of your tender tits. "So desperate to get fucked that she'll take this cock anywhere." You whimpered, your body teetering on the edge of your orgasm. He leaned into you, your legs shaking around him as he whispered into your ear. "At work, at the coffee shop, on the roof. _You don't care;_ as long as this pretty little cunt is being stuffed with my cock."

 _"Jesus fucking christ, Charlie,"_ you practically screamed as your orgasm overwhelmed you, your vision going white as wave after wave of indescribable pleasure crashed over you. You felt him kiss your neck, your jaw, your lips before he pulled away, the sound of slapping skin ricocheting of the walls of the now barren bedroom.

"I'm going to paint this pretty little face with my cum. Those perfect fucking--tits," suddenly, you were empty, lewd wet slaps assulting your ears as Charlie fucked his hand, shooting thick ropes of cum onto your chest and face.

When he was done, you could do nothing but lay there, breathless as Charlie admired how you looked--your puffy, abused cunt splayed open, body adorned with his spilled seed.

You weren't sure who laughed first but soon you both couldn't contain yourselves, giggling as he helped pull you to stand.

"Probably should have waited on packing up the bathroom," you swiped a finger across your chin, collecting the remnants of Charlie. "Good thing I saved your body wash."


	32. That's It?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know me, always popping in to cover my bases. YN gets an ultrasound in this chapter and I wanted to give you a heads up just incase you find any kind of medical procedure/setting to be unsettling. I know some people do and I just wanted to make sure you had a heads up.
> 
> All my love   
> -D

You couldn't think of a time when you didn't hate going to the doctor.

To you they always smelled like a band-aid you'd get from the nurse in middle school—sterile and yet somehow simultaneously like mothballs. You let your lower lip nervously pull between your teeth as you looked down at the clipboard in your lap, eyes skimming over the paperwork you had filled out, making sure you didn't miss anything.

Your eyes started wondering around the waiting room again when Charlie's hand landed on your knee, settling your leg's anxious bounce.

"You get jittery when you're nervous." Your gaze shot to him, you tried to feign annoyance but you knew it wasn't very convincing. He was cute and you couldn't help but smile at him.

You leaned into his ear, whispering so the woman at the reception desk couldn't hear you. "I've always hated going to the doctor."

Charlie let out a soft amused huff, his hand squeezing your knee before intertwining his fingers with yours and bringing you to his lips. You let your hand linger there, enjoying the velvet touch of his lips; the warmth of his breath on your skin. With him here, you felt inexplicably _better_ , like you could take on anything.

The sound of your name being called pulled your attention away from Charlie, him dropping your hand in response. You looked to the now open door just feet in front of you, a kind looking woman in pale blue scrubs standing there, glancing over whatever was in her hand. You stood, taking a covert deep breath, your hand automatically reaching behind you—searching for Charlie.

 _"I'm right here,"_ his voice was soft, comforting; his fingers lacing through yours again as you walked towards the nurse.

"Hi!" She said, her cheery disposition radiating off of her. "You ready?"

You nodded, giving her a polite smile as you handed her the clipboard.

" _Perrfect!"_ She glanced over the paperwork briefly before tucking it under her arm. "Alrighty, follow me!"

—

You eased yourself onto the stiff medical bed, the paper covering crinkling under your shifting weight. You glanced over at Charlie who looked just as awkward as you felt.

It was weird being here with him, in such a clinical setting. It felt almost...unearned. You gave him a shy smile, unsure of if it was more for his benefit or yours.

"Alright, I just need you to lift your shirt a little for me," you turned to see the nurse now sitting in a stool right by your side, a paper covering in her hand. You did as she said, pulling up your sweater, awkwardly revealing your stomach to chilled office air. "I'm just going to tuck this into your pants so the gel doesn't get on them," you nodded, letting her push the paper covering into the waist of your leggings. You turned to Charlie, taking his hand before turning back to look at the screen.

The lights went out, the ultrasound machine illuminating the space immediately around you. Panic started to creep into your chest as the reality of what was happening started settling on your chest. You were at an OBGYN's office—getting an ultrasound.

Because you're pregnant.

With Charlie Barber's baby.

_What if something's wrong? Oh god, what if there's more than one? What if nothing's actually in there?_

Your head was spinning.

"I'm going to put the gel on your belly now," you watched as she reached for a white bottle, popping the top before squeezing a warm blue gel onto your stomach. She fiddled with the machine for a second, her nails clacking against the keyboard before she reached for a paddle looking thing. "And away we—go."

She pressed the paddle to your lower abdomen, rolling it slowly across your body as the image started registering on the screen.

You felt Charlie lean closer, his chin practically resting on your shoulder as he studied the emerging image on the screen.

A few more clacks against the keyboard and the room was suddenly filled with a rhythmic—

_Lub lub lub lub lub_

You felt your eyes go wide, Charlie kissed the back of your hand.

You were almost choking on your disbelief, there was...actually something _there._

This is.... _real._

"That's the heartbeat and _that_ ," her finger pointed to a little white blob wiggling around in a pool of black, "is your baby."

Your head lifted, neck craning closer to the screen. "That's...that's it?" You squinted at the screen as you watched the little white blob dance around.

"That's it! You've got yourself an active little one in there," she laughed softly, pressing a button on her keyboard—the sound of the printer whirring to life following shortly after.

You dropped your head back down, turning to Charlie who was totally enraptured with the image on screen, your hand held so tightly in his that you thought for sure it would fall off due to lack of circulation. "Charlie," you breathed, gently easing your hand out of his grasp.

You watched him snap back to reality, looking at you with tears welling in his eyes.

"Are you ok?" You voice was sweet—soft, you could feel your love for him radiating from each word.

He simply nodded, pressing another long kiss to the back of your hand.

"So everything seems to be matching up pretty well, the embryo is measuring at 8 weeks and 1 day so a little bigger but still within the range of normal." The tech said, her focus still on the screen. "I just have to take some other quick measurements and then we'll get you in to see the doctor!"

She handed you a strip of black and white photos, the little white blob front and center of each and every one. You held it to your face, struggling to see in the dark room. You glanced over at Charlie who you could tell was doing everything he could not to snatch the photos right out of your hand. "Do you want to hold them?" You whispered, already knowing the answer.

He nodded, his lips pursed into a tight smile. You'd never seen him this happy before. He studied the photos, apparently seeing more than you did.

"These are a lot clearer than the ones we got with Henry," he whispered into your ear.

 _"Clear?_ How can you even tell what you're looking at?" You giggled

"Well, it's not much now but..." his voice was light, affectionate as he turned to you, placing a soft kiss to your cheek.

"You think that's impressive, just wait until you see what we can do with 3D now a-days," the ultrasound tech interjected, glancing at you and Charlie with a smile, surly thinking how sweet you two must have looked—cuddled next to each other, admiring the photos of the little blob you had created together. 

You looked at Charlie, overwhelmed by the love you felt in your heart for him--the love he was so willing to display for you.

You weren't sure of a lot of things in this life but in this moment, one thing was exceedingly clear. 

You would move heaven and earth to be with him.

_To raise this baby with him._

—

"Shit, shit, shit. Thank you!" You called out to the driver.

You and Charlie practically jumped out of the back of the cab, dashing to the door of the theater. Your appointment with the doctor ended up being a lot longer than either of you expected and you were cutting it way too close to the start of Act for comfort.

 _"There you two are!"_ Someone called out behind you as you rushed towards backstage, you weren't exactly sure who.

"Sorry, something came up," you felt Charlie hang back, talking to whoever was waiting for you by the door. You made it backstage in record time, slipping into the dressing room--practically pulling off your clothes before you even made it into the room.

_"There she is!"_

_"Where were you guys?"_

_"You're late."_

A cacophony of voices rang out in the small room, relief, annoyance and excitement swirling through the air.

"Sorry, sorry, I had-" you stopped yourself, pulling your shirt over your head. "Something came up."

You moved to your costume, pulling off your leggings and tossing them onto your spot of the counter as you started undoing the clasps of your costume.

"Is everything ok?"

You looked up to see Annie staring at you concerned, you nodded as you stepping into your costume, shimmying it up your body. "Yeah, everything's fine." You pulled the bustier up, covering you as you took your bra off. "More than fine," you whispered to yourself. You went to clasp the corset but found yourself struggling.

"Here, let me help." Annie stood to help you. "Suck in."

You did, awkwardly holding your breath as she squeezed you into your costume.

"Thank you," you said with a big inhale. "I've been bloating like crazy lately."

You ignored the suspicion radiating off of the other girls in the room as you started on your makeup, Annie moving to start your hair for you.

_

"Quick warm up, guys." Ben called out, the cast circling up and beginning the usual preshow ritual.

You were rolling and stretching your neck when you heard Charlie.

"It's--it's nothing."

You turned around, careful not to break the circle as you looked for where his voice was coming from. You spotted him talking to the stage manager that had replaced Josh--Eric.

"Then why are you actin' so weird?" Charlie's eyes met yours, trying desperately to hold back a knowing smile.

"I'm not," he said coyly, walking away from Eric and towards you. You turned back around, bowing your head as Ben lead the cast in the affirmations before the show.

A hand landed on your shoulder as Ben finished up before breaking the circle, the cast and crew clapping as they scattered amongst backstage. You turned to see Charlie, him leaning in to whisper something in your ear.

"I think people may be getting a little... _suspicious_." You raised your brows, trying to stave off the heat in your face.

You turned to him, exchanging a knowing glance.

"There they go again, getting all snuggly. Coming in late." You rolled your eyes as you turned to Eric, a suspicious smile stretched across his face. You liked Eric--usually. He was good at his job and was a fun guy but _fuck_ was he perceptive.

"You want to know my secret?" Charlie turned to face him, your eyes widening with horror.

_He was not about to tell the entire cast and crew you were pregnant. No fucking way--not without talking to you first._

You pulled at his arm, his other hand resting on your hands; a weak attempt to comfort you. "This isn't how I wanted you guys to find out but..." you yanked again.

"Charlie, _what are you-"_

"This is my last production here. For awhile. I took a residency at UCLA."

You felt the collective air leave the room.

_"You're what?"_

_"Charlie, why didn't you tell us sooner?"_

_"When do you leave?"_

You slipped away as everyone gathered around Charlie, peppering him with questions and congratulations.

You started backing up when you spotted Mary Ann just a little ways down, her face laden with...pain. You two stared at each other as your unspoken battle simmered to an end. You won...and he was leaving. She tried, desperately, and lost it all anyway.

You should feel happy, feel a sense of pride that Charlie chose you. Repeatedly. That _you_ were the one carrying his child, the one that knew he was leaving before everyone else, the one he said 'I love you' to every morning and night.

But you didn't.

You felt... _empty._

You broke away from her gaze, trying to steady your breathing as you moved into the wings back stage. You let the darkness cradle you, shielding you from prying eyes as you threatened to fall apart.

Panic of him telling everyone your news quickly morphed into panic surround the idea that he had spoken his departure into existence. You could no longer pretend that he wasn't leaving in 4 days, could no longer use work as an escape. Now everyone knew--the countdown loudly ticking away in your chest.

You let yourself slide down the wall, your hand resting on your belly as you tried to visualize what it looked like in there.

The wiggling white blob in a sea of black.

The melodic 'lub lub lub' of it's heartbeat.

You let out a long, slow exhale as you pushed your whirlwind of emotions as deep down as possible. You had work to do.

This would have to wait.


	33. Surprise Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babes!  
> Sorry it took so long for me to get these chapters up! I wanted to take my time with them to make them right. Plus the holidays really threw a wrench into my writing schedule but I'm back! 
> 
> I had to split this chapter into two because it was way too freaking long so the next two will be up in the coming days!

Your eyes strained against the bright stage lights, trying desperately to pick him out amongst the shapeless faces of the audience, the knot in your chest growing fat and sick with every crippling second that you couldn't. Determined, you pushed through your budding headache as you looked straight through the lighting, unrelenting pressure pulsating behind your tired eyeballs as you scanned the shadowed faces.

This isn't how you wanted tonight to go, isn't the memory you wanted to end your first and last show at Exit Ghost with but the implacable ticking in the back of your mind, counting down the days, hours, minutes you had left with Charlie didn't care. You were merely a hostage to it, the muzzle of a gun pressed to the back of your head, a constant reminder to make  _every single second_ count.

A squeeze of your hand, Ben, you realized, pulled you out of your search, snapping you back to reality. He smiled at you, head tilting, urging you forward for your bow.

You feigned a smile, mouthing 'thank you' as you started forward. The cheer of the audience was a dull roar in the back of your mind as you stepped into place, putting on the warmest smile you could manage before taking your bow. You lingered there, hinged at the hips for a split second as the rumble of the crowd became ambient noice against the memory of Charlie's voice.

_ 'I want you to bend at the hips and let your arms and head hang for a minute.'_

An icy chill shot through your spine as you snapped back up, your gaze just so happening to  finally land on Charlie.

A genuine smile befell your face, the knot in your chest unfurling, releasing your breath with it as your eyes met. For the first time all night, you felt your panic ease as you stepped back into line, letting Ben take your place in front for his bow. Pride swelled in your chest as you looked out at his beautiful face, features cloaked in darkness, before your gaze started drifting over the rest of the audience.

It was a brief reprieve from the dread you had been feeling all day, the applause focusing in your ears as you took in the now standing crowd. You allowed yourself to sit in the feeling, trying to savor it when something dark and sickly clawed it's way to the forefront of your mind.

_ You'll never have this again if you move to LA._

_ Is that what you want? To give up on your dreams so you can follow a man around and be his incubator?_

You tried to force yourself back into the moment, shoving your own cruelty out of your mind as you lead the final bow. Ben grabbed your hand, giving you a warm smile as you all filed off the stage. "You kicked  _ ass _ tonight," he whispered into your ear. You peeked at him from over your shoulder as the darkness of backstage enveloped you both.

"I couldn't have done any of it without my Orlando," you said, spinning to meet him and pulling him into a hug. "Thank you for being such a great friend," you pulled away, arms awkwardly hanging off of his shoulders, "through all of it.  _ Seriously _ , I can't tell you how much it's meant to me."

He didn't say anything, merely pulling you back into the hug and spinning you around, his signature move at this point. "Oh my god!" He gushed, "I can't wait for you to meet Ian tonight!"

You stumbled, kicking off your shitty character shoes for the final time. "Are you guys finally official?" You leaned down, picking your shoes up, thinking back to Mary Ann, to when Charlie chastised her for being such a bitch. You felt the corners of your lips curl into a smile.

"As of last night," Ben winked at you, taking your hand and leading the way back into the green room where the rest of the cast and crew were already huddled around Charlie.

"And that's a  _ wrap _ _!"_ Charlie bellowed, the entire cast and crew cheering and clapping along with him. You did everything you could not to cringe as the sharp ring of clapping reignited your headache, pressure throbbing at your temples.

_ This kid better be fucking cute._

Charlie's eyes found yours through the tight knit crowd, his head dipping a little as he clapped, seemingly just for you. You smiled back at him, blowing a kiss and clapping back at him before you turned, slipping away from the group. You started heading toward the dressing room, desperate to get this costume off once and for all when Hannah waved you down.

"Hey," She said, jogging to catch up to you.

"Hey!"

"You're still good to distract Charlie while we set up, right?" You both glanced behind you, making sure he was still out of earshot before looking back at each other.

"Yeah. And you want us back here for 10:30, right?"

"Yes! It shouldn't take us long to set up so I'll text you if it ends up being earlier but just plan for 10:30."

You nodded, your hand instinctively flying to your temple, trying to rub the increasing tension away.

"Are you ok?"

You stopped mid-rub, the pads of your fingers pressing an indent into the soft spot of your skull. "yeah, I just... _ headache _ ."

"Do you want something? I have Tylenol, Advil-"

You groaned, trying to think back to which medication the doctor said was safe to take.

_ Fuck._

_ You couldn't remember._

"You're  _ so _ sweet, but I'll be ok. I'm just gunna go change and then I'll get him out of here so you guys can start setting up."

You were about to turn when her hand on your shoulder stopped you. " _ Wait _ ...how are you doing?"

You looked back at her, truly taken aback by her question. _"_ _ What?"_

"You know...with...everything. Him  _ leaving _ ."

"Oh. I'm—I mean..." _ pregnant so it doesn't really matter, _ "I'm  sad . But we'll make it work."

" _ Oh _ ! You guys are doing long distance?" She seemed genuinely surprised by your answer, like she was instead expecting you to break down and cry or something. "I thought you were—well, you just seem so... off ...lately."

"Uhm...I mean, it's been tough, trying to figure everything out." You glanced back at Charlie, warmth flooding your chest as you watched him enthusiastically say something to Larry, his hand flying up as he spoke, the whole interaction made complete by that perfect ear to ear grin of his. You let yourself linger a moment longer, being greedy with your gaze before you pulled your attention back to Hannah. "But...he's worth it."

"Yeah, he's a pretty good guy."

Charlie's words from the bathroom echoed through your mind.

_ 'It's going to be ok. No matter what, we'll make it ok.'_

"Yeah...he is."

"Well, I'll let you go. Like I said, I'll text you if we end up being done earlier but plan for-"

"10:30," you said warmly.

She smiled, "10:30."

_

"What did you say you left here again?" Charlie looked at you through suspicious eyes as he unlocked the door to the theater.

"Would you  _ stop _ asking so many questions?" You laughed, rubbing your bare legs together as Charlie fiddled with the lock.

"I told you you'd be cold," Charlie chucked, glancing at the hem of your dress, admiring how it just barely kissed the goose flesh on your thighs. He turned his attention back to the door, messing with his keys for a split second more before getting the door open, his other hand landing on your lower back, ushering you inside and out of the cold night air.

"And  I told  _ you _ ...I'm bloated. This thing may be the size of a cherry but  _ I'm _ the size of a-"

A small clanging sound from somewhere deep in the building cut you off. Charlie stuck his hand up, face deathly serious as he listened. "Did you hear that?"

_ Shit _ . Not exactly how you wanted this to go. Judging by the look on Charlie's face you had two options—ruin the surprise and put him at ease  _or_... play into it.

You chose the latter.

" _No_ , I didn't hear anything," you said in the most innocent, naive voice you could muster.

He shot you a wary glance, "stay here," he said, moving towards the hallway that lead backstage.

" _ Charlie _ ," you groaned, running to catch up with him.

"You don't like listening to me, do you." He said, a slight twinge of irritation in his voice, eyes trained in the door at the end of the dark hallway.

You chuckled, momentarily forgetting that you were supposed to be pretending to be serious. "No, never." You struggled to keep up with his long strides, pulling at his arm, trying to slow him down. "Charlie,  _ really _ , I'm sure it's fine."

You quickly came up on the end of the hallway, your heart thudding against your sternum as he reached for the door knob.

For a fleeting moment, you wondered why you were  so fucking... _ anxious _ . You knew everything was ready for him, after all, that's why you had brought him here in the first place. To be fair though, rationally hadn't exactly been your strong suit today.

_ " Charlie -"_

"Would you please just-"

_ "SURPRISE!"_

The cast and crew shouted as the lights flicked on, Charlie's body flinching as he instinctively grabbed you and pulled you behind him before his brain could register what was happening.

You felt his body shudder, a laugh escaping his chest as looked over at you, shock and relief clear on his face. You could feel your startled grin morph into a full on smile, giggling you as you hugged him around his waist. "You did this?" His soft baritone voice like silk against your skin.

You shook your head, "I  _ wish _ I could take the credit, no this was...a  _ group _ effort." You stepped around Charlie, finding Hannah, Ben, and a tall mystery man—Ian, you assumed, walking towards you.

"Charlie!" Someone called out, pulling his attention away.

"Hey guys!" He half shouted, heading to a group of people, their arms outstretched, swallowing Charlie as soon as he stepped within their reach.

"Good job,  _ mama _ ."

Your heart stopped.

"Huh?" You whipped around to look at Hannah, her eyes fixated on a smiling Charlie.

"I said good job," she chirped innocently.

You tried to shake some sense into yourself, letting your face soften as Ben introduced you to his boyfriend. You tried to focus on the conversation, on your talk of what a success the surprise party was and what your post 'As You Like It' plans entailed but you kept finding your attention drifting back to Charlie; a dark pain wrapping tighter and tighter around your heart with every mention of his impending departure.

"Ben tells me this is your first show here," Ian said, trying to keep you included in the conversation.

"Oh— _ yeah _ , it is."

"What's it like working with your first Broadway director? Ben always says  _ 'it's just Charlie' _ but I mean... _ come on _ ," he said with a laugh, his eyes lovingly falling to Ben who was standing by his side.

Thoughts of the night you learned you had gotten the roll flooded back to you, how excited you had been; how  _ hopeful ._

_No, we're not doing this right now_ ,  you silently chastised yourself, desperately fighting off the encroaching sadness that seemed determined to make itself front and center tonight.

"It's been...amazing.  _Crazy_ . I'll say though, don't mix work and pleasure," you said half heartedly. Ian went to say something but Ben jabbed him with his elbow, effectively silencing him.

_Oh great, he knows about what a whore you are._

Hannah turned to say something, probably to change the subject but you could feel the darkness caging your heart winning out. You  _needed_ to get away. "Hey, I'll um— I'll be right back," you said, quickly excusing yourself from the conversation.

As you found a secluded spot on the outskirts of the crowd, you found your mind thinking back on the last three months, zeroing in on when all of this started. A mental image of that version of you, the bright, excited actress flashed across your mind; a stark comparison to the woman you were now— jaded and utterly... _lost_ . Tangible pain pulled at the tendons of your heart as you settled into the memory of  _her_ , the woman that had just landed a spot at the theater company of her dreams, that was in a relationship with the man she really thought she could one day marry...you thought you knew where your life was going, felt so sure that you were opening the door to bigger and better things.

Then you met Charlie.

He barreled into your life like a train off the tracks, and in the blink of an eye your whole world had turned to ash at your figner tips. You loved him, yes; irrevocably so. But you couldn't help but feel like the sweet kiss of your love for him had a lingering bitterness, bleeding across your tongue like ink.

This man, this man who fucked his way into your heart, did so knowing he would eventually leave you. He got you so addicted that anything other than ending up  _here_ seemed impossible. It felt...cruel, vindictive, like you were his revenge on the world of love, for his divorce, for his...whatever with Mary Ann and whoever else he'd used.

Bitterness roiled through you as you looked out on the cast that you'd never be apart of again, at the man who seemingly orchestrated the rest of your life without your consent.

You found yourself staring at him, waves of emotion crashing against you like a tempest when you realized that your vision was blurring, tears stinging the corners of your eyes. You squeezed them shut, trying to fight off your mess of emotions but you quickly realized it was useless, these tears were going to fall and there was nothing you could do to stop them. You hurriedly made your way to the dressing room, looking around to make sure no one was watching as you slipped into the dark, vacant room. It wasn't until you moved away from the door that the lights flicked on, the motion sensor catching on to your presence. You made your way over to your spot—well...your  _old_ spot—and slid your stool out, easing yourself to sit, letting the counter support your physical weight as the emotional burden was taking up all of your strength. You folded your arms, letting your head fall into them.

Your soft sobs echoed through the stifling nook of your arms, seeping out into the cold, lonely room around you.

In that moment, you felt it all spew forth; the anger, the resentment, the uncertainty. He  used you, and what's worse is you  _let_ him use you. You had so many chances to walk away but were never strong enough to do it. And now here you were, pregnant and in love with a man that... _was leaving._

That had been his plan all along— _to leave you._

Your broken breaths picked up, your body desperately trying to pull oxygen into your lungs. You did try at one point to muffle your wailing, your hands clasping over your mouth but you were too deep—too lost in the overwhelming pain of today to really care.

Then the door opened and you collapsed back into your arms, a weak attempt to hide your shame from whoever had the misfortune of stumbling across you like this.

" _There you are,_ I was looking all over for-" you could heard the smile drop from Charlie's voice as he took in the sight of you, slumped over, back rising and falling sharply with each of your broken, exhausted breaths. The door closed, the lock clicking into place before he spoke again, this time softer—voice dripping with concern. " _What's wrong?"_

He moved to you, pulling out the stool out next to you to sit. Charlie tried to pull you into him, but you resisted, your mind a disaster zone, anger and resentment, aimed squarely at him, twisting together like molten scraps of steel.

You tried to bite back your tears, turning your face away from Charlie but he wasn't having it, moving around to the other side, kneeling so he could better see you.

"Hey, talk to me.  _Please_ ."

_I hate you, I fucking hate you. I hate what you did to me, the choices you stole from me. I hate what you turned me into. I hate that I was so fucking weak that I...._

You shook your head, eyes closed, jaw tensed shut to keep your mental vitriol from erupting at him.

" _Please_ ," Charlie took your face in his hands, his thumbs gently caressing your cheeks, coaxing you to open your eyes. Slowly, you did, your gaze darting to the ceiling, your heart not ready to look at him.

Your name fell from his lips like a prayer, pleading and soft, finally pulling your eyes to him. And just as you feared it would, you felt your heart fracture.

His eyes were red, wide with genuine concern. You had just spent however long cursing him, cursing  _everything_ about your weird, messy relationship. Telling yourself that he was some evil mastermind that orchestrated this chaos in your life just so he could up and leave without a second thought...but here he was, kneeling in front of you, directly challenging that. He's not some cruel megalomaniac, he's something that quite honestly felt even  _more_ dangerous.

The person you saw kneeling in front of you, staring at you with pleading eyes...is man in love— _with_ _ you ._

And that's when it hit you, what you were feeling wasn't anger, at least not the fiery hate filled rage you had initially thought. You didn't  _ hate _ him and you didn't blame him for everything.

_ No _ . In that moment you realized... _ you were fucking scared._

_Terrified._

Terrified because you  _should_ hate him,  _should_ resent him but knew in your soul... _there was no way you ever could._

Yes, leaving New York seemed daunting and felt like it went against everything you had worked for but more than that, overwhelmingly so, was the fear that anything else would lead you to lose the other half of yourself.

That you'd lose the one person you loved more than you'd ever loved anyone else, loved more than you knew was even possible.

With a loud broken sob, you gave into that fear and collapsed into him. Charlie's arms immediately wrapped you in tight embrace, his hand cradling the back of your head, pressing your body even tighter to him.

He held you, not needing an explanation or expecting you to justify your tears. He just stayed there, acting as your salvation against the ocean of fear that threatened to drown you.

"I don't want to do this alone," you managed through heartbroken gasps. "I don't want to do this without you, Charlie."

He squeezed you tighter, a soft shh radiating from his lips. _"_ _ You'll never be alone. "_

He moved away from you just slightly, holding your face so close to his that your noses brushed against each other, your warm breath mingling as you stared into each other's eyes. "I promise. We'll make this work...ok?  _I'll make it work."_ His eyes searched yours for a moment more before he spoke again. "I'm scared too," he said softly, brushing away your tears. You leaned into the warmth of his large hands, letting it cradle and comfort you. Your hand raised to meet his, your flesh begging to grow greedy, seeking as much contact as possible. Your eyes opened and immediately met his, lustrous pools of honey boring into you, communicating everything you were feeling; your fear, your heartbreak, right back to you--a connection unlike anything you'd ever felt before. 

...


	34. Surprise Part 2

...

You weren't sure who leaned in first but before you knew it, your lips met in a fervent, anguished kiss. Your heart thumped against your sternum as he stood, slipping his arms under yours and effortlessly lifting you off your chair and onto the counter beside you.

You gasped as his hands moved to your breasts, kneading them tenderly in his overwhelming grasp.

This was a bad idea, to do this here— _now_ , but you didn't care, and neither apparently did he.

Your lips never once left each other, even as you peeled his jacket off, letting it fall to the floor; his hands moving quickly to hike your dress up around your hips, large fingers hooking into your panties, pulling them down your thighs.

"You're the most amazing woman I've ever fucking met," Charlie breathed, burying his head in the crook of your neck, his lips leaving a trail of wet kisses across your skin.

Your hands frantically moved to undo his belt, your skin burning to feel him— _any_ part of him, against _any_ part of you. He took over for you, his plush pink lips finding yours as he shimmied his pants down just enough, pulling his thick cock free. A large hand landed on your lower back, hastily pulling your hips closer.

You felt him prod at your entrance, coating himself in your desire before he sank his cock deep into your aching cunt.

" _Fuck_ ," you breathed, relief pulling your head back as Charlie's mouth found your neck again, sucking your delicate flesh ever so slightly between his teeth. "Charlie," you whined, bucking your hips forward, desperate to take all of him, and then some.

"Shh," he laughed softly, his lips meeting yours as his hands once again found your lower back, supporting your pelvis as he fucked into you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, pulling him as close to you as you could, your bodies pressed so tightly together that Charlie couldn't really get a solid thrust—but that was ok.

You weren't chasing an orgasm, not this time. You just needed _him_ , needed to _feel_ him, to _smell_ him, to hold onto him so in a week from now, when the memory of his body pressed to yours started to feel more like a dream—you could recall this moment and remind yourself that it was all real. That you didn't read into or overestimate your time together, that he really did—really _does_ love you as much as you love him.

"I love you, Charlie," you whispered, pulling away just slightly, foreheads still pressed together. You released your grip on his neck, choosing instead to hold onto his face, his beautiful, stupid face.

You stared at each other as one of his hands found your thigh, squeezing so hard you could already feel a bruise blossoming beneath his finger tips. The pace of his hips were growing more erratic, your lips periodically meeting in brief kiss before pulling away, his head dropping so he could admire how your cunt swallowed him.

You leaned back to get a better look at him; beautiful thick locks of black hair falling in front of his face, lips parted just slightly, completely entranced by the lascivious scene between your thighs.

His hand left your leg, snaking between your bodies and finding your clit. The bolt of pleasure that shot through your core made your cunt clamp down on him, stalling his breath and making him grit his teeth. " _Fuck_ , this pussy feels-"

_Knock knock knock_

" _Shit_ ," he grumbled, pulling his fingers from your cunt and slipping them through your parted lips, pressing firmly down on your tongue.

"Charlie?" _The door knob rattled,_ "are you in there?"

"Yeah, I'll be out in a second," Charlie called out still looking at you, admiring how your tongue flattened beneath his broad digits.

His tongue traced along his lower lip, his gaze darkening as you wrapped your lips around his fingers, sucking them clean of any trace of you.

"Ok...just wanted to make sure everything was ok," the mystery woman on the other side of the door called out.

"Yeah, just on the phone." He smirked at you as you pulled your mouth slowly off of his fingers, squeezing your cunt around his cock, pulling a pleasured stutter from his hips.

You waited until you heard her walk away before letting out a half laugh-half sigh, collapsing against his strong frame.

He held you there, melting into you, his cheek resting on the top of your head. "I love you too." You couldn't help but chuckle a little to yourself, the words 'I love you' suddenly seeming too innocuous to actually describe what you felt for each other.

You pulled out of his embrace to look at him, his eyes falling to meet yours. You just sat there in silence for a second, admiring each other before he spoke again. "Regardless of if you stay _here_ in New York or come with me to LA...we'll find a way to make it work."

You let out a relieved breath, wiggling your hips backwards, letting him pull out of you. "Charlie-"

He looked down as he quickly tucked himself away, "we don't have to talk about it now...I just...I wanted you to know. No matter what, _I love you_ and I will do _whatever_ I have to, to make sure you're happy." He stepped close again, his hands finding the sides of your face, holding your gaze to his.

You felt tears starting to return to your eyes, your legs easing closed as he released you, backing away. You nodded, easing your body off the counter, taking a moment to steady yourself, physically and emotionally, before pushing up onto your tiptoes to give him a kiss.

You paused for a second as you came down, glancing around the room. Your heart still ached, the fear from earlier still just as palpable but you were exhausted, something deep inside of you desperate for a reprieve. Making the conspicuous choice to lighten the mood, you looked around, twisting your face in pseudo confusion,"do you uh....know where my underwear went?"

Charlie laughed softly, bending towards the counter, reaching for the lacy bunch of fabric that was your panties. "Here."

"Thanks," you half sighed, taking them in your hand and turning around. You unfurled them, ready to slip them back on when you glanced in the mirror, your cheeks flushing pink when you realized Charlie was still watching your every move. " _Hi_ ," you said awkwardly, stepping into your underwear.

"Hi," he laughed, averting his gaze to the ceiling while you pulled them the rest of the way up.

You quickly adjusted your dress, your eyes catching on him as he playfully peaked down at you. You spun around on him, pushing impishly against his chest. " _Pervert_."

His head dropped to meet yours, his arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you close. Your eyes drifted to his lips, wanting nothing more than to finish what you had started, to feel the warmth of his lips between your thighs.

"Later," he whispered, giving you a brief consolation kiss.

"Later," you agreed. "Let's get you back to your party."

-

"There he is!" Someone yelled as Charlie left the dressing room, drawing the attention away so you could sneak out. You waited by the door as the sounds of people started to drift away, taking in one final sweep of the room you had come to know so well, eyes lingering on the newly christened spot of countertop. You chuckled softly to yourself, feeling bad for whoever claimed that spot next before slipping out of the room. You looked around, finding Charlie standing in a group of crew members, chit chatting like he wasn't just pelvis deep in your cunt a few minutes ago.

Your eyes wandered across the greenroom, landing on a table adorned with various snack foods, your stomach growling at sight of some potato chips. You tried to think back to what you had eaten last, coming up short as you made your way over, putting some chips on a plate and moving to lean against the wall.

You slowly put one into your mouth, waiting to see if your stomach would reject it like it had most everything else in the last week, finding yourself relieved when it didn't. "I can stomach chips. _Noted_ ," you murmured to yourself, popping another into your mouth as you glanced back over at Charlie.

_"Hi."_

You rolled your eyes. Mary Ann was really the last person you wanted to see while you were trying to eat.

"I just...wanted to say...truce." Your eyes shot over to her, briefly falling to the cup of wine in her hand. She caught you looking, gesturing it out towards you, offering you a sip—a peace offering.

You raised your hand, shaking your head no. "I'm ok. Thanks though."

"Fair enough." She took the spot on the wall next to you, taking another sip as her eyes found Charlie. You felt heat rising in your gut as she looked at him, your mind starting to race with some... _unsavory_ names that you wanted to call her for that shit she pulled with the video. You were about to say something, anything, to get her away from you when her grating voice beat you to it, "I'm surprised you're not drinking too... _considering_..." She took another sip, glancing over at you.

You turned and threw your plate and the remaining chips away, your appetite having all but disappeared. "Yeah, I'm not too worried about that," you mumbled, grabbing a napkin to wipe your hands.

"What was that?"

 _"Nothing,"_ you said dismissively, leaning back against the wall, purposely ignoring her.

"Listen, you have to try and see it from my point of view,"

You dropped your head, your tongue rolling against the inside of your jaw as you tried to piece together a sentence that wouldn't end with one of you getting decked in the face. "I really don't think I do."

She spat your name at you with a sick mix of desperation and venom, your eyes finally snapping to meet hers, "you _have_ to understand, Charlie and I were-"

" _Were_ , Mary Ann. _Past tense_ ," you snapped, quickly catching yourself and regaining your composure.

She huffed, finishing off her wine. "Well _regardless_ , I can tell you right now that Charlie doesn't do long distance. So all of _this_...was for nothing. We _both_ lost."

You paused, seething rage twisting in your throat—choking you. You and Charlie hadn't discussed how or when you would tell people about the pregnancy and telling Mary Ann would without a doubt meant that the entire cast and crew of Exit Ghost...and by extension _Josh_ , would find out.

But her _audacity_ had left you with a burning desire to rub her face in your permanence in Charlie's life, the need to put her in her place once and for all overwhelming your rationality.

You kept your eyes straight ahead, taking a deep, steadying breath. As if on cue, Charlie's eyes locked on you, an affectionate smile stretching across his beautiful face.

"Charlie's not a _game_ to be won, Mary Ann."

_Don't say it, don't say it, don't-_

"but if he _were_ ," you briefly looked over at her, your lips moving seemingly with a mind of their own, " _you_ lost, not me." You looked back at Charlie, his hand beckoning you forward. _"I'm pregnant."_

You didn't have to look at her to gauge her reaction. You _heard_ her choke on her tongue, _felt_ the air leave her body as you walked away, your head held the highest it's been in months. When you got close enough, Charlie pulled you into him, wrapping his arm around your waist and placing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

"You almost ready to go?" He whispered into your crown.

You nodded, leaning into him as he wrapped up his conversation.

You couldn't help it, sick satisfaction coursed through your veins as you peeked over at Mary Ann. Her face was white as a ghost, hands visibly shaking. To put the final nail in the coffin of her delusional sense of equality, you mouthed ' _surprise_ ', shooting her a wink before turning back to Charlie.

—

"So...don't get mad at me," you mumbled as you unlocked your front door.

"Oh jesus, _what_?"

You pushed the door open, shrugging offyour coat and tossing it to the side. "Well-"

"-this doesn't have something to do with Mary Ann... _does it_?" You spun to look at him, a guilty smile trying to sneak onto your face.

Charlie picked up your coat, putting it with his on the back of the couch. He let out a sigh before turning back to you, using your name as a means to call you forward.

You bit your lip, taking a small step closer. This time you didn't try to hide your smile, making Charlie roll his eyes, fingers flying up to pinch his brow. "How did I _know_?"

"In my defense..." he looked at you, eyes imploring you to continue with your explication. "She was being a bitch."

He laughed, shaking his head as you closed the distance between your bodies, hands tracing the collar of his pale yellow button up. Your eyes met his, your playful demeanor cutting through any true annoyance he may have felt. "I don't doubt that-"

You pulled him closer, planting a soft kiss to his neck, a low moan in his throat vibrating at your lips.

"I just wish you had talked to me first." You moved to look at him, your eyes wide and needy.

"I'm sorry," you smirked, moving his hand to hover above your ass.

He landed a smack, the sound dampened by the fabric of your dress. Still, your body jolted at the contact, a shiver of excitement running down your spine. 

This time he you felt him gather the hem of your dress in his fingers until your ass was exposed, goosebumps prickling the skin that had been teased by the soft fabric. His other hand moved behind you, this smack dampened by nothing, an enticing sting pricking your flesh in the shape of his palm.

"I bet you are," another smack, this one a little harder, making you yelp. He grabbed a handful of the tender skin, kneading it in his palm while you writhed beneath him. Your pussy was buzzing by now, craving him, desperate to finish what you had started earlier.

He spun you around, bending you over the back of the couch, an excited squeak leaving your chest. You felt him run his fingers down your back, landing just above the soft rounding of your ass.

And then he was gone—the sound of his belt being undone rivaling the thrum of your heartbeat in your ears. "What time does Sam get home?"

"Not until early morning," you said with shaky breath.

"Good." Suddenly he was hovering over you, his hand finding your throat, pulling you closer. "Because I'm going to make you _scream_."

He released you, your upper body falling back to the couch as he knelt behind you. You squeezed your thighs together desperate for any sort of friction as he eased your dress up around your hips, his hands pressing firmly against your flesh the entire time. You tried to savor his warmth but a sudden swat to your backside made you jump, the same firm hand grabbing hard at your tingling flesh.

" _This fucking ass,"_ he moaned, hands kneading you, spreading you open ever so slightly. "So perfect...and this pussy," his fingers pulled at your panties, easing them down, dragging your wetness down the inside of your leg. He licked a hot stripe along your inner thigh, making your hips quiver with anticipation. "Like it was _made_ for me."

You couldn't help but let out a nervous chuckle, not used to having someone compliment you so... _intimately_. "Charlie," you whimpered, head lolling from side to side. You wanted—no, you _needed_ him.

He stood up, jamming his hard cock against you. "You liked making her jealous...didn't you."

It wasn't a question.

You cunt clenched, practically in agony at this point from still being empty.

You nodded your head yes as he trailed his hand along your back, pushing your dress up further.

"Say it," his voice was soft but no less loaded with lust.

"I wanted to make her jealous," your words were more breath than anything, body shivering beneath his feather soft touch.

" _Hm_."His fingers traced a line back down towards your core, stopping only for a moment to squeeze you before prying your folds apart and dipping two broad fingers into you, your wet cunt immediately drawing him in, desperate for more. He started working you, slowly, as a sigh of relief fell from your lips. "What do you think she'd say if she knew how obsessed I am with this perfect little cunt of yours?" His fingers curled, hitting your gspot, making you quake. "If she knew how much I loved filling your pretty pussy with my cum."

Your head hung, carnal desire clouding your brain. 

_"Why don't we show her?"_

You didn't even realize what you had said until the words had already left your mouth and landed in Charlie's ears. You had a brief moment of panic when his fingers left you, your head twisting back to look at him.

He was already reaching around you for his coat, the hand coated in your sex gripping the crease of your hip. You watched as he wrestled with the thick fabric before he found what he was looking for—his phone.

Your eyes widened as they met his.

_"Why don't we?"_

Your heart all but stopped, goose flesh erupting over your entire body. You went to say something but he leaned over, awkwardly planting a kiss to your lips before pulling away, moving his attention to his surly aching cock.

You took a breath as he pushed into you, the ding of his camera alerting you to the activities of his other hand.

Excitement ripped through you as his hips started moving faster, his hand pulling and kneading at your ass, allowing him a full view of your cunt, taking him to the hilt. You imagined how it must have looked, how intoxicatingly lewd it must have been.

Your cunt, pulling and stretching around his thick veined cock; your sex coating him, shimmering in the light. The thought made you squeezed him, milk him with every rhythmic thrust, dragging a deep moan from his chest.

"Play with your clit, baby. I want to watch you cum on my cock." Your breath shuddered as you reached a hand between your thighs, fingers immediately finding your stiff, neglected clit. You moved quickly, finding the perfect rhythm to match Charlie, quickly devolving into an absolute dribbling mess. A hard smack to your ass jolted you back to your senses, a loud gasping moan ripping from your throat. " _There it is_ , that's what I wanted to hear." He did it again, another shriek leaving your lungs as your fingers zigzagged across your buzzing nub. You could feel it building deep inside of you, a blinding wave of pleasure perched and waiting for the perfect time to strike.

As if he could read the pulses of your cunt, he started thrusting harder, deeper, tossing his phone to the side. You went to object but a hand around your throat, pulling you up, stopped you. Your back was flush to his chest now, hand leaving your clit and wrapping itself around his arm, holding on for dear life while the rapture of his cock threatened to pull you under.

Charlie's hand picked up your slack, finding your overstimulated bundle, your legs almost immediately giving out beneath you. You were so gone, so wrapped up in the sensations between your thighs that you almost missed his words, soft and sweet in your ear.

"You are absolutely fucking perfect," your name pushed you over the edge, your entire body contracting in on itself, your cunt a vice around Charlie's dick, pulling him to finish too.

You stood there, pressed together as he fucked you through your orgasms, your carnal whimpers and cries for each other mingling in the air with the lecherous punctuation of skin smacking against skin.

As your mind started to clear, you felt him twitch inside of you, spilling himself and holding there.

Your breathing was heavy, skin dewy with sweat as he eased you back over the couch, planting loving kissed against your nape until he could no longer reach you.

You laid there, bent over and sprawled out when you felt Charlie pull out of you, his seed spilling onto your thigh. You went to move but a strong hand stopped you, pushing down on your lower back.

"Not yet," he whispered, kneeling behind you, gripping a handful of your ass and pulling gently upwards, opening your cunt for him to see.

The sharp shutter of his phone camera snapped you out of your sex stupor, your head twisting around to see Charlie admiring his newest photo.

He planted a kiss to the buzzing skin of your backside before standing up straight, tossing his phone towards his coat and offering you his hand.

With a sigh you took it, using his body as your anchor. You looked at him through sex dazed eyes, your mind finally clearing enough for you to have a coherent thought.

"You're not _actually_ going to-"

Charlie chuckled, shaking his head 'no', relief washing over you. "No, those are uh... _for me,"_ he said with a smirk, leaning down to kiss you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss as you tried to burn every aspect of this moment into your memory.

After what somehow felt simultaneously like a second and a life time, he leaned down slightly, lips just barely pulling away as he lifted you up.

"Let's take a shower."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooo, she was spicy! I hope you all are having a fun, safe night! 
> 
> Stay healthy my friends! 
> 
> All my love,   
> -D


	35. The Last Day Part 1

Your eyes fluttered open, focus sharpening on particles of dust as they danced past your window, caught in a stream of early morning sun. You lingered there; for a second, for a minute--you weren't really sure, before your eyes finally fell to Charlie.

You watched as a slow, unconscious breath rose in his chest, lids filttering almost imperceptibly as he slept. You let your hand reach out to touch him, fingertips savoring the warmth of his naked chest as memories of last night flooded back to you.

Your mouths moving in unison, fingers entwined as your body writhed beneath him, wracked with pleasure...

_As close to perfect a moment as you had ever come._

Your lips parted just slightly, a smile curling at the corner of your mouth as your fingers traced the length of his clavicle. You relished in the moment, in the sweet stillness, the comforting quiet, when something dark and sickly sank its claws into the forefront of your mind.

This is the last day, _for the foreseeable future_ , that you would get to wake up _and_ fall asleep to Charlie next to you.

Suddenly, his skin felt like fire beneath your touch, your hand abruptly pulling away as if you were afraid of being burned...a sharp stab in your heart telling you that you already had been.

You swallowed--hard, biting back tears as you desperately tried to rewind to even just a few seconds ago; when everything was softer, when the only thing on your mind was how full you had felt last night as he fu-

 _"Good morning,"_ Charlie's deep baritone resonated in his chest as he dropped his face to look at you, his gaze still thick with sleep.

Afraid he'd notice your clearly somber demeanor, you scooched your body next to him, his arm automatically stretching to rest beneath you, holding you close.

You two laid there as he eased himself awake, periodic grumblings leaking from his chest as your mind worked desperately to try and get a bearing on just how much time you two had left.

"What time do you leave, again?" your voice was breathy, half hoping he hadn't registered your words as you let your fingers trace the gentle curves of his chest, the thrum of his heartbeat a rhythmic pulse under your palm.

"Flight leaves at 9," he sighed, jaw dropping into a yawn. "Mm--so I should be at JFK around 7," you felt his eyes on you, could almost hear the smirk that pulled across his plush, pink lips, "7:30, if I get... _distracted."_

A rush of air left your nose, easily mistaken for a soft laugh--only you didn't look at him, didn't acknowledge his words; every last drop of your energy being used to stave off the tears once again biting at the edges of your vision.

You could have sworn your heartbreak was becoming tangible, something you could reach into your chest and rip free, vermillion blood--emotional--physical--spilling from the gaping wound as you bled out.

You thought back to when he had first told you that he was moving, back before you had found out you were pregnant--fuck, maybe even before you _got_ pregnant. The shock and pain poignant but still easy enough to push from your mind.

Your mind skipping forward to that moment in your bathroom, air still as a grave as you looked at that terrifying blue plus sign...how he had begged you to come with him...

How you had essentially said no.

And now, here you were, your last day together; time having slipped through your fingers like grains of sand. And even though you had tried desperately to hold on to each and every one, you still managed to end up here. Where once you had days-- _weeks_ even, you now only had _hours._

_And it was entirely your fault._

It wasn't until you felt Charlie's fingers rake through your sleep-tousled hair, felt warm breath roll across your face that you realized he was still looking at you, watching helplessly as every pained thought ricocheted through your mind.

"You know...you don't have to come with me if it's too-"

"Charlie, _stop._ Ofcourse I'm coming with you," you cut him off, your words catching on the lump in your throat.

" _Ok,_ ok," he relented, a warm rush of air pooling at your scalp as his lips pressed to your crown. "I just...want to make this as... _painless_ as possible."

"And...I appreciate that, but-" you sighed, pushing yourself to rest on your elbows. Charlie's eyes fell to your naked shoulders, the calloused pads of his fingers titillating your flesh as he pulled the duvet a little higher.

Your thoughts died on your tongue as you looked at him, your lips pulling into a soft, melancholy smile.

He looked at you for a moment more before pulling you close, one large hand lovingly cradling your head as it came to rest on his chest, the other lightly tracing the length of your spine.

"You're stubborn, you know that?"

You chuckled, snuggling deeper into him, "I know." For a good while, you laid there unmoving, letting the rhythmic rise and fall of Charlie's chest nearly lull you back to sleep when his hand slipped down your back, easing around to tease the soft crease of your hip.

You let your gaze drift to his face, your hand wandering down the length of his belly when something in his eyes made you pause.

Hidden away behind the sparkle of lust there was something else, something... _broken._

You let your body move on instinct, choosing to turn off your brain as you moved towards him, your lips meeting in a deep, forlorn kiss, your leg swinging itself over his strong thighs.

"Charlie," you whispered between increasingly feral kisses, his hand enveloping the back of your neck while the other teased the electrified flesh of your thigh.

"Shh," he breathed, _"no more talking."_

His lips brushed against your jaw before making their way to your throat, a faint moan escaping your lips as his hand wandered to your ass.

"Do you have any idea how _beautiful_ you are? How-" Charlie pulled the delicate skin of your throat between his lips, letting you go with a lascivious _pop_ as his hand kneaded the pliant flesh of your hip, _"fucking perfect?"_

"Charlie, you're going to make me blush," you cooed, your fingers wrapping themselves in his hair as he flipped you to lay on your back, his mouth traveling lower; stalling over one of your bare breasts.

"Good," he whispered, placing an open, wet kiss to your chest, his tongue flicking your nipple.

A spark of wanton desire shot through you, reverberating in your aching cunt, "is this your plan," you teased, letting your eyes drift closed as his hand slid between your thighs, "to fuck me all-"

A sudden delicious pressure on your clit stole your words, Charlie's teeth nipping at your pulse, _"What. Did I. Say?"_

Your eyes flew open, hedonistic desire hitching your breath as he started to work firm, fast circles around your clit.

 _"Fuck,"_ you whimpered.

Charlie simply smiled, placing a feathersoft kiss to your bottom lip as his finger varied itself, switching between firm, slow strokes directly atop your buzzing nub and light, wide circles; driving you absolutely _mad._

For a moment, everything felt perfect again; your mind clear of worry or heartache as Charlie's fingers abused your eager clit, his beautiful face hanging over yours, deriving his gratification from watching your features twist with unabashed pleasure.

But of course, nothing ever stays perfect for long.

Your stomach suddenly lurched, a seemingly vengeful wave of nausea crashing in your gut.

You wretched your body away, hand clasping over your mouth as you tried desperately to breathe through it--a useless attempt to not ruin a moment that was already gone.

Charlie didn't say anything, his presence a heat at your back as you fought off the bile rising in your throat.

For a split second, all felt well, but you knew better. By now this was a game you and your unborn child would play fairly regularly and sh- _they_ , always seemed to win.

Taking advantage of the brief reprieve, you eased yourself off the bed, blindly grabbing a shirt off the floor and tossing it on as you skulked to the bathroom.

You felt it, felt the pressure building in your throat as you sank to the icy tile in front of the toilet, head dangling over the basin.

And that was it.

Your body wretched, stomach violently spewing it's contents--your fetus surly snickering to itself as they added another figurative tally to their list of wins.

You hadn't realized that Charlie had followed you until you felt the reassuring pressure of his hand at your back. Too embarrassed to look up, your hand moved to flush away your sick before your head fell to rest on your arm.

"This fucking sucks," you muttered.

Suddenly he was gone, your head slowly turning to see what he was doing.

He stood, grabbing a towel and wetting the corner before kneeling back by your side, fingers gently pulling at your chin. He pressed the damp towel to your forehead, the cold, waterlogged terrycloth surprisingly soothing on your skin. You sighed, eyes closing as you savored the relief his kindness had brought you. "Thank you," you breathed, your hand finding his and holding there for a moment.

You heard him chuckle softly, your eyes easing open as you took the towel from him to wipe your mouth. "I mean...it's kind of my fault," he said, a surprisingly smug smirk stretched across his infuriatingly handsome face.

You did one last pass over your mouth before hugging the towel to your chest, your mind subconsciously holding it as a token of his love. "I mean...it takes two to tango," you acquiesced. "Still," you said, accepting Charlie's hand as he helped pull you to stand. "I don't get how you can like...so readily stick around after watching me puke."

Charlie's body shook with a laugh, hip leaning against the sink as he tucked your hair behind your ear. "What can I say, kid...you've got me hooked." He leaned in, planting a short but affectionate kiss to your forehead. "I'll be right out there."

You watched him leave, easing the door shut behind him as his words played on repeat in your mind.

_What can I say kid...you've got me hooked._

"Yeah," you sighed, reaching for your toothbrush. "Me too."

_

After a brief but effective morning routine, you emerged from the bathroom feeling like a new woman, eyes immediately settling on Charlie who was sat at the island, to the surprise of no one, chowing down on a bowl of cereal.

You sauntered into the kitchen, playfully ignoring his gaze as you poured yourself a glass of water. "So what _do_ you want to do today?" you asked as you leaned against the counter opposite him, taking small, deliberate sips.

He pondered your question for a moment, dexterous fingers wrapping tighter around the pen in his hand as he looked at you. "You know...I'm not really sure."

"Last day in New York, there's _nothing_ that comes to mind?" you set your glass down before hopping up onto the counter, Charlies eyes trailing the hem of your--well technically _his_ \--shirt as it slipped up the supple flesh of your thigh.

"Well," he sighed, dropping his pen with a soft _thud_ , hand blindly moving to his spoon, "what I want to do doesn't _necessarily_ have to do with New York-"

" _Besides_ that," you quipped, reaching for your glass and bringing it to your lips once again as Charlie did the same with an overflowing spoon.

You two sat in your respective spots, playfully eyeing each other as the air between you became electric. You let your feet dangle, softly swinging as you watched his gaze fall back to the blue binder resting under his wrist, his fingers plucking the pen up and scratching something down. He glanced back up at your mindlessly as he wrote, keenly aware of you watching his every move. "I kind of just want to hang out here, if that's ok with you."

"More than ok," you sighed, taking a final, dainty sip before letting your wrist flop to the side, sending the rest of your water splashing into the sink. You tore your gaze away for only a moment, setting the glass down, noticing fat drops of water having soaked into the soft cotton fabric on your side when you heard him. Charlie had stood, rounding the island in only a few strides, quickly finding himself standing next to you. It wasn't until you saw his hand move for the faucet that you realized he was rinsing his bowl, eyes falling to the wet, semi-transparent fabric that clung to your side.

"You're wet," he said quietly, setting the bowl down and flicking off the tap.

You bit back a smile, feigning innocence, "well...would you look at that. It appears I am."

Charlie, not at all concerned with mimicking your sham chastity, rolled the cold, wet patch of cotton between his fingers, his other hand lightly grazing the exposed warmth of your thigh. "Should probably get this off of you then."

"Probably," you breathed, your arms wrapping around his neck, thighs spreading as you pulled him closer.

His lips met yours, pliant and inviting as his hand wandered from your thigh to under the hem of your shirt. His touch was warm, electrifying as it slid up your body, relishing in your curves--in the heat of your skin against his.

You rolled your hips forward, painfully aware of your lack of underwear as your core brushed against his hard cock, already straining against the thin fabric of his sweats.

Charlie pushed his tongue between your lips, your mouth opening a little wider to take him, eagerly to let him explore you. Your hand wandered to the band of his sweats, fingers teasing the sensitive skin of his waist before slipping your hand in. You immediately palmed his cock, thick and warm and _eager_ under your touch, stroking him as his hands aggressively grabbed your hips, yanking you closer to him.

You squeeked, your mouth pulling away from his as your head fell back, Charlie immediately latching his lips to your throat, sucking and nibbling at your tender flesh.

 _"I love you,"_ he breathed into you, his hand leaving your body to grab the base of his cock.

_"I love-"_

"Eh hem," followed by an obnoxious, loud, fake cough.

You ripped your bodies apart, Charlie immediately turning away to tuck up his erection as your legs snapped shut, eyes flying to Sam.

She was standing in front of her door, wrapped in a blanket , one hand covering her eyes.

"Good morning," you said with an awkward laugh as you eased yourself off the counter, holding the hem of your shirt to cover you. "I didn't realize you were...awake."

 _"Clearly,"_ she half sang, eyes still firmly covered by her hand. "Is it safe?"

You rolled your eyes, looking to Charlie who's cheeks burned about as red as you felt, long hurried strides carrying him away from you and back towards his seat--back towards that fucking blue binder.

"Yes, it's safe," you relented, leaning against the counter, arms crossed.

She peeked through her fingers, double checking before letting her hand fall to her side, her eyes switching back and forth between you and Charlie as she stepped towards the kitchen. "I just needed a drink and then I'll uh--be out of your way," she said, crossing in front of you and reaching into the fridge, snagging a bottle of water.

Your gaze didn't meet hers, your lips pulled taught over your teeth as you watched Charlie's face drop into a deep focus as he scratched out a line of type before annotating something in the margin.

She sighed, poorly stifling a chuckle as she sauntered back towards her bedroom. _"Resume, sluts,"_ she called out, the door closing behind her.

Charlie's gaze snapped to yours, a hand running through his hair as you both broke out into a fit of laughter.

_

Your head hung over the side of the couch as you flipped through the selection of movies on the TV.

"Kramer vs Kramer?" you called out, eyes just barely glancing back at Charlie who was still sat at the island, working the day away.

"Are you _trying_ to make me cry?" he responded, the soft scratch of pen against paper a near silent instrumental to his words.

"Maybe," you chuckled, tossing the remote onto the couch and pushing yourself to stand, hand mindlessly falling to your belly as you walked over to him.

You let your arms wrap around his neck, lips pressing to his back as one of his hands came to rest on your wrist, holding you close.

"Are you almost done?" you tried not to sound like a small child but found yourself unable to shake your irritation. It was your last day together and he'd rather spend his time _working_.

Normally you found his work ethic to be sexy but today...it was annoying.

 _"I know, I know,_ I'm sorry," he mumbled, his hand hurriedly scrawling the rest of his thought before he placed his pen to the counter, easing the binder shut. "Done."

Charlie turned to face you, pulling you close to him and placing a kiss to your forehead but your eyes were locked on the thick, admittedly ugly cursive letters, outlined in gold.

_UCLA_

You sighed as you pulled your gaze away, choosing instead to focus on Charlie.

"I'm yours for the rest of the day, I promise," he said, his thumb lovingly caressing your cheek as he admired you.

"Good," you chirped, landing a quick kiss to the tip of his nose. "Now, since you don't seem to have any ideas for today, _I'm taking over."_

"Oh _really,_ " he said, eyes narrowing at you as he pulled you a little closer, lips leaning in to yours. 

"Uh-uh," you chided, pressing your hand to his lips, blocking his affection. "Later. _First,_ I have to kick your ass in Scrabble."

...


	36. The Last Day Part 2

"That is  _ not _ a word!"

"It  _ absolutely _ is!" you fired back, not at all bothering to hide your smugness.

You could tell Charlie was getting annoyed, eyes narrowing as he examined the game board. "Stopbanks is  _ not _ a word."

"Yes it is," you sang, sitting back, arms crossed as you relished in watching his face twist and contort with something between disbelief and irritation.

"What's a stopbank?" he said without even a hint of playfulness in his voice, which only served to stroke your ego more.

"It's like...that thing that stops a river from flooding," you said dismissively, looking over your remaining blocks.

"An  _ embankment _ ?"

" _ No _ , a stopbank."

_ "Sam!" _ _   
_ _ "-Sam!" _

"What?" she called from the bathroom, clearly having found her entertainment in your bickering as she got ready for work.

"Would you  _ please _ tell her that stopbank is not a word," Charlie whined, eyes wide with unearned confidence.

"It  _ is _ a word," you said as you snuggled into the back of the couch.

A loud sigh spilled from the bathroom and you shot a smug glance at Charlie, fully expecting Sam to step out and validate your genius when..."I don't think it's a word..."

_ "Traitor!" _ You jaw fell, body hopping to its knees as you turned to face her, "Google it!"

Sam chuckled, stepping out of the bathroom with half done hair as she pulled her phone from her pocket.

Right away, she started fidgeting with her phone and you felt the air grow thick with anticipation. You tried to read her face, ignoring Charlie's eyes on your back as your nerves slowly crept their way up your throat.

After what felt like an eternity, her head lifted and she looked between you and Charlie before dropping her gaze back to her phone, "it's...a word,” she muttered in disbelief.

"Bullshit!" Charlie snapped, jumping up and crossing over to Sam, her hand tilting her screen to the side so he could see.

"Just admit it, you're a sore loser," you said smugly, leaning your elbows on the back of the couch.

He rolled his eyes as he walked towards the couch, subsequently leaning over you, his commanding stature making you sink just slightly beneath him. "No, I'm  _ competitive." _

"Hm," you challenged, straightening your spine, bringing your mouth tantalizingly close to his, "you're just mad because you lost to a girl." 

For a split second you could have sworn you saw Charlie's eyes blow with something dark before his hand gripped your chin and yanked your mouth even closer to his, a soft whimper falling from your lips. "Best two outta three," he whispered, his mouth brushing against your own, sending a pang of longing through your core.

"You two are  _ nauseating _ ," Sam joked as she tucked her phone away, heading back towards the bathroom.

You pulled away from Charlie, practically jumping over the back of the couch as you ran to her, throwing your arms around her in an obnoxious embrace. _ "Awwh, _ Samantha, don't be like that," she let out a gag at her full name, trying to shove you off of her with little success, "I can be nauseating with you too."

"You already are," she said with a laugh, finally breaking free from your grip. "Oh, Charlie! Before I forget, you said you wanted to leave by 7 tomorrow, right?"

You turned to look at Charlie who was leaning against the back of the couch, arms crossed, eyes glued to you, "round there, yeah."

You felt your heart bob in your chest before taking on too much emotional water, slowly slipping below the surface, taking your once jovial mood along with it. You nearly stumbled over your own feet as you crossed the room to stand by Charlie. Him easily sensing your sudden shift in demeanor, he wrapped his arm around your waist and placed a tender kiss to your forehead. "Are you hungry?"

"What happened to best two out of three?” you joked, letting your finger run along the length of his collar. “Or are you afraid you’ll lose again?” 

At that his hand gripped your chin again and his eyes locked on yours--you were clearly testing his patience in the most delicious way possible.

"You haven't eaten all day," his voice low, not entirely loving but not lecherous eithier. 

"I'm not hungry," you shot back, attempting to shift your body away but finding it hard when Charlie’s grip at your hip tightened.

"It's not you I'm worried about," he said softly, his hand falling to your belly. You let your hand rest on top of his, your heart fluttering at his touch.

"Alright," Sam called out, bounding out of the bathroom. "Charlie, baby mama, I'm heading out."

"Thanks again, Sam." Charlie said, pulling his hand from your belly.

"No problem," she said warmly, briefly pulling Charlie into a side hug before turning her attention to you. "He's right, you need to feed my baby."

"Fuck  _ off _ ," you chuckled as you pulled her into a hug. “I love you, have a good night at work.”

“I shall,” she said, slipping away towards the door, grabbing her jacket along the way. “I love you too, bye!” 

For some reason the sound of the front door closing made you jump, Charlie’s hand lightly gripping your shoulder. “I’m thinking pizza.” 

—

You lifted your pizza to your mouth, subconsciously taking a slightly larger than usual bite as Charlie practically inhaled his slice.

You found yourself smiling at him as your mind wandered back to how utterly disgusted you would feel when Josh, or any other boyfriend for that matter, would eat. How much it made your skin crawl when he chewed his food like a damn goat.

And yet, here you were with a man who arguably, ate the most goat like out of all of them and you couldn’t help but swoon. 

_ ‘For the right person, you make concessions,’ _ your mom’s voice echoed through your ear as you pulled off some melted cheese, popping it into your mouth. 

"What?" he said, swallowing, his hand reaching for his water.

_ "Nothing," _ you said coyly, doing the same. "Just never realized how badly I wanted to be a slice of pizza until now," you whispered, hurriedly taking a sip of your water.

You watched his brain put two and two together before he practically choked, his cheeks flushing red as he grabbed at his napkin.

You both broke out into a fit of laughter, only quieting down when you caught a glimpse of an older woman across the way giving you both what could only be described as a death stare.

“Sorry,” he grumbled, hand reaching up defensively as he turned back to you. 

You couldn’t help but feel like a giddy teenage girl on her first date, watching Charlie with what amounted to heart eyes as he wolfed the rest of his food.

“So, is there anything else you want to do tonight?”

"Hmm," he groaned softly, giving you a knowing smirk, quickly making it  _ your _ turn to blush. “Not really...maybe a walk?”

"A walk sounds good," you said quietly, letting your hand reach for his empty plate, stacking it with your own. "Anywhere in particular?"

You stood up, Charlie collecting your water glasses to sit in the middle of the table before following suit, reaching for your coats. He shook his head as he helped you with your coat, lovingly rubbing a hand down your back before he pulling on his own. "Nope."

"Well then, I guess we'll see where our legs take us." You said, reaching behind you for his hand as you led your way out of the restaurant. 

The cold New York air nipped at your cheeks as you and Charlie spilled out onto the sidewalk, Charlie briskly rubbing your shoulders before you set off in the direction of your apartment.

"So..." you started, pausing for only a moment to swallow the twinge of sadness that pulled at your throat. "Are you excited?"

You looked over at Charlie, his eyes drifting to meet yours. To your dismay, he didn't speak, instead only giving you a soft nod and a tight smile.

"It's ok to be excited, Charlie," you tried your best to sound playful as you nudged him with your shoulder, him nudging back as his smile relaxed a bit.

"I mean--I'm excited to see Henry obviously," he said softly, hands balling to fists in his coat pockets. "And I'm  _ definitely _ ready to start another show-"

"Let's just hope you don't fall for one of your hot LA actresses," you teased, his eyes immediately finding yours, apparently not finding your joke as funny as you did. "I'm  _ kidding,” you relented, “. _ ..mostly."

He sighed, reaching his hand into your pocket, entwining your fingers with his. " _Believe_ _me,_ that's not going to be a problem."

_ "I don't know.  _ That's the thing about true love...it comes when you least expect it." A sudden yank of your hand stalled your steps, your head snapping back to see Charlie standing stock still in the middle of the sidewalk. "What?"

He pulled you to him, his hands moving to hold the sides of your face. "Like I said... _ that’s not going to be a problem." _ His words made your breath hitch, the intimacy of his tone sending your pulse skyrocketing. His lips met yours in a brief but ardent kiss, your body involuntarily leaning into him.

Painfully aware of how public this all was, you pulled away from each other, chests heaving as you studied each other. You could see it in his expression, hiding just below the surface--the same pain that you had been desperately suppressing all day. Guilt shot through your gut like lightning, sending goosebumps rippling across your concealed flesh.

_ The man you love--who loves you---is hurting...and it's your fault. _

He closed his eyes, leaning his forehead to yours for a moment before taking a deep breath, his tongue wetting his lower lip before stealing one last glance at you. Without a word, he led the way forward, your legs struggling to keep up with his mammoth strides.

You two walked in silence for good a couple of blocks, coming up on and subsequently passing your apartment building.

"So..." he sighed.

"So," you retorted, trying to ignore the icy chill that was slowly seeping through your coat and clinging to your skin.

"We still haven't really talked about--your  _ plan _ ."

"My plan," you sighed.

Another beat of silence, a million things that had been left unsaid for admittedly way too long lingering in the air.

"How long is the show, again?" Charlie asked, keeping his gaze locked straight ahead.

"Rehearsal for six weeks...run is eight."

He stopped walking, choosing instead to lean against a dark storefront purposely avoiding your stare. "So that would make you.. _ what _ ...20 something weeks pregnant by the end of the show?"

This is exactly why you didn’t want to talk about this.

“Um, yeah...something like that," you said quietly, crossing your arms defensively over your chest.

"That’s over halfway through the pregnancy" your name getting caught in his throat. "You do realize that, right-"

" _ Charlie _ ," you whispered, trying not to sound as offended as you felt as you took a step towards him.

"Do you know how much-" he stopped mid thought, hand gruffly rubbing at his lips. "I just...the first kicks, finding out what the baby is..." his hand reached out towards you, tugging on your arm, urging your body closer.

You followed his lead, practically falling against him as he wrapped his arms around you, planting a kiss to the top of your head.

You let him hold you, let your body start to relax into his as your mind raced with the implications of his words.

You didn't want to do this alone and you  _ really _ didn't want to take those big moments away from Charlie...but...you kept finding yourself coming back to the fear that in 10 years you would look back on this season of your life and realize that you had given up on your dream at what amounted to the snap of Charlie’s a finger.

You hated to admit it but it felt like you were being torn apart.

"And there's nothing I can say or do to get you to-"

"Charlie... _ please _ ." You said, tone shorter than you had intended. Regret roiled in your gut as your head pulled back to look at him.

"You still haven't...you haven't said what you're going to do when the show ends. I'm--I'm afraid that you won't..."

Horrified, your hands flew to his face, holding him in place as you searched his eyes, his pain practically seeping into you. 

But then you realized...he was right to worry. You hadn't ever verbalized your plan...to anyone, hell not even yourself. You liked to pretend that the surface struggle of the decision carried all the way through but you knew deep down…

_ Of course you were moving to LA with him. _

Just not yet.

You weren't ready.

You took a steadying breath, swiping away a tear that had broken free and rolled down his cheek, "I'm moving to LA, Charlie. Maybe not...right away. But...I'm not staying here without you. I can't." You felt him relax beneath you, more of his tears twinkling in the ambient city light. "I just...I need a little more time. I need to get this out of my system. Need to prove to myself that I can...do it."

"You've _ done it  _ already," his tone portraying the fact that he truly didn’t understand why you’d want to stay. 

You felt your chest deflate, eyes rolling as you looked away.  _ "Charlie." _

"I know, I know...I'm sorry. I just-" Charlie dropped his face to yours, noses pressing together for a split second before he flinched. "You're freezing."

"Am I?" You took a moment to check in with yourself, the brutal realization that you were indeed freezing settling deep into your bones.

"Come on,” he sighed, taking your hand. “Let's get you home."

_

Charlie slipped away, moving through the dark apartment with ease as he made his way into the bathroom. 

Confused, you schluffed off your coat, almost tossing it to the side when you remembered that Charlie would inevitably pick it up and put it on the back of the couch anyway. You moved to the back of the couch, draping it over the side when you heard the distinct wail of pipes, quickly followed by the shower hissing to life. You turned, kicking off your shoes as you tried to catch a peek of what he was doing. "Charlie?" you called out, receiving no answer. "Charlie, what are you-" 

Suddenly, he emerged from the bathroom, his body a commanding shadow against the warm bathroom light.

"What are you doing?" your words coming out in a soft laugh as you stepped closer, crossing your arms over your chest--a sharp chill shooting up your spine.

"Getting you warm," he said, reaching his hand out to you. His fingers entwined themselves with yours as he pulled you into the bathroom, your body still somewhat sluggish from the cold.

You didn't argue, letting him lead the way into the bathroom, his large frame squeezing around you to get to the door. Nearly as soon as he had closed off the opportunity for fresh air, the atmosphere of the room became thick with rolling steam, choking and somehow simultaneously soothing you as it broke the icy frost of your flesh. You felt Charlie ease your hair out of the way before placing a tender kiss to your nape all the while his hands moved to the hem of your shirt. You let him ease it up your body, gooseflesh rippling in the wake of his frosted touch. Once it was off your body he tossed it to the side, his fingers then making quick work of your bra before slowly and deliberitly sliping it down your shoulders until it fell limp at your feet.

Finally, you turned to look at him, his eyes tracing your face, your neck, your exposed chest--a familiar glint of lust glowing like spent kindling at the base of a fire. 

You leaned closer, pressing your lips to his as you gently pushed his coat from his shoulders, it landing on the tile below with a muted  _ thump _ . Charlie's hands, still just as icy as yours, trailed your body, his fingers running over the soft curves of your hips as you eased his sweater up as far as it would go, revealing his usual white cotton undershirt.

"You wear too many layers," you teased, letting your frozen fingers slip under the hem, your touch stalling his breath as your hands traveled the length of his shockingly warm torso.

He grabbed your wrist and pulled your hand from him in one smooth, easy motion, trapping you in his stare as he pulled his sweater and under shirt off in rapid succession, leaving you now brearly a breath away from feeling his skin on yours. 

Your eyes met once again as your breathing started to become labored, the carnal urge to feel each other rapidly overwhelming all other senses. 

You both moved to pull off your pants as quickly as possible, the sound of his belt clinking to the floor sending a ripple of excitement through your eager cunt. 

He reached around you, peeling back the shower curtain, a wall of warm steam spilling forward as you spun around to face the shower. "After you," he whispered into the nape of your neck before planting a soft kiss in his wake.

You stepped in, the hot water violently melting away whatever chill had remained in your body, pulling a soft gasp from your chest. You stood there, nearly frozen from shock as your body thawed in the soothing heat of the shower, your muscles slowly liquifying beneath your flesh.

After what was either an eternity or a second (your brain was having trouble differentiating) you moved aside to let Charlie in, easing your body around to face him. 

You found yourself enamored with his beauty, with how the water ran down his cheeks--his nose--his chin, streams softly glimmering in the hazy light. Your eyes lingered on his lips, breath catching in your throat as water splashed across your face.

You weren't sure who had leaned in first but in a blink his lips were overwhelming yours in a fervent kiss, Charlie's fingers twisting through your waterlogged tresses, your palms wandering the breadth of his chest. You landed on his shoulders, arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer, his arms wrapping themselves around your waist to do the same.

His tongue pushed past your lips, softly rolling over yours as you moaned desperately against him, your hands grabbing at his neck--his back--his hair.

The moment was so intense, so divine that you found yourself overwhelmed, your chest constricting, seemingly baseless tears welling at your waterline. 

And that's when it hit you. 

These tears weren't "baseless" at all. No, in fact they were probably the most rational thing to happen all day. It didn't matter how many times you tried to fuck Charlie or how often you tried distracting yourself with movies or tv or board games. 

He's leaving, moving 3000 miles away in less than 12 hours, and you were completely, unequivocally, _fucking_ _devastated_. 

Your tears came hot and fast as they mingled with the water that trickled across your face, your hold around his neck tightening as you pulled out of his kiss. You let your head fall to his breast, sobs catching in your chest—a final weak attempt at holding yourself together.

Charlie's lips pressed to your forehead, bulldozing through your final defense, your body practically collapsing into him as you were overcome with the painful emotions you had spent all day sidelining. 

Your arms pulled to your chest, hands clasping over your heart as if enough pressure from your palm could keep it from shattering like an ornate porcelain vase against stone. You heaved, deep, heavy sobs pouring from your throat, from your  _ soul,  _ as your strength completely leached from your body, rushing past your feet and racing towards the drain. 

Charlie held you as you collapsed, body slowly melting to the shower floor as you wailed yourself empty.

Never once did he let you out of his grasp, holding you close as despair wracked your body.

_ "I'm right here,"  _ he whispered, his own words coming out in broken, cry stuttered breaths, "it's ok, I'm right here,  _ shh."  _

" _ Char-Charlie-I... _ " you stopped trying and failing to steady your breath.  _ "Charlie, I can't do this alone."  _

You felt him deflate against you as if your words had managed to violently knock the wind from him. 

You sat there, your sobs intermindling through the hot, thick air.

_ "You'll never be alone. I promise....I promise." _


	37. Please Don't Leave Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain and squirting. That's it. That's the chapter.

Between the steam laden air and Charlie's mouth overwhelming yours it was hard to breathe but you didn't care.

A thorough sobbing session had left you feeling empty, withered away into an emotional nothingness and the feeling of his body pressed against you was somehow managing to breathe life back into you.

So you stayed there, pressed to the shower wall under Charlie's weight as he kissed you--as you kissed him back, your hands slowly roaming the expanse of his body.

Your touch grazed his semi hard cock, making his hips twitch towards you, instinctively searching for more contact. You waited a moment to see what he would do but he simply stayed there, pinning you to the wall with his mouth.

An urge so deviently delightful that it made your lips twist into a smile crept into your mind, your hands lifting to his broad chest and pushing against him.

Charlie pulled away, eyes glued to you as you eased him to take your place, your lips brushing against his strong jaw, his long neck, his sternum, all the way down until you came to rest on your knees in front of him.

You could almost _feel_ him growing harder at the sight of you, your lips painfully close to his dick, your breasts heaving, lungs greedy for oxygen as streams of crystal clear water ran down over your stiff nipples.

Your eyes met and for a moment, just like this morning, nothing else mattered except here and now, the world suddenly failing to exist outside of the warmth and safety of your shower.

You let your mouth inch closer, placing a kiss to the delicate flesh of his thigh when you felt a sharp pull at your scalp, Charlie's hands having twisted themselves into your drenched hair, yanking your face backward and, thankfully, away from the water.

Your jaw hung slack, trapped in each other’s stare as you laved at the water beading on your lips.

You needed to taste him, to feel him slide in and out of your throat and he _knew_ it.

He released you, your head falling forwards towards his cock, your hand gripping him at the base and lifting so your tongue could run a single firm stripe to his tip. You felt him shudder beneath your touch, heard his head rest against the wall of the shower as you swirled your tongue around his head, eagerly lapping the cloudy bead of precum that had already spilled from his tip.

You moaned at the taste, letting his head push past your lips and over your tongue, easing farther and farther back until you had to suppress a gag--even after all this time together, your throat still took some warming up.

You eased him out of your mouth, one hand slowly pumping the length of his cock while the other gently cupped his balls, a deep, satisfied groan vibrating in his chest. You gave yourself a second to prepare before wrapping your lips around him again, savoring the feeling of how he pulsed at your tongue.

You went slow, easing him in inch by inch until you finally managed to slip him past your soft palate, your throat readily accepting his hot, hard length.

You groaned on him, suppressing a sputter as you held yourself there, your fingers surely pressing bruises into his hips--not that he seemed to mind or even necessarily notice, too enthralled with the sensation of your mouth on his dick. Soon you found your rhythm, bobbing on his thick cock as his hand cradled your head, eyes locked on how pretty your mouth looked as you swallowed him.

"Fuck, _get up here,"_ he spit through gritted teeth, his hand wrapping around your throat as you pulled off of him.

You stood, Charlie's grip firm around your neck as he pulled you into a ferocious kiss, his tongue pushing into your open mouth. Your cunt fluttered at his dominance, at how his palm constricted your pulse in the most erotic way imaginable.

What happened next was a bit of a blur, the shower being shut off, a towel lovingly wrapped around your body before you were hoisted into the air, Charlie's hands grabbing your ass, his cock pressing to your anxious core--even through his towel.

It wasn't until you were in your room, laid out on the bed with Charlie easing himself between your thighs that your mind came too.

"How many times do you think I can make this sweet little cunt cum, hm?" Charlie whispered into you, your body reacting in kind by fluttering at his chin. Your eyes met his and judging by the dark glint in them, you were both afraid and _dying_ to find out.

Your head fell back, eyes closing as Charlie pushed two fingers between your lips, pulling you open, exposing you completely to his salacious gaze.

You felt his fingers explore your folds before he brushed a finger against your clit, sending a full body chill rippling across your greedy flesh.

You felt yourself pulsing right in front of his face, your pussy aching for something inside of it as your body devolved into a dribbling mess of hedonistic longing. Usually you tried to be a bit more couth but right now you couldn’t seem to find the strength to care. At this second, the only thoughts plaguing your mind were how it would feel to get your cunt stretched by Charlie Barber’s cock, to have him fuck you open until you were gasping for breath.

" _Please_ ," you whimpered, desperation flushing your body with swaths of cherry tinted skin. You let your fingers rake through Charlie's still wet hair, accidently snagging a knot, eliciting a moan from his chest.

" _Such a pretty pussy,_ " he growled, another firm pass to your clit, driving you deeper into insanity.

At this point, you weren't above begging. You opened your mouth, ready to let a deluge of pleas spill forth but Charlie's lips at your cunt silenced you. A single pass of his tongue, flat against your pussy nearly sent you over the edge, his short but intense teasing having _finally_ come to an end.

Another and another, his fingers working meticulous circles around your clit as he laved at your core like you were the most divine thing he had ever tasted.

 _"Shit,"_ you mewled, your head lolling from side to side as he built you closer, reigning you towards the cliff's edge.

You felt his fingers tease your entrance, slowly stretching you open as his mouth latched onto your clit.

"Such an eager little thing," you heard him whisper between sucking your clit gingerly between his lips, his fingers squeezing the flesh immediately around your bundle of hypersensitive nerves, sending you into overdrive.

You were nearly gone, hurtling towards the edge and yet your mouth continued to move, wanton gasps punctuation your mindless dribblings. " _Please_ Charlie, _please fuck me."_

"Not until you cum for me," his fingers battering your cunt, massaging your g-spot with near maddening precision. "Are you going to be a good girl and cum for me?"

All you could do was nod aimlessly as you clamped like a vice around his digits, your eyes failing to stay open as Charlie's mouth worked you over the edge and beyond.

_"That's it baby, cum for me."_

Your entire body contracted in on itself, legs quivering, lungs gasping as a string of incoherent curses fell from your lips.

Your vision was white, limbs tingling as your sense of sound was replaced with a soft ringing. You felt yourself shiver, felt your body writhe beneath his touch as Charlie quickly crossed over into the boundaries of over stimulation.

You tried to push at his head away but it did little to deter him, he was an animal, a man who's life seemingly depended on keeping cumming all night long.

Still, you kept pushing, even as a second orgasm started building somewhere deep in your belly.

"You're going to cum for me again," his voice velvet, _serious_.

"I-I can't-" you gasped, nearly crying.

_"You can and you will."_

Your whole body shuddered at his touch, overstimulation sending your body into full on tremors.

_"Char-”_

_"Shh,"_ he whispered softly, the head of his cock slowly brushing against your spasming core. You tried to will yourself into some twisted sense of comfort but his fingers found your overworked clit and a shriek of pained euphoria left your lungs.

A sudden fullness deep in your belly and your mind went blank, your conscious morphing into nothing more than an overwhelming swirl of sensations between your thighs.

He was splitting you open, working your clit as you watched helplessly, tears biting at your waterline and spilling down your cheeks.

You were lost, hopelessly floating in a storm of pleasure when he was on you, pulling you back to Earth with a large hand at the back of your neck.

"You're going to cum on my fucking cock, do you understand me?"

Your head bobbed aimlessly as your eyes locked onto his, desperate for something to ground you to reality. His mouth met yours, wet and needy before he pulled back, landing a hot wad of spit on your tongue.

You didn't need any further instruction, swallowing him before opening your mouth again, your eagerness twisting his face into an impressed smirk.

And then he pulled away, your body falling limply to the bed.

Not that it really mattered, your body was so far gone, hot pressure building deep in your cunt, begging to be let free with a ferocity that you had only ever experienced with Charlie.

"Oh god, Charlie! I'm gunna-" that was all you managed to get out before your body erupted, pleasure squeezing you tight like one would squeeze the juice from an overripe orange.

You were plunged back into the storming sea of pleausre as your orgasm ravaged you, intoxicating pressure flooding from your cunt as Charlie kept his pace steady, fucking you through your peak and beyond until you were nothing but a grovelling, wanton mess, drenched from the waist down.

It took a moment for your mind to clear enough for you to realize what had happened, your body hiccuping with each of Charlie's powerful thrusts.

And then you realized what your body had done, _why_ you were so wet. Blood bloomed in your cheeks but Charlie didn't seem fazed, if anything he seemed... _elated_ , pulling you into a fervent kiss.

In an instant your bodies were reversed, Charlie now sitting on the bed with you sitting atop him as you slowly regained your strength, grinding into him, your body instinctively pulling away if your clit, rubbed raw, brushed up against _any_ part of him.

You couldn't help but notice the warmth that blossomed in your chest as you looked at him, as his once dark, sinful gaze softened into something more gentle, _loving_.

"You're the most amazing man I have ever met, Charlie Barber,” your words spilled from your lips like water, eager to find their way out and into the lap of the man you loved. Your lips pressed to his, eyes fluttering closed when you realized...he was fighting back tears.

Your heart nearly cracked in two while your hips stayed steady, riding him as the sounds of your wetness enveloping him filled your bedroom.

You wanted to ask what was wrong, your eyes searching his face when suddenly, he spoke. "I can't believe it took me this long to have met you," your name drifting to your ears on the melody of heartache.

You leaned into him, pressing your body deeper to his as your pace grew more frantic. You could tell from the way his breath hitched, from how his hips rocked forward at uneven intervals that he was close.

Charlie's hands flew to the sides of your face as his eyes bore into you, _"promise me that you'll move to LA."_

His words were sparse, on the surface seemingly something he just needed to hear to get off but when you let your heart open to him you realized that this was about more than cumming. This was about _reassurance,_ about the emotional climax he hadn't yet allowed himself to have.

You let your forehead meet his, your thumbs sweetly rubbing his flushed pink cheeks.

_"I promise...I can't wait to start our lives together in LA, Charlie."_

_"Fuck-fuck,"_ he grumbled, your bodies falling backwards onto the bed as he angled himself to fuck deeper into you, your pussy clamping excitedly around him at the change of pace, a surprised yelp leaving your lips.

You felt him twitch inside of you, your head falling to his heaving chest as hot ropes of cum shot deep into your cunt.

You laid on top of him, still connected as you tried desperately to regain any measure of strength in your tired, spent body.

Eventually, your hand managed to find its way to his face, fingers tracing his lower lip as lightly as your tired arm could manage.

"We should probably take another shower.”

_

You didn’t want it to be real--didn’t want to allow your eyes to open, knowing that when they did, you would have to come face to face with the fact that the day had finally come.

That this was the day you would kiss Charlie goodbye for the last time.

You tried to let the idea of your separation being finite comfort you but it did little to soften the bellowing of your heart. A day without Charlie felt like a lifetime and you had doomed yourself to approximately 90 separate life sentences.

And for what?

A soft kiss to your forehead suddenly snapped you from your spiral, your eyes opening on instinct, your consciousness begging them to stop before they found…

 _Charlie_.

His eyes were glued to you, watching your every move as if he were trying to commit the moment to memory. 

“Good morning,” you whispered, eyes blinking away the mixture of sleep and sadness that had mingled itself under your still heavy lids.

“Good morning,” Charlie breathed, pulling you close, a kiss being pressed to your forehead.

Your eyes darted to the window, relieved to see a dimly lit world beyond the pane of glass, sparkling with what could only be described as the manifestation of your pain--thick droplets of rain battering your window. “What time is it? It’s still dark,” your words mindlessly falling from your lips as your hand floated to his chest.

You let your eyes close as Charlie checked his watch, his chest rising slightly with a sharp inhale, “6:35.”

“Ok-oh... _oh._ ” 

For some reason, you thought you had more time.

“I can push it to 7:30,” Charlie said softly, his hand moving to support the base of your neck.

You laid there, desperation growing heavy in your chest, the air surrounding you suddenly feeling too thick to be inhaled, as if all the oxygen in the room had become woolen. 

You tried to push your pain down, internally bottling it to deal with later but nothing was working. Worst of all, you knew that if you had yet another meltdown in front of Charlie, he would leave feeling guilty--as if he had broken you. 

Desperate to save him any more pain, you shoved yourself up and away from him, nearly stumbling backwards as you made for the door. 

He looked at you confused as you inched out of the room, your mind working a mile a minute to come up with an excuse, something that wouldn’t worry him.

That’s when you remembered that you had the perfect scapegoat flourishing in your womb. Your hand fell to your belly, lightly patting at the knot just above your pubis, “we have to pee.”

You didn’t wait for him to respond, hurriedly slipping through the door and bolting to the bathroom, your breath catching on something in your throat.

You stepped into the room, shutting the door with your foot as you looked at yourself in the mirror. Your knuckles went white as you gripped the edge of the sink, eyes trying to make sense of the woman staring back at you. 

Her face was flushed, hair tousled from sleep but her eyes--dewey with sadness, laden with... _rage_.

You were angry...fucking _livid_. 

How could you be so fucking selfish, so _stubborn?_

Here was this man, this man that _loved_ you, that could fuck you until you were nothing more than a puddle, that would cradle you in his arms while you broke down in the shower-- _begging_ you to come with him. 

And you said _no_. 

Even worse, here was this man that fucked you into loving him, got you pregnant and now was making you choose between the life you had worked so hard to achieve and... _him_. 

You didn't know who you were more angry at. 

A pained gasp left your throat, your hands smacking over your mouth to muffle the sound as you sank to your knees, tears rolling in rivulets over the ridges of your fingers. 

You let yourself feel it--if only for a moment. The desperation, _the anger_ , the hopelessness. It surged through you like lightning--mercilessly scorching the earth of your internal organs.

You were choking on it, submitting to it, drowning in it. 

And then--a hand offered you a lifeline, gentle and loving as it pulled you from the tempest. 

_Sam_. 

She didn't say anything as she sank next to you, pulling your hand from your mouth and resting it over her heart. 

Her heartbeat started to regulate yours, her calm, even breathing doing the same as she wrapped her other arm around you, holding you to her like your mother used to. 

"I'm sorry, babes. I'm... _so_ sorry," her voice was kind, free of any judgment. 

You nodded against her shoulder as you pulled yourself back together, your free hand wiping away the salty tears that had found their way past your lips, assaulting your tongue. 

"I-I've got to--I'm wasting time-"

"Shh, stop. Just for a second. It's ok." 

She let your hand fall from her chest, her face turning to search yours before pulling you tight against her. 

_"It's ok. You're gonna be ok."_

_

The ride to the airport was quiet, not that you had expected it to be very lively in the first place. You looked out the window, focusing on the individual raindrops as they landed, watched as they raced each other down the length of the glass before another drop inevitably stole your attention. 

A soft squeeze at your palm made you turn your head to Charlie who was already watching you. Tears clouding your vision as you looked at each other, as you sat in the knowledge that... _this_ _was it._

You had always known that it would hurt, but you hadn't expected it to be so debilitating, a mortal wound that left you gasping through the hole in your chest, choking on the blood and viscera.

"We're here," Sam said, her voice easy, apologetic.

_No. No not yet. Not yet, I'm not ready._

Panic constricted your chest, wrapping you in its claws and squeezing the oxygen from your lungs. 

"You...don't have to come in..." Charlie whispered, his thumb gently tracing your own.

You knew he was trying to be kind, sensitive to your pain but his words only served to further stoke the fire in your gut. Your eyes darted from him, to the entrance of JFK , down the door handle--back to the entrance. 

Your hand pulling, pushing, your body stumbling out into the rain.

Your mind was a blur as your feet carried you to the trunk, your fingers blindly searching for the hatch. 

The trunk, to your surprise, flew open and you reached for the first thing you saw--Charlie's suitcase. 

You gave it a good yank, your arm nearly pulling from it's socket. You stood there confused, unsure if it really was that heavy or if all your strength had simply been zapped from your body, if you were basically just an apparition of a woman standing at the back of a car, trying to grip the handle of her lovers suitcase, finding herself frustrated when her ghostly palm slipped right through.

You felt your movements become increasingly frantic as you tried again and again and--

A hand, large and warm, holding your wrist. Steadying you.

Your eyes trailed up his arm, over his broad chest, stalling at his jawline as if you were too skittish to meet his gaze. Maybe you were. 

You felt your chin quiver, eyes falling to the ground as you collapsed into Charlie's chest. 

He held you, his own soft cries amplified in your ear as he stroked the back of your head. 

You wanted to say something, desperate to put words to this feeling but there was nothing. Your mind devoid of thought as you and Charlie stood in the rain, in front of the airport, crying into each other. 

Eventually, you heard Sam say something indistinguishable, Charlie's body shifting just slightly before planting a kiss to your crown and holding there for just a little too long.

Your mouth fell open, gasping as the words tumbled from your chest. 

"I love you."  
 _Please don't leave me._

In your haze of heartbreak, you found your memory failing you. 

You remembered him leading you back to the car, remember him mumbling something softly into your belly before pulling you into one final ruinously sincere kiss. 

But his words.

Those you could remember clear as day. 

_"What's three months in the grand scheme of a lifetime?"_

_

Everywhere you looked was haunted by Charlie's ghost. 

Memories ripped through you--how he had carried you, naked and wet, to your bedroom the very first night he had come here. 

How he had bent you over the back of the couch, filling you, kissing you.

How he stood behind you at the window, smiling down at the positive pregnancy test in his hand.

The entire apartment had been tainted by his memory and your bedroom was ground zero. 

"Hey," Sam called from the doorway of her room. 

You looked up, feeling numb and exhausted, every single tear you had in your body having already been spent. 

"Want to come lay down in my room?" 

You considered for a second, a flush of relief washing through you when you realized there actually _was_ one place left for you. You nodded, your feet carrying you through the dark apartment towards the salvation of your best friend's bedroom--the one place seemingly in the entire world that was untouched by Charlie. 

You collapsed into her bed, curling up in her covers as you watched the rain falling outside her window. 

You felt the bed shift behind you, heard her shoes thud to the floor before her warmth was at your back. 

It was quiet for a long time, the only sounds coming from the world outside, drowning out your soft, surprisingly tempered breathing. 

"Sam?"

"Hm?"

"...am I making a mistake?"


	38. Please Come With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Mortal Kombat voice*  
> Round 2!

Charlie let his hands fall to her ass as he hoisted her into the air, her towel catching on the small space between their bodies.

His lips stayed glued to hers as he moved through the apartment and into her bedroom, though he happily would’ve bent her over and fucked her anywhere--the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, he didn't care. He was  _ addicted. _

"Charlie," she whimpered aimlessly into his mouth, making his cock twitch against the harsh fabric of his towel.  _ "I love you." _

He nearly lost it--wanting nothing more than to throw her to the bed and sink himself into her warm, wet cunt right then and there but he held back, desperate to make the most of every last second they had together.

All day he'd been trying to fuck her, and all day  _ something _ got in the way, but not this time. No, this time he was determined to have his way with her, make her scream and writhe beneath him one final time.

Charlie ignored the pain in his chest, remnants from their heart to heart in the shower, as he eased her down to the bed, her towel falling lamely at her feet.

"I love you too," he whispered, ripping off his towel, a sigh of relief falling from his lips when his cock was  _ finally _ able to spring free. He watched her eyes fall to it, watched her lips part just slightly as her chest shuddered.

_ Fuck _ , how he wanted her pretty little mouth around him again, how he wanted to push himself deep into her throat, feel her choke and sputter on him all night. The thought alone was almost enough to make him cum.

But there was something he wanted even more. 

He dropped to his knees, his hands easing her thighs apart as her neck craned to keep eye contact with him.

_ "How many times do you think I can make this sweet little cunt cum, hm?" _

At that her head fell back and, even through the pale moonlight, he saw her pulse mere inches from his lips, his mouth watering as he held himself back.

He wanted her to drip for him, wanted to keep here suspended in the promise of pleasure for as long as he possibly could. He let his fingers gently pry her lips apart as he examined her, looking over her glossy cunt, her stiff, flushed clit. He let his thumb brush against it, eliciting a full body reaction, a delicate moan slipping from her throat.

_ "Please," _ she breathed, her fingers tangling themselves in his hair, pulling just slightly at his scalp.

Charlie let his thumb do another soft pass against her clit, a melodic whimper drifting to his ears. "Such a pretty pussy," he whispered, letting his lips brush against her core, her heat--her  _ smell _ , intoxicating, chipping away at his self control.

With one firm stroke he licked a stripe up her cunt, savoring the tang of her on his tongue as he pushed flat against her core. Her taste had changed  _ just slightly  _ since she had gotten pregnant, it was actually one of the many things that had tipped him off in the first place. She was... _ sweeter _ , like an exotic fruit.

A fruit he could eat all fucking day long.

Charlie momentaily lost control, desperate to please her as he began lapping her juices. His fingers working tight circles around her clit as her chest rose and fell sharply, pleasure starting to overwhelm her.

_ "Shit," _ she whimpered mindlessly as his mouth moved to her clit, two of his fingers coaxing her entrance, her greedy cunt already desperately trying to draw him in.

"Such an eager little thing," he breathed into her, his other hand resting on the mound of her pussy as his thumb and forefinger lightly squeezed the tender flesh around her clit before his tongue dove back in.

He felt her clamp down on his fingers, felt her thighs begin to quake around his head.

_ "Please Charlie, please fuck me," _ she whimpered, her hands still pawing at his head.

"Not until you cum for me." Charlie's cock was rock solid by now, aching to be seated inside in her tight, wet heat but he was a man on a mission. "Are you going to be a good girl and cum for me?” 

She nodded, her mouth falling open as he dove his lips back to her clit, humming while brutalizing her nub, lewd wet smacks ringing in his ears as his fingers kept a steady pace in her pussy.

She was close-- _ so fucking close. _

"That's it baby,  _ cum for me,"  _ he said between wanton gasps at her clit, fingers scissoring her open, stretching her, driving her mad.

_ "Shit--fuckfuck," _ she whimpered, her cunt spasming wildly around his digits as he kept pace. He felt something warm trickle down his chin, the taste of her pussy stronger on his tongue as her body quivered beneath him.

He knew  _ exactly _ what it was. And he wanted more.

Where normally he would have backed off, allowed her a reprieve, he kept going. His fingers stayed pumping into her cunt at a brutal pace, curling and hitting the velvet spot at the top that always drove her wild. She pawed at his head again and Charlie finally relented, pulling his mouth from her clit and lifting his gaze to her.

She was breathless, beautiful, satisfaction spread thick on her face.  _ "Charlie-" _

"You're going to cum for me again," he said matter of factly, head dipping back down between her thighs as he kept his eyes locked on hers, cock bobbing desperately between his legs, angry and neglected.

_ "I can't-" _

_ "You can and you will," _ he said, pulling his fingers from her and finally gripping the base of his dick, a sigh of relief pushing from his chest as he started to fuck his fist.

_ "Char-" _

_ "Shh," _ he said, lining himself up at her entrance, smearing her already sopping cunt with precum. For a moment, Charlie's eyes fluttered shut as the promise of her warmth became almost overwhelming.

He let his head tease her as his fingers moved back to her clit, a shriek leaving her lungs, her whole body tensing at the tip of his cock.

This was going to be  _ fun _ .

He sank himself into her slowly, letting her draw him all the way in. Charlie's body shuddered as she squeezed him, his balls pulling up just slightly, already wanting more than anything to fill her with his load.

He took a deep breath, steadying himself as he drew out even slower, his fingers working a mile a minute at her nub. Every pulse of her cunt milked him closer to orgasm but Charlie held steady, letting the head of his cock just barely rest inside her before slamming back in.

She screamed a primal, animalist shriek, her hands wrapping themselves desperately around his forearms, as if he were a liferaft in the middle of a violent sea.

He did it again and again, nearly driving himself over the brink as his fingers worked hard and fast over her surely overstimulated clit, tears rolling down her cheeks as she looked at him, completely lost in the sensations of him fucking her.

Charlie leaned over her, free hand grasping her neck and yanking her close as he kept everything below the belt steady. He could feel it, feel her building, inching towards an explosive orgasm.

"You're going to cum on my fucking cock, do you understand me?" She nodded, mouth hanging slack. Charlie seized the opportunity, lips crashing into hers, tongue rolling through her before he pulled away, hawking a wad of spit into her mouth.

Without missing a beat, she swallowed, sticking her tongue out to prove what a good girl she could be--and his cock twitched, demanding he empty himself in her.

He pulled away focus instead shifting to her cunt as he switched hands, the other wrapping around her thigh and yanking her closer.

_ "Oh god Charlie! Charlie I'm gunna-" _ her head fell back, frenzied wanton gasps heaving in her chest as she came, her cunt like a vice around him as he felt it, felt her orgasm drench him.

Pride bloomed in Charlie's chest as he leaned over her again, drawing her up into a kiss.

He could tell she was embarrassed, just like the other times, but he never understood why. Knowing he could make her cum like this made him feel like a fucking king. Hell, he'd do it all day every day if she let him.

Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her up and off the bed, her body flacid and spent from her orgasm, making her all but putty in his arms with his cock still seated perfectly inside of her.

He eased himself to sit and she seemingly regained her strength, grinding against him, her hips sputtering every time her clit made contact with his pelvis.

She started to take over, her hips rising and falling with a delectable smacking sound as his hands held her face to his.

"You're the most amazing man I have ever met, Charlie Barber," she said breathlessly, lips pushing in to meet his in a brief but impassioned kiss.

Charlie felt tears sting in the corner of his eyes as he looked at her.

He couldn't get over her beauty, how her eyes sparkled in the moonlight, how her perfect lips twisted into a soft satisfied smile as he filled her cunt.

She truly was absolutely... _ devastatingly _ perfect.

"I can't believe it took me this long to have met you," Charlie let her name drip off his lips like honey, sweet and slow. He felt the heat radiate off her cheeks as she leaned in closer, wrapping her arms around his neck while she bounced on his cock.

He was close, so fucking close.  _ He just-- _

He pulled his head back, grabbing her face in his hands again.

"Promise me that you'll move to LA," his words falling out one on top of the other.

He could tell she was taken aback at first but she didn't let up, the lewd sounds of her wet cunt slamming down on him echoing through the otherwise quiet bedroom.

_ "I promise...I can't wait to start our lives together in LA, Charlie," _ she said, pressing her forehead to his, thumbs caressing his cheeks.

_ "Fuck-fuck," _ Charlie spit as he wrapped his arms around her waist, throwing his body to lay down as he began to fuck up into her, a shriek leaving her lips as she held on for dear life.

He felt himself twitch deep inside of her, pleasure curling his toes, stealing his breath as he  _ finally _ emptied himself in her cunt. 

He wasn't sure when but eventually his pace slowed and she collapsed on top of him, his arms wrapping tight around her as he sat in the moment, enjoying the pressure of her body on top of his, the smell of her hair as it wafted to his nose.

He felt her finger at his lip, lightly pulling at it as her finger traced the kiss swollen flesh.

"We should probably take another shower," she said with a soft, breathy laugh, the sound blooming unmistakable warmth in his chest. 

_ Perfect. _

_

Charlie had spent most of the night lying awake, periodically drifting off but waking up at the slightest bump in the night, which was a fairly regular occurrence here in New York.

He'd never admit it to Nicole but he did find himself liking the quiet of LA, though not the "space" like everyone had tried to hound into him in the beginning.

_ Fuck the space. _ ...but the quiet...the quiet was nice.

The quiet would be good for the baby.

Charlie rolled over, ignoring the pull in his heart as he grabbed his watch and checked the time.

_ 6:15 _

Damn, he really had been awake all night.

He slipped it on his wrist, fastening it as he rolled back over to face her, his fingers lightly brushing a stray tress of hair behind her ear.

He still found himself taken with her, even in the gloomy lighting, even with the smallest hint of drool crusting over in the corner of her mouth.

She was  _ perfect... _ and she was  _ his _ .

He laid there for a while just watching her, his hand periodically falling to her belly as he fought off the tears. It wasn't lost on him that her choice to stay here meant that he would miss getting to see her belly grow, miss getting to see how her body changed as it accommodated his child.

Charlie felt his chin quiver, his heart nearly sputtering to a stop as the idea of experiences lost choked him.

He wanted to be mad at her, wanted to think of her as selfish for choosing to stay in New York instead of moving with him but he knew--knew it hadn't been fair of him to ask her to come in the first place.

After the divorce, that was something Charlie always tried to be aware of, if he was being  _ fair _ .

_ ‘You're so merged with your own selfishness, you don't even  _ identify _ it as selfishness anymore.’ _

It had stung when Nicole said it but it hurt even more when he realized that she was right...and the thought that he could be doing the same thing to  _ her _ nearly broke him.

He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone, more than even Nicole.

With Nicole, Charlie had found himself almost forcing it, especially once the initial spark wore thin. He knew Nicole was in love with him and Charlie was in love with her too--at least...that's what he thought. So he convinced himself that what he felt was  _ true _ love, that maybe he was just never meant to feel that unyielding, head spinning kind of love he had heard about in movies. 

And then he saw her, the beautiful, wide eyed actress with the dopey stage manager on her arm and it was game over.

That's why he had seeked her out in the beginning, to satiate what he had assumed was just the need to get laid--lord knows he hadn't been exactly doing great in that department, unless he wanted to stoop to sleeping with Mary Ann again.

The idea made him shudder.

No, he wanted her, needed  _ her _ ; thinking, naively so, that a quick fuck would get it out of his system but of course that didn't work.

Instead he found himself desperate to be around her, to have her close at all times...and now here they were.

She was right, that night after he told her he loved her for the first time. He  _ was _ obsessed. He knew it, she knew it but...isn't that what he had wanted? The insatiable desire to be near someone? To lean into the craving of watching her grow and change as a person, come into her own with him by her side?

And then came the pregnancy and for a fleeting moment...Charlie felt like everything was falling into place. It wasn't planned,  _ god no _ , but it wasn't entirely unwanted either.

A permanent connection to her, a guarantee that he would have something of her...forever.

A child. 

_ Their child.  _

_...Henry is going to be so excited to be a big brother.  _

A sudden stir of her body next to him pulled Charlie from his thoughts as his eyes danced across her face. Her eyes were still closed, features completely relaxed, seemingly still asleep.

He leaned in, planting a soft kiss to her forehead, letting his lips linger as he sucked in a deep breath through his nose, relishing the scent of her freshly washed hair.

He pulled away, his chest feeling heavy as he watched her eyes flutter open, a kind smile stretching across her face.

"Good morning," she said in a soft, raspy voice, her eyes blinking away the lingering sleep.

"Good morning," Charlie returned, slipping an arm under her and pulling her close, the feeling of her skin on his enough to send a sigh of relief spilling from deep in his soul.

"What time is it? It's still dark," she said quietly, hand trailing to his chest.

Charlie quickly peeked at his watch before settling back into their embrace. "6:35"

"Ok-oh... _ oh. _ " He felt the realization settle on her, his own heart tugging at the idea of having to get up and out of her bed for the final time.

"I can push it to 7:30," he said softly, letting his hand cradle her nape.

She laid on his chest for a moment, the nondescript shudders of her chest stoking a wave of anxiety in him. She was hurting...and she was trying to hide it from him. 

He tried to think of some way to comfort her, to ease her sorrow but before he could she pushed herself up and off the bed, Charlie's face twisting with confusion as he watched her back away from him.

She patted her belly as she inched towards the door, "we have to pee," and suddenly, she was gone.

For a moment he considered going after her but she clearly wanted space. As much as he wanted to run and scoop her up and hold her until her sorrows went away, he knew that that would be in his interest, not hers. If she wanted to work through this with him, she would have stayed.

Charlie swallowed his unearned hurt as he let his eyes close, focusing on his breathing. 

It was somewhat rapid at first, the tinge of uneasiness deep in his gut ever present but the longer she was gone, the slower his breath became until finally...

He fell asleep. 

...

She slipped through the door, the creek of her weight on the cheap wooden floor immediately alerting him to her presence.

Her face was red, eyes puffy...she had been crying. Guilt wracked Charlie's body as he nearly flung himself out of bed, arms outstretched, desperate to hold her, to try and sooth her pain.

She took his hand, letting him pull her to rest on top of him, his arms wrapping around her in yet another embrace, holding her as close as he could.

Her breathing was staccato, her face hot on his chest as he held her, ignoring the twitch of his cock as she accidently ground against him. 

"I love you, Charlie," she managed between broken, exhausted breaths.

"I love you too," her name twisted with melancholy. "I love you too..."

_

_ She's going to get out of the car, she's going to--damnit. _

Charlie reached for her but it was too late, she had already stumbled out into the rain and slammed the door behind her. He looked up at Sam, exchanging a knowing glance as he shoved the door open, chasing after her.

He rounded the back, finding her yanking weakly at his suitcase, her face twisted with crippling heartache.

_ She's going to hurt herself. _

Charlie quickly moved to her, her movements instantly stalling as she looked at his hand on her wrist, her eyes slowly moving up his body and stopping short at his face. Even through the pouring rain, he could make out each and every one of her tears as they raced down her cheek.

Unable to bite back his own pain any longer, he yanked her to his chest, holding her as tight as he could; as if if he squeezed her enough, they would become one and never have to be apart again.

He felt her body go limp against his as she sobbed into his coat, her hands hopelessly gripping the lapel of his jacket.

He wanted to say something,  _ anything _ to comfort her, to ease her pain but he knew nothing would work. Sure, the time apart was short in the grand scheme of things but even a day felt like a lifetime and for him to imply otherwise would make him a hypocrite.

So he held her, letting weighty tears roll freely down his face as he replayed their conversation from last night.

_ 'Charlie, I can’t do this alone.' _

_ 'You'll never be alone. I promise you." _

But she would be alone. During one of the hardest parts of her life no less.

And it was his fault.

Eventually, Sam stuck her head out of the car, clearing her throat to garner Charlie's attention. "I know this is a bad time but...you've gotta go," she said, voice laced with contrition. 

Charlie nodded, placing a long firm kiss to the top of her head, wanting to run out the clock as much as he could.

"I love you," her words muffled by his chest and the drone of rain alike.

He took a deep breath, steadying himself as his hand rubbed at his lips. 

"I love you too."   
_ Please come with me. _

Without another word, he eased her over to the front passenger door, opening it and encouraging her in. She sat without much resistance, her body and mind seemingly on autopilot, most likely spent from the morning's events.

He studied her for a moment, burning her face into his psyche. Even cloaked in sadness, she was stunning. A wave of panic crashed in his gut as he squatted down, letting his head fall to her belly, to his child hidden away deep in her womb. 

He tried to remember how it had looked when they went for her first ultrasound, a little white spark of promise. 

"Daddy will see you soon," he whispered, his words catching in his throat. 

Charlie felt his chin quiver, his face burning hot as he looked at her one final time.

"Hey," he said, stealing her attention, pulling her into the most genuine kiss he had ever experienced in his life. 

_ "What's three months in the grand scheme of a lifetime?" _


	39. A Trip Home

You stood in front of your mirror, looking over the small, almost imperceptible swell of your belly peeking from behind your unbuttoned jeans. Your hand ghosted down the length of your soft flesh as your mind tried to picture what you would look like in a few months, how different your body would be the next time Charlie saw you. You staved off a wave of panic as you tried to recall his smile, imagined it pulling across his devastatingly handsome face as he knelt in front of you, kissing your swollen belly... 

Your eyes drifted closed and for a moment, the usual pestering ache in your chest came to life with a violent thud, tears stinging behind your lids. 

4 weeks, _an_ _entire_ _month,_ had come and gone and life without Charlie still hadn't gotten any easier.

You sighed, jaw tense as you forced your eyes open. You went through the motions, mindlessly clasping your bra and reaching for your shirt when the door to your bedroom flew open. 

" _ Today's the day! _ " Sam shouted, bounding through the threshold and throwing herself onto your bed. 

"Jesus-" you squealed, spinning away from her as your arms instinctively flew to cover your chest. "A  _ warning _ next time please?"

She rolled her eyes, tossing you your shirt, "it's nothing I haven't seen before."

"What if I was sexting Charlie?" you said with a huff, pulling on your shirt; sucking in as you buttoned your jeans.

"You weren't," she shrugged.

"I coulda been-"

"Is this all you're bringing?" she said, peering into your half filled overnight bag.

"Sam, we won't even be gone for 3 days," you quipped, snatching the bag from her side and zipping it closed. 

"You think your mom is going to let you  _ leave _ after finding out you're harboring her grandchild?"

" _ Harboring? _ Sam."

"I'm just saying," she cooed, throwing her hands up as she crossed her legs. "You know how your mom is."

You rolled your eyes, plopping down next to her. "Yeah, about that," the words caught in your throat, you having to force them free with a cough, "I was actually debating on-"

"You're  _ telling _ your mom," she said curtly, looking at you as if you had just suggested you could fly.

"Yeah--no--of course  _ I will _ ...I just like... _ maybeasweleave. _ " You found yourself searching her face, nervously trying to gauge her reaction. Your face twisted into an awkward smile as you found yourself faced with a total deadpan. "Dude, you  _ know _ my mom," you whined.

"I do," Sam said, shifting her body towards you, "and she's going to make sly little jabs at you," she said, eyes flickering to your belly, "all weekend unless you tell her."

Sam was right, you knew she was right and, more annoyingly,  _ she _ knew she was right. You let out a deep, irritated sigh when your phone lit up, Charlie's name displaying across the screen. You practically threw your body over her, snatching your phone from your pillow. 

"Go," you directed, nudging her off the bed with your foot.

"Wha- _ no _ !" she protested, sliding off the bed and stumbling towards your door at your behest.

"Go!" you said, choking back an annoyed laugh as you practically shoved her out of your room.

"Hi Charlie!" Sam yelled as you shut her out, your back pressing against the door as you lifted the phone to your face.

"Hi," you said, your voice airy and warm, lips twisting into a smile--tainted with longing.

"Hi," Charlie's voice was a breath of fresh air, even through the slightly altered sound of your speaker.

"I miss you," you said, sitting on the edge of your bed.

"I miss you too," a soft chuckle, pulling at the tendons of your heart, "are you ready for your trip? Shouldn't you guys have left already?"

Your tongue clicked as you laid down, " _ yeah _ but Sam just woke up not that long ago and bun and I were kinda just hanging around, so-"

" _ Bun _ ?"

"Yeah, bun. That's uh, what we've been calling it...cause it looks like I'm smuggling a bun in my womb," you felt your face twitch with embarrassment, realizing how silly you probably sounded saying it out loud.

You searched Charlie's face, him periodically glancing away, flipping off a light switch or closing a door before looking back at you. 

"Let me see."

_ Shoulda seen that coming. _

"I don't actually  _ look _ pregnant or anything just-"

"Please?" Charlie's voice dripped with a desperate sincerity, his eyes boring into yours through the screen. 

_ Fuck. _

You sighed, rolling off your side and onto your back. "I'm telling you, I just look bloated," you warned as you panned the camera down to your hips, letting it linger there as you strained to see his reaction. "See, you can't actually see anything."

"I can see it," he said with a melancholy smile, your heart nearly shattering. You weren't exactly sure why but tears started to cloud the edges of your vision, your hand flying up to immediately wipe them away.

"Oh babe...don't cry," Charlie said in earnest, his brows raising as he watched helplessly from 3,000 miles away.

"I'm not," you sniffled.

"Yes you are," he said through a breathy laugh.

Your eyes lingered on each other as you laid there, wishing nothing more than to reach out and just... _ touch _ him. 

"So," you said, clearing your throat, "we're 13 weeks which puts us  _ officially _ in the second trimester."

"Yes it does," he said, half paying attention. You found yourself squinting at the changing scenery behind him, realizing he was climbing into his car. "Are you still telling your parents today?" the sound of the engine coming to life nearly drowning out his voice. 

You sucked in a breath of air through your teeth, " _ yeah _ about that."

"Oh shit--babe, I gotta go. I'll call you on my break, ok?"

"Uh--yeah, of course," you nodded, sitting up in bed. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Charlie gave you a warm smile before the call went dead, your heart crumbling to ash in your chest. Phone calls would never be enough but the ones before he went to work were always the hardest--always the  _ shortest _ .

Still, his calls were the only thing managing to keep you sane, becoming the highlight of both your morning and night routine.

But...you'd be lying if you said they didn't leave you feeling empty every single time. So close yet so far, your lips yearning for his; your body winter, encased in a thick frost of loneliness that only Charlie--your spring--could melt away.

_ It fucking sucked. _

...

_ "If you wanna be my lover!" _

_ "You've gotta get with my friends!" _

_ "Make it last forever- _

_ "friendship never ennnnds" _

Sam giggled as she turned the volume down and you watched her eyes dart between you and the road, something unspoken hanging on her lips. After a minute she finally met your stare, "have you thought anymore about what you're going to-"

"Bro, we're  _ literally _ like 5 minutes away," you griped, hand reaching to turn the volume back up. Sam slapped you away, a surprised yelp squeaking from your throat.

" _ Bro _ ," her tone mocking yours, "you have to tell her."

"Jesus,  _ I will _ ," you whined, turning away from her like a grumpy teenager. For a moment, you watched as the backdrop of your childhood flew past your window. "Just like...when we're leaving. Ya know, throw my head out the window, yell out a casual-"

"You can't do that."

You grumbled, rolling your eyes as the car slowed to a stop in front of your house. Your heart was turned to stone in your chest, slowly but surely sinking into the pit of your gut. 

"I'm nervous," you relented, speaking truth into what she had already known.

Your eyes drifted to hers, the corner of her mouth pulled up in a gentle understanding. 

Your gaze fell, head dropping towards your lap as you took a deep, slow breath. 

A soft tap to your shoulder pulled your attention back to Sam only to find her pointing towards your front door. 

Your mom, standing in the doorway with a giant smile on her face, her usual knit maroon shawl wrapped tightly around her shoulders. 

A chuckle shook your chest as you pushed the door open. "Hi mom," you called out as you rounded the back of Sam's car, fighting off the memory of the last time you had been back here to fetch a suitcase...

_ Rain, soft sobs echoing in your ear as Charlie held you close... _

You shook your head, forcing out a huff of air as you popped the trunk and reached for your bag. 

"Let me look at you!" your mom chirped, suddenly way too close behind you. Her icy hands pressed all over your face, your head trying to dodge her touch.

"My baby-"

" _ Mom _ ," you whined, slamming the trunk closed and sneaking around her to say goodbye to Sam. 

You yanked the door open, sticking your head inside. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded, waving at your mom.

"Hi Samantha!" your mom's voice ringing in your ear.

"Hi mom!" she called back, glancing at you. "I love you."

"I love you too," you said, wiggling out from under your mom as you tried to make your way to the house. 

You heard the rumble of the engine in the back of your mind as she pulled away, your feet carrying you to the front door as you checked the time on your phone. 

_ 4:36pm _

_ Wait...Charlie never called you on his break. _

You slugged off your coat and kicked off your shoes, strategically pulling your shirt away from your belly as you headed into the living room.

"Your dad had to run to the shop," your mom said, moving your shoes next to hers, "he waited for as long as he could but you were-"

"Late, yes mom, I know."

_ 'Hey, I just wanted to let you know we made it safe. Two minutes in and I'm already about to hop a plane to LA.' _

"We hit traffic," you said, stretching out on the couch, dangling your legs over the arm.

"Well you should have planned better," your mom chided, moving to you and pulling your legs down. "Do you want something? I can make us some tea?"

"Yeah, that sounds great"

...

"Hey!"

"Hey," you whispered, locking the bathroom door behind you.

"I'm sorry I didn't call earlier, something came up at Henry's school-"

"Oh, I wasn't worried."

_ Yes I was. _

"How's it going with your parents? Did you tell them?"

You sighed, leaning against the sink. "Not yet."

"You sound nervous."

You rolled your eyes, lips pursing in annoyance at Charlie's uncanny ability to read you. "I do not."

" _ Yes _ you do. What are you worried about?"

You sighed, shuffling your feet, "I don't know-"

"You  _ are _ a grown woman, you know. What are they going to do? Ground you?"

"Yeah, who's," you glanced back at the door as if your mom were about to bust through any second (which to be fair wasn't totally unfounded). You made the conscious choice to lower your voice, turning your back towards the door, "who's  _ pregnant _ with her boss's-"

"- _ ex _ boss"

A shocked laugh caught in your throat, "that doesn't  _ help _ , Charlie." 

You heard him chuckle and for a moment you couldn't help but picture his face; the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed, those perfect dimples that punctuated his smiling lips--the lips you so desperately longed to kiss again. A whimper pulled from your throat, breaking through the heartache that threatened to strangle you.

"She's going to want us to get married, you know."

You could have sworn you heard him choke, trying desperately to cover it with a half hearted cough.

" _ Relax _ , Charlie. I'm just saying...she's going to bring it up. I can almost guarantee-"

" _ Sweetheart? _ Are you ok?"

"Mom!" you yelled back, pressing your phone to your chest. " _ I'm fine! _ I'll be out in a minute!" You huffed, bringing the phone back to your ear. "This is why I moved out." 

"I've gotta get back anyway. I just...needed to hear your voice."

You bit your lip, butterflies swarming your chest. "I love you."

"I love you too.  _ Tell your mom. _ "

"Goodbye!" you said, rolling your eyes for what felt like the millionth time today. 

"I'll talk to you tonight."

And just like that, he was gone. 

You stood there, staring at the photo of you and Charlie that was set to your background, your hand falling to your belly...

_ Knock-knock-knock _

"Sweetheart, your tea is cold."

_ "Mom!" _

...

"What time is dad gonna be home?" you asked, pulling your sleeve over your hand before grabbing your mug out of the microwave.

"I'm not sure, late."

"He's been doing that a lot lately?" your voice cautious as you eased your body around to face your mom. 

"Young lady."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just...I miss you guys. I was looking forward to seeing... _ both _ of you."

She groaned, pulling out the chair out next to her for you to sit. You walked slowly as you watched the amber liquid teased the lip of your mug.

"We miss you too, sweetie," she said, sipping from her cup. "Oh," she chirped, patting her hand against your belly, "I hope the sweater I got you still fits."

You squirmed in your seat, pulling your shirt away from your belly for the second time today. Suddenly you were keenly aware of the firm lump sitting oddly in your pelvis.

"Oh hunnie, I didn't mean-"

"No, I know. You're fine," you said, eyes meeting hers as you sipped your tea. "I actually, I want to talk to you about something," you mumbled, half hoping she hadn't heard you.

_ Ping _

You looked down at your phone, the screen illuminating with a text from Charlie.

_ 'Good luck. I love you!' _

You bit back a smile, your hand moving to click off the screen as you looked back at your mom.

"Mom, I have something to tell you."

You watched something akin to panic flash across her face as she set her cup down in front of her. She took in a deep breath, shoulders rising and falling dramatically before she spoke.

"You're gay."

" _ What? _ No! I mean... _ I don't think I am _ ," you mumbled, sipping your tea, realizing halfway through that you  _ really _ didn't want it.

_ Oh jesus, not now. Please. _

"No, I'm not gay mom," you said while choking back your sip.

"Well, I just figured...you and Sam...alone in the city."

"Mom, don't you think if Sam and I were together, we would tell you and dad and Cathy and Pete  _ together _ ? Something with some... _ production quality?" _

"That's fair," she said with a sigh, considering something for a moment. "You're not on drugs are you? I know a lot of actors go through a drug thing."

"My god, no. I'm not on drugs."

_ But I'm starting to wish I were.  _

Your mom let out a high pitched breath of relief, hand flying to her chest, "well, if you're not gay or on drugs...and I know you're not pregnant since you left that  _ sweet _ boy Joshua."

You nearly gagged.

"Would you-"

"I'm just saying, I liked him!"

"You'll like Charlie more," you grumbled, swirling the tea in your cup.

"What was that? You know I hate it when you mumble."

"I said...you'll like Charlie more."

"Charlie?"

"Yes mom...Charlie."

Your mom sat back in her chair, pondering the name as if she were trying to conjure an image of him. "Charlie... _ who _ ?"

_ Shit _ . 

You took a sobering breath, picking at a peeling fleck of cuticle on your thumb.

"...Barber."

"Charlie Barber--your  _ director _ Charlie Barber?" Your name falling with the cutting disappointment only your mom could manage, "you didn't."

"Ex-director," you said defensively, as if that made it any better. "And it's really not  _ that _ big of a deal."

_ "He's old enough to be your father!" _

"How old do you think he is?" you fired back, trying and failing to hold back a laugh.

"Too old for you!"

"Mom, he's 37!"

At that your mom's face twisted with surprise. "Are...you sure?"

Memories of Charlie's birthday flashed through your mind, the cupcake, showing up in a fucking  _ trench coat _ of all things...how he made you...

_ Fuck, you missed him. _

"Positive," you said into your cup, the earthy scent of tea turning your stomach.

"Well... _ still, _ " she spit, crossing her arms as she glared at you. "You know...this isn't what I meant when I told you to aim high,"

You threw your head into your hands, palms rubbing aggressive circles into your eyeballs. "Oh my goodness."

"I'm just saying, first the stage manager, now a director. What's next? A producer?"

_ Yeah, this was going just about as well as you expected. _

"No, mom."

"So what, are you telling me he's your boyfriend?"

You perched your chin on your knuckles, face straight ahead as you considered your next words very carefully. 

"I mean...kind of? It's complicated."

"Hm," she huffed, pushing your mug back towards you as she drank from her own. You lifted it to your lips, holding your breath as you pretended to sip it. "Well where is he?"

"What?"

"I'm assuming he'll be here soon?"

Time froze as your mind drifted to some alternate universe. One where you made the three hour drive with Charlie...playfully arguing about what to listen to, pestering him every 20 minutes to find a place for you to pee. You couldn't help but think about how he would have insisted on bringing a gift, would have greeted your mom with a hug, gave your father a firm handshake, charming them off their feet...the heartache of what could have been nearly choking you.

"No," you said curtly, trying to hide the tremble in your voice. "No...he um...he moved. He lives in LA now."

Finally you let your eyes find your moms. She was thoroughly confused, not that you could blame her. 

You were pretty confused by all this too. 

"Okay then..."

You felt a knot fester in your throat, an impenetrable barrier that held your words back. You looked at your mom, letting your eyes linger. For the first time in what felt like your entire life...you could have sworn that you really  _ saw _ her. 

It hit you that before you were born, before she became 'mom'...she was... _ you _ . And one day, maybe it would be  _ your _ turn to knock on the bathroom door, whinging about cold tea.

If you were being honest with yourself...you weren't really sure how you felt about that. 

Anxiety sank it's claws into your chest, squeezing your heart with ruthless candor. You felt your eyes grow dewy, chin quivering as your stare stayed locked on your mother's.

"Oh sweetheart," she said, immediately pulling you into her chest and holding you there. Her hand cradled the back of your head, her chest rising and falling dramatically at regular intervals, her way of trying to help you regulate your breathing. "Hunny, you know there is  _ nothing _ in the world you can't tell me."

"Mom," you whimpered between quiet sobs, your tears a steady stream of warmth down your cheeks,  _ "I'm pregnant." _

...

You heard the door click open, your childhood bed creaking under your shifting weight as you rolled over. 

"Dad won't be back for about another hour...how are you doing?"

You sighed, pushing yourself to sit, curling your legs in to make room for your mom.

"I'm ok...how about you?"

"I'm...ok. Not what I was expecting."

"Yeah...trust me. Me too." 

You sat there, your mom resting her hand on your knee as you allowed yourself to simply exist in the quiet comfort of your bedroom. "I'm um...I'm 13 weeks," you said, taking out your phone and pulling up the picture of the ultrasound. You paused for a moment, warmth flickering in your chest as you remembered the rhythmic thud of it's heartbeat. Recalled Charlie's face as he held your hand, staring at that screen...at your future.

"Oh," she sighed, taking your phone and squinting at the little white blob.

"I know it's not much...but my app says it looks more like an actual human now so that's cool."

She sat silent for a few minutes, looking between you and your phone.

"When do you leave?" her voice was quiet, genuine.

"Here?" you asked, taking back your phone.

"No...to California."

_ "Oh... _ um," you found yourself unsure of what to say. "Another couple of months. I'm already signed on to do another play in New York. It's a short run just like the last one but..." 

You paused, trying to put your thoughts in order. "I just...New York was my _dream_. _Is_ my dream." Your cheek fell to your palm, your other hand picking at a pill of fabric on your comforter. "I guess I--I'm scared of giving that up. I mean, I've worked _so hard_ to get to where I am and I'm afraid that in 5, _10 years_ , I'm going to wake up and look at Charlie and our kid and... _resent_ them." Your voice cracked, the pain that you'd been bottling up slowly oozing from beneath it's fallible lid. 

Your name fell as a breath from your moms lips as she moved closer. "Sweetheart... _ it's ok f _ or your dreams to change. You're not the same person you were 10 years ago and in 10 years, you won't be the same person you are today." Her hand found your chin, lifting you to look at her. "If you keep looking at each new chapter of your life as losing the old one, you'll never be happy.  _ No matter what _ you go on to do." Your mom dropped her hand from your chin, choosing instead to take your hands in hers.

"Am I thrilled with the idea of my... _ pregnant _ daughter moving across the country? No. But I wasn't thrilled with the idea of my  _ teenage _ daughter moving out of state on her own either. But look where taking that chance got you!" Her voice was beaming with pride, her hands squeezing yours, "my daughter,  _ the actress. _ I know big changes are scary, none more so than becoming a parent...but what have I always said about being scared of something new?"

You wiped away a tear with the back of your hand as your gaze met hers. "If you're scared of something, that means it's important to you..."

"And you should just go for it."   
"And you should just go for it.  _ Exactly _ ."

You sat in her words for a moment, letting them permeate the protective barrier of your heart.

Moving across the country, entering this new chapter of your life...was  _ terrifying _ to you...but with Charlie...it seems...possible.

"Do you love him?"

"More than anything," the words falling from your lips without missing a beat.

"Then I think you have your answer," she said softly, her hand gently wiping away a rogue tear from your cheek.

You nodded, leaning into her.

"I love you, mom."

She sighed, wrapping her arms around you, "I love you too, baby girl."


	40. Missed Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're pregnant and sad. That's it...that's the chapter lol
> 
> Also, my beautiful friend Bella made a playlist on Spotify for AYLI and it's amazing! And yes, I did cry when she sent it to me lol
> 
> Check it out!
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iqnf1XEEoBcoznqDCFNHe?si=5dbb3facab3a4745

You stepped through the front door with a huff, your mind and body feeling equally exhausted as you kicked off your shoes and practically slammed the door behind you.

"Well, hello to you too," Sam called out from the couch, not bothering to turn her attention away from whatever trashy tv show she was watching. For some reason, her lack of physical acknowledgment poked at the sweltering heat already forged in your belly, your pulse thumping in your throat. Recognizing the irrationality of it all, you tried to shake the feeling as you made your way towards the kitchen, mind zeroing in on satisfying the _one_ thing you had been craving all goddamn day-- _orange juice_.

You were on a mission, body steamrolling into the kitchen when your pinky toe somehow managed to catch on the corner of the island.

" _Fuck_ ," you screamed, bolts of pain shooting like lightning into your ankle and up your leg. With your jaw locked--breath held in your lungs, you collapsed into the counter, fighting back the tears that were welling at the edges of your vision.

"Are you ok?" Sam's voice rang out from behind you, your mind too focused on the throbbing pain in your foot to actually form a verbal response. Instead, you shoved your fist into the air, giving her an aggressive thumbs up before forcing yourself forward, hobbling along the path to get a cup. Your movements felt slow, more tired than usual as you pulled a glass down, your mind filling with a thick haze that was slowly but surely clouding your thoughts.

Today sucked.

_Like, really really sucked._

Not really because of any _one thing_ in particular. Rehearsal for your new show was going _fine_ , everyone was nice enough...but it wasn't Exit Ghost and there was a _painful_ lack of Charlie Barber.

 _Charlie_ ... _yeah, that felt closer._

I guess...if you _had_ to point to something that put the damper on your day, it was him--or the lack thereof.

It had started seemingly innocent enough, Charlie sporadically forgetting to call you on his break or texting you halfway through the day that he was sorry, that he’d been in too much of a rush that morning and that he would call you later. But half the time, that call never came...a consistent tapering of contact over the nearly two months that he'd been gone.

You had tried to tell yourself in the weeks since you came home from your parent's house that this was just a normal part of a long distance relationship. Life gets busy, people have responsibilities... _it's not that serious..._

But then he stopped answering your phone calls.

Now, you weren't _crazy_ , you didn't expect him to always drop whatever he was doing to answer you...but once it became a somewhat regular occurrence, a sickly knot formed in your stomach that refused to leave.

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't--_

_"I'm sure he's just busy,"_ Sam had said, her tone sweet and reassuring as you sat on her bed after yet another failed attempt to contact Charlie. You had finally gone a solid week without throwing up or even getting nauseous, a serious milestone that you were excited to share it with him. All you had wanted was to gush over how good you’d finally felt, however insignificant it may seem. You knew he’d get it, share in your excitement considering he'd been the one to hold your hair back while you spewed the contents of your stomach more times than you were willing to admit.

But he didn't answer.

And a horrible, persistent fear crept it's way into your body and took root in your chest.

_"Sam...what if...he's-"_

_"Oh babes, don't think like that,"_ she had said, scooting closer and resting her hand on your swelling belly. _"...It's Charlie."_

A tear rolled down your cheek as you snapped back to reality. You were holding open the fridge, just standing there...staring at nothing. You tried to shake the fog from your head, quickly wiping away the single rogue tear as you finally reached for the juice. You popped the lid, going to pour yourself some but your mind started to wander again.

It was silly to think he was cheating. After all, you two had never actually _officially_ agreed to anything so technically, in the _most detached way possible_ , he owed you nothing. And vise versa--though the rapidly growing resident in your womb had pretty severely limited your prospects.

_Your own piece of Charlie._

You had once used the phrase as a comfort, especially right after he left--laying in bed alone, cradling the soft swell of your belly. But with every day that passed with your emotional distance seemingly growing to match that of your physical distance, the more the phrase seemed to feel like a curse.

Your own piece of Charlie...only serving to reignite the painful thudding of loneliness in your heart.

Something cold and wet breached the lip of your cup and rolled over your hand, your eyes darting to the bright orange liquid spilling all over the counter.

"Shit... _shit shit shit_ ," you grumbled, your hands stalling in the air for a moment before quickly reaching for the paper towels. Your movements were frantic and sloppy, your focus so zeroed in on getting something to clean up your mess that you didn't realize how close your belly had been to the cup.

The glass fell with a clink and a slosh, juice spilling absolutely fucking everywhere. Soaking your shirt, your pants, your socks-- _everything_.

You were frozen, body tense and now cold, hands shaking as you squeezed your eyelids shut. You felt them, the tears that were creeping back up on you but you refused to let them free. On some level you were terrified that if you finally opened that gate...the tears from the weeks of pent up disappointment and uncertainty...well, quite simply, _they'd drown you._

"Smooth moves there, baby mama. I was--" Sam's voice stalled as she got closer, able to fully take in the scene before her.

You didn't look at her, keeping your eyes shut as your belly started to quiver with your chest, tears breaking past your defenses anyway and rolling in steady streams down your cheeks.

"Oh...honey," you felt her lower your arms to your side, awkwardly trying to hug you around your citrus soaked clothes. "Hey, you go clean yourself up and I'll take care of the mess out here. Ok?"

You nodded, letting her hold you for a minute, basking in her warmth before you pulled away.

You tried to stymy the flow of tears as you sulked to the bathroom but with each step that brought you closer to the promise of isolation, the harder you started to cry.

You had done so well, holding it in, swallowing the sting of Charlie's abandonment--the anger you felt towards yourself for letting him walk away.

But today something in you broke.

_You just...wanted a fucking phone call._

...

"This is our most desperate hour...Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."

"Mark Hamill or Carrie Fisher?" you asked, glancing down at Sam, her attention stuck on the TV as her head rested on your burgeoning belly. Your fingers mindlessly twirled a lock of her hair before dropping it to instead reach for the bowl of popcorn that was just out of reach on the coffee table.

"That's easy, Carrie Fisher," she said, grabbing the bowl and resting it on her chest. "Hayden Christensen or Natalie Portman?"

"Oooo, that's tough," you said, grabbing a handful, "can I have _both_?"

Your laughter drowned out the movie, your belly rocking under Sam's head when you felt it.

A faint little nudge from deep within, pushing in opposition against the weight of Sam's head.

Your eyes went wide, breath catching in your throat as you looked down at her.

" _Ohmygod!_ Was that--"

"I think so," you breathed.

Neither one of you moved, excited to see if baby would do it again.

Sure enough, another soft roll against her head--a gentle 'hello' from within.

"I have to call Charlie!" you gushed. You pushed Sam off of you as you hoisted yourself off the couch, snagging your phone from the table on your way to your bedroom.

"Wait! What about the movie!?" Sam called behind you, but you were already gone.

"Watch it without me!" you yelled back, practically slamming your bedroom door. 

You collapsed onto your bed as you dialed Charlie, scooching your body to rest against the headboard, fingers tapping anxiously against your belly.

It had all happened so quickly that your mind hadn't had time to catch up. But ring after ring passed with no sign of stopping and you found the weight of your fingers growing heavier against your belly. Excitement waned to heartache as the knowledge of what came next settled into your chest like a rock.

_He's not going to answer._

The final ring came and went but you hesitated, wondering if you should leave a message. 

"You've reached Charlie Barber, leave a message--"

You hung up, tossing your phone to the side with a pained huff as you chewed on your lip.

_He's just busy...he's going to call you back..._

_He loves you..._

_He loves you._

You kept repeating that to yourself as you looked down at your phone. Part of you was practicing screaming, begging for your screen to light up any second with Charlie's smiling face...but when minutes passed and nothing happened, you decided to take matters into your own hands, reaching for your phone and pulling up your messages.

_'I have something to tell you. Call me when you can.'_

You sat there, staring unblinking at the screen, waiting-- _hoping_ for a response.

The image of you and him laying in bed together drifted into your mind. You wondered how different things would have been if he were the one to feel the first kick. Laying in bed together, Charlie probably reading something, his head resting on your thigh, cheek pressed to your belly when the first little nudge came. You thought about how his eyes would have gone wide and dewy as he flipped over and pressed his ear to your belly, listening...waiting. The most genuine smile the world had to offer pulling across his lips when he felt another little blip, a hello from the life you two had created that was flourishing in your womb.

You were suffocating, heart feeling lethargic as if it were trying to pump sludge through your veins while every cell in your body burned for oxygen.

And the one person who could give you breath was 3,000 miles away...not answering your fucking phone calls.

You eased yourself to lay down, rolling away from your phone. You didn't want to look at it anymore. Curling your legs up as tight as you could, you swiped away another random tear before you wrapped your arms around your little piece of Charlie--a tangible reminder of his love for you.

_He'll call back..._

_He will._

_He loves you._

...

The sound of your phone ringing jolted you awake, your arm flailing behind you, reaching for the source of the sound. Finally you snagged your phone, your half awake eyes straining to focus on the screen.

_Charlie_

You rubbed your eyes, a yawn stalling your speech as you answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, you called?"

"I did," you grumbled, slowly pushing yourself to sit up. "You didn't answer."

"I know, I'm sorry, I was busy," he said matter-of-factly, "you said you had something to tell me, what's up?"

Venom coated your tongue, annoyance cutting through your chest.

"I forgot."

"No you didn't. You're mad...why?"

You rolled your eyes, considering hanging up the phone when you felt a soft nudge against your organs, as if your own kid was chiding you for your stubbornness.

"I'm not... _mad_...I'm-"

"Mad."

"Would you--you didn't answer me. _You haven't been answering me._ "

The other line was silent for what felt like a lifetime before his voice finally drifted to your ear. Your heart fluttered at the sound and you silently cursed yourself, trying to fight off the urge to melt at just the promise of Charlie's words.

"I know...I'm sorry. It's just...between Henry and the show I'm directing and the school..."

_You're not important enough. Your child isn't important enough._

The thought made warmth from a mere moment ago sink into something cold and bitter.

"Are you sure that's all that's going on?" Your words were like glass, cutting your tongue as they fell from your lips.

"What?" You tried to ignore the genuine confusion in his voice.

"I--it's stupid."

"What do you mean? Would you please talk to me?"

" _I try, Charlie! You don't answer!_ "

It was quiet again, guilt creeping into your consciousness as your heart rate started to slow back to normal.

"I'm...sorry," you sighed, pulling a pillow over your belly and holding it close. "I just...this is _hard_ . I--I know you're busy but...it feels like you're too busy for _me_. And that...that hurts, Charlie."

You were quiet for a beat, hoping he'd interrupt you, words spilling from your lips when he didn't.

"I mean, lately I don't...I don't even know what we are--"

"What are you talking about?" Your name dripping with sincerity as it rang in your ear.

"Charlie--I..."

"You're pregnant."

"Yes, _I know._ "

"With our child."

 _"Thanks for the reminder,”_ you mumbled, looking down at your belly.

"What...what do you mean you don't know what we are?"

" _Charlie_ \--being pregnant doesn't--"

"I love you." You could hear the panic rising in his voice, the growing desperation. "I love you and I would...I would never do anything to lose you. If that's what you're worried about."

"No--" hearing it now from his lips made you feel silly.

"I'm sorry we haven't...I haven't... _that's my own shit._ Not you."

Tears were tingling your waterline again as you sat in his words.

Of course he was afraid to put anything official on it, the way he reacted when you mentioned that thing about your mom wanting you to get married was proof enough. He wasn't ready and you weren't sure you would be either...but that didn't change your craving for something more _secure_.

It didn't need to be a ring or a piece of paper.

_Just a promise._

"Charlie...I just...I don't know."

"You're hurt."

"...yeah."

"...I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

It was quiet again...the knot in your heart slowly unfurling as you savored his apology.

"I felt the baby kick."

A tear rolled down your cheek and for a moment you wondered if the same was happening to him--a mirrored image, 3,000 miles apart.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Charlie."


End file.
